SUED FOR PEACE

by Michael Anderle

  “Don’t want to get water rings on Bethany Anne’s new meeting table,” William said.

  “Word.” Bobcat agreed. He pulled a beer off of the six pack and handed one to Marcus, who took it. Marcus was surprised to see Bobcat pull another and give it to William. He hadn’t noticed William drinking very often while up here.

  “So,” Bobcat continued after everyone popped their beers open, “We show up. Now, we think we are pretty damned good because we get there at one forty-five in the afternoon. The problem was, William starts looking around the yard as we park and muttering about there not being enough cars. So, we step out, and his Mom opens the screen door with a big wooden spoon in her hand. She calls William here by his full Christian name, and I hear him say ‘oh, we are fucked’ and he starts backtracking very slowly to get into the car.”

  Marcus noticed William put his head in his hand like he didn’t want to witness the completion of the story.

  “I’m there looking between this huge black man and this relatively tiny black woman with what looked like a foot long wooden spoon.”

  “She uses it for stew,” William added.

  “Yes, the stew is amazing, but that isn’t part of this story.” Bobcat said, “So, I’m watching, and she tells him to stop and damned if this two hundred and fifty-pound warhorse doesn’t stop right in his tracks. He starts with ‘Momma, what's wrong? We are early!’” Bobcat started laughing. “She comes at him and starts using that spoon like a whip and beating William with it ‘crack! crack!’ Pretty soon, he’s hopping around trying to dodge this tiny lady and her spoon of pain. I’m laughing my ass off as she begins to tell us the problem is it’s Sunday, not Saturday!” Bobcat continued chuckling as Marcus started to understand where the story was going, “We got so blitzed on Friday night that when we came in oh-dark-thirty Saturday, we slept for twenty-four fucking hours and got up for the three hour trip on Sunday morning.”

  “Yeah, you thought that shit was funny until she laid into you!” William grinned back at Bobcat.

  “I don’t think she put as much arm into it.” Bobcat shrugged.

  “She told me later you looked a little anemic; she didn’t want to break a bone.” William chuckled.

  Marcus asked, “What did you do with the tiny black woman you had never met, who was beating you with a spoon?”

  Bobcat looked over at Marcus and smiled, “I took it like a man. I was taught to mind my manners around the adults and,” he pointed to William, “his mother was the adult that morning.”

  “What finally happened?” Marcus asked.

  “She fed us left overs from the day before,” William answered.

  “God, I think I begged you for three months before you would take me back,” Bobcat said aloud, then turned to Marcus, “He made me sign a promise we wouldn’t go out drinking the night before. I signed that damned piece of paper so quick you would think it was a chick asking if I wanted to have sex. Hell, by then I would have told the chick no just to get your mom’s cooking.” He cocked his head to the left, “I don’t think I ever understood the phrase ‘the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach’ until that experience. Hell, I’d of married your mom if she was available.”

  William chuckled, “Don’t think my ma didn’t know that. She would tell my dad all the time if he didn’t walk the straight and narrow, there were men lined up to steal her away.”

  Bobcat reached over and pulled the next three beers and passed them around before leaning back in his chair.

  “So, here we are gentleman,” He said, “I’ve been talking with our boss lady, and she informed me that the three of us were officially off the clock for twenty-four hours. If she found out we had defied her orders, then she would create a painful punishment to make sure we didn’t defy her orders again.”

  Marcus pulled the tab on his second beer, “Well, if the boss requires it.” He took a sip and sat back. “Is that why you told me to cut everyone loose until tomorrow?”

  Bobcat nodded, “Yes.” he took the beer in his hand and waved it around the room, “This ship is the culmination of over eight hundred people up here, and thousands from back on Earth. But if you go back far enough, you will find that there are three people Bethany Anne points to as the team she depends on to make this shit all work.”

  Warm feelings of pride and accomplishment filled Marcus for a few moments as he stopped to consider what Bobcat said. He had come a far distance from that house in Orange County, and the first meeting he had with Frank Kurns.

  He had traveled millions of miles, but more than that he had been thrust into the future, and his body had traveled to the past. He was fitter than he honestly had ever been in his life. He had spoken with an honest to God alien and worked with him every day.

  He had two of the most unlikely friends who had his damned back no matter what the three of them were up against. He took a sip of his beer, reliving the moment he saw the sign on the first gravitic containers they moved up to the moon.

  The fateful ‘kiss my ass NASA’ sign that these two had done for him without asking Bethany Anne first.

  Because it was right, and they were damned sure their boss would be ok with it.

  And she had been.

  It had felt so good. He vaguely remembered dancing, honest to God dancing, when he saw that sign on the tv screen. Then, the tears had come. Both of these men were there for him.

  His brothers from other mothers.

  Marcus lifted his beer to William, “If the chance ever happens, promise me you will take me to eat at your Mom’s?”

  William smiled, “Hell to the yeah, my brother. My mom would stuff you so full of food it would be embarrassing.” He chuckled, “Then she would probably try to marry off my second sister, Tina to you.”

  “Not sure I’m ready for another relationship quite yet, but thanks… I think?”

  Bobcat chuckled and sat forward, putting his beer, his hands surrounding the can like he was praying, on the table. “Don’t eat what she cooks, and don’t let her blink her eyes at you. The woman has got the package and the ability to cook. What she doesn’t have is a filter for her mouth.”

  “Which is constantly talking unless she is underwater,” William agreed.

  “I imagine that idea comes to mind for any of her boyfriends after a couple of weeks,” Bobcat agreed.

  “Why not eat her food?” Marcus asked trying to catch up to the conversation.

  “Because once you eat her cooking, you think you could deal with her constant chatter if only she will cook the next night for you. The girl’s food is better than most any chef’s food you have ever tasted. What she can do with pasta should be considered a sin.” Bobcat answered, “The only way I got out of her web was happenstance. I was sent to the sand-pit before she cooked for me three times.”

  “Three?”

  “Yeah, it’s a family secret.” William answered, “Tina will only cook for someone she is interested in the first time.” William placed his left arm over the back of the chair next to him and used his right hand with the beer to wave it around while he was talking. “So, if she finds the guy interesting, and he has a solid job, then he gets invited a second time before he leaves.”

  “That second meal was fucking delicious,” Bobcat admitted, his eyes looked like he remembered something that had happened yesterday.

  “Then,” William continued, “Tina will cook an Italian meal for dinner number three and after eating, she will accidentally spill enough sauce on the guys clothes that she will need to clean them for him. So, now she has him exactly how she wants him.”

  “Sleepy from too many carbs and practically near naked. Like a damned black-widow,” Bobcat murmured and then shook, “I never thought how lucky I was getting shipped out. I was looking forward to Italian.”

  “Sorry,” Marcus asked, “I’m not trying to be rude, but isn’t Italian something a little odd for your sister to cook?”

  “Yeah, I get it,” William admitted, “Not too ma
ny ladies of my skin color in our little Southern town focus on cooking Italian, but that was Tina’s secret. She knew how to cook anything Southern from my Ma. The lady who could drop my Dad and have another on her doorstep the next morning. Now, don’t get me wrong, she loved my dad, but she wouldn’t take any of his shit. So, Tina gets her cooking skills and recipes from Mom. The first night is the basics, second night is the basics enhanced and then Italian was the final nail in the coffin.”

  “Damn, I want some lasagna now,” Bobcat admitted. The men went quiet for a minute, thinking about Italian food.

  “So, are we going to drink our stress away?” Marcus asked.

  “Oh!” Bobcat looked over to him smiling, “Hell no!” He leaned back over his chair’s armrest and pulled up a second six pack, “Make this one last a little longer.”

  “Why, almost out?” Marcus asked.

  “What? Hell no, I got half a container of beer shipped up and labeled it bolts and nuts, so none of the other guys knows what in it.” He admitted, “No, because I need you thinking a little more clearly as we discuss the most important business in outer space.”

  “What business?” Marcus wondered, “Aren’t we supposed to stop working?”

  “For Bethany Anne, yes,” William admitted, “But this isn’t for Bethany Anne.”

  Marcus looked between the two of them, “Then what is it?”

  William reached over to the chair beside him and pulled up a small notebook, “As the third letter in the first bar company in outer space, I call BMW Brewery’s first business meeting into order.” He smiled.

  “All Guns Blazing needs some work, and we need to decide how the fuck we want to make this happen!” Bobcat raised his beer and William and Marcus smiled and raised theirs to meet his.

  “Men and women…” Bobcat had continued before he was interrupted.

  “And aliens!” Marcus jumped in.

  “And aliens, you are right, will one day want to make the trek to the first, the best, and the most famous bar ever. So, we need to make sure we design something fan-fucking-tastic.” Bobcat finished.

  “Here, here!” Marcus agreed, “I think we need to understand the basics of what men want and make sure we decide how to deliver. Isn’t that what business is about?”

  “Yes,” William agreed, “But when you boil down the essence of what men want, it’s fucking, fighting and food.” He stopped for a second, “And our type of women probably want that also.”

  “I,” Marcus started before stopping and considered what William just said, “Rather succinct. You might want to add acclaim.”

  “If they come to All Guns Blazing and survive, there is the acclaim right there.” Bobcat declared.

  Marcus asked, “Wonder if we can get some guys to be willing to fight?”

  “There is beer here, of course we can get guys to fight.” Bobcat answered, “Hell, sprinkle a few interested ladies and we won’t be able to stop it.”

  “Shit, wish John would be willing to put in a show every once in awhile,” William mused.

  “Or Ecaterina,” Marcus added.

  “Ooohhh, that’s priceless. Men who get their ass kicked by a beautiful girl.” Bobcat thought out loud, “Having a girl kick a guy’s ass would bring in the ladies for damned sure. Then we could have it happen at random times. I’m sure we can get a few friends from the Wechselbalg who would be willing to come over for free booze.”

  “Or free heads to break, they do tend to be a little more hot-headed than the vamps.” William put in.

  “So, that’s the fighting,” Marcus put up one finger. “Now we just have food and fornicating to go,” he said as he put up his second and third finger.

  “Well, we need to find the best damned dirty spoon cook who has always wanted to be in outer space and has a trained crew.” Bobcat said.

  Marcus was confused, “Why a trained crew? Is it important he already has people?”

  William answered, “Yes, we need to know he understands how to train a crew to cook as good as him. We want consistency and the ability to keep it going for decades.”

  “Centuries,” Bobcat corrected. “I’m thinking long-term here.”

  “Ok, centuries,” Marcus allowed, “I do not think we want to create a whorehouse, though.”

  “Of course not,” Bobcat agreed, “But, if you create a place where people meet to have a good time, good food and meetings with the opposite sex you create a place that allows for a chance at sex.”

  “So, why don’t we have three parts to the bar?” Marcus asked. “One is the fighting area that is a little off by itself; one is the food and bar area that views the fighting and one area that is more … something else.” He finished, flipping his hands up in resignation.

  “Something else,” William said. “How about we have a special by-invitation-only area?” He pulled his arm off of the chair to place both elbows on the table. “Something like friends of the bar?” He continued, getting into the thought himself. “We highlight our friends and those who we think deserve special treatment?”

  “Hell yes!” Bobcat agreed, “People who went in All Guns Blazing!”

  “Which kind?” Marcus asked, confused. “We talked about real guns, laser guns, body parts before. So, we highlight those who have done something militarily or sexually?”

  “No,” William pointed to Marcus, “My man, you just hit it!” He stood up and started walking down the table then back again. “Anybody who does something over the top,” He turned to Marcus, “like figures out how to use the gravitic drives in a new way to help the team, or a researcher that spent their own time and came up with an awesome solution went in all guns blazing.”

  Bobcat looked at his friend while nodding his head, “So, it’s more of an accolade. Yeah, you can get it for being a part of a team that took out a strong point, but that’s not inclusive enough.” Bobcat turned to Marcus, “Someone in your group could get it for going above and beyond and we can have different levels of highlights if you will.”

  “Perfect!” William pushed his beer out to Bobcat, “Everything from a free round on the house after we highlight what they did, to a night in the special area with a small group of friends to a private, full-time area that is reserved for the Queen Bitch and her guards.”

  “We don’t even know if Bethany Anne and the team will want us to do that!” Marcus argued.

  “Oh, but that’s the lovely part,” Bobcat said, his eyes gleaming, “On opening night, we will provide them a special table, and then we hold it for her and her team for the rest of eternity.” He smiled to his two friends.

  “She’s going to figure this out,” Marcus said, shaking his head his eyes opened in alarm, “She reads minds, you know.”

  “Yes,” Bobcat agreed shrugging, “she does. But she doesn’t do it without a reason, and she will be able to agree to come or not come as she wants. Plus, it’s not like she doesn’t know me enough to realize I might do something like this.” He sat there grinning to his two friends as if the world would always see things his way.

  Marcus looked between the two grinning men who were staring at him. “What the hell?” Marcus finally relented, “It’s not like you get a chance to go down all guns blazing with the two best friends a rocket scientist could ever hope to have in his life.”

  Marcus raised his can of beer and held it out to the other two. Bobcat leaned in and William sat down and placed his in the middle as well. Marcus spoke, “To All Guns Blazing, may we not go down in flames on our first night!”