He would have given anything to know what she was thinking.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
The door to Loretta’s house was propped wide open. Evelyn found that odd, considering Loretta told her that she and Preston decided to stay in Harleigh for another week before coming back to Hamilton. Had Loretta decided to stay here after all?
“Loretta? I just finished unpacking the last of your . . .” The voice at the top of the stairs trailed off. He walked down the steps one heavy thud of his boots at a time, his eyes studying the figure in the doorway.
“Hello, Jesse.” She gulped. Images of their indiscretion the day before flooded her senses and threatened all common sense. Traitorous body. No, she wouldn’t let that happen again.
“Hello there, Eve.”
She pointed over her shoulder. “I saw Loretta’s door open, and I thought maybe your sister had returned early. You seem very busy, though. I think I will just be leaving now.”
“Stay.”
She turned her head at the sound of his voice. His face was an expressionless mask, but there was urgency in his tone.
“I’m in no hurry. I just finished unpacking the last of the items Loretta told me to.” He reached the end of the steps and gestured to the parlor. “Stay for a while.”
Against her better judgment, Evelyn walked into the parlor.
“I have something to tell you.” His words came out slowly, almost hesitant. “Something I’ve been wanting to tell you for a while.”
Yes, definitely against her better judgment. She knew her cheeks were blushing that embarrassing shade of pink again as panic set in. “John Cooper has expressed interest in me.” He was the one who’d remained steadfast and cared for her. He’d written the letters, not Jesse.
“You wouldn’t want to be with him anymore if I told you the truth.”
“What truth?”
“The truth is that I care for you, Eve Lancaster.”
“Care for me? Since when? You and Annie looked cozy at Loretta’s wedding.” She spied his confused gaze and scoffed. The nerve. “Do not tell me you used her. You used my best friend to make me jealous?”
“Annie? I don’t care for Annie any more than a friend.”
“And that is how I thought you saw me.” Evelyn placed her hands on her hips. “That is why I agreed to allow John to court me.”
“I don’t think you’re listening to me. I care for you.”
“And? How long would it have taken to tell me this,” she snapped back, “if I had not struck up a relationship with John? When would you have finally told me you cared?”
She watched his jaw clench. “I wasn’t willing to take the risk again—”
“But I was!” Her fists itched to punch against his solid chest. She wanted nothing more than to take out all her frustration and anger at their situation on him. “I was willing to begin a relationship with you again.”
“How was I to know?”
Her jaw dropped. “I tried! I held your hand, I told you I missed you, I gave you signs!”
“You gave me nothing.”
“As if it matters anymore! It is too late. You have already given Annie such false hope and I have . . . John just inspired jealousy within you.” Her heart ached even as she reasoned out Jesse’s territorial behavior. It was common among old flames, a sudden spark of envy over what was once his. It didn’t mean anything. “You were not going to admit you cared for me otherwise.”
“I rescued you from a burning barn!” He paced back and forth in front of her, then stopped. “What else could you want?”
“I want communication. I want you to finally tell me how you feel about me without having to do so because another man takes interest.” She bit her bottom lip. “I am forever grateful that you saved my life in that barn. But that action alone could not have allowed me to assume you loved me.”
“I do. I love you, Evelyn Lancaster.”
“Why now?” She swallowed hard. If only he’d told her earlier.
“You’re the one I’ve always cared for, Eve. But if Cooper’s the one you want, then go. Go back to him. He doesn’t love you, you know. He’s a powerful rich fella, and you’re a powerful rich girl.”
“Since when has his being rich become a negative?”
“He only cares about you for your ranch and social standing. You can see it in the way he treats you.”
Evelyn felt her blood boil as anger clouded her vision in an instant. A strangled sound of frustration escaped her throat. “How dare you! Can a man only love me because of my social standing? He sincerely cares for me, Jesse. I know he does.”
“No one else loves you like I do.”
“You pulled away from me every time I tried to talk to you!” She wiped away the tears threatening to fall from the corners of her eyes. A dull ache throbbed in her chest, the tempo matching the hurt beating in her heart. “How was I supposed to have any idea how you felt about me?”
“You think I didn’t want to?” He seethed. Evelyn drew back. She’d never seen him so impassioned before. “What was I supposed to do while you were entertaining John—kick up a row? I was terrified, Eve. I was scared to death of this happening.”
“What? What is this?”
“Putting my heart on my sleeve, telling you how I feel.” He shook his head. “What’s the point? You already chose that John fella anyway.”
“Now don’t go pinning this on me! You were so offish all the time. You never told me you cared for me.” Her fists clenched around her dress, wrinkling the cotton pleats.
“I did! I told you, didn’t I?” Jesse ran a hand through his hair, yanking slightly on the ends as he finished each sentence. “I said I missed when you were mine.”
She scoffed. “Missing me isn’t enough. You never asked to court me. You never admitted you felt anything for me. I was not even sure if you considered us friends.”
“No, Eve.” His voice was low, and the rumble of his tone made her knees quiver. “We can never be just friends. For us, it’s all or nothing.”
She took a step back. “What about Annie?”
He furrowed his brow. “What about her?”
“She thinks she’s going to marry you, and you do not even care about her feelings.”
Jesse narrowed his eyes. “Hold on a minute. I said nothing to her about marriage. I took her to this wedding, and that was all.”
Evelyn had to admit to herself Annie was prone to delusions. Annie always assumed too much from her relationships with men. But how could she be the reason her friend experienced another heartbreak?
He placed his calloused hands on her arms. His touch made her body want to sink into his embrace, to clasp her arms around his neck as he held her waist. “Evelyn, I have enough money saved up from California. I can support you. You don’t have to marry anyone else.”
She steeled her shoulders. “You told me to think about if I could go back in time to that day when you left for California.”
“I remember.”
“You asked me if I would have run away with you. You asked me if I would give up my family, my friends, my ranch, everything I knew for you. I could not answer then, but I know what my answer would be now.”
Jesse remained as still as a statue. She swore if she dropped a needle, the sound would echo off the walls of the parlor.
“My answer would be no.”
His shoulders slumped.
She continued, unfazed by his reaction. “Annie told me love creates a home. She is right. I love my family, I love my friends, I love taking care of Breighton and watching the ranch prosper. I have traveled to the East Coast and will not go another day without seeing a Texas sunset. If you really loved me, you would not ask me to leave my home for you.”
“I never did ask,” he muttered.
“Because you already knew what my answer would be.” She pressed her lips together. Evelyn could feel him slipping away from her, like a thread that was slowly stretching taut. “You already knew I would not
follow you. I used to think I would. I thought I would have followed you anywhere, done anything as long as it was with you.”
“You could still pursue a career if you came with me. You could leave Breighton.”
A lump formed at the back of throat. “I wanted that life once. But I want to help run Breighton now. That’s my future.”
“Is there a place for me in that future?”
Evelyn blinked back the tear that was threatening to fall down her cheek. “No. My place is here, whether or not you decide to stay.”
Jesse remained silent. He walked over to the window, as if he’d spotted something odd. The translucent curtain was drawn back. When he finally spoke, his voice was gruff. “You’ve made your choice, it seems. He’s here.”
He walked out of the doorway just as John Cooper stepped in. She held her breath as he brushed past John without so much as a glance.
The moment Jesse left the room, she finally let her tears fall. John was bent over with her in a moment. She felt his arms wrap around her chest. He shushed her, wiping away her tears with the backs of his hands. “What’s wrong, darlin’? I saw your horse hitched up in front of Loretta’s house and thought there might be trouble.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Trouble? What trouble?”
“Jesse Greenwood. That man is nothing but quick on the draw. The cowboy just made you cry, didn’t he?”
“Oh, he would not look for such trouble.” Evelyn pulled away. This was ridiculous. Was her choice really John? The more time she spent with him, the more time she spent avoiding him. He hadn’t even responded to her letter.
John watched her as if afraid she would burst into hysterics at any moment. “Sure doesn’t look like nothing.”
“Why did you never respond to my letter?”
He blinked. “Letter? What letter?”
“The one I left for you in the knothole.” She said her words with a deliberate slowness. An uneasy feeling settled over her while she studied his shocked expression with a wary eye. “I was replying to the one you left for me.”
“Why would I leave you a letter in a tree?” John laughed.
“You said you wrote them.”
The laughter stopped. “Don’t shoot your mouth off, Evelyn. I can see you whenever I want.”
“No.” Her voice was hard. “It’s not nonsense. The day I gave you permission to court me, I saw you reading my letter. That letter was a reply to the ones I was receiving. You said you were the man writing them to me.”
He continued to stare blankly for several moments, and then his eyes lit up in understanding. “Oh, that was so long ago, I forgot about that.” He sputtered, looking around the room as if the walls would provide him with the right words to say. “How am I supposed to remember a few measly letters? I could have written them if you’d asked me to.”
She couldn’t believe her ears. All this time, she’d been justifying her alliance with John based on his respectable, honest disposition. “Answer my question: Did you write the letters?”
He made a halting motion with his hand, as if it would stop her from figuring him out. “Now before you start accusing me of lying—”
Wind whooshed past Evelyn’s ears.
He wasn’t honest at all. She’d fallen for all his soft solder. “You did not write those letters, did you?”
“Let’s not start a little fuss.” He held out both his hands now, as if trying to calm a bucking horse. “Lying about the letters was just my way of showing I care about you. What does it matter if I wrote you or not?”
Foolishness washed over Evelyn in choppy waves. She suddenly felt like hand-blown glass, completely transparent and completely breakable. How could she have been so blind?
“I was beginning my courtship with you through those letters.”
“Oh, that is rich! I do not wish to begin anything with you anymore. You lied to me.”
“So? What’s a little lie here and there compared to a lifetime of marriage?” He reached out and grasped her hand. She recoiled from his touch as if he were a rattler. “With my parents’ money, and your father’s land, we’ll be the richest couple in all of Hamilton.”
Her heart sank. Wrong, that’s what she’d been. She’d been all wrong about him.
“Besides wealth, what else do you love about me?”
He let out a low laugh, as if she was being ridiculous. “Don’t catch me off guard like that, dearest Evelyn. You love my wealth as well.”
She hadn’t really known John at all. And he certainly didn’t know her.
“Social class and riches do not concern me. I care about my ranch, and I do not want to marry anyone who is only looking to exploit it through the alliance.”
John huffed, as if she’d deeply offended him. “Exploit? We would merely be using your land as another source of income. No one said anything about exploiting.”
“Is this why you wanted to marry me all this time?”
“Why do you think I waited so long?” John placed his hands on his hips like a petulant child. Even through his annoyance, he still looked handsome in that classic way, the kind girls immortalized in dime novels about selfless and handsome heroes. To think she’d once believed he had the personality of one as well. “We are the most suited for each other in this town. Everyone else is beneath us.”
She’d been so blind. “Beneath us? You wanted to court me because you believed the other girls were socially inferior?”
He stiffened. “It’s about what’s proper. Don’t you care about marrying within your social class?”
“I do not care a continental about class.” Her lip curled in disgust. “Was everything else a lie as well? You said you cared for me.”
“And I do.” John looked at her as if she was a fool. “A marriage is a merger. People like us don’t marry for love, or care for people because we want to. We marry who’s respectable. We love who’s respectable.”
“Would you still want to be with me if my family didn’t own Breighton?”
John huffed in indignation.
Evelyn shook her head. “I never want to see you again, John Cooper. You are never welcome to Breighton.”
He dusted off his coat and sneered at her. “You’ll regret this, Evelyn. You should have been honored I was still interested in you. No one else in this town will have you.”
She watched him unhitch his horse and ride away from the house as quickly as he could. The image of his retreating form brought nothing but a sigh of relief when he was finally gone.
Regret turning him down? Somehow, she didn’t think she would.
But she did feel played out after that exchange. At least she didn’t have to worry about that mudsill again.
She waited in Loretta’s house by the window for a few more hours, hoping Jesse would return. Surely once he’d cooled down he’d return to Loretta’s house. She didn’t know why she waited for him, exactly. After the last heated exchange, there wasn’t much else to say.
But she couldn’t suppress the overwhelming urge in her chest to see him again.
• • •
Dearest love,
I reckon it’s time I stepped out of the shadows and revealed who’s been writing these letters to you. Judging from your choice of John Cooper, you’ve probably seen these letters as just an amusement to pass the time. But if you have found any joy in reading my words, then writing these letters has been time well spent.
I never did break my promise to keep writing to you. Yesterday in the gazebo was one of the best days I’ve had in a long time. I’d face any outlaw in a duel if only to kiss you. I thought I’d never taste your sweet lips again. Half of my mind knew you’d respond; the other half knew you’d step back. But if you’re going to spend a lifetime with another man, the least I wanted was a small kiss before I never saw you again.
I started these letters as a way to express myself to you. You keep saying I never said anything, I never told you . . . I did, Eve. I just didn’t have the courage to say it under
my name. Every compliment, every sweet remark, every word of these letters still rings true.
I’m not much for talking. Seeing you in person always seems to keep me tongue-tied and unable to say what I want. These letters were my way to speak to you. You’ve always been wonderful with words, but so is John. He’s the smooth talker you want. Not me.
You’re right. I didn’t ask you to leave with me for California because I knew you wouldn’t go. That’s one of the parts of your personality I love the most, Eve. You’re strong. You have been dedicated to managing the ranch. You have a spark inside you, a fire that makes decisions with confidence and sticks with them till the end.
But I didn’t start this letter to start jawing with praise. This is my last letter to you, Eve. I’m writing this letter to say goodbye. I’ve overstayed my welcome in Hamilton under your roof. It gets harder and harder every day to see John place his arm around yours. Pretty soon you’ll marry him. Call me weak if you want, but I can’t stand to see you in his arms in your wedding gown.
I can’t even stay here long enough to see you look at him the way you once looked at me.
You keep referencing the past between us, bringing up all the memories I once tried to forget. I attempt to shrug them off most of the time, pretend like I don’t know what you’re talking about. I lied, Eve. I never forgot. When I left for California, the only thought that kept me going forward was the incentive that I’d get rich for you, that I’d come back for you. I did become rich, but then I became scared.
I was terrified of returning for you and then leaving without you, as I do now. Every day I worked in California, I repeated a different memory I had of you in my mind. I imagined that night in the gazebo, when you taught me how to dance. I remembered that time in the corral, when I taught you how to saddle a horse. I thought of those late nights out on the pastures when I was just fifteen, and we taught each other how to love.
You taught me how to trust someone.
Can’t blame me for leaving when you shattered the trust between us. I blamed you then, but I won’t now. You’ve moved on with your life, and I can’t hold you back.
Texas Temptation Page 144
