“Oh, Smitty, of course they’re at fault. I appreciate you trying to make me feel better. I also appreciate you giving me a place to cry. I was thinking about John and Danny before I walked to Susan’s. That’s probably what set me off.” She turned in his arms with the intention of walking around him but he cradled her against his chest.
With the tip of his finger under her jaw, he lifted her face toward him. She waited for his kiss but he caressed her cheek and stepped away.
“You’ll be fine.” The tone of his voice made her feel as though he was saying it was time for her to go.
Swallowing hard she nodded. “Of course you’re right. I need to see to the children.” She put on her winter clothes and walked into the now driving snow without saying good-bye.
Smitty watched her until she was safe in her house. He felt like a heel, but he wanted more than to be her comfort. More than anything, he wished he’d carried her into his bedroom. He wanted to tell her that it didn’t matter if she could have babies or not. To him the children they had were already his as though he’d brought them into the world.
He was glad she didn’t see the new cradle he was making for Susan. It was just about done. He was carving hearts and doves on the headboard. He hadn’t been around when Susan and Mike’s daughter had been born or he’d have made them one before. It would hurt Lynn, but he still planned to give it to Susan for Christmas.
He was working on a set of wall pegs for Lynn’s room. The children were each helping. He knew she’d love it. He’d carved two intertwining hearts on the wood above the pegs. He frowned. He’d thought they’d be together by now. He never should have left. He was paying a steep price.
He sighed, he thought he’d proven himself to her since he’d rescued her from Edgar, but she still had some wall up between them. Until that wall was down, he couldn’t propose. He wanted—he needed—to know she loved and trusted him wholly. He groaned and ran his fingers through his hair. She was going to be the death of him, but she was worth waiting for.
Chapter Ten
One week later.
“Can you walk slower?” Will called out.
“Smitty, our legs aren’t as long! We can’t take big steps,” Cindy yelled.
Smitty turned and saw how far back they were and smiled. “Sorry about that.” He and the rest of the children waited for Cindy and Will to catch up. “Come, sit on the sled with Brian.” He helped them onto the sled and gazed at everyone. “Are we ready?”
“Yes!” they shouted.
Lynn’s red cheeks and smile always made everything worth it. Today was tree-cutting day. When he’s come across Greg and Juan swinging axes haphazardly at trees near the house, Smitty decided a family outing was better than Greg and Juan getting a lecture from Lynn. Of course, he’d told them the errors of their ways.
He walked slowly and didn’t go very far into the woods. It was another blizzardly day, which only promised to get worse. Plus Jed and his God-given weather predictor told them they were in for a big storm later in the evening. Jed was never known to be wrong. His gift had been very useful when they were guides on the Oregon Trail.
The cheerful chatter from the young’uns made it all worthwhile. He stopped in front of a tree. It wasn’t too big, and it would fit nicely on the sled. He’d carry Brian back, and Will and Cindy could walk as long as he walked slowly.
He turned to Lynn and almost got lost in her sparkling eyes. “What do you think?”
“Oh, it’s perfect!” She was like a child herself, and her enthusiasm was contagious.
“Stand back while I cut it down. Greg and Juan, could you stand so you can see how it’s done, in case you ever need to do this.” Smitty watched them exchange surprised grins.
He swung the axe a few times, and the tree fell. All the children wanted to help wrestle the tree onto the sled and tying it down.
“Who wants to help pull the sled?” Smitty asked. He laughed as everyone answered at once. “You can take turns.” He took Brian out of Lynn’s arms and held him close. Then he took her hand and held it as they walked behind the sled and the children.
“We’ve done a great job with them all, don’t you think Smitty?” Lynn asked.
“I’d have to say that most of the credit goes to you. Some of them remember their real mothers and others don’t, but they all think of you as their ma now.” He gave her hand a squeeze.
She smiled so becomingly he wanted everyone else to go away for a bit so he could have her to himself. He almost laughed. Privacy was hard to come by with such a big family. He watched them all skipping through the snow, pulling the sled, and knew he’d never trade what he had for anything.
“Stop eating all the popcorn, Aaron. It’s for the tree not for your stomach!” Scarlett folded her arms in front of her as she frowned at him.
The sadness on Aaron’s face hurt Lynn. Christmas was a hard time for the older ones. They missed their parents. She put a bowl of cranberries in front of Aaron and moved the popcorn. “Here, string these. I don’t think they’ll be much of a temptation. You certainly do liven up the place Aaron,” she said and was rewarded with a smile.
Cindy came and leaned against Lynn’s legs. “It sure is beautiful don’t you think so, Ma?”
Lynn put her arms around Cindy’s waist and nodded. “The best one yet.”
“You said that last year,” Carlos chimed in.
“I guess I did. I’ll probably say it again next year.” Brian giggled though Lynn was sure he didn’t know what she was talking about. He played with a wooden spoon, hitting a wooden bowl. It entertained him without being too noisy.
Lynn scanned the room and noticed both Aaron and Freddie were awfully quiet. She let go of Cindy and went to where the two boys sat. She touched one forehead then another. They were both fiery to the touch.
“Do your throats hurt?” They both nodded.
Her heart dropped. At least none of the other children seemed sick.
“Juan could you run and get Smitty for me? Tell him to bring his herbs. Then I need you to go to Jed’s house. Don’t go inside. Aunt Lily is going to have a baby, and she mustn’t get sick. Ask Jed to come with Lily’s medicine too.”
“What’s wrong, Ma?”
“Aaron and Freddie both have fevers. I’ll need their help is all. Please be quick, but be safe.”
Juan nodded as he wrapped a scarf around his neck. “You can count on me.”
“I know.” She was already trying to figure who to put where. The boys would need to be kept warm but they also needed to be away from the other children so they didn’t get sick as well. Carefully, she washed her hands and then had Scarlett do the same.
“Take Brian into my room, get into bed and I’ll bring more blankets. I’ll send the well ones in after I look them over. Don’t worry you won’t be staying there for long. I just need to figure out what the two boys are sick with.”
Scarlett’s eyes grew wide as her face paled. She scooped up Brian and hurried into the bedroom.
One by one, Lynn had each child stand in front of her so she could check them out. One by one, they all went into her bedroom. Lynn took a deep breath. There had been fear on each child’s face.
She was making willow bark tea and finding ingredients for a poultice when the door burst open and Smitty rushed in. He took one look at the boys and his eyes mirrored her fear.
“They have sore throats—”
“Ma. My stomach is paining me somethin’ awful,” Aaron said, his voice was low and scratchy.
Lynn rushed over and touched a few places on Aaron’s abdomen. “I’m making tea to help you feel better.”
Swallowing hard, she went back to the cook stove. “It’s probably scarlet fever. This is how it usually starts.”
“Do they have rashes?” Smitty’s dismay was clear in his voice.
“Not yet.”
“Then maybe—”
Lynn shook her head. “I don’t know how they got it, but there had been a few cases in
town.”
Smitty closed his eyes. “The boys went with Mike to get some supplies. I told them they could go. I hadn’t heard about the illness. This is my fault.” Smitty looked as though he was going to be sick.
“You didn’t know, besides they were picking up something for me. Mike didn’t intentionally expose them. I learned long ago that there is no pattern or reason as far as sickness goes. The only thing to do is to treat it the best we know how.” Lynn touched his arm.
“None of the others seem to have it yet. I sent for Lily’s medicine bag. Jed will bring it soon. I don’t want her here. It might endanger the baby.”
Juan walked into the house and Jed stood outside. Smitty went to the door to talk to Jed while Lynn checked Juan over and then sent him to the bedroom. There were too many in the one room but it couldn’t be helped for now.
Smitty finally closed the door but his expression was bleak. She sighed. She already knew how bad scarlet fever was. It would be a miracle if the boys lived and no one else came down with it.
She poured the tea into two cups. She went to Freddie and knelt next to him. She helped him lift his head so he could take a few sips. She took her time and finally Freddie drank it all. Smitty was doing the same with Aaron.
She tucked Freddie back in and went to the kitchen table to look over what both Smitty and Lily had for healing. Together, the three of them had ingredients to make a few different types of poultices to help draw out the illness. She prayed there wouldn’t be a rash. Once the rash hits it was unlikely they’d survive.
There was a knock on the door, and she opened it. Rex and Owen, friends who worked on the ranch stood there.
“We’re here to take the well ones to Smitty’s. We’ll be taking care of them,” Owen’s eyes help pity and she wanted to cry.
“You two are the answer to my prayers. Stay outside and I’ll get the children. Are you sure the two of you can handle all of them?”
Rex laughed. “If we can get hundreds of people from Independence Missouri to here, we can handle a few little ones. Mike is fine, he didn’t catch it.”
Lynn gave him a weak smile and went to get the children. She didn’t touch them or get close to them as she had them hurry out the door. “I’ll check on you tomorrow. I love you!”
They knew, she could tell by the tears in their eyes, that what Aaron and Freddie had was serious. She couldn’t even allow them to say good bye. Why was life so fragile? Just as she closed the door, she heard the retching. Running to grab two bowls, she quickly joined Smitty and helped the boys to turn their heads. How could they have gotten to this stage so fast? Freddie’s eyes began to look sunken.
They bathed the boys in cool water, hoping to drive the fever down. Smitty made a few poultices that had worked for him in the past. During all this, she’d put on some coffee and while the boys slept she poured a cup for Smitty and herself.
They sat by the stove and sipped their coffee in silence.
“Smitty?”
“Hmm?”
“Do you think I weakened them by taking them to Edgar Page’s place? It was cold and he worked them hard, and there wasn’t much food. Then—”
Smitty put his hand over hers. “You can’t start blaming yourself. You just can’t. And no, I don’t think any of those things mattered. They just happened to be the ones who went to town, that’s all. You caught it in time. I don’t think the other children have it.”
“We won’t know for at least a day whether they have it or not. It doesn’t matter much.”
Smitty’s brow furrowed. “What doesn’t matter?”
Lynn shrugged. “It doesn’t matter if you love with all your heart or if you try to guard your heart. In the end, it still hurts. We can’t make the ultimate plan for ourselves. Only God can. Smitty, I’m so scared.”
He tugged her hand until she was sitting on his lap. “Sweetheart, I’m scared too. I love them like my own. I guess they are ours. We have to keep hoping and praying and trying. It’s all we can do. The hardest part is seeing them suffer.”
Lynn wrapped her arms around his neck and laid her head on his shoulder. She tried to give as much comfort as she received. It was hard to see Smitty suffering too. He always tried to be so strong.
Smitty’s heart squeezed. The rash was beginning on both boys. Lynn had to go outside to sob when she saw it. There was no cure for scarlet fever, but some did survive. He had them gargle with salt water to help with the sore throats. It helped for a little while. Lynn made beef broth and hoped each time they’d keep it down but so far whatever they ate or drank came right back up.
Lashing out and punching the wall sounded good, but it would scare the boys. Aaron was worse than Freddie, but these things could never be predicted. He gathered his herbs and dried plants. He could make a mixture to relieve the itching. He didn’t know of one that healed the rash.
Lily had stopped by this morning. She stood outside but she agreed there wasn’t much that could be done. Tears fell as she concurred with their diagnosis. Lily was such a strong woman and not much laid her low. Everyone loved the two boys. They’d all gotten close, as families do. This would be the children’s second Christmas at the ranch.
Last year it had been so simple. He was still married, and he and Lynn didn’t even touch except for an occasional light kiss. Dang it, it’d been such a hard year for her and now this. If only he could, he’d whisk her off to bed and love her properly.
Grabbing a pot cloth, he took the pot off the stove. Now to let the poultice cool a bit. The smell was vile but it would help them breathe and stop the itching. Smitty opened the windows a bit. Fresh air might help.
Should he check on Lynn? No, he shook his head, she probably wanted a bit of privacy. He’d lost his share of patients along the trail but never like this.
The foul-smelling mixture was cool and he sat on the floor. He unbuttoned Aaron’s shirt first and gasped. He’d never seen the rash spread so quickly. His neck and chest were covered. He rubbed the medicine on him and left his shirt open for a few minutes. Meanwhile, he opened Freddie’s shirt and it was the same, maybe a bit less severe. Smitty covered his red rash with the other poultice.
He buttoned Aaron back up and then he wrapped his hands so he couldn’t scratch. He’d seen it before, and the itching was enough to make a person go mad. He was just turning to button up Freddie when Lynn walked in.
She took one look and dropped to her knees next to Freddie. For a moment, she just stared at the rash and her shoulders sagged. Then she buttoned his shirt and wrapped his hands.
“All we can do now is make them comfortable and pray,” she murmured.
“We can still try to get liquids into them. Easier said than done though. We could try bleeding them. I don’t like it, but I know some do it.”
Lynn shook her head. “No, bloodletting only makes a person weaker. Why do your poultices always smell so bad?”
“I don’t have time to put lavender and other aromatic leaves and flowers. Plus the cowboys believe the worse it smells, the better it works.”
Freddie began to writhe on pain. Smitty grabbed the laudanum and cocked his brow at her.
“We might as well.” She handed him the spoon and then lifted Freddie’s head enough so he could take the medicine.
“Ma? Am I going to die?” His throat was beginning to close, and he could barely be heard.
Lynn put Freddie’s head in her lap. She stroked his hair back and smiled at him. “I won’t lie to you Freddie. There’s a good chance you’ll be going to heaven. We all go sooner or later. You’ll just be getting there a little before me. John and Danny are already there so you won’t be alone. Aaron might just be there with you too.”
“Do you think my parents will remember me?” His eyes looked too big for his face.
“Of course they will. They loved you very much. Just like Smitty and I love you. Your brothers and sisters will miss you too.” She tried to keep her mouth from wobbling.
“I love
you, Ma.” He closed his eyes and his breathing came hard until it suddenly stopped.
Lynn and Smitty stared at each other while she still stroked Freddie’s hair. Exhaustion hit her but she still had another son who needed her. She lay Freddie’s head down on his pillow and went to Aaron. Wetting a cloth, she wiped his face as she wept.
Smitty looked at Freddie for a long while before he got up and stood at the open window. “We kept him as comfortable as we could.”
“Yes, Smitty, we did. I’ve been places where the doctor refused to give anything for the pain. He was such a good boy. He’ll be missed…” She couldn’t keep talking and crying at the same time. It was taking too much of her strength.
“Lynn, you don’t feel sick do you? Maybe you shouldn’t tend to Aaron.” Smitty turned and stared at her with a bleak expression.
“I’m fine. For some reason scarlet fever takes the young ones. I’ve doctored people with it before.”
“Any survivors?”
“Yes, actually a man and women who wished I’d left them for dead. They had seven kids and lost all of them. No matter how much I hurt, someone else has suffered worse.”
“But it doesn’t take away our pain, knowing that.” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
“You’re right. My heart feels as though it’s been ripped out. I’m holding on to a frayed thread of hope, but the thread becomes more frayed by the minute.” She held Aaron’s head in her lap as she had with Freddie, but Aaron never woke. He just let out one last gasp and died. Lynn stroked his hair for a while, saying good bye. When she got up, she swayed and reached out for a chair to steady herself.
“Sit, honey. I have arrangements to make. I’ll be right back. I’d get someone to stay with you but we need to scrub out this whole house before we can allow anyone in.”
He poured a cup of coffee and put it down in front of her. He kissed her cheek before he left. She hadn’t moved a muscle.
So Many Roads to Choose Page 10
