by Addison Fox
The urge to make love to her was strong, but the urge to savor her was equally powerful.
And no matter how many times he touched her, Roman couldn’t banish the thought that this might be the last opportunity he ever received to do so.
The sensual moments spun out, one after the other, as the late-night sun streamed through the windows. Roman saw the various colors—deep reds and golds that bathed Avery’s skin in a warm glow—and for the first time in a long time, he had clarity.
She was the only woman he would ever love. And he loved her with a madness that haunted the very deepest parts of him.
And it was because of that love that he had to let her go. Had to give her the chance to see the world and live her life freely and not be tethered to him and his choices.
Even if he took the broadcasting job, he’d miss out on hundreds of days a year, spending so much time on the road. And his evenings would be filled with commitments. That was no life for her.
And it was no way for two people who’d spent their adult lives apart to get reacquainted.
“Roman?”
Her voice was a quiet whisper as she moved on top of him and straddled his hips. With easy movements, she lowered herself onto him, her body sheathing his with tight warmth.
“Are you ready?”
He nodded, the demands of his body quickly overtaking the questions that wrapped his mind in knots.
“Yes.”
The long, lithe lines of her body called to him and he ran his hands over her, eager to touch her as they both pushed onward toward their pleasure. Her fingers clutched at his shoulders and he felt the imprint of her touch like a brand.
He lifted his hips harder—more urgently—desperate to make the moment last.
Frantic that they both find fulfillment.
He felt her response first and nearly came as her body clenched around him, but he held on. Willed himself to make it last for her, as if each moment could bind them more tightly to the memory.
More tightly to each other.
Something that would last, even after they were both gone from each other’s lives.
Chapter Twenty-three
Roman left Avery sleeping several hours later. After slipping back into his clothes, he slipped out of her apartment, restless and looking to clear his head.
He’d never done bittersweet well and he knew it.
The thought of going to his own room was even less enticing, so he headed for the front office and a stack of books he’d seen on a shelf there. If nothing else, a thriller might keep him mindlessly entertained.
The light to the office was on, as it usually was, but he was surprised to see his mother sitting at her desk, fingers tapping away on the keyboard to her computer.
“Mom.”
“Hi, sweetie.” She looked up and smiled before she pushed the keyboard away and came around the desk. “What happened to you?”
He realized he’d not seen her since the accident earlier. “A little mishap at the rink. Doc Cloud sewed me up.”
Her fingers were on his chin as she turned his face right and left. “You’ve got a cut and a bruise on the opposite side of your face.”
“The eye happened at the rink. The jaw at Maguire’s. In a fight.”
“Roman Andrew Forsyth. What’s wrong with you?”
“A freaking boatload, Mom. But that’s probably not what you were asking.” At her not so subtle grimace he nodded toward the door. “Can we go sit out there in the chairs? They’re more comfortable. I need to talk to you.”
He followed her to the lobby bar and one of the large, cushioned chairs that served as a conversation area.
“I’ll make some coffee and will be right over.”
It was a while later—their coffee mugs long empty—that Susan finally nodded at him and spoke up. “Why didn’t you tell me about your sight?”
“I kept hoping it would come back. And if it came back, then it never was a problem to begin with.”
“You knew it wasn’t coming back.” The words had a hard, clipped edge to them.
“I hoped.”
“No, Roman. I think you knew all along.”
“So what if I did. It’s the first real threat to my playing.”
“I think you’re forgetting age.” Her harsh tone gentled and she added a small smile, he thought, to remove the sting.
“Yeah, but that’s always been in the distant future. My eye is an immediate problem. One day I was fine and the next I lost twenty percent functionality on one side of my body.”
“So what are you going to do about it?”
“There’s a broadcasting job I’ve been offered. It’s based in L.A. but they’re happy to let me keep living in New York if I want to.”
“You and Avery can still be together if you take it and choose to live in L.A.”
“Mom. That’s not going to happen.”
“Sure it is. Especially if you’re in the same city.”
Roman stared into his empty mug, wondering how to make his mother understand. “That’s the problem. We won’t be in the same city. The job involves nearly as many days on the road as I am now. More, even, because at least now I have home games. I’ll be out on the road, covering games, most of the year.”
“But when you’re home, you’ll both be home in the same place. I have to tell you, it makes it a lot easier for me to give her up knowing you’ll be there with her.”
His mother’s bright smile and oddly serene look struck a nerve and, just like the rink discussion earlier in the bar, he had no ability to dam up the emotions that came next. Why did she see everything between him and Avery as some sort of fairy tale? “Why won’t you listen to me about this?”
“About what?”
“Avery and me. It’s not happening. We can’t make it work.”
“Why not?”
“We’ve been apart too long and we can’t put us back together.”
“You’ve been doing just fine the last week.”
“Sex isn’t fine, Mom. It’s just sex.”
Her eyes widened at his terse response and the apology sprang quickly to his lips. “I’m sorry. That was crude. You know she’s more than that to me. But it’s not something I should be discussing with my mother and I’m sorry.”
Roman looked at his mother—really looked—as she nodded, accepting his apology. While still attractive and relatively young to have children in their midthirties, she was beginning to look her age. The lines around her eyes were more pronounced and there was a hesitation to her movements that hadn’t been there in the past.
It saddened him. Not because he thought she was old, but because the lines were a visible reminder of all he’d missed.
And what he was still going to miss.
“I’m not staying, Mom.” When she only stared at him, he kept on. “Here. In Indigo. It’s not my home and it hasn’t been for a long time.”
“You think I don’t know that?”
The ethereal hopefulness that had possessed her like some demented fairy morphed into a very real anger as tears welled in her eyes. “I’ve supported you all your life, Roman. Believed in you and understood that your dream wasn’t here, in Indigo. I’ve done the same for your sister. But I won’t sit here and act like I’m happy while watching you throw away something good and worthy.”
“It’s not your decision to make.”
“I’m not suggesting it is. But I’m also not going to sit idly by and keep my mouth shut. I’ve suffered loss, Roman. I know what it is to lose someone you love more than your own life. And now I’m sitting here, watching you voluntarily give up that same love. Why won’t you fight for it?”
“It’s not the same.”
“It’s exactly the same. Only in the case of your father, I lost him to something out of my control. You have a choice.”
• • •
Avery was up when he got back to her apartment. The conversation with his mother, while strained, was productive and Roman w
as pleased to feel the heavy burden of keeping his injury a secret lifting from his shoulders.
It didn’t change the decisions he needed to make, but sharing the burden did make it easier to think clearly.
Avery looked up from where she read a book on the couch, her legs tucked up under her. “I thought you went to your room.”
“I was headed that way. I guess we’re on the same wavelength. Thought I’d get a book from the lobby and I found my mom instead.”
“And?” Avery set the book aside and he winced inwardly as she cracked the spine.
“And she knows about my eye. The end of my season. All of it.”
“What’d she say?”
“After she drubbed me for not telling her?”
“That’s a given.”
“She’s convinced you and I are going to live happily every after.”
Her eyebrows shot up at that. “She said that?”
“Not in so many words, but it’s my takeaway.” He crossed the room and took a seat next to her on the couch. His pulse began a heavy throb as everything he wanted to say—everything he needed to share with her—welled up inside him. “She said if we both take jobs in L.A. we’ll be near each other. We can be together.”
“We can.”
“And then we can pick up where we left off.”
“Like we have been?”
The words were deceptively innocent, but Roman heard warning bells loud and clear hidden in their meaning. “That’s what she seems to think.”
“What about what you think?”
All the fear and anxiety he felt for his future poured out. “I think we’re fooling ourselves if we think our little Alaskan oasis of travel and sex and living ripe on the town grapevine is going to be anything like starting two brand-new careers in a strange city. That is, of course, if either of us even wants the jobs that have been offered to us.”
“What if we both want the jobs that have been offered to us?”
He turned to stare at her, the probing words pressing into him like a battering ram. “You want the job?”
“You didn’t answer my question.”
“What? You don’t have some thoughts on the matter? Why’s it all what I think?”
“Because I think you’ve already made up your mind and I haven’t. Because I think you’re hoping I’ll let you off the hook by being the one to make the choice.”
“What hook?”
“The one that says you have to step up and take responsibility for what you want, Roman. And accept that what you want—while very valid and very important—has an impact on others. You need to talk about it with me. That’s part of a healthy adult relationship and not travel and sex and grapevines.”
He cringed as his own words were flung back at him.
And then he did the dumbest thing he’d ever done in his entire life.
For the man who lived calculating angles and odds that came down to the briefest of moments—most often with great success—he took a shot he knew he had no hope of making.
“That’s handy. Now I’m the bad guy.”
“That’s not what I said.”
“It’s implied. I was the shit all those years ago and now it’s up to me to do it again.”
The almost serene façade cracked as she leapt from the couch. “That’s fucking bullshit and you know it! What have you missed about the last two weeks? The fact that I not only forgive you, but I’ve also come to understand you made the only choice that was right for both of us?”
“That was fourteen years ago.”
“I get that. So why are you so damned interested in repeating history? We’ve got a chance to start fresh. To begin anew. Don’t you want that?”
“I already got what I wanted. I got a career that was all about me, four thousand miles away from home. I don’t have a right to make the choices anymore.”
“Why can’t you accept the forgiveness that’s been given to you? What happened in the past doesn’t change your right to an opinion now. What. Do. You. Want?”
“Hockey’s all I’ve ever known. The job is tailor-made for me.”
He saw her gaze shoot toward the ceiling as if asking for divine relief before it settled back on him with a feverish intensity. “So you want L.A.”
“Yes.” The agreement popped out and he didn’t even choke on it, even as the simple acquiescence burned on his tongue.
“Then you need to accept the job.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Accept the job.”
“So we’re agreed.”
“On what?”
Cold seeped into his body, as if he lay flat on his back on the ice, as he fought the panic that rose up at her words. “On moving to California.”
“You mean together? Like two people who want to share their life with each other.”
“Isn’t that what you want?”
“I did until we started this asinine discussion.”
“What changed your mind?”
Avery crossed the room toward him and he watched as the light framed her face, before she leaned over and pressed her lips to his before standing back up. “You, Roman. You changed my mind. You’re talking about your future. And deep down inside, I don’t think you’re ready to have me in it.”
He reached for her hands but she pulled away.
“I think you should leave.”
That seeping cold began to blow through his body on a harsh, driving winter wind. “Avery. Come on. We can figure this out.”
“We already did.” She walked to her bedroom and stood inside the doorframe. “You need to go now.”
• • •
“You’re really leaving? Even before Sloan and Walker get back?”
Avery glanced up from where she folded a dress into her suitcase. Grier sat on the edge of her bed, folding and unfolding a pair of slacks. “I’ll be back in a few weeks. I just need to get to L.A. for a week of meetings. I’ll come back after and wrap some things up here.”
“I can’t believe you really took the job.”
“Yep.”
“So why don’t you seem happier about it?”
“Of course I’m happy about it.”
“What did Susan say?”
“She’s excited for me. Says she wants what’s best. We haven’t said much else.”
“Maybe because you’ve been hiding in your room for two days.”
“I’m not hiding.”
Liar, liar, pants on fire, her conscience taunted her.
Loudly.
“Or not much. I have a lot of preparation to do. I’ve been going through things and thinking about what I want to take and what I want to leave behind. And these were my days off anyway, so it’s not like I’m shirking my hotel responsibilities.”
“Aren’t you upset about Roman?”
The busywork she’d used to avoid facing Grier faded as she stilled and looked into her friend’s concerned gaze. “I’m very upset. But I’m not crying about it anymore. I’ve already grieved once. It’s not necessary the second time around.”
“Mick said Roman went to L.A. the other day.”
“Yep. He’s got a job offer. My guess is he’s there to formally accept it.”
“He’s switching teams?”
“Not exactly.”
On a sigh, Avery patted the bed and took a seat. “A lot’s happened in the last few days. Let me catch you up.”
• • •
Roman shook hands over the table as he and Ray, his agent, stood up from lunch. “You’re making the right choice, Roman. It’s a good choice. Although I wish you’d have told me about the eye.”
“I keep getting a lot of that.”
“Rightfully so. You could have gotten hurt a lot worse or you could have tanked a big play-off play.”
Wouldn’t want that, now would we?
He knew Ray saw his career in strictly professional terms—and knew that’s why they worked together—so Roman held back the barb, instead foc
using in the present. “Bill at SNN seems like a straight shooter.”
“And he’s got a career plan for you. That matters and they don’t do offers like this unless they’re serious.”
At Ray’s hopeful gaze, Roman nodded. “Have the paperwork drawn up. I’ll be in Alaska through the end of next week and then headed back to New York.”
“Which brings us to our next big hurdle. You need to make the announcement to the Metros.”
“I know.” At the thought, the cobb salad he’d had for lunch curdled in his stomach. Tamping down on the discomfort, Roman gave the answer he knew was expected of him. “Get it set up.”
“Will do. Need a lift to the airport?”
“I’ve got a car. I’m going to get out of here.”
A few minutes later Roman had retrieved his overnight bag from the coat check and was in the town car on his way back to LAX. The last two days had been a blur, but at least he had direction once more.
Purpose.
He glanced at his phone and saw messages, so he made quick work of them to pass the time.
And was pleased to hear one from Tucker Jordan.
He pressed the call-back button and in moments heard an all too familiar, smart-ass voice. After some ribbing and the expected sports insults, Roman dug into the heart of the matter.
“I’ve been up at home in Alaska and working with the kids in town. They need a full-time coach and I thought of you for the job.”
“You know I don’t coach kids.”
“Don’t bullshit me. You know as well as I do the minors are a bunch of barely grown kids.”
“With the ability to buy beer.”
“Exactly.”
“Fine. Tell me more.”
As he got out of the car at LAX twenty minutes later—an agreement in hand from Tucker to come visit and check out the team—Roman couldn’t hold back the smile.
His life might not be where he wanted it, but maybe he’d just done something to help a heck of a lot of kids in Indigo.
• • •
Avery sat in Julia’s sunny kitchen, the familiar colors a soothing welcome amid the constant thoughts of change that whirled through her mind.
“I want to hear all about Doc Cloud.”
