by June Francis
She gasped, for the sensations aroused such pleasure within her, sending a tingling heat to the core of her being. She felt as if she had come alive in ways that she had never experienced before, and was dismayed when he suddenly stopped.
‘Are you certain this is what you want, Jane?’ he asked, lifting his head.
‘Aye,’ she breathed. ‘It’s just that I’ve never experienced such pleasure before.’
‘Never?’
‘No, never.’
Was she being honest with him? Nicholas did not say aloud what he was thinking, but when next a shiver went through her somehow he managed to swing her up into his arms. He wanted to believe her because he wanted to pleasure her.
‘What are you doing?’ she cried.
‘Carrying you!’
‘You shouldn’t,’ she protested.
He ignored her, so she placed her arms about his neck to take some of the weight from his wounded shoulder. She marvelled at the profile that was only an inch or so from hers. She surrendered to the temptation to press kiss after kiss on the side of his face as he carried her over to the bed. She wanted to tell him that she loved him—only he dropped her when they reached the bed and fell on top of her. She could not help laughing, despite having the breath knocked out of her.
‘I don’t know why you’re laughing,’ he said ruefully, managing to get up from her. He eased his shoulder. ‘I’d rather not be further handicapped this night.’
The hint of humour in his voice caused her to be honest with him. ‘It’s not what I want either. Can I help you? After all it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve half undressed you.’
He remembered how she had tended his wounds and the gentleness of her touch. ‘I’m glad you asked—except this time I expect you to complete your task,’ he drawled.
The breath caught in her throat and for a moment she made no move to do what he asked, feeling all of a tremble. Then she took a deep breath, knelt on the bed and began to remove his shirt, keeping her eyes firmly fixed on his chest. What was it about that spread of skin, muscle and bone that was so attractive to her? She wanted to touch the sweep of hair that tempted her eyes lower and lower to that which lurked beneath his hose.
So what is stopping you? asked a voice in her head. This man is now your husband and there is nothing to prevent the pair of you from making abandoned, passionate love. You must not hold back, nor be apprehensive of his taking you in a rush and hurting you.
She felt him tremble as slowly she palmed down his hose until his strong lean hips were exposed and then his manhood. She had never seen aught quite like it, and her hand wavered before touching it lightly.
Almost instantly he covered her hand with his and said, ‘Much as that pleasures me, best not.’ He removed her hand and drew her down on the bed beside him, gazing into her shadowy features as he wrapped a strand of silken brown hair that had come loose around his hand.
Then he proceeded to remove the pins from her hair as he planted kisses on her face, gently at first, before his lips brushed hers in a sensual foretaste of passion.
She responded eagerly with a deepening, greedy hunger, taking her lead from him when the tip of his tongue weaved a crazy dance with hers, rousing within her an exciting spiral of pleasure that was taking her up and up. Their bodies brushed tantalisingly; the movement grew faster and faster, creating even more heat inside her and a growing urgency.
He removed his mouth from hers and took to kissing parts of her that might have caused her embarrassment if he had not chosen this moment when she was on a cusp of delicious delight. Then it was as if they were riding a tempest which resulted in an explosion of sensation that was wonderful beyond her belief. She clung to him, never wanting to let him go, but he tore himself away from her and lay panting beside her. She descended from the heights to the depths, aware of the lack inside her, knowing he had not spent his seed there. Could it be that he did not want her to be mother to any child he would father?
She reached out a hand to him, only to have him roll away from her and get up from the bed. She longed to ask him to forgive whatever fault he saw in her, but somehow she could not find the words. It was true they had made love with a passion that she had only ever dreamt about, but she was also aware that during that time neither of them had spoken one word of affection. So he could not love her—but despite that lack her body felt utterly relaxed. Every part of her appeared to have been wondrously touched by his possession of her.
She waited for him to return to bed, and he did so after blowing out the candle. If he had made a move towards her then she would have turned and melted in his arms. As it was he turned his back on her, and soon she could hear his steady breathing. She freed a sigh, thinking that perhaps he was not so different in that way from her first husband. So she buried her disappointment, composed herself, and gradually drifted into sleep.
* * *
She was disturbed by the sound of someone moving about the room. Instantly awake, she could see light penetrating the gap between the shutters. There was no need for her to reach out and touch the pillow next to hers to check that Nicholas was up and about. It could only be her husband getting dressed, ready to return to the house in preparation for the journey to his brother’s shipyard. She felt miserable as she slid from beneath the bedcovers and searched for her chemise in the dim light. It was cold in the bedchamber that early April morning.
‘Weren’t you going to wake me?’ she asked, placing her hand on the garment and dragging it on.
Nicholas turned to face her. ‘I would not have departed without taking my leave of you, Jane.’
‘I wish you didn’t have to go, or that I could go with you,’ she said.
‘Do you?’ he asked, his voice hoarse.
‘Haven’t I just said so?’ She took his hand and lifted it to her mouth, kissed each finger. ‘Rebecca suggested in a few days’ time I could take the children to her in Oxford and she would look after them with Tabitha’s and Dorothea’s help. It would mean I could spend a sennight or so with you at Greenwich.’
‘Did she, indeed?’ He withdrew his hand. ‘I am not certain that is a good idea.’
‘Why?’ She wished she could see his expression clearly. ‘Would I be in the way?’
‘I would be occupied in the shipyard and have little time to give you.’
‘Of course!’ She could understand his reasoning, but persisted. ‘I thought it would give me an opportunity to see the working of a shipyard at close quarters.’
‘A shipyard is a dangerous place for the unwary,’ he said, thinking also of his enemies and the shipyard having been broken in to. He did not want to be distracted when he needed to be on his guard. After last night he knew without doubt she would prove a distraction.
‘No more dangerous than a building site,’ she retorted, reaching up and brushing her lips against his before resting her head against his chest. ‘One cannot escape danger. A person can tumble downstairs at home. We can only do the best we can to guard against it. I have wondered about the safety of the children when we move to Bristol.’
‘I suppose you are thinking of your sons and James in particular,’ he said, moving away from her and going over to the window. It had suddenly struck him like a blow that James must be Godar’s son.
She frowned. ‘You sound as if I am wrong to do so. I do know that boys are adventuresome, but they can be taught to watch their step and avoid taking risks. You and your brothers grew up in a shipyard environment, so you are aware of that.’
‘I’m sure you think James will find the shipyard interesting and could enjoy working there,’ said Nicholas, forcing the words out.
Jane thought his voice sounded odd and remembered how his father had wanted James to follow in his footsteps and be a stonemason.
‘What would your brother Christopher and his wife think if I were to arrive with the children in tow?’ she asked lightly.
Nicholas, who had sat on the bed to pull on his boots, slanted her a
startled look. ‘They’re safer here.’
‘You really believe that?’
‘Aye!’ he exclaimed emphatically. ‘How is it that you now seem set on having the children with you? Earlier you appeared to want us to spend time together, just the two of us. You do realise that even though I have become better acquainted with the children since my return to England it will take some time for me to adapt to a completely different way of life? I know you will be doing the same once we move to Bristol, but it is possible that you will find it easier than I.’
She appreciated his honesty but was worried afresh by his words. What if he could not cope with family life and remaining in one place for months on end? She realised that she had stopped worrying about his life being cut short and instead was more concerned about their having a future together despite his not loving her. She was frightened she would not be able to hold him, but she knew she must fight to do so—for all their sakes.
‘I am sure that if we are both prepared to pull together then we will manage,’ she said stoutly. ‘I do not expect it to be easy for either of us. As long as when difficulties arise we are honest with each other and discuss what is bothering us.’
Nicholas nodded, knowing what she said made sense, but he was filled with a sense of foreboding. Would they ever find it easy to be completely honest with each other? He finished dressing and then, telling Jane he was going to fetch his horse from the stable and that she was not to wait for him but to return to the house, he left the room.
Jane would have liked to have spoken with Tabitha, but as there was no sign of her when she came downstairs, and neither was there anyone around to ask her whereabouts, she went home.
It was Margaret who opened the door to her, and no sooner had she stepped foot in the house than her stepdaughter asked, ‘Are we to call Master Nicholas Papa now, Mama?’
‘Of course,’ she said without hesitation, hanging up her coat. ‘He will be joining us soon.’ She glanced about her. ‘Where is your Aunt Rebecca?’
‘Upstairs. She has decided to stay a bit longer. Elizabeth and James are with her, and so are Tabitha and Edward,’ said the girl happily.
Jane smiled and went over to the cradle, and was surprised to see both Simon and Matilda there. They were sleeping contentedly. Jane kissed Simon’s cheek lightly, knowing that if she had agreed to Rebecca’s plan to join Nicholas at Greenwich she would have found it difficult leaving her baby.
She set about preparing breakfast, and was in the middle of doing so when Rebecca, Tabitha and the children came downstairs.
‘Good morning, Jane. Is all well with you?’ asked Rebecca, her eyes twinkling.
Jane could feel her colour rising and nodded. ‘I am glad you and Tabitha are staying,’ she said swiftly. ‘We must decide what day to visit Draymore Manor. We could take the children and gather wild herbs on the way. Maybe we could also pack some food and eat in the fresh air. It will do us all good.’
Rebecca agreed. Jane poured ale for them all and they sat down. The three women discussed Rebecca’s pregnancy and then Jane asked how the builders had progressed with the house and the theatre that was being erected in Oxford where Pip and his players hoped to put on new plays for the students of the colleges. Halfway through their conversation Nicholas and Ned entered.
Soon the travellers were gathering their baggage together and were being escorted from the house. Ned took his farewell of Tabitha and his son before mounting his horse, whilst Nicholas kissed Rebecca goodbye and listened to the messages she wanted him to give to Pip. Then he prepared to take his farewell of those who were his family now. He did so reluctantly, because there were questions he felt he should have asked Jane about her first marriage. But it was too late now. He kissed the girls and hated himself for hesitating before ruffling James’s hair and kissing him. Would he ever feel the same about him whilst he kept thinking about his being Godar’s son? He felt a spurt of anger towards the weaver and found himself wishing that Jane had kept her secret.
Standing on tiptoe, the boy hugged him tightly about the waist. ‘I wish you weren’t leaving,’ he said in a muffled voice. ‘I wish I could go with you and have adventures.’
‘You will one day,’ said Elizabeth, attempting to pull him away from Nicholas. ‘When we go to Bristol. Isn’t that so, Papa?’
Nicholas felt a tremor go through him. It was the first time one of the girls had addressed him as such. He found himself agreeing that one day he and James would have an adventure. Then he turned to Jane, who had taken Matilda and Simon from the cradle and held them in the crook of each arm. He kissed Simon on the forehead before taking his daughter in his embrace. He held Matilda close before kissing her soft cheek and handing her back to Jane with a lump in his throat.
Husband and wife gazed at each other, both wishing matters between them could be different. For who was to say this might not be the last time they saw each other? Jane reached up and kissed him. He returned her kiss and pressed some coins into her hand, and with a final word of farewell he climbed into the saddle and rode off in Ned’s wake without looking back.
Chapter Twelve
The rest of Palm Sunday passed in a blur of activity. The whole household attended church for the special celebration marking Jesus’s triumphant entry into Jerusalem, being welcomed by the crowds waving palms and hailing Him as King and Messiah. It seemed strange to Jane not having Nicholas there.
That evening Rebecca read to them from his new book the tale of his boyish adventure. It held the children breathless with excitement and fear. Thankfully all ended satisfactorily, and they went to bed talking about what had happened and ready to pass a peaceful night.
Unlike Jane, whose sleep was disturbed by a nightmare that resulted in her waking up, drenched in perspiration, as she relived the horror of a youthful Nicholas caught up in the bore wave that swept in from the Severn estuary during the high spring tide.
The terror eased, but she wondered if the dream meant she was to lose him. She told herself not to be so foolish and by morning was prepared to face the day ahead. She rose and washed her face and hands before dressing and going downstairs to prepare breakfast. The rain was falling steadily, so Rebecca decided that perhaps she would wait until the weather improved before making the journey to Draymore Manor.
It was to be Wednesday before the sun came out. As Jane prepared food and drink to take with them she thought how, within the short space of time since Nicholas’s departure, her routine had changed completely. Oddly, despite there being three more women in the house and an extra child, there was a much more relaxed atmosphere to the place. Perhaps that was because Jane no longer had to wait on Anna’s coming but could leave the complete care of the babies to Tabitha and Dorothea if she so wished. Neither did she have to chide Nicholas about overtaxing his strength, although she was deeply worried about him. Part of her wished that she could have gone with him to Greenwich. Somehow she felt that by being with him she could ensure that he didn’t do anything reckless and put his life in further danger.
She also worried about his feelings for her, and over and over had relived their wedding night. Surely he must feel some kind of affection for her for the experience to be so wonderful, and yet he had looked so stony-faced when she had told him about being with child when she had wed Simon. Hopefully with time he would accept her for who she was and not the person he had imagined her to be. She longed for the day when they could go to Bristol and start their new life together, choosing to forget the concern she still felt about his being able to settle down to family life in one place.
‘So, are we going to walk to Draymore Manor later this morning?’ asked Rebecca briskly as she sat on the bench the other side of the table from Jane.
‘I thought that was what we’d decided if the sun were to shine,’ said Jane, smiling across at her. ‘How are you feeling this morning? You look to be blooming.’
‘In my person I am extremely well,’ answered Rebecca, reaching for the loaf and
a knife. ‘In my heart I yearn for Pip. I just pray that he will not get into mischief in my absence. You know what these Hurst brothers are like.’
‘Most likely we are foolish to worry,’ said Jane, offering a slice of smoked fish.
‘Even so I do, and no doubt they are worrying about us, too,’ said Rebecca thoughtfully. ‘I admit to feeling restless, and suggest that we do not wait too long before setting out for our walk but leave as soon as the daily tasks are done and the children are ready.’
Jane nodded. ‘I know exactly how you feel.’
‘Good,’ said Rebecca, smiling. ‘I also suggest that we leave the babies here with Dorothea and Tabitha. I am sure they will not mind missing out on a walk. We will reach Draymore Manor the quicker without them.’
So it was settled, and within the hour Jane, Rebecca and the three children set out to walk to Draymore Manor. Both women were wondering what they would find when they arrived there.
Whilst James ran on ahead, Jane tried to answer Elizabeth’s questions about what it might be like living near the sea. ‘Do you think Papa Nicholas will want us to go aboard ship and sail along the coast?’ she asked.
‘Would you like to do that?’ asked Jane, undecided as to whether she would enjoy the experience herself. This despite her having suggested doing so to her husband at the Blue Boar Inn. She had heard enough tales of Nicholas’s adventures at sea to be in two minds about sailing on the sea.
‘I would like it if I could be sure that the ship would not sink or that if I fell overboard he would come to my rescue,’ said Elizabeth.
They had reached a stream by the side of which grew wild mint. The girls would have gathered some there and then if Jane had not told them to leave off doing so until their return.
‘I will read to you again this evening,’ said Rebecca, who had bent and picked a sprig of the wild mint and was squeezing one of its fragrant leaves between her fingers. ‘I will read to you of his struggle with a monster.’
‘What kind of a monster? You are a tease, Aunt Rebecca,’ said Margaret.
