Hilariously Ever After

by Box Set

  “Do you want to get out of here?” Melody asked. “Go get some coffee or something?”

  He shook his head. “I can’t. I’ve got to get back upstairs. I’m in meetings all day.” He pushed himself to his feet. “They’re not making the official announcement for a few weeks, so don’t say anything. I just wanted to tell you.”

  “Hey,” she said as he pulled the door open. He paused in the doorway and looked back at her. “Let me know if you want to talk. I’m here, okay?”

  The corners of his mouth curved upward. “Thanks. Maybe I’ll call you later.”

  Melody waited by her phone all evening for him to call.

  He never did.

  He’d probably called the model. He was probably at her place, spilling his heart out while she comforted him.

  At midnight, Melody gave up and went to bed.

  Chapter 20

  For the first time since she’d started at Sauer Hewson, work was actually busy. There was a big deadline looming on the project she was on, which meant the developers were pushing out a lot of code, all of which had to be tested six ways from Sunday.

  Tonight, Melody had been stuck at the office until nearly ten because the devs hadn’t checked in their code until well after five. She’d had to wait around for them to finish it before she could write her test script, then she had to stay long enough to make sure there weren’t any show-stoppers when she started running it.

  By the time she made it out of the office, she was ravenous, so she decided to stop for a late-night cheeseburger and chili-cheese fries at her favorite burger place.

  She despised drive-thrus, so she always parked and went up to the counter. She’d rather walk a few extra feet than have an unintelligible conversation over a crappy intercom that usually resulted in her order being bungled.

  She was so exhausted, she didn’t notice the man in the parking lot until he was right behind her. Which was stupid. She usually paid more attention to her surroundings, but one second she was writing code in her head, and the next, there was something that felt like the barrel of a gun pressed into her back and a man’s voice telling her not to move.

  Melody froze, a cold ball of fear uncoiling in the pit of her stomach. There was no one else around, and the security light in the parking lot was burned out, so even if someone in the restaurant happened to look out the window, they wouldn’t be able to see anything in the darkness out back.

  “Pretty thing like you shouldn’t be out all alone this time of night,” the man behind her said, close enough that she could feel the heat of his breath on the back of her neck. His voice was deep and cigarette-roughened, and he smelled like stale sweat and alcohol.

  His hand tangled in her hair, pulling her head back as it slid through her ponytail. She choked back a sob as his fingers crept down the back of her neck and over the top of her shoulder.

  He lifted her purse off her shoulder and yanked it down her arm. She let him take it, because that was what they always told you to do. Don’t put up a fight. It’s only money. It’s not worth your life.

  Just please, please let her purse be all he wanted from her. Her fingers clenched around the car keys in her hand, her thumb poised over the panic button.

  “Don’t turn around,” the man said, then she heard the scuff of his shoes on the asphalt as he backed away. “Count to fifty before you move, you hear?”

  Melody waited for a count of ten, her eyes burning with angry tears, then bolted for the restaurant.

  Hours later, Melody looked up as yet another police officer hurried past the bench where she was sitting without giving her a second glance. One of them was supposed to be driving her home at some point, but they all seemed determined to ignore her.

  She couldn’t drive herself home because her car was at the burger place. The LAPD officer who had responded to the 911 call insisted on bringing her to the precinct in his cruiser to give a statement and look at mugshots, even though she’d told him she hadn’t gotten a look at the mugger’s face. And she couldn’t even call a cab, because she didn’t have any money or credit cards. She was stuck there, waiting. And probably forgotten.

  It had to have been at least an hour—maybe two—since she’d finished giving her statement and they’d told her to wait on this stupid uncomfortable bench until someone could drive her back to her car. But she couldn’t tell for sure how much time had passed, because the creep who mugged her had taken her phone. She was helpless.

  At least she’d had her keys in her hand when he took her purse, or else she wouldn’t even be able to get into her apartment. If she ever got home again, that was. She was starting to think she was going to grow old and die on this stupid bench.

  She was about thirty seconds away from getting up and crying all over the desk sergeant when someone said her name—finally. Melody looked up, expecting a police officer, but it was Charlotte standing in front of her in jeans and a ratty old sweatshirt.

  “Charlotte,” she said, blinking in surprise. “What are you doing here?”

  “My dad works here. He’s on overnights this month and I was up pulling an all-nighter, so I brought him some dinner. What are you doing here?”

  “I got mugged,” Melody said. “Someone’s supposed to drive me back to my car, but I think they might have forgotten about me.”

  Charlotte sat down on the bench beside her. “Are you okay?”

  Melody nodded. “He just took my bag. And my wallet. And my phone. God, I really loved that bag,” she said, blinking back tears. “I got it on sale.”

  “How long have you been here?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t have my phone, so I can’t tell what time it is anymore. I don’t know what to do with myself without my phone.”

  “Stay here,” Charlotte said. “I’ll be right back, okay? You just wait here.”

  Melody had heard that one before. She was going to spend the rest of her life on this bench. Maybe she’d actually been killed in that mugging and this was purgatory, she just hadn’t realized it yet. Oh god, she was living the last season of Lost.

  Charlotte was only gone a few minutes before she came back with her dad. “I’m Detective Lopez,” he said, thrusting a chipped coffee mug at her. “Here. Drink this.”

  The coffee was tarry, bitter, and tasted vaguely like fish, but it was blissfully warm, so Melody cupped her hands around it gratefully.

  “You two know each other, huh?”

  “Melody was at my engagement party,” Charlotte told her dad. “She’s Jeremy’s girlfriend.”

  Melody wasn’t sure whether lying to the police was actually illegal, but it was definitely bad, even if it wasn’t against the law. So, she didn’t say anything, because then she wasn’t technically lying to Detective Lopez. She was just perpetuating a lie by choosing to remain silent, which was still pretty bad. Everything about tonight was the worst, basically.

  “Guess it’s a good thing I ran out of daughters for him to date,” Detective Lopez muttered.

  “Dad,” Charlotte said sharply.

  He sighed. “I’m sorry you’ve been stuck here so long. We get pretty busy this time of night, and we can’t always spare a uniform.”

  “It’s okay,” Melody said. What was she going to do? Complain that the police were out protecting the city instead of playing chauffeur for her? “Thank you for the coffee.”

  “I called Jeremy.” Charlotte sat down again and took Melody’s hand. “He’ll be here soon to drive you home.”

  Crap.

  She hated the thought of Jeremy seeing her like this. On the other hand, she was desperate enough at this point, she’d probably get into a car with Ted Bundy if he offered her a ride home. Her dignity was a small price to pay.

  “Yeah, okay,” Detective Lopez said. “I’ll be at my desk. Lemme know if you need anything.”

  Charlotte gave Melody’s hand a reassuring squeeze as her dad shuffled away.

  “You don’t have to stay,” Melody said. “Don’t you need to g
et back to studying?”

  “It’s fine,” Charlotte said with a tight smile. “I’m not leaving you here until I’m sure Jeremy’s actually going to show up to take you home.”

  Melody clung to Charlotte’s hand, unable to find the words to express how grateful she was. She felt awful for lying to her about being Jeremy’s girlfriend, but that was nothing compared to how bad she felt about sleeping with Jeremy back when he was dating Charlotte. Which was something Charlotte probably didn’t know about. If she had, she definitely would not be holding Melody’s hand right now.

  Oh no—what if Charlotte had seen those pictures of Jeremy at the club with the model? Charlotte probably thought he was cheating on Melody, and that was why she was being so nice. Which only made Melody feel even worse.

  “Melody?”

  Jeremy stood in front of her in jeans and a wrinkled T-shirt, his hair all rumpled like he’d just climbed out of bed—which he probably had since it was the middle of the night.

  Melody had never been so happy to see anyone in her whole life, especially when he knelt in front of her and wrapped her up in his big, warm arms. And yeah, she was maybe crying a little, but in her defense, it had been a long night and the tears had a mind of their own.

  “I’m gonna go now,” Charlotte said, standing up.

  Melody extricated her face from Jeremy’s neck. “Thank you so much.”

  “Yes. Thank you, Charlotte,” Jeremy said with feeling, looking up at her.

  She gave him a curt nod and left them alone.

  “Are you okay?” he asked, turning back to Melody and taking both her hands in his.

  “Yeah.” She nodded weakly. “I just want to go home.”

  In the car, she rolled the window down and let the cold air blow on her face to chase away the smell of the police precinct and the memory of the mugger’s breath on the back of her neck. Jeremy kept casting concerned glances in her direction, but he seemed reluctant to ask her too much about what had happened—which was good, because she did not want to talk about it.

  “Thank you for coming to get me,” she said after a while. “I didn’t mean for Charlotte to call you.”

  “I’m glad she did. You know you could have called me yourself, right?”

  “I lost my phone when I got mugged.”

  He looked over at her and frowned, but didn’t say anything.

  When they got to her apartment, he walked her to the door. Her hands were shaking so much, Jeremy had to take the keys from her and unlock it himself. He pushed the door open, but Melody stood rooted in place, staring into her pitch dark apartment.

  “Do you want me to come in with you?”

  She shook her head. “You don’t have to do that. I’ll be fine.” She tried to sound strong, but the tremble in her voice gave her away.

  “I know.” Jeremy slipped his hand into hers. “But do you want me to?”

  She bit her lip and nodded. “Yes.”

  Inside, Jeremy moved around the apartment, turning on all the lights without being asked. He just seemed to know it was what she needed.

  When he was done, he came over and stood in front of her. She was still standing in the middle of the living room, because she didn’t know what to do next. She was so exhausted she couldn’t think straight, but also, the thought of closing her eyes and trying to sleep terrified her, so she was stuck at an impasse.

  He frowned at her. “Melody, are you okay?”

  She nodded. The shock was wearing off, but what it left behind was mostly numbness.

  Jeremy’s frown deepened. “Did he hurt you?”

  “No, he just…” She couldn’t finish. She couldn’t talk about how the man had run his fingers through her hair and over her skin, or how it had made her feel.

  When Melody was a kid, someone had broken into the rental house she and her mom were living in. They’d taken their television, VCR—this was back when people still owned VCRs—and some of her mom’s jewelry, but the worst part was, they’d trashed the place looking for valuables. Melody’s bed had been overturned, and all her books and toys had been knocked off the shelves and strewn over the floor.

  She had been traumatized. The thought that a complete stranger—a criminal—had been in her room and touched her things haunted her. Her pillows, her dolls, her favorite stuffed teddy bear she slept with every night—they’d all been contaminated by the touch of some invisible monster.

  That was sort of how she felt now, only instead of a teddy bear, it was her own skin that had been contaminated.

  “He scared you,” Jeremy finished for her.

  She nodded again, swallowing the bile in the back of her throat.

  He enveloped her in a hug, and she managed not to cry this time, but she did close her eyes and press her face into his chest. He smelled nice, and having his arms around her made her feel calm and safe. “I’m going to stay here tonight,” he said, tucking her head under his chin. “I’ll sleep on the couch, okay?”

  She nodded against him, so relieved she almost did start crying again. “Okay.” Her voice was getting smaller and smaller, like she might disappear completely.

  “What do you need?” he asked, still holding her. “Something to eat? I can make you something. Or do you just want to go to sleep?”

  “I have to take a shower. I just want to wash off…everything.”

  He pulled away, skimming his hands down her arms. “You go do that, then. I’ll be right here when you get out.” Concern shadowed his eyes. She wanted to tell him she was fine, but it would have been too obviously a lie.

  Ten minutes of standing under the hottest water she could stand, with the showerhead set to the most abrasive setting, helped Melody feel a little cleaner, at least. It also left her skin covered in angry red blotches, but she didn’t care. After pulling on a sweatshirt and pajama pants, she wandered out to the living room with her damp hair tied up in a bun.

  Jeremy was kicked back on the couch with the television on. “Feel any better?” he asked, looking up.

  “Yeah, a lot.” She dropped down beside him on the couch.

  He gestured to the TV. “I can turn this off if you want to sleep.” He was watching Anchorman.

  “No, leave it on.” It was one of her favorite movies. She settled back into the couch and pulled her legs up under her.

  Jeremy had his arm stretched out along the back of the cushions, and when she leaned her head back, it was resting on him. If she were less tired, she might have been embarrassed for lying on his arm, but right now? She was not moving—not without a forklift.

  Instead of pulling away, he dropped his hand onto her shoulder. “You want anything? I saw more Extreme Maximum Chocolate Fudge Chunk in the freezer.”

  The thought of eating anything right now made her feel ill, and anyway she didn’t want him to get up, because she didn’t want to lose the warm weight of his hand. She shook her head. “I’m okay.”

  He moved his hand anyway, took the throw draped over the back of the couch, and arranged it over her lap. It was nice, but not as nice as having his arm around her had been.

  “Thanks,” she mumbled.

  He scooted closer and held his arms open. “C’mere.”

  Melody didn’t need to be asked twice. She curled up against his side with her head resting on his chest, and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight.

  “Better?” he asked.

  “Mmmm,” she agreed.

  They watched the movie. Well, Jeremy watched it. Melody’s eyes didn’t even stay open for a full minute before drifting closed.

  The last thing she remembered was the soft rumble of Jeremy’s laughter in her ear.

  She was alone on the couch when she woke in the morning, curled in a ball with her head where Jeremy’s lap had been the night before. The apartment smelled like fresh coffee.

  When she sat up, Jeremy smiled at her from the kitchen. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.” He pulled two coffee mugs out of the cabinet.

&n
bsp; “It’s okay.” She stretched, wincing as her vertebrae cracked all the way up her spine. “What time is it?”

  “Seven o’clock.” He joined her on the couch and handed her a steaming cup of coffee. “You’re taking the day off today, by the way.”

  “I can’t,” Melody said. “I’ve got to go in and check the log and write my bug reports.”

  “They’ll survive one day without you. I already talked to the dev manager and explained what happened. No arguments. It’s done.”

  “But—”

  “Don’t make me have security bar you from the building for twenty-four hours.” He gave her his best scary eyebrow glare, which wasn’t especially scary. “I’ll do it if I have to.”

  “Fine,” she conceded.

  “Good. Unfortunately, I do have to go to work today, but I’m going to call Lacey and have her come hang out with you.”

  Melody shook her head. “Not necessary.”

  He frowned at her.

  “I’m fine, honestly.” And she was. In the light of a brand new day, she felt a thousand times better.

  “Are you sure? Lacey won’t mind.”

  “I’m fine. I promise. Anyway, I’ve got an exciting day of canceling my credit cards, replacing my driver’s license, and shopping for a new phone ahead of me. I don’t need a babysitter. Oh—” she said, frowning as she remembered something. “My car. It’s still in the parking lot where…” The thought of going back there, even in broad daylight, made her feel less fine than she was a minute ago.

  “No, it’s not,” Jeremy said. “It’s parked out front.”

  “What?” She got up and looked out the window. Sure enough, her Fiat was parked at the curb, right behind Jeremy’s black BMW. “But how?” she asked, turning back to him.

  “I’ve got a guy. I had him pick it up this morning and bring it over here.” He shrugged like it was no big deal, like everyone had a guy they could call at six in the morning to pick up your car and drop it off somewhere.