“And?”
I take a deep breath, going for the perfect dramatic timing. “Well, I know this is inconvenient timing and all, given you are shacking up with Miss Second Chance Institute USA, but…”
Ethan clenches his fists and takes a step towards me. “I am not shacking up with Alexa. We’re hanging out. She gave me hope after…never mind. It’s none of your business. Just spit it out before I throw you out.”
I walk over to his kitchen table and take a bite of lasagna straight out of the dish. Oh man, that’s good. Maybe they’ll let me stay for dinner?
He grabs me and pulls me away from the table and the free food. It’s not like he’ll still have an appetite after I share my news. “Tell me!”
Because I’d never talk with my mouth full, I make sure to chew every last bit of my food and swallow before I speak again. “Yeah, fine you’re hanging out—with a fancy dinner and candles. Whatever you say. Anyway, Kira’s alive. Your baby’s alive. Congrats, Bro. You’re a dad. And since your Cleave’s alive and well…that would make you a cheating bastard. And you know how Kira feels about cheaters.”
A gamut of emotions, from relief to horror to disbelief, wash across Ethan’s face. “You’re lying. You told me she was dead.”
“I thought she was dead given how much blood there was and the fact that Bailey told me she wasn’t breathing when Jax whisked her away. But apparently Jax saved her. I’m sure they’re closer than ever now. You know, since he has been with her and playing daddy to your child and all.”
Ethan’s fist comes crashing towards me. I dive to my left and roll away.
“I’m going to kill you both.”
I stand up and roll my eyes. “As if. I’m a trained fighter. You’re a douchebag lawyer. Bring it on, and we’ll see who makes it to see Kira first.”
“Where is she?”
I shrug. “Apparently ‘safe.’ Jax doesn’t trust us with her whereabouts given what happened…last time. I’d bet that they’re somewhere in Heart though.”
Ethan starts pacing back and forth. “I thought that’s where she was attacked? Why would they be there?”
“Think about it. Jax would never trust having Kira around the SCI. He’d want to be in Arbiter country.”
“Well, let’s go find her then.” He marches over to the kitchen, opens a drawer, and pulls out a pen and paper. He scribbles out a note. “Okay, I’m ready.” I walk over and look at the note, which is to Alexa. Nice, Ethan. What an awesome boyfriend you make.
“I can’t go with you. I need to find my son. Kira would never forgive me if I showed up without him.” I catch him up on how I tracked my son’s kidnapper to the Clean Slate Complex and that the man’s employer is staying there.
The door opens, and we both look over to see Alexa walk in, pie in hand. She comes over and sets the pie on the counter. Ethan clenches the note in his fist, crumbles it, and then stuffs it into his pocket.
“What’s going on?” Alexa asks. “I think you have a bit of explaining to do, Ethan.”
Ethan walks around the counter and plants a kiss on her cheek. “Sorry, sweets. We’re going to have to reschedule dinner. I’ve got some urgent business to attend to…back home. I’m not sure how long I’ll be gone. It could take a while.”
“Hold on. I think you can take a few minutes to tell me why you never mentioned you had a brother…and what is going on.”
As much as I’d like to be a fly on the wall for this conversation, it’s time I go help Joshua find out the identity of my son’s kidnapper and his employer. “I’m off, Ethan. Let me know when you find…Jax.”
He nods and then turns to Alexa to do a whole lot of explaining…or lying…or rationalizing. Just depends on how he decides to play it and whether he plans to ditch Alexa now that he knows Kira is alive.
“A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials.”
—Lucius Annaeus Seneca
CHAPTER FOUR
Kira
“I don’t know if I can do this.” I didn’t mean to say it out loud. But it’s the truth. Even though I knew returning to the clutches of the SCI was inevitable, I’d hoped to delay it as long as possible. And Ethan…he has changed and not for the better. He was such a jerk to me earlier. I’d always thought that reuniting with Ethan would be amazing—that thought kept me going on many a night when I didn’t think I could. But instead, I’m with a man who hates me. On top of that, I’m separated from—not one—but two of my children. And that’s not counting the others—the ones my friends have all given birth to. I plop down on the edge of the bed, and the tears start to free-fall again.
“You have no choice. Get some sleep. The Ten wants to see you first thing in the eve.” Ethan strips off his shirt and climbs into the king-sized metal poster bed with just shorts on. I think I’m going to be sick. How can I possibly sleep next to him? What will he do when the day terrors hit?
“I need to feed Zander first. Is there another room I can sleep in?” I ask hopefully. This sterile, uninviting apartment has enough room for a dozen bedrooms. Minimalist doesn’t even begin to describe the decor. There’s one “painting” on the wall—a modern art piece that looks like an egg and a sperm. Disturbing.
Ethan glares at me. His sapphire eyes, surrounded by thick dark lashes, look as cold as deep space. “You will sleep here. I have no desire to maul you if that’s what you are worried about.”
I don’t know why, but that makes me laugh. “As if I’d let you. Just because we went through a stupid ceremony and are Cleaved on paper does not mean we will ever be intimate. It would have to be by force. And I’d love to see you try to explain that to Zander when he’s older.”
“Listen, Kira. We need to talk. We’ve both done and said hurtful things… But, we’re Cleaved whether we like it or not, and we have a son to raise, so…”
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. “Not now, Ethan. Just go to sleep. I’m going to check on Zander.”
Ethan shakes his head in frustration. “I’ll expect you back after you’ve finished feeding him. I wouldn’t want you to get any ideas about taking off again.”
“Fine.” I close the door behind me and find my way to the nursery.
Zander is clearly as uncomfortable as I am with our new accommodations. The jail-cell, steel-barred crib with camouflage bedding isn’t too inviting. And he probably misses Evvie as much as I do. They’re used to sleeping side by side. I couldn’t keep Zander from his father or the clutches of the SCI, but I can surely keep Evvie from them. The SCI thought only two embryos were implanted in me—one from Blake and one from Ethan. However, a third embryo was implanted, and I don’t want the SCI to find out about Evvie. Jax will keep her safe. He’s the only one I trust. Gads I miss him.
I cuddle with Zander until he’s fully asleep and put him into his crib. Then I return to Ethan’s room and slip under the covers, my body as close to the edge and as far away from Ethan as possible. I fight sleep for as long as possible but eventually succumb.
I’m awoken to loud shouting and my body being shaken. I scream in terror. “Nooooooo. Don’t touch me. Don’t touch the babies.”
They keep touching me though.
They want to hurt me. Steal my children.
I thrash and fight the attack.
“No needles. No needles.”
Suddenly, a large boulder is placed on me to keep me down. I can’t move.
I’m sweating. Panting. Gasping.
“Help me.” I shout and shout until my voice goes hoarse.
A loud voice emanating from the boulder nearly destroys my eardrum. “Wake up, Kira. You’re having a daymare.”
My eyes flap open. The boulder that’s crushing me is Ethan.
“Get off me.” I whisper.
He rolls off. “You scared the crap out of me, Kira. What was that?”
“That is why I need my own bedroom. I get day terrors.” I tremble at the thought. This was the worst one in a long time—all bec
ause Ethan decided to try to crush me rather than comfort me.
“How often?”
“Daily. Just go back to sleep. I’m going to get a drink of water.” I pad off to the kitchen and down two cups of water. Instead of returning to the bedroom, I curl up on the hard couch in an office on the other side of the apartment. I’m so exhausted—physically and mentally—that I nod off. When I feel another terror coming on, I’m suddenly wrapped in warm arms and the scent of vanilla.
“Sleep, love. I’m here for you.” I happily sigh as the terror recedes. I melt into his embrace and fall deeply asleep.
Three months ago: Heart, Thera
A light shining in my eyes woke me up. Moonlight streamed through a thick window, reflected off a large machine and on to my face. There were tubes coming out of my arm, and my stomach was a fraction of the size I remembered. I tried to scream, but a third tube protruding from my mouth prevented it. I felt my hand squeezed, and despite the dim light I could see Jax in an adjacent bed that had been pushed flush against mine. He had a tube attached from his arm to the machine. His skin looked sallow and pale, his eyes bruised, and he’d clearly lost weight.
What happened?
“Kira,” Jax whispered in a rough voice. He held my hand tighter, and I felt peaceful, despite being overwhelmed with questions.
What happened? I repeated the thought in my mind and I knew he could hear it.
“The babies were born…early,” he said.
The memories returned. Being attacked, drugged, cut open on the kitchen table. I could remember everything, but my emotions felt disconnected, blocked.
My son was taken? The other babies? Did they all make it?
I had watched my son pulled from my body, my attacker leaving with him. But I didn’t recall anything after that.
Jax cleared his throat, and I could see a tear stream down his face. “Yes, love. The other babies are fine—a girl, then a boy. Small, but okay. The first one… Blake is tracking that one and his kidnapper.”
Jax averted his eyes and stared out the window, though he kept hold of my hand. There was a bustle of activity as nurses and doctors came in to tend to me. They eventually pulled the tube from my throat but told me the one in my abdomen would need to stay for a few more days to drain the infected area.
“How sick was I?” I asked in a scratchy voice.
The doctor peered down at me. “Deathly. Well…technically you did die. You’d lost so much blood. We were able to revive you though. Jackson donated his own blood to save you.” I died? I couldn’t wrap my head around that…any of it.
“Is that why he looks so terrible?” I turned my head towards Jax who was continuing to gaze at the moon. “You did that for me?”
Jax stroked my hand but kept silent. The doctor replied, “He’s weak but will recover quickly. He insisted that he be the one to do it.”
Tears filled my eyes and drained down my throat. Thank you. “Can I see the babies now?”
Two nurses filed in, each carrying a bundle. The boy was placed in my arm first. Jax scooted over so that he could see.
“Aiden was the firstborn. Zander, you are the last,” I told the bundled up boy with uncharacteristically bright-blue eyes for a newborn. Ethan’s. Jax squeezed my hand in affirmation. I peeled away his blanket and checked to make sure everything was in order—ten tiny fingers, ten tiny toes. He was incredible.
Zander’s nurse re-swaddled him, and then the girl’s nurse gently laid her down by me. She had strawberry-blonde fuzz atop her head and gold eyes with a thin ring of green around them. She’s beautiful.
Jax stroked the baby girl’s cheek. “Eva?” he suggested.
Perfect.
So many questions popped into my mind, but I was too mesmerized by the little miracle in front of me to ask. Her eyes were so bright and knowing. The door to the room opened, and a feeble looking elderly man entered and hobbled over to the end of our bed. Despite his age, he had a compelling presence. His hair was so white it almost appeared blond. His eyes were a clear-blue, and his face was well worn by time.
He nodded to Jax. “Ms. Donovan. I am Eli Demason.” His voice pierced me to the core.
“Nice to meet you,” I responded.
“We are honored to have you here. There’s nothing more important or valuable than those who create…and you have done so beautifully. They are precious and a great blessing.” Eli gestured to the babies.
He shuffled around my bed until he was at my side. He laid his hands upon my head. “Thou shalt not fear…that which has been lost will be restored to you. Of this I give my word.”
I felt the physical lifting of the burden of Aiden’s loss and knew that Eli had done more than spout meaningless words. I’ll get him back?
“Yes. Patience will be required, but it is meant to be.” He can read minds and tell the future?
The man smiled and then proceeded to make his way to Jax’s side. “Much will be required of you, Jackson.”
Jax responded in a low voice. “I’ll give them everything I have.”
“Proceed with caution. They are irreplaceable.”
“I know.” Jax brought my hand to his lips and placed a whisper of a kiss on my knuckles.
Eli bowed slightly. “I’ll take my leave. Rest up. The calm precedes the storm.”
Eva’s nurse took her from me. My eyes felt heavy, and I succumbed to their weight. He’s alive and I’ll see him again. I fell asleep, a smile firmly affixed to my face.
Present
“You better get the hell out of here before I call for your execution before the Ten. Daddy taught me how to track you, so don’t think you can just disappear, and I won’t find you.”
I open an eye. Déjà vu. It’s early evening, I’m in Jax’s arms, and Ethan’s spewing threats. I disentangle myself from Jax and stand to face Ethan, using my body to physically shield Jax. Jax takes the opportunity to further enrage Ethan by rubbing the side of my bare leg.
“If you ever threaten Jax again I will take Zander and disappear. Jax is the only person who can handle my day terrors. And smothering, for the record, is not an effective method. You could have killed me.”
Ethan looks taken aback that I sided with Jax, but as soon as the threat of leaving registers, he sneers. “I would find you.”
I dig my fingernails into my hands. “You could die trying. We were only found because we allowed you to find us. Don’t flatter yourself with your delusions of half-blooded Arbiter grandeur.”
Ethan’s normally bright eyes look dark and brooding. “I will not allow my Cleave to sleep in another man’s arms every day.”
“Well, then I guess you’re in for some sleepless days. For now, let’s go see the Ten…or I guess the other nine.” How did I not ever see this side of Ethan before? He has gone all caveman on me. Pretty soon he’ll be pounding on his chest and marking me with his pee.
Ethan gives Jax a smug look. “The Ten is expecting you too, Jax.”
Jax shakes his head. “Be careful of the wheels you put into motion, Ethan. There are some things that simply cannot be undone.”
“I agree.” Ethan responds in such a chilly tone, I shiver.
I interrupt the love-fest. “Ethan, why don’t you look up the term ‘forgiveness’ in your tablet dictionary while I take a shower and feed Zander. Then we can be on our merry way to meet up with your mommy. Oh, how I’ve missed her so. Although, this last night I have felt her presence since you are so much like her.”
Jax looks like he wants to laugh but sucks it in. Ethan growls and I leave. I feed Zander quickly and then take a short shower—not because I’m eager to meet with the Ten, but because I don’t trust Ethan and Jax to play nice in my absence.
How right I was.
When I return, I find Ethan has Jax at gunpoint, the small caliber weapon pointed directly above his ear.
“What the hell?” I gasp. This can’t be happening. Panic constricts my throat and chest. I strain to pull air into my lungs. My skin get
s clammy and I start to see spots. “Don’t do this. Put down the gun, Ethan. I’ll never forgive you if you hurt him.”
Ethan doesn’t bother to look at me. “You are the one who requires my forgiveness. As for Jax… I can’t have him disappearing on me before the Ten’s hearing. In fact, I do believe he’s going to take us there now.”
Jax smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “I warned you. So it will be.”
I mumble under my breath. “This is going to be another great bedtime story for Zander to add to the ever growing collection of ‘Daddy’s Dark Days.’”
I grab Jax’s hand and intertwine my fingers with his. The office fades out and a dim, deserted hallway fades in.
“I asked you to take us directly to the meeting hall.” Ethan presses the gun harder against Jax’s temple.
Jax is clenching his teeth, and his eyes are narrowed, but he manages to speak calmly. “I’m not willing to make that kind of entrance into a meeting with the Ten.”
Ethan pushes us forward and toward a door. He uses a combination of a card key and numeric code to gain entry.
Once in the room, two guards “relieve” Ethan and direct Jax and me to two chairs at the large conference table in the middle of the room. We’re both cuffed to the chairs. I scan the others sitting at the table. Besides Ethan, I only know Vienna. Nine other chairs are filled with one seat left vacant.
Vienna shoots me a deathly glare. “Well, well, well…I see that Ethan managed to find the elusive duo. Jax, I do believe you have some explaining to do.”
Jax returns Vienna’s look dagger for dagger. “You asked me to keep Kira safe. I was merely doing my job. It was necessary for us to go into hiding to ensure the safety of both Kira and your grandson.”
“You told us Kira had ‘perished’ after the attack on her life.”
Jax replies, “And I spoke the truth. Kira did die…for a short duration. Thankfully, she was able to be revived thereafter.”
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