Hilariously Ever After

by Box Set

  She smiled. “You can continue. If you must.”

  “Sometimes it just kind of comes out.”

  “I am extremely loveable, so I understand.”

  He grinned. “Of course, you do. Well, as far as intentions go—I thought you’d get to know me, and then you’d be more open to seeing me again. I hoped that maybe we’d be friends. And I wanted to be around you, because I had this—this need, like I couldn’t let you out of my sight before I knew more about you. Only, I never knew enough about you. I found out how you sleep and wondered what you eat when you’re sick. You told me a story about your past and I wanted to see all your baby pictures. I want every part of you. And I’ve never felt like that before, so I fucked up. But if you let me, I’d really love to never, ever fuck up again.”

  A slow smile spread over her face throughout his speech, as steady and warm as the hope swelling in his heart. Still, she arched a brow and murmured, “I’m pretty sure you’ll fuck up again. Humans do that.”

  “True,” he admitted. “But I’ll never lie to you. I’ll never hide anything from you. I’ll never put myself before you.”

  Her smile widened into a grin. “That sounds okay.”

  “It does?”

  “It does.”

  “So…”

  “So,” she said, her eyes lighting up as dessert arrived. “This is our first date.”

  Which was when Nik realised that, all this time, there’d been an entire level of happiness he’d never reached before. And now here he was, on top of the world, feeling it.

  Because of her.

  “Now,” Nik began as they wandered down the moonlit street. “How are you getting home?”

  Aria swung her little handbag and tried, fruitlessly, to calm her grin. She was just so full of joy, she might burst. Like a balloon. A happy, happy balloon. “I don’t know. Bus, maybe.”

  He looked up sharply, clearly appalled. Even horrified, he was handsome as fuck. She’d spent the whole meal half-mesmerised by his gorgeous bloody face. The rest of her attention had been taken up by the yearning in his eyes when he looked at her, the tenderness in his voice when they spoke, the way he ran those big, capable hands through his hair as he considered his words.

  She’d wondered, during their time apart, if she’d imagined how things were between them. If she’d seen him through the veil of a holiday romance, falling for a man she’d half-imagined instead of the man who actually existed. But tonight had cemented what she’d already figured out over the past couple of weeks: she adored him. She more than adored him. He was everything she’d never thought to want. She didn’t have to bend and twist the idea of him to make them fit; she didn’t have to hide anything about herself or fabricate new parts for them to work.

  They just were. And it was so natural, she couldn’t stop it even if she’d tried.

  “Let me take you home,” he frowned. He was seemed genuinely concerned by the idea of her taking the bus. Bless.

  But, as Aria prepared to refuse, something hit her like a bolt of lightning: She could say yes.

  Her lips would allow her to say yes, if she wanted. She wouldn’t stand frozen, terrified by the idea of giving him her address. She wouldn’t hesitate as she got into his car, thinking of the man who’d tied her friend up in the back of his van.

  She could say yes.

  And the thought was so freeing, so impossibly wonderful, that she did it. She said, “Okay.” Once that word was out, she said more, unable to stop herself. “I love you, Nik. You’re going to be so fucking smug about it, but I do.”

  He stopped in his tracks, shock written all over his face. “Are you serious?”

  “Like I’d give you a reason to crow if I wasn’t.”

  “You—I—Aria—”

  “What?”

  He stood for a moment as if he were malfunctioning, like his fuses had blown or something. Then, all at once, he wrapped his arms around her and hauled her up against his chest, spinning them both in circles.

  Finally, after she shrieked and slapped at his shoulder and tried to pretend she wasn’t throughly enjoying herself, Nik put her down again. But he didn’t let her go. Instead, his hands cradled her face as if she were the most precious thing he’d ever held.

  “I love you so fucking much,” he grinned. “I want to kiss you. Can I kiss you?”

  “You’d better.”

  And he did. God, he did. His mouth teased hers at first, the tip of his tongue tracing the seam of her lips, making her gasp and rise up for more. When the heat pooling between her thighs became unbearable, when she clutched at his strong arms and felt her knees weaken, he finally gave her what she needed. His lips moved over hers, each kiss long and slow, as if he were trying to tell her something. To show her something. To give her a part of himself.

  So she threaded her fingers through his hair, and kissed him right back, and gave him her heart.

  Epilogue

  Decades Later

  “Mum. Dad. I have fallen in love.”

  Aria didn’t look up from her sketchbook. “That’s nice, darling.”

  She expected her husband to be similarly underwhelmed; after all, their eldest daughter said the same thing every other month. Helen reminded Aria of the way she’d been in her younger years, if far less self-destructive. The child—woman, now—had an excess of love and no qualms about sharing it.

  So, when Nik grabbed the TV remote and turned off the football, Aria was surprised, to say the least. She finally looked up to find her husband staring at their firstborn with a rather disconcerting expression.

  Helen stared right back, her shoulders set as if awaiting some sort of military inspection. “I’m telling you because I will be needing giagiá’s ring,” she said, “and I know it’s in the safety deposit right now.”

  Aria’s jaw dropped. “Honey… Grandma’s ring? I didn’t even know you were seeing anyone.” She looked over at Nik, but for once he didn’t join her in baffled eye contact. He was still staring at their daughter, giving Aria a perfect view of the stripes of silver at his temples and the lines bracketing his narrowed eyes.

  “I’m not,” Helen said. “I mean, we’re not together. Yet. She’s a PhD student at the university. I, ah, saw her at a lab the other day.” Helen’s cheeks darkened. “Oh, come on, Ma, don’t look at me like that.”

  With great difficult, Aria toned down her blatant astonishment. “You want grandma’s ring for a girl you saw at a lab the other day?”

  Before Helen could reply, Nik spoke suddenly. “I’ll get it tomorrow.”

  Aria’s head whipped around to her husband. “You’ll what?”

  “Thanks, Dad.” Helen left the room nonchalantly, as if she hadn’t just turned her mother’s world upside down.

  Aria blinked helplessly at Nik. “Am I missing something?”

  He pulled her sketchbook gently from her hands before hauling her into his lap. She huffed, fidgeting as if this weren’t the most comfortable place in the world. He held her tight, as always, his hands cupping her belly, his chin resting on her shoulder. “She’s in love, chrysí mou.”

  “She’s always in bloody love.”

  “But some kinds are different.”

  “You can’t possibly know—”

  “Do you trust me?”

  She laughed, sliding a hand over his cheek. “Oh, stop that. You know I do.”

  Nik pressed a kiss to her lips. “Good. Our daughter is in love. But, since she is much smarter than me, I’m sure she won’t make a mess of it the way I did.”

  A wry smile twisting her lips, Aria shifted until she was straddling him, face-to-face. “Oh, I don’t know. I think you handled things okay, in the end.”

  “Was that praise I just heard? From my lovely wife? Surely not.”

  “Oh, fuck off,” she snorted.

  “I’d rather fuck you.”

  “Behave.”

  “I’d rather not.”

  “Kiss me, then.”

  “Now that,”
Nik grinned, “I can do.”

  - THE END -

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  Remedial Rocket Science

  A Romantic Comedy

  Susannah Nix

  Opposites attract when a computer nerd meets a billionaire playboy.

  The last thing Melody expects when she moves across the country is to run into her college one-night stand again. Not only does the hunky blast from her past work at the same company where she's just started in the IT department, he's the CEO's son.

  Jeremy's got a girlfriend and a reputation as a bad boy, so Melody resolves to keep her distance. But despite her best intentions, she can't seem to stay away from the heavenly-smelling paragon of hotness.

  As the two forge an unlikely friendship, Melody's attraction to Jeremy grows deeper than she's ready to admit. Can she forgive his past transgressions and trust him with her heart?

  This quirky slow-burn romance is the first in a series of standalone rom-coms featuring heroines who work in STEM fields.

  Preface

  Dear reader,

  This book touches on the following topics: infidelity, mental illness, suicide.

  I offer this warning so that those who wish to avoid these subjects may make an informed decision about whether or not to proceed with the story.

  Be good to yourself,

  Susannah Nix

  Chapter 1

  Three Years Ago

  Melody Gage checked her phone for the tenth time in five minutes.

  Nothing.

  Sighing, she reached for her pint glass and took a swig. It was warm inside the bar, and she was still wearing her leather jacket, which she couldn’t take off because there was a hole in her shirt, right at the seam running across her shoulder blades.

  Besides, taking off her jacket would imply she was staying more than another few minutes—which she wasn’t.

  She couldn’t believe she’d actually made an effort tonight. She’d worn her favorite leather jacket, even though the weather was too warm for it. It was the nicest thing she owned, despite the fact that it had come from a thrift shop. She’d even exchanged her usual Doc Martens for a pair of cute ballet flats. And for what? A no-show.

  Melody felt someone jostle her arm as they slid onto the barstool beside her. She looked up hopefully, but it wasn’t Victor.

  The guy who wasn’t her date leaned toward her, grinning. “How you doing tonight?”

  He was young, college-age like her, and like a lot of the other patrons at the Cask ’n Flagon, he was sporting a Red Sox cap. He was also wearing a T-shirt for a fraternity “Pimps & Prostitutes” party, which earned him a few demerits. He wasn’t bad looking, though. In fact, she might even be tempted to call him attractive.

  Too bad she was waiting for someone…who was fifteen minutes late. Not exactly a promising start to a first date.

  Melody offered her new seat mate a polite but guarded smile. “I’m doing okay.”

  “You’re really fine, you know that?” he said, leaning in closer.

  Gross. She had always despised that word in that context. Fine. Had a man ever described a woman as “fine” without sounding like a sleazebag? Also, his breath smelled like garlic. No thank you.

  “Thanks, but I’m waiting for someone.” She stared down at her phone again. Still no text.

  “You know, I’m not usually into chicks with short hair,” her companion said, gesturing at her brunette pixie cut, “but I might be willing to make an exception for you.”

  Ugh. That was what she got for venturing outside her comfort zone. She probably should have known tonight was going to be a bust when Victor had a) picked a sports bar near Fenway for their date, and b) suggested they meet instead of coming together.

  She’d only agreed because she’d been desperate to break out of her routine. Desperate to do something—anything—other than spend another Saturday night studying in her dorm room or working in the computer lab.

  And look what it had gotten her.

  “I bet you know you’re fine,” the wannabe pick-up artist said, undeterred by Melody’s unwelcoming body language. “You probably have guys telling you that all the time, right?”

  WHERE ARE YOU??? Melody texted Victor, mashing her thumbs against the screen of her phone.

  She didn’t even like Victor all that much. They were chemistry lab partners, but the only sparks between them were the ones they used to light the Bunsen burner.

  The biggest thing he had going for him was the fact that he’d actually asked her out, which was more than anyone else had done lately. He was the only guy who’d shown any interest in her all year.

  As her roommate had helpfully reminded her, Melody hadn’t been so much as kissed since that guy with the butt chin during orientation week—and he hadn’t remembered her the next day when he’d sobered up.

  Not that she’d been putting herself out there. Almost all her time had been divided between studying and working to pay the portion of her tuition not covered by scholarships.

  MIT was hard, in a way school had never been for her before. Her whole life, she’d always been at the top of her class. But everyone else at MIT had been at the top of their classes, too. She’d had to work twice as hard just to stay in the middle of the pack.

  Melody didn’t like the middle of the pack. She wanted to be at the top again. Or at least close to the top. And if that meant missing out on a few parties, so be it. No big loss.

  Only…now that her freshman year was almost over, it had occurred to her that everyone else had been going out, meeting new people, sleeping around, falling in love, breaking up, and falling in love again while she’d been buried in her books. They’d been having experiences.

  If Melody wasn’t careful, she’d be heading out into the world with a bachelor’s degree and the social maturity of a high school student in three years. She figured she ought to devote some effort to leveling up her life skills along with her academic skills.

  Which was how she had ended up in this bar, being negged by a frat boy who reeked of Axe body spray and desperation.

  Her new friend leaned in even closer, pressing his shoulder right up against hers, and blew another cloud of garlic breath in her face. “What’s a girl like you doing here all by herself, anyway?”

  “I’m waiting for someone,” Melody repeated through gritted teeth. She craned her neck, scanning the crowd milling by the door on the off-chance Victor had shown up.

  “A girl like you shouldn’t be all alone. How about I keep you company until your friend gets here?”

  “How about no?”

  “What are you drinking? Lemme buy you another one.”

  “I don’t want another—”

  “One more of whatever she’s having,” the creep shouted to the bartender, ignoring her. It was like talking to a brick wall.

  “Don’t bother,” Melody told the bartender. “I’m not staying.”

  Seriously, screw Victor. She was not waiting around one second longer.

  “Hey, where you going?” Creepy Guy protested, making a grab for her arm as she slid off the barstool.

  Melody twisted out of his grasp, spinning around to make her escape—and crashed face-first into a male chest. Startled, she looked up into a pair of dazzling blue eyes belonging to a very tall, very cute guy. “Whoa,” she blurted.

  “I’m so sorry I’m late, babe!” The cute guy beamed a dimpled smile at her and squeezed her arm like he knew her.

  Melody stared at him, open-mouthed. She was positive she’d never lai
d eyes on him before in her life. What was happening right now?

  When he stooped to kiss her cheek, she was so stunned, she couldn’t move. Only, instead of kissing her, his lips hovered near her ear, and he whispered, “Play along if you want to get away from this guy.”

  Oh. Hell yes, she would play along if it got Creepy Guy off her back.

  She threw her arms around Cute Guy’s neck and hugged him with exaggerated enthusiasm. Wow, his back was muscly. And he smelled fantastic, like a really expensive redwood forest. She may have hugged him a smidge longer than necessary, just to get an extra sniff in.

  “Where have you been, Boo Bear?” she demanded in her best bubbly girlfriend voice.

  He tilted his head, his eyes crinkling in amusement as his mouth curved into a smirk. “Well, Schmoopy Pants, I guess I got mixed up about where we were supposed to meet.”

  “Oh, you big silly, it’s a good thing you’re so pretty.” She let out a tinkly fake laugh and punched him playfully in the arm. Then she wrapped her hands around his biceps—his very firm biceps—and dragged him off toward the hostess stand.

  As they were retreating, Cute Guy shot a pointed, don’t-mess-with-my-girl glare at Creepy Guy, who was already backing away with his hands up in the universal sign for hey, man, sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it. Figured. The jerk hadn’t been willing to take her no for an answer, but the second another guy staked his claim—like she was a piece of property—he threw up the white flag and fled the scene. Asshole.

  Not that she wasn’t grateful for the intervention. But it was also possible she’d just leapt out of Jabba the Hutt’s barge and into the sarlacc pit. So, as soon as they were out of sight of the creep at the bar, Melody let go and took a big step back, putting a few feet of distance between them.