Hilariously Ever After

by Box Set

  “It is, isn’t it?” Alex brushes my hand out of the way. I whimper in anticipation as he slips his fingers into the little pocket. His other hand travels up my thigh and under the elastic to palm my ass.

  He circles the beaver button and slides two fingers inside me. He hits the spot that makes me feel a million shades of sheer awesomeness. My moan dies on my lips as the door to his room bursts open.

  Daisy stands at the threshold, holding out a framed photograph.

  I look down at Alex, who’s looking at his mother with an expression of sheer, unfiltered horror. “I guess you forgot to lock the door.”

  This is exactly the reason why we should’ve gone to a damn hotel.

  Chapter 21

  I’M GOING TO LOSE MY SHIT

  Alex

  “Oh my God!” My mother raises the humiliating picture of me in front of her face like a shield.

  “Mom!”

  Backing out of the room, she fumbles with the door and slams it shut.

  “As if she doesn’t hate me enough already.” Violet’s face is beet red and blotchy.

  “She doesn’t hate you.” I circle her clit with my thumb as a distraction. “I’m so sorry.”

  She pushes my hand away. I can’t say I blame her for giving up the orgasm quest, all things considered. “We can still get a hotel room tonight. I’ll make a call.”

  “Don’t do that. I don’t want to offend your mom. More than I already have, anyway.” She grabs her bag from the floor. “I should get ready to go wherever we’re going.”

  She disappears into the bathroom, locking the door behind her. I drop my head back and scrub a hand over my face. The same one that was just inside Violet’s underpants, which means I’ve rubbed her pussy all over my damn face. Those fucking underpants. Why they’re so hot is beyond me. Christ. I’ve got one hell of a hard-on, and it doesn’t look like I’m going to be able to do a damn thing about it now.

  Today has turned into a fucking nightmare. First Buck shows up for brunch with my sister—God only knows where they’ve gone now. Following it with the call from my agent about the locker room BS and cooling it with Violet until the publicity for the Bachelor of the Year is out of the way was bad enough. Then my mother walks in while I have my hand in Violet’s underwear. Can’t a guy get a break and a little fucking privacy when he needs it?

  While Violet hides out in the bathroom—because that’s what she’s doing—I take the opportunity to deal with my mother. She’s in the kitchen, humming away as if nothing happened.

  I lean against the doorjamb with my arms crossed over my chest. “Wanna tell me what that was all about?”

  She jumps, pretending to be startled. “Oh, Alex! I didn’t see you there!”

  Yeah, she’s not fooling me. At all. Her voice is high, the way it used to get when she’d tell me we were going out to pick up new hockey equipment. Instead she’d take me to get one of those sequinned getups for another skating competition.

  “You need to apologize.”

  “For what?”

  “Don’t pretend you don’t know.”

  “Oh, you mean about . . . that.” She waves her hand toward the ceiling. “I’m sorry, sweetie. I was looking through some old pictures. I found my favorite competition photo. You remember, don’t you? You were so close to qualifying for the Olympics.”

  She looks at me expectantly; I remember it vividly. If I wasn’t doing triple salchows, I was shooting a puck. I was always exhausted, and it sucked. I had no life.

  I continue to glare.

  Uncomfortable, my mother looks away. “Anyway, I thought I would share it with you and Violet. I suppose I should’ve knocked.”

  “Damn right you should have!”

  She tosses the dishtowel on the counter. “Don’t you take that tone with me! I didn’t expect your little girlfriend to be parading around half-naked!”

  Her implication is clear: she believes Violet is trying to take advantage of me. I don’t get it. My mother has always had her head so far up her ass when it comes to me. It’s as if I’m still a teenager, not a grown man who can make his own damn decisions.

  The only reason I didn’t bone my way through high school was my complete lack of social life, thanks to balancing the damn figure skating with hockey. I was also a huge nerd, but I choose not to focus on that part. I was barely eighteen when I was drafted into the NHL. That was an eye-opener.

  I hold up my hand in warning. “Don’t start.”

  Of course my mother doesn’t heed it. She voices her opinion as usual, whether or not it’s solicited.

  “What? I’m your mother. I have a feeling about this one. Her father’s a scout, Alex! She knows exactly what you make a year. She’s used to a certain lifestyle, I’m sure, and you’re perfectly equipped to provide it.” She slaps an old magazine on the counter with the pictures of my first kiss with Violet. I don’t want my baby corrupted by some puck slut.”

  Sunny must have given her the magazine, because it’s not something my mother would typically buy. I cross the room, slapping my hands over the image.

  “Let’s get a few things straight. I’m twenty-five. Any corrupting took place years ago. Everyone on the fucking planet can find out what I make in a year. It’s not a damn secret.”

  She opens her mouth to interrupt, but I jab my finger at her.

  “Oh no you don’t. I’m not finished. Violet isn’t a puck slut, and she’s not after my money.”

  “How can you be sure?”

  “Because I am. End of discussion. You want to know why I don’t bring girlfriends home? It’s because you treat them like crap.” Her eyes grow wide. I’ve never been this upfront with her before. “I won’t stand for it. Not with Violet. I care about her, and she’s important to me. This’ll be the last time I stay here if you can’t be nice.”

  Her eyes drop, hiding her hurt. When she lifts them, anger flares. “This is the first we’ve heard of this girl from you. You can’t blame me for being worried, especially with all the press you’re getting lately.”

  “So you grill her at brunch and make her uncomfortable? How’s that helpful? I’d pack up and take Violet to a hotel, but she doesn’t want to offend you. As for me, I don’t really give a good goddamn how you feel about it.”

  “Alex.” She reaches across the counter for my hand, but I step back.

  “Unless you’re going to apologize, keep it to yourself.”

  I don’t let her say another word. Instead, I leave the room and head back upstairs. I’m going to get it from my father later for sure, but she needed to be confronted. My mother’s behavior is completely out of line.

  Violet is surfing the Net, searching for more locker room articles. So far it remains conjecture and nothing else. It’s not as if it stops the media from reporting on the nothing they uncover, unfortunately.

  She’s wearing super tight jeans and the red shirt from the other night. The logo is stretched across her boobs. I love them. The shirt, her boobs, whatever is under the shirt cupping her boobs—I wish I was her bra.

  “You look—”

  She startles at my voice. “Should I change? I didn’t know what to wear.” Violet adjusts her shirt.

  “That’s perfect.” I motion to her chest. “I want you to wear that. Definitely.”

  I’d like to have sex with her while she wears that shirt. I’ll get her one in white instead. Then I’ll stick her in the shower so it’s see through and fuck her against the wall. My phone beeps in my pocket, alerting me it’s time to leave. Not have sex.

  I pocket my phone and wallet. “We should get going.” Otherwise I’m going to try and get her naked. She might resist at first thanks to the previous interruption, but I’m convincing when I want to be.

  “Is there a back door?” She fidgets with the hem of her shirt.

  “There is. The car’s parked out front, though.”

  “Okay. Yeah. Uh . . .” Violet rummages through her purse for something. It’s huge, almost the size
of a duffle bag. I’m not sure why girls need such big purses. It seems like it makes it difficult to find things. After a couple of minutes she still hasn’t found what she’s searching for. Her shoulders slump and she sighs.

  “What’s up?” I tuck my finger under her chin and coax her to look at me.

  “Oh, I don’t know. Your mother just caught us with your hand in my underwear. I’m not interested in running into her at the moment.”

  “I just talked to her about that—”

  Violet looks like she’s about to have a heart attack. “You what?”

  “About her privacy issues.” The rest of the conversation I’ll keep to myself. Violet’s already stressed enough; she doesn’t need to know I’ve been fighting with my mother over her.

  “Oh.” Her shoulders relax a little. “I still don’t want to see her right now, so can we go out the back? I’m already nervous about meeting your friends. Avoiding more awkwardness would be great.”

  “Sure, baby. Whatever you want.” I steal a kiss.

  Violet softens, allowing me to deepen it for a few seconds before she pulls away.

  “My friends are just as laid-back as my dad. You’ll get along with them no problem.”

  “You think so?”

  “Trust me. You’re going to love them.”

  We take the back stairs and walk around the side of the house to avoid another run-in with my mother.

  “So . . .” I’m about to introduce her to my closest friends. These are the guys I grew up with—the ones who knew me before I became a seven-figure earner. They have tons of dirt on me . . . and not the kind that makes me look good.

  “I’ll get over the thing with your mom,” she says. “As long as she never brings it up. Ever.”

  “She won’t.” She better not. I put my hand on Violet’s leg and give her thigh a squeeze. “There’s something you should probably know.”

  “Please don’t tell me you had gender reassignment surgery. I don’t think I can manage that today.”

  “What?”

  “Sorry.” She crosses and uncrosses her legs. “You sound serious. It’s making me nervous.”

  I try not to laugh. “I assure you, all my parts are my own.”

  “That’s a relief; otherwise you would’ve had the biggest vagina in the world as a woman.”

  I laugh because, honestly, the shit that goes through her head sometimes baffles me.

  “You’d probably win the Guinness world record for that.” She sinks into her seat and puts her hand over mine. “You wanted to tell me something.”

  “Just a heads-up. I was kinda dorky as a kid.”

  “I have a degree in accounting and finance. The nerd award belongs to me.” She gives me the side eye. “I really can’t imagine you looking dorky.”

  If my mother brings out more photographs like the one she used as a shield earlier today, Violet will know exactly what I’m talking about.

  “The guys you’re going to meet tonight are more chess club than hockey player.”

  “Like Jimmy and Dean from work?”

  “Who?”

  “The guys you met the day you locked me in the conference room.”

  She makes it sound so bad. “Oh. Yeah. Like those guys.”

  It only takes a few minutes to make the trip downtown, and I manage to find a spot close to the pub. Reid and Dave have already secured a table and ordered a pitcher of beer. We slap each other on the back, and I introduce them to Violet.

  Dave wraps her up in a wiry hug. “It’s great to finally meet you. Alex hasn’t shut up about you for the past few weeks.”

  “Oh, really?” Violet gives me a questioning look. “What kind of things has he said?”

  “That’s under the cone, bro,” I reply.

  “Don’t worry. He’ll have to go to the bathroom at some point. You can tell me everything then,” Violet stage-whispers.

  Reid laughs. “I like her already.”

  I pull Violet into my side and kiss her temple. “See? I told you.”

  We settle into the booth, and Dave and Reid cheerfully throw me under the bus, regaling Violet with embarrassing stories of my youth. I was not a cool kid.

  We’re already through dinner and on our second pitcher of beer when Violet excuses herself to use the bathroom. I let her out of the booth and watch her ass as she navigates her way through the crowd. There’s a little weave in her step. She’s small; the beer hits her hard.

  “You must really like this one,” Reid says.

  I keep my eyes on the table. “Things are casual for now.”

  Dave scoffs. “Cut the bullshit. You tell me the last time you brought a girl home for the weekend to meet the parents.”

  “Or us,” Reid adds.

  “She’s fun to be around.”

  Dave pours what’s left of the pitcher into Reid’s glass. “Come on, Alex. It’s gotta be more than that. What’s the deal?”

  I’m still uncomfortable with the conversation I had with Dick earlier. “My agent wants me to keep our relationship on the down low until we’re closer to playoffs.”

  “Why would you do that?” Reid asks.

  “I could make the short list for Bachelor of the Year. He thinks it’ll look better if I appear available.”

  “That’s gonna be a challenge after this weekend, don’t you think?”

  “That’s what I said.” While I don’t give a shit about the title, the potential endorsement is hard to turn down. “Plus Dick thinks it will set me up for the Sports Pro campaign. It could open the door for more opportunities.”

  “Sports Pro? That’s huge, man. I hope that happens for you.” Reid leans across the table and lowers his voice. “What’s the deal with the locker room story, anyway? The rumors are crazy. Was it for publicity or something?”

  I shake my head. “It wasn’t a stunt if that’s what you mean. I’m just glad the media reports are vague.”

  None of us realize Violet’s returned until she slaps Reid on the back.

  “It would’ve been awesome if we hadn’t gotten caught by the rest of the team. Sorry I came back before Alex could give you details.” She slides into the booth beside me.

  Reid rubs the back of his neck. “I’m sorry. It’s not really my business.”

  “Whatever. I’d totally want to know if it was my friend. I’m having a girl’s night with my bestie next week to share the details. We’re way worse than you guys.” She looks to me. “Unless you want me to keep them to myself.”

  I’m glad she’s not more freaked out. Although the beers may have something to do with her lack of concern. I know the media attention gets to her. “The locker room story is fair game.”

  She spends the rest of the night with her hand on my thigh, grazing my hard-on every once in a while to torture me. By the time we leave the pub, Violet is tipsy and my balls ache.

  Once we get back to my parents’, it’s a feat getting Violet to my room without waking the whole house. All she wants to do is make out; in the hallway, on the stairs, in front of my parents’ room, in front of my room. Once we’re inside, I lock the door.

  Violet pulls my shirt over my head.

  “God, you’re the sexiest man alive. I have a folder of pictures of you on my laptop. Is that weird? I always pick the hottest ones so I can jill off to your pretty face. The milk ad gets me every time. I still want a life size copy of that one. It’s not the same as when I’m with you, obviously. Nothing compares to you and the monster cock. He’s in a league all his own.” Violet rubs my dick through my pants.

  “We have to be quiet, okay?” I whisper. She’s being awfully loud.

  “Oh, right. We don’t want your mommy to hear.” She presses a finger to her lips. “I can be quiet. I promise.”

  “Good girl.”

  Inhibitions muted by alcohol, Violet strips off her top and tosses her bra on the floor. Her jeans go next, but the underwear stay on. She pops open the button on my pants and pulls them down to my knees. I step out
of them, watching as her hands move up my thighs. Her lips part and she wets her bottom lip. The way she practically worships my cock is the best fucking ego boost in the world.

  “Hi there.” She gives him a pat. She’s been grazing my dick all night; I’m so hard it hurts.

  I hold my breath and fist my hands at my side as she leans in and kisses the tip. Violet looks up at me as she circles the head with her tongue. “So much cock.” She parts her lips and engulfs the head with her soft, warm mouth.

  She begins to stroke and suck in earnest. I’d like to say I last a long time, but Violet keeps moaning—very quietly—and I keep watching. Too soon, I issue a warning. She releases me from the hot suction of her mouth, and I groan a whole lot louder than I should as I come on her chest.

  Violet looks down. “Huh. That wasn’t nearly as gross as I thought it was going to be. It’s almost like a porno, right?”

  I’d be interested to hear more about the porn she watches and if she’d watch some with me. “You’re the best girlfriend ever.”

  Violet wears a shit-eating grin as I wipe up the mess with a handful of tissues.

  “Do I get a trophy for that?”

  “How about an orgasm instead?” I follow as she lies back on the bed and straddle her hips.

  “That’s a decent consolation prize.”

  “I’ve been waiting all night to get my hands and my mouth on you. I doubt I’ll be stopping at one.”

  I bend to kiss her shoulder, skimming her sides with my fingers. “I’m going to make you feel so good,” I whisper.

  Violet’s cry is stifled by my neck, which she’s biting. I flick my thumb over her nipple. She makes another noise, louder this time.

  “Shh, baby.” I cover her mouth with mine.

  “Sorry,” she says after I pull back. “I’ll be quiet.”

  “That’s my girl.” I kiss my way from her chin to the valley between her breasts, avoiding her nipples. She arches her back, seeking some kind of relief.

  Flicking my tongue over her nipple, I exhale and watch it tighten.

  This time Violet muffles a curse. I won’t admit she can probably be as loud as she wants. My parents’ room is on the floor below us at the other end of the hall. It’s unlikely they’ll hear anything. On the off chance Violet gets a little too exuberant I keep that information to myself. We’ve had enough shit go down this weekend.