“I…I can’t. Not like that.”
The door that had been opening between them shut again.
Ted shook his head, the pain he was obviously in clear in his voice, though he stood tall, proud. “I miss you like hell. I love you, and I want you so much I ache. Life is empty without you, but dammit, I won’t be less than a whole man to you, Pam. I won’t go through life that way. So you decide…and if you think you can lean on me, let me love you the way you’ve loved me, let me be there for you like you are for everyone else, then you call me. I have my pride, too. I’m not going to settle for less than everything from you.”
He was out the door before she could respond, not that she knew what to say. Her heart went with him, ripped from her chest and leaving her alone with cold confusion.
Lost, she wrapped her arms around herself. She didn’t know what to do—her world was unraveling and she didn’t know how to make it stop. Ted was gone, and she was on the verge of losing the shelter, as well. So she did the only thing she could—she sat down and went back to work.
Chapter 12
Rafe lay awake, sighing heavily as Joy slept. She’d passed out in his arms after a couple glasses of wine. His body was aching for hers after the torturous hours of sexy teasing. Had he been crazy to suggest the all-day-foreplay idea? Nah. They’d enjoyed every minute of it.
Still, their timing might have been a little off. She’d had an emotionally exhausting day, and he was frustrated beyond reason. They’d made some progress. He was getting to know the real Joy, and she’d actually loosened up a little. The idea she had about herself as passionless was crazy, but he also knew there was no way to convince her except by demonstration. If given the opportunity, he would be happy to oblige, but her pleasure was paramount. As turned on as he was, he wasn’t about to engage in any more one-sided sex.
If only he could sleep as well, there’d be no problem. He closed his eyes, knowing it was a useless pursuit, and opened them again moments later, looking out the partially opened window into the side yard. He enjoyed having the bed next to the window, as well—it was a luxury that he’d never thought about in the city, where it was too noisy and hot.
Though, as much as he loved holding Joy next to him, there was something about being in bed with a deeply slumbering partner that made his insomnia even more excruciating. It was as if she’d gone somewhere he couldn’t follow, which was pretty much true. He’d been left behind, and that added a new layer of stress to being awake. Now he was awake and alone.
Sleep was an experience that couples shared as much as anything else, not that he’d ever had a relationship last long enough to know. His job hadn’t exactly been a good one for carrying on long-term relationships. He wanted nothing more than to be able to fall asleep right now and wake up tangled with Joy, and then they could pursue other pleasures, rested and relaxed.
She stirred in his arms, breaking his train of thought—thankfully—since thinking too much was the enemy in the middle of the night.
She curled close and planted a sleepy kiss on his chest. One simple touch and he was instantly hard and ready. Great. Now he was awake and turned on.
When she murmured something softly against his skin and moved her hand over him, stroking his length, he groaned her name and nudged her face up toward him. Her eyes remained shut. She was smiling, though, and wanton in how she arched against him, sliding her leg over his, bringing his cock in direct contact with her core. He gasped, his body seeking the contact even as his mind knew he should back away.
She was dreaming…and fast asleep.
He placed his hands on her upper arms to try to lever her away. Before she could do what he knew she was about to, he shifted, and she landed on his hip instead.
She was kissing and touching him all over, and he wondered if he should do this—she was asleep.
She dipped her head down and drew the head of his erection into her mouth and sucked, circling him with a velvet sweep of her tongue. He cried out, fisting his hands into the sheets so tightly he heard the elastic snap as they loosened from the edges. She was driving him insane with her mouth.
“Hon, are you awake? Joy?” he said roughly, trying to wake her, but then thought better of it. She was enjoying herself, and she knew she was with him—she was repeating his name with every kiss down the inside of his thigh. She had suggested using her dreams as a means of bridging into real-life sex, so he tried to get more comfortable with the idea. After grabbing a condom off the nighttable and sheathing himself, he lay back, relaxing.
He would let her do whatever she wanted—act out her dream, her fantasy, and play it by ear. If she stopped, God help him, he would stop, too.
“Do you like this?” she said sexily, brushing the ends of her silky hair over his sex, making him dizzy.
“I love it. I love everything you do,” he said truthfully, and it occurred to him that he’d rarely been the passive recipient of lovemaking in his life. He was used to taking a more active role, setting the pace.
It was different—and nice—having her take the lead. He also suspected in real life she wouldn’t be as bold or as aggressive. He swallowed hard as she ran a finger lightly over his sac.
When she looked up again, her face was illuminated by desire and need. She leaned over him slowly, emerging from the dark like a succubus, his lover who only came awake at night. It was incredibly sexy how she moved so sensuously, and for a moment he questioned if it was her dream or his. Even though sleeping, she was intriguingly accurate in her movements as she touched him everywhere and then gently drew her hand over his eyes.
“No looking…just feel,” she commanded in a husky whisper, at once sounding like the daytime Joy he knew, but also not like her at all. He couldn’t repress the erotic thrill of his sight being denied. She slid down his body, straddling him. He literally held his breath as he waited for what she’d do next, hoping.
She didn’t take him right away, but moved along his shaft, riding the length of him without penetrating, her nipples grazing his chest as her moans became more and more excited—as did he.
Finally, when he thought he might lose it if she kept on, she enveloped him in one deep, downward thrust. She rode him hard, her palms planted solidly on his chest as she took what she wanted and gave so much in return. He’d been waiting so long to be with her like this that he tried to slow down, to make it last, but she was driving him over the edge with her.
He hung on, unsure how much longer he could last. The hard spasms wringing his cock told him in no uncertain terms that she was coming—and he let go and drove up inside. His orgasm triggered another one for her, much to his delight. She collapsed against him as he pulsed inside of her, enjoying the vestiges of his own climax.
“Joy?”
“Mmm. That was nice,” she said sleepily against his chest, cuddling in. As far as he could tell, she hadn’t woken up at all.
* * *
Joy stretched out in bed, more rested and satisfied than she had been in a long while. A glance at the clock told her it wasn’t morning, yet she was alert and awake. However, something felt off—sitting up, she looked around, disoriented. She was completely nude for one, but that wasn’t what was bothering her.
Rafe had come to bed with her, and now he was gone.
Grabbing her robe from the chair, she wondered if he’d left. She’d had another dream—a fantastic dream. The memory of it was wonderful, though she wished yet again that she could tap into that kind of passion when she was awake—it was obvious she was capable of it, so what was the problem?
As she hurried down the hallway, she stopped midstride, noting a particularly pleasant soreness between her legs. Her muscles were loose and relaxed, as they might be after a good workout. Something was definitely different.
She’d dreamed about Rafe, but she suspected she hadn’t been completely dreaming. At least that wasn’t what her body was telling her.
Entering the kitchen, she saw the back door open—she neve
r left her door open like that.
“Rafe?”
“Out here,” he responded in a quiet voice, and she stepped outside, tugging the robe more tightly.
“What are you doing?”
He was sitting on the swing on her backyard deck, quiet in the dark of the early morning.
“I couldn’t sleep. I needed to get up, get some air. Sometimes when I’m laying awake for too long, it’s like the dark is closing in on me. I have to get out.”
“I understand, I just wondered where you went.”
“Nice to be missed.”
She heard the smile in his voice and went over to join him on the swing. “It must be close to morning.”
“Another hour or so before sunrise, I’d say.”
“Rafe…”
“Hmm?”
“Did we…I mean, did I…uh…?”
“Yes. You did. We did. Do you remember?”
“I remember the dream. My body remembers the real part, if you know what I mean. I can feel the, uh, after effects.”
“Are you okay with that?” He turned to her, sounding curious.
She thought for a moment, then nodded. “I’m glad…. In my dream, I, uh…”
“Took control, rode me like the wild hussy you obviously are,” he teased and she thumped him playfully in the arm.
“Smart guy. I guess I did that for real?”
“You sure did. It was awesome.”
She was ridiculously pleased at his words, and relaxed. “It’s a little weird, to think I could act it out so precisely, but I don’t remember, not really. It’s like a, well, like a dream.”
“Do you remember how you got on top of me, and drove me to the edge? Do you remember coming…twice? I love how your face looks when you let go—you’re beautiful anyway, but right in that moment, it’s awesome,” he said reverently.
Her face flamed. She did remember, though she wasn’t used to the intimate flattery, and hadn’t expected it.
“I do remember. I didn’t know I’d actually done it—I’m not usually that forward.”
“You can be that forward with me anytime you want, Joy. It was incredible.”
“You still couldn’t sleep.”
“No, the two things aren’t related. Lack of sex wasn’t ever the reason I couldn’t sleep,” he said, and then, as if realizing how he’d sounded, tried to backtrack, but she put a finger to his lips, smiling. She had no doubt that Rafe had had lovers whenever he’d wanted them, but for some reason it didn’t matter—he was here with her, now.
“I mean, uh, in other words, lack of sleep killed my sex life, not the other way around. I think it all stems from stress caused by my burnout.”
She rushed to reassure him, not wanting to lose the mood. “No, I know what you mean. Don’t worry.”
His hand snaked around the back of her neck, drawing her in for a kiss that quickly turned hot. Caught up in the kiss, she gasped when his hand was suddenly under the flap of the robe, caressing her nipple into immediate hardness, and desire flooded her.
“Rafe, my goodness, we’re in my backyard,” she protested on a half laugh, half sigh, but he kissed her again, and she put her hand against the front of his jeans—he was as hard as a rock, and she moaned in pleasure at the discovery.
“I know.”
“Would you like to go back inside?”
“Why don’t we just stay here?”
“Out here? On the deck?”
“Sure. Why not? It’s cool and dark, and I think that your dream life is telling you to be more aggressive, more adventurous, Joy. Find your passions, and run with them. Let go. As great as it was earlier, I’d like to share that with you when we’re both awake. What do you think?”
She bit her lip, looking around—Warren’s house was empty, obviously, and the next house was a full yard away, and her trees and hedges provided some privacy. No lights were on; the street was silent—they were completely alone.
“Okay.” She took the plunge, her heart racing as she undid her robe, opening it, though not taking it off. It was enough exposure, more than she would have ever indulged in before. The idea of what they were about to do sent shivers of anticipation down her spine.
“Oh—wait, no protection,” he said.
As he started to get up, she placed a hand on his arm. “I’m protected. I’ve taken the pill for years, and I’m okay, you know, health wise,” she said, knowing that she didn’t want him to leave her right now unless there was very good reason, since she might lose her nerve.
“Aw, babe, I’m good with that. The thought of being inside of you with nothing between us is a dream come true,” he said roughly, releasing the snap on his jeans, and she wasted no time diving her hand inside, stroking him gently.
“You always feel so good, Rafe. I love touching you,” she whispered, telling him she was as turned on as he was. She was, completely and utterly turned on. Rafe was right—she did have passion, particularly for him.
“You drive me crazy…the way you put your mouth on me earlier, then took control, I loved it,” he responded and a thrill of excitement ran through her.
“You liked me taking control?”
He looked her in the eyes, utterly serious. “I loved it. I love watching you do me, sliding over me, touching me everywhere…. I’m yours for the taking, babe. Anything you want, I’ll give it to you,” he said, sliding his hand down between her legs and rubbing his thumb over her clit until she was shaking with need.
“Rafe, sit…. Sit back on the swing,” she said in a trembling voice, aroused beyond all measure. The cool morning air played over her hot skin, and she watched as he did exactly as she said, pushing his jeans down his long legs to the floor of the deck and sitting back on the swing, watching her, but not moving a muscle.
“Want to sit on Santa’s lap?” His mischievous tone sparked something playful and naughty inside of her, and she laughed, feeling like the sexy woman she was in her dreams.
“I do. I know exactly what I want for Christmas.”
“Come on over and tell me.”
“I’d rather show you,” she said seductively, poising herself before him as if to sit, raising the bottom of her robe and lowering down, taking him in deep, until the base of his erection pushed against her pubic bone. She snuggled her backside against his lap, finding her balance, and leaned back on him.
“That’s perfect. You fit against me, around me, so absolutely perfectly,” he said, his voice ragged, and she knew he was as aroused as she was. His arms came around her, holding her in place as he pushed the swing in motion, the sway creating a gentle rocking motion without either of them actually moving.
“Is this what you wanted?” he asked, his voice thick with excitement.
“Yes,” she gasped, winding her hands up around the back of his neck, holding on, kissing his jawline. He kept her still, and didn’t thrust or urge her to move, the swing levering them against each other, his shaft buried so deeply inside her she embraced every inch of him and yet wanted more.
“What about this?” he asked, sliding one hand down between her legs as he parted the slick flesh there to rub his long fingers over all the right spots.
“Oh, yes…especially that,” she agreed. The swing’s movement deepened the motion, and she began to tighten unbearably.
Rafe gave up the Santa game, his face against the back of her neck where he investigated the taste of her skin quite thoroughly. She closed her eyes, the swing moving them together like a single, undulating wave.
The swaying motion was so slow, so deep, and she was hypnotized by the onslaught of sensations that she had no control over. Groaning in ecstasy as he uttered guttural, raw words in her ear, she gave herself up and was lifted out of herself, the world around her, traveling to some special, magical place with Rafe.
He filled her so completely, she wasn’t sure she could breathe. Her core was hot and slick, the friction unbearable, and she needed to find relief, though the thought of stopping was als
o unbearable.
At precisely the right moment, he tipped his hips up from the seat of the swing, ever so slightly, thrusting deeper and catapulting her over the edge. The powerful climax took her so thoroughly by surprise that she cried out, regardless of their semipublic location.
His lips caught her exclamations, swallowed them with his own groans of satisfaction as he pulsed inside of her. She knew she’d never experienced anything quite so miraculous as they drifted down from the heights together, wrapped around each other as intimately as two people could be.
They sat together, still swinging gently back and forth, and she knew something had changed for her. Something deep, something more than desire or even gratitude tugged at her. She didn’t want to think. She hated to even get up and have to separate from him at all.
Still, as she opened her eyes, flashing lights against the trees and Warren’s roof caught her eye.
“Those Christmas lights look funny,” she commented.
Rafe jerked upright, keeping his arms around her as he stood, stabilizing her so she wouldn’t fall.
“Shit—those aren’t lights—it’s a fire.”
Chapter 13
Joy ran inside. Frantically searching for her cell phone, she found it on the counter and dialed 911. Rafe had taken off like a shot, clad only in jeans and bare feet, yelling after her to call for help as he bolted across the street to the house that was burning. She’d called after him—what did he plan to do? Her hands shook as she reported the fire and raced around the house grabbing her clothes, anxious to go find Rafe.
She knew the house belonged to the older lady he always talked with, Bessie, whose lights he’d helped string. The elderly widow whose lights Joy had grumped and groused about, and whom she’d refused to help when Rafe had asked her the week before.
She hung up—she didn’t exactly have time to indulge in guilt—and ran back into the street. Sirens screamed in the distance, and the neighbors emerging from their homes were milling about in various states of morning dress, but she didn’t see Rafe. Where was he?
Talking In Your Sleep... Page 14
