Finally

by R. L. Mathewson

  For several minutes, he was content just to lay there, looking into her beautiful blue eyes.

  “I love you,” Charlie said, having absolutely no idea what hearing those words did to him until she added, “But if you ever screw me over for your own entertainment again, I’ll be forced to kill you in your sleep,” making him wince.

  “Duly noted,” he said, chuckling as he kissed her one last time before he reluctantly moved off her. Without a word, he took her hand in his and gave it a gentle tug that had her climbing off the bed and heading to the bathroom. They spent the next half-hour in the shower where he took his time worshipping her until the hot water ran out and it was time to call it a night.

  That’s when he pulled on his clothes as he watched Charlie curl onto her side and-

  He couldn’t do it.

  He couldn’t force himself to walk out that door one more time and spend the rest of the night in his bed, alone.

  At least, not yet.

  Telling himself that he would make sure that he was gone before the kids woke up, Devin climbed onto the bed behind her and pulled the woman that had stolen another one of his shirts into his arms. He pressed his lips against the back of her neck as he closed his eyes and felt himself relax only to open his eyes sometime later when he felt something push against his back.

  Frowning, Devin looked over his shoulder and-

  “You’re in our spot,” Abbi said, narrowing her eyes on him.

  Before he could open his mouth, Dustin spoke, “She was ours first.”

  That was followed by them crawling onto the bed and pushing him over, ignoring his pained grunt as they stretched out with satisfied sighs that had him glaring at the little bullies.

  “They’re brutal,” Charlie mumbled sleepily, sounding amused as a small knee was lodged against his back and-

  “They really are,” Devin muttered as he found himself once again shoved over with a pained grunt when the dog jumped on the bed and another small knee was pressed against his back.

  *-*-*-*

  “I’m very disappointed in you, young lady,” Ben said with a long-suffering sigh that was going to get him killed.

  “Please don’t make me kill you right now,” Charlie said, dropping her head in her hands only to find herself standing up and pacing the bathroom when sitting still became impossible.

  “Sex before marriage,” Ben said, shaking his head with a disappointed sigh that was quickly cut off with a pained grunt when her foot somehow connected with his ankle.

  “God, you’re mean,” he muttered, absently rubbing his ankle as he looked down at the pregnancy test that she’d convinced him to pick up for her and sighed. “Still counting down.”

  Nodding absently, Charlie continued pacing the bathroom until even that wasn’t enough and she found herself pulling out her phone and double-checking that she’d counted right and-

  She was definitely late, she realized, unable to help but smile as she finally allowed herself to think about what this could mean. She hadn’t planned for this to happen, but now that it was, Charlie realized just how badly she wanted this. It didn’t matter that she wasn’t married or that she was finally getting Dabbi Digital Marketing off the ground because she wanted this more.

  She wanted another baby, one that she would be able to be there for from the beginning, to watch grow up and be there for all the things that she’d missed out on with Abbi and Dustin. She wanted another baby boy who loved hanging out in his tighty-whities and a little girl who had her father wrapped around her little finger.

  “Shouldn’t Devin be here for this?” Ben asked, taking a sip of his coffee as he glanced back down at the test.

  “He doesn’t even know that I’m late,” Charlie said, shaking her head as she released a shaky breath and-

  “You want this,” Ben murmured thoughtfully as he considered her.

  “Would that be so bad?” Charlie asked, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth as she sent him a questioning look to find him shaking his head.

  “No, I don’t think it would be a bad thing, not when it makes you this happy,” he said, shooting her a wink that had her biting her lip to stop herself from crying.

  “Thank you,” she said, glancing at the test that was taking forever, praying that-

  “What’s going on?” came the question that had Charlie glancing back to find Devin standing in the doorway, staring at the pregnancy test with a look that she couldn’t quite figure out.

  “What are you doing here?” Charlie asked, shifting nervously as she sent Ben a questioning look.

  “Well, it looks like my work here is done,” Ben said as he stood up and headed for the door only to pause so that he could kiss the top of her head as he said, “Call me when you find out,” before heading out the door.

  “You said that you were working from home today, so I thought I’d surprise you with donuts,” Devin said, holding up the small white bakery bag that she hadn’t noticed before. “What the hell is going on here, Charlie?” he asked hollowly as he stared helplessly at the pregnancy test that should be finished by now.

  Licking her lips, Charlie said, “I might be pregnant,” as she forced her legs to take her across the small distance so that she could look down at the pregnancy test and-

  “No, you’re not,” he said firmly, making her frown as she glanced back at him to find him watching her with something close to dread as he added, “I can’t have children.”

  Chapter 40

  “What are you talking about?” Charlie asked as she glanced back down at the pregnancy test as he was forced to stand there and watch as the last glimmer of hope slowly died in her eyes.

  “I can’t have any more children, Charlie. I had a vasectomy,” he said, forcing the words out of his mouth as he tossed the bag on the counter.

  For several minutes, she didn’t say anything. She just stood there, staring down at the pregnancy test that confirmed everything until he couldn’t take it anymore.

  “Say something,” he snapped.

  “When?” came the softly spoken word that had him slowly exhaling.

  “Right after the twins were born,” Devin said, watching as she slowly nodded, never taking her eyes off that fucking test.

  “Were you ever going to tell me?” she asked, finally looking at him.

  “I don’t know,” he said hollowly as he watched the tears run down her face.

  “You don’t know,” Charlie said, nodding absently only to shake her head in disgust as she frantically wiped at the tears that he would give anything to stop as she added, “Well, that’s perfect.”

  “Charlie, I made a promise to my children that-”

  “I don’t want to hear about your stupid promise, Devin. Okay? I just don’t!” she snapped as she pushed past him and headed into her bedroom.

  “It wasn’t stupid!” he snapped back as he followed her.

  “No, you’re right,” Charlie admitted with a firm nod as she turned around and faced him. “It wasn’t stupid. It was cruel.”

  “How? How was it fucking cruel to make sure that my children were taken care of and never once, not fucking once, had to question how much I wanted them? I made sure they knew that they were loved and that they would always come first and-”

  “And you really don’t think that you could have done that without giving up everything? Do you really think that Abbi and Dustin wanted to see their father miserable? Do you really think that they needed their father to punish himself because their mother didn’t want them?”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he bit out, deciding that they’d finish this conversation later after she had a chance to calm down and headed for the door only to find himself cut off by the small woman that he’d never seen get angry before.

  “You don’t think I know what it’s like to have a mother that doesn’t want you? Are you serious? That’s all I know, Devin!”

  When he went to reach for her, she shoved his hands away as sh
e continued. “But your kids don’t! They have no idea what it feels like not to be wanted by their mother and that’s because of you! She never got a chance to hurt them because you never gave her a chance to. You never reminded them that their mother didn’t want them. Instead, you made sure to tell them just how badly you wanted them and that made the difference. You gave them more love than they could have ever hoped for and you didn’t need a promise to do that, Devin. The only thing that promise did was cause pain.”

  For a moment, he couldn’t say anything as he watched her shake her head in disgust as she turned around to leave and-

  “Why aren’t Abbi and Dustin enough?” he asked, watching as she slowly turned back around to face him.

  “Are you kidding me?” Charlie asked, shaking her head slowly in disbelief. “It’s because of them that I want children. Do you have any idea how much I love those kids? How much it kills me that I wasn’t there for them? I missed so much with those kids. I missed holding them when they were born, seeing their first smiles, the first time they crawled, walked, and a hundred other things that I will never experience with them and it kills me!”

  “And I don’t want to go through that again! I don’t want to have to be scared out of my fucking mind every time one of my children gets a fever. I don’t want to have to sit by their cribs at night when they’re sick because I’m fucking terrified that they’ll get worse if I’m not there! I don’t want to have to worry about what will happen if I take my eyes off my children for even one fucking second because they keep getting into fucking everything! I don’t want to lay in my bed at night, fucking terrified to close my eyes because my kids might need me and I won’t be there for them! I don’t want to have to worry that I’m not doing enough for them or that I’m not giving them something that they need! I don’t want to have to worry about what will happen to my children if something happens to me. I don’t want to have to go through that alone again, Charlie.”

  “You wouldn’t be alone, Devin.”

  “Charlie, I-” he said, reaching for her only to have her step away from him, again.

  “You’re a great father, Devin, but you are a lousy boyfriend,” she said, grabbing her bag.

  “Because I don’t want more children? That makes me a lousy boyfriend?” he snapped.

  “No, it’s because you were willing to hurt me in order to keep a promise that you never should have made in the first place,” Charlie said, and with that, she walked out.

  *-*-*-*

  “We’re going to need more pink,” Abbi said, sighing heavily as she glanced from the small cups of paint that their teacher had placed on their table to look around them to see if she could find any more pink paint.

  “Charlie doesn’t like pink,” Dustin said, getting up and walked over to the craft station and grabbed the bottle of green paint, her favorite.

  “True,” Abbi murmured in agreement as she held the cup of green paint still so that he could pour more into it as Mrs. Greer finished whatever she was doing at her desk to walk back in front of the class, carrying a large white picture frame in one hand and a white flower pot in the other.

  “Is everyone ready to make their Mother’s Day gift?” she asked with a warm smile as Dustin shared a look with his sister because they were more than ready.

  They’d been making plans for the past few weeks since their teacher announced that they were going to need ten dollars each so that they could make a Mother’s Day gift this year. As soon as their father picked them up that day, they’d asked and they’d kept on asking until they got home and he gave them each ten dollars to bring to school.

  As soon as he had the money, Dustin had placed it in an envelope that he’d helped himself to from his Daddy’s office, sealed it, and put it in his backpack. To make sure that he didn’t lose it, he hid his backpack beneath his pillow and held onto it all night as he slept. The next morning, he’d put the backpack on and refused to take it off until he was finally at school and could hand Mrs. Greer his envelope and since then…

  He’d been counting down the days.

  Mother’s Day wasn’t for a few more weeks, but he wanted to be ready. He’d already broken his piggy bank and gave his father all his money and asked him to order Charlie’s favorite chocolates from Sarris Candies because he remembered how much she liked them at Valentine’s Day. He was also planning on getting her a teddy bear that Abbi already promised not to take and he was going to make her favorite breakfast and surprise her with it.

  This Mother’s Day was going to be perfect.

  He’d made sure of it.

  “Maybe we should get her another bunny,” Abbi said, making his lips twitch.

  “She wants a turtle,” Dustin reminded her, still wondering how she was going to manage to get one without Daddy getting mad.

  Then again, since Daddy loved Charlie almost as much as they did, she could probably get away with it. To be honest, he wouldn’t mind another dog, Dustin thought as he watched Mrs. Greer push the cart that was filled with the picture frames and flowerpots that they were supposed to paint.

  They were going to need more green, Dustin decided as he squeezed more paint into his cup.

  “Which one do you want to do?” Abbi asked.

  “The frame,” he said with a firm nod because he had the perfect picture to put in it.

  “I’m going to have to get flowers then,” Abbi said, nodding thoughtfully as they watched the cart finally make its way to their table.

  When Mrs. Greer reached into the box to grab his picture frame, he couldn’t help but smile only…

  It wasn’t a frame.

  “So,” Mrs. Greer said, smiling warmly as she placed two white coffee mugs on the table in front of them, “I thought that since you would be celebrating Mother’s Day with your father that it would be nice to make him something really special.”

  “What?” Dustin said, feeling his stomach drop as he glanced from the coffee mug that he didn’t want to paint to the other tables and watched as everyone else started painting their Mother’s Day gifts for their mothers.

  “I just thought that your dad would probably like this more than a flowerpot or a picture frame,” Mrs. Greer said, drawing his attention back to the mug.

  “I don’t want to paint a mug,” he said, shaking his head as he reached over and pushed the mug away while Abbi stood there, looking like she was going to cry.

  “Dustin-”

  “I want to make a Mother’s Day gift for my mommy,” he said, gesturing to her cart.

  There was a sigh, and then, “Dustin, it’s okay. Not everyone has a mother and that’s nothing to be upset about. You have a really great dad that loves you and I think it would be really nice to-”

  “I don’t want to make a mug for my daddy! I want to make a Mother’s Day gift for my mommy!” he yelled, knowing that he was going to be in trouble, but he didn’t care.

  He had a mommy and he was going to make her a Mother’s Day gift.

  “Dustin, maybe we should-”

  “I have a mommy!”

  “Shhh, it’s okay,” Mrs. Greer said as she reached for him.

  “I have a mommy!” he screamed as he placed his hands over his ears and squeezed his eyes shut, terrified that she was going to tell him that he didn’t have a mother one more time.

  Chapter 41

  “I don’t want to fucking talk about it,” Devin said as soon as T.J. opened his mouth.

  “Fair enough,” his best friend said as Devin grabbed a board and-

  “Fuck!” he roared as he threw the board across the room, slamming it into the wall as he clenched his hands into fists, struggling against the urge to put his fist through the wall.

  “So…are we still not talking about it?” T.J. murmured, looking thoughtful as Devin grabbed onto the edge of his workbench and slowly exhaled.

  “Leave me the fuck alone,” Devin said, glaring down at the scarred surface as he tried to get the image of Charlie’s smile dying when she re
alized that they were never going to have children out of his head.

  He should have told her sooner. He should have made sure that she knew what he wanted before he-

  “Hey, asshole,” came the greeting that had him turning around and-

  Slamming back against his workbench when Ben decked him. Before he realized what was happening, Ben swung again, knocking him on his ass.

  “What the hell is your problem?” T.J. yelled, grabbing hold of Ben and trying to drag him back, but the man who normally wore a carefree smile wasn’t done yet.

  He grabbed Devin by the shirt, dragged him to his feet, and-

  “Son of a bitch!” Ben snapped when Devin returned the favor and decked him, splitting his lip.

  “You only get one,” Devin said, wiping the blood off his chin.

  “And if you ever make her cry again, I will fucking kill you, do you hear me?” Ben said, getting in his face.

  “You have no idea what happened, so I suggest that you get out of my face right now,” Devin bit out.

  “I never should have let you near her,” Ben said evenly, but he didn’t move.

  “No, you shouldn’t have,” Devin said, because at least they could agree on one thing, he thought as he shoved Ben out of his way and headed for the door, more than fucking done with this day when Ben’s next words stopped him.

  “She doesn’t cry anymore, does she?”

  “What?” Devin asked as he slowly turned around.

  “She doesn’t cry in her sleep anymore, does she?” Ben repeated, wiping the blood of his chin.

  “No, she doesn’t,” he found himself saying as he tried to remember the last time that the kids came running into his bedroom because Charlie was crying in her sleep and wouldn’t stop.

  “It’s because she feels safe,” Ben said, helping himself to a rag off the bench to wipe the blood off his hand. “It took us a while to figure out, but we realized that Charlie only cried in her sleep when she thought something bad was going to happen. When her grandfather had another heart attack and had to stop visiting, she cried for months, terrified that something was going to happen to him. The same thing happened whenever social services came by and told her that they were still looking for a nice family that would take her away from us.”