Necromance

by Armand Rosamilia

  I sat and saw a mug of beer appear on the coffee table near me.

  If this was Hell, at least they had beer.

  “Where do I start, Miss Thorne? You’re so perplexing. All of this…” Tracksuit closed his eyes and rubbed his left temple with his free hand. “You’ve put many on the council in a precarious position over the years.”

  “Should I apologize? I don’t really feel it would be genuine but I could do it if it would make you feel better and get me off your shit-list,” I said and lifted my beer. I waved my hand over the top of it, pretending I could detect if it was poisoned or weak beer.

  Tracksuit smiled.

  “You don’t have your powers. They were stripped away the last time you were here with me,” he said and sat up, putting his drink on the table. “In fact, you ordered a beer then as well. I upgraded you to a nice microbrew this time. Maybe it will put you at ease and we can get down to business.”

  “I don’t remember being here. I would definitely remember you in that outfit, unless you had something more appropriate like something not from the 1970’s or your grandfather’s closet,” I said.

  “Our last conversation didn’t end too well so I sent you back, hoping you’d learn a few more things and reconsider.”

  “If I said no the last time, I’m guessing it’s my final answer,” I said. I took a chug of the beer. If this didn’t work out again at least I’d have some suds to hold me over until our next meeting.

  He stood and smiled.

  “Going somewhere?” I asked and took another healthy gulp.

  “I like to pace while I talk. Do you mind?”

  “Did I mind last time?”

  “Yes. You did. I did it anyway,” he said and walked out from behind the furniture. I swiveled my head as he went behind me. It wasn’t really comfortable having someone so potentially dangerous circling me like a Great White shark.

  “Are you the Big Guy around these parts?” I asked.

  His step faltered but he recovered and grinned. “I keep forgetting we have had this conversation a few times before. You never ask this question the same way. Why do you think that is?”

  “Should I be lying on the couch so you can tell me I have daddy issues?” I stood and watched him as he paced around both couches in a lazy circle, his eyes always on me.

  I smiled.

  “At what point in our previous meetings do I realize you’re as scared of me as I am of you?” I asked.

  “Always about this time. It’s like a game. I try to see if I can get twice around the couches before you figure out the power shift in the room. Always fascinating.” He sat back down on the couch.

  “I suppose just being honest with one another isn’t going to do anyone any good? Just put it all down on this coffee table so we can either see if we have a common enemy or if you’re the lackey my enemy has sent to take me out,” I said.

  I knew he might not be exactly who he was trying to get me to believe he was, but he was still someone important. He was still someone I needed to deal with right now like I’d apparently done before.

  “Do we sleep together?” I asked.

  He blushed but I could see it was just for show. This guy was a major demon and had no real emotions to go on. Probably just what he’d seen in movies during his time on earth.

  I was still trying to figure out if being a Fiend or a Vamp was worse than being your run of the mill Demon or Devil.

  Fiends and Vamps had been normal people at one point in their lives. They had just been really, really bad individuals. Enough bad shit done and they became Hellspawn minions.

  Demons and Devils, on the other hand, had always been in Hell. They had no real concept of what it was like to bite into a savory cheeseburger at three in the morning or eat greasy fries from a drive-thru after a night of drinking. They didn’t understand how someone could love or hate on a human level.

  What’s the difference between Demons and Devils? Proportion. Like the difference between a midget and a dwarf; although, I guess those terms are offensive now.

  I wondered if calling them Demon or Devil was offensive.

  I stood up and stretched. I could see he had shrunk back on the couch slightly and it wasn’t for show. “I need to get back to work.”

  He nodded with a smile. “That’s why you’re here. To agree to some terms so we can move on with what needs to be done.”

  “What needs to be done?”

  He pointed at me. “You’ll need to kill your father so he doesn’t destroy the world.”

  I sat back down. “I think I need another beer.”

  “What I’m about to say might not make any sense to you,” he said and sighed. “In fact, I can only get through about the next five minutes before you throw up your hands, finish your next beer and demand I send you back to your body.”

  “And you send me back, no questions asked, after that?”

  He nodded. “While you might think this is all chaos, fire and brimstone down here, it’s not. It’s run like any other corporation. We have rules. Investors. People who want to make a profit, whether it is money in your world or power in this one.”

  “Don’t kid yourself. It’s always just about the power,” I said.

  “True.” He stood again. “We stripped you of your powers. The ones you received from your father’s blood and teachings, anyway. We thought it would be better if you went into this knowing you’re limited in what you can do. It will also make it harder for him to control you. Manipulate you.”

  “He hasn’t done it since I was a teen. With powers, I can keep him at bay. I’ve been trying to kill him for years. Give me extra power, not take it away. This is shitty,” I said.

  He put up his hands.

  “Stop with the fake emotional bullshit. You’re a Demon. I get it. I don’t need my powers to figure out where I am and what you are. I need some real answers because, regardless of whether you help or hinder me, I’m going to kill the bastard and be done with it.”

  “And then what will you do?”

  I shrugged. I hadn’t thought past the point where I kill my father. It’s been the only thing on my mind for many years. It was easy to think about when he was constantly trying to kill me, too. Made it convenient to not forget.

  Also, my bitch sisters kept trying to kill me.

  I guess one of them had. A couple of times.

  “I have no idea what I’ll do. I guess it really doesn’t matter. Maybe I’ll get a job. Go to college. Meet a nice man and we’ll get married. Pop out a couple of kids. Buy a nice house in the burbs. White picket fence. Mini-van in the driveway and soccer practice on the weekends. I’ll be the MILF all the other dads will hit on. Get old and wrinkled and fat and watch reality TV until I die peacefully in my sleep, clutching an empty bag of potato chips,” I said.

  He laughed. “That sounds worse than your father killing you.”

  I couldn’t argue. I really had no plan once my father was dead. It had seriously consumed my life. I didn’t want to think of what came after because the focus was up to the point where I stabbed the bastard through his black heart and watched the arrogant smile fade from his dying lips.

  “I have a deal for you,” he said.

  “And if past meetings are any indication, my answer is no.”

  I picked up my beer, which had gotten full again. I liked the service around here; although, I didn’t think I had any money to tip.

  “How does this work? You give me some ridiculous offer and I say no and then what? I imagine I forget all of this and wake up in the hospital again. Does it send me back in time or will there be a new place to wake? I imagine a new hospital somewhere else. You can’t have the same woman waking up from a coma every few days. That might send up a red flag,” I said and took a swig of beer.

  “It doesn’t matter. This time you’re going to say yes.” He pointed at the ceiling. “I can make you a much better offer. Upstairs has confirmed it.”

  “Upstairs… as in God?”r />
  He chuckled. “Upstairs as in a floor above this one, where my boss works.”

  “You’re just a lackey. I get it. No wonder I say no every time. I want to talk to your boss,” I said. I took another sip. “Fuck it. I want to talk to his boss. All the way to the top on this one. If what you’re hinting at is true and I’m the only one with balls enough to go against my father, I think I deserve to talk to someone on a better pay grade than you. No offense.”

  He seemed annoyed, which made me smile as I finished my beer.

  “Can I get you anything else?”

  I nodded. “This beer is good but I want some of the good stuff. How about a microbrew? Maybe something different. You still have Ballantine beer?”

  “We have every beer that has ever been created, no matter the time period. All fresh and on tap, unless you prefer a bottle.”

  I snorted. “And they give Hell a bad rap. I bet Heaven doesn’t have all the same beer choices.”

  He grinned. “We actually steal it from them. Because, you know, we’re evil and all that jazz. Incidentally, just like jazz. Very evil.”

  I didn’t know if he was trying to make a joke or if jazz really was evil, while heavy metal took all the blame.

  “I’d like to tell you my offer and then you’ll have a chance to think about it. Please don’t interrupt me until I’m done. Even though I’ve said this a couple times before, this is the updated version and I want to make sure I get it right.” He smiled. “Understand?”

  I tapped my empty beer mug.

  He waved his hand and it was filled. I took it in my arms like a kitten and leaned back on the couch with it.

  I watched as he began a furious pace back and forth in front of the couch, bumping into the coffee table a few times. I was glad I was cradling my beer. Spilling a drop of Ballantine’s beer was the biggest sin.

  “Say it. You’re starting to annoy me and I might just say no for spite.” I’d never actually had Ballantine’s beer but I’d heard about it. I was in Newark, where it had originally been brewed. Now I wondered if there was still a spot marking where the factory was or something like a plaque. Maybe someone selling expensive shirts with the logo.

  He stopped pacing.

  “What?” I asked.

  “You’ll get your powers back. With a noticeable adjustment in your favor, of course. A few new surprises your father won’t be expecting. Actual weapons to use against his minions. He knows something is coming for him. He has no idea who; however, he obviously suspects you,” he said.

  “Why didn’t he just kill me when I was in a coma?”

  “He knows it isn’t that simple. While the Council for The Cauldron would love to neutralize him, they know they cannot interfere. Directly. They placed a Safe on your head.”

  I understood. “No one associated with the group can touch me. Even my father. His plan would then be to destroy them so he can usurp their power and take me out before I kill him? This is getting very interesting. It seems like a no-brainer to sign the contract… so what’s the real catch?”

  He stared at me and a strange look passed over his face. Was it fear? Pity?

  “Once the task is completed and your father is dead… you will join us here for eternity, unless someone decides something different. In short, you’re at the mercy of my boss.”

  Eternal damnation didn’t seem like a lot of fun but what was the difference at this point? As much as I’d miss my Charger and seeing the country, all while fucking and eating like it was my last time, I didn’t see the point of going on after dear old dad was killed.

  I wondered, if he also went to Hell, would I run into him at the fire pits or when someone was being ripped apart on a Friday night during an open bar.

  “Where do I sign?” I asked. I just wanted to get this over with. I had no idea why giving me an upper hand to kill my father in exchange for my soul was something I’d balked at before. Maybe it was because I still held onto the hope somehow I’d become a normal woman with normal needs.

  Maybe it was because I just wanted this to all end in the end. With him gone, I had no reason to live, even in Hell.

  I was getting ahead of myself. I needed to finish what I’d started before I worried about my soul and the afterlife.

  “Fine. Fuck it. You have my soul. As long as you swear I won’t be coming back as a Vamp to hurt anyone. I’ll burn in Hell or whatever it is you need from me,” I said.

  He looked utterly confused at my answer and how quickly I’d agreed, without so much as an argument about a point or two.

  Or three or four, which I knew I should’ve done.

  A thick contract appeared on the coffee table, the places where I signed conveniently highlighted in yellow.

  “I like this pen. I might steal it,” I said, as I began signing and initialing each spot I needed to.

  “Now what?” I asked, tapping on my empty beer mug.

  “No more beer, for starters. I think you’re cut off. We need you focused and sober for the battle about to take place.”

  I was disappointed in the fact there was going to be no more free beer and that I’d given in so easily and agreed to these terms.

  “Let’s get this over with so I can get my soul sold to the Devil and live a hot new life,” I said.

  He grinned. “I don’t think you really understand what they have in mind for you.”

  “Then fill me in.”

  He shook his head. “That’s above my pay grade.”

  “Then tell me something you do know. We’re wasting time.”

  “Time is flat,” he said with a smile. I was starting to hate his smiles. “You walk through the door and your partner is waiting for you.”

  I was about to ask what door when a light blue door appeared in the wall to my left.

  “I don’t need a partner. I’ve gone this far without one,” I said. I definitely worked better on my own. The only time I’d worked with someone else was my sister, Kari, who killed me. Did I mention she sent me to Hell at least twice I knew of? I needed to settle a score with her when this was all over.

  “I don’t make the rules. Once you step through the door, the contract has begun and you’ll have forty eight hours to complete your mission.”

  Now I was pissed. “You never bothered to tell me that part.”

  Now he was really smiling. “The time limit was the thing that always stopped you from agreeing. I conveniently didn’t mention it; although, all you had to do was read the contract you signed. We figured it was worth a shot and it worked.”

  I’d been tricked but I wasn’t as mad as I should’ve been. In the end, it really didn’t matter. Once I was back on the ground, my father would send everything he could at me. I was on the clock whether I agreed to this or not.

  “I’ll see you in a couple of days. Try not to die,” he said.

  “I’ll give it my best shot. When I come back, before you start flaying me alive or cutting off my fingers or whatever you assholes do for fun, I hope you buy me a cold beer,” I said.

  “Deal.”

  I went to the blue door. I found it odd it wasn’t blood red or blacker than black. A pretty light blue door seemed odd down here.

  With nothing left to lose, I opened it and stepped into another room, similar to the one I’d just been in. In fact, it was the same room except there was another guy, who looked like a cousin to the one I’d hung out with, and a young girl who looked familiar.

  There was a bright and cheery green door on the opposite wall.

  “I’ll leave you two to work this out,” the guy said. “When you’re done, go through the green door and you’ll be back in your own world. Time is ticking.”

  He walked past me, gave a quick smile, and went through the door I’d come through, which then disappeared.

  “I’m Cheri,” I said.

  “Kayli Rose Thorne,” she said.

  “Bullshit.”

  She laughed and I knew she wasn’t lying. She was related to me. Young
er, too. Even younger than Carli, who was a couple of years younger than me and Krysti.

  I had four sisters. Shit. Maybe more. Father had been busier than I’d thought.

  “Hey, this is all news to me, too. I was living a normal life, going to high school, and some bitch in the gym locker stabbed me in the chest after school and I wound up here. I had no idea how fucked up my real family was. I knew I was adopted. Until today, I thought my name was Susan Wilson. Really lame, right?”

  I envied my new sister. She’d gone through life without this massive burden over her head. Without the knowledge she was the spawn of an awful man who wanted to destroy the world.

  She had been Susan Wilson and I wished I’d been Susan Wilson all these years.

  “Are you crying?” she asked, putting her hand up to maybe wipe away my tear.

  “No. If you touch me, I’ll break your arm.”

  She shrugged. “Let’s get going.”

  “True. We only have two days to do this,” I said.

  She looked confused. “I was given a week, but I was told if you failed it would mean the death of me, too, since you’re the only one who knows what we really face.”

  I sighed. She’d gotten a much better deal.

  “What happens to you once this is over?” I asked.

  “I go back to my normal life, as if it would be so easy. I didn’t know I had sisters and now I find out five out of six want to kill me. This is crazy,” she said.

  I was confused. “Five sisters? There are six of us? Did they tell you their names?”

  She shook her head. “I was told you’d be the only one who would help me and to stay away from the others.”

  “I can’t have any more weird shit happen today. Seriously. Let’s get moving,” I said and practically ran to the green door before she sprung something else crazy on me.

  I opened the door, expecting to see another room that mirrored this one but instead I was… suddenly drunk, naked and on my back with a sweaty guy about to finish what he’d started only seconds ago.

  I was losing my virginity again.

  As soon as he was done, I pushed his grunting gross body off me and sat up. I smiled when I looked down to see my tight body again.