by Holly Jacobs
She nodded. Sebastian recognized the name, and she could see that it hurt him. Her annoyance with him faded.
“Leanne is—was—my mother. She broke his heart time after time. Asking my mom to stay was something Hank did often.”
Lily sat down in one of the chairs. “Did you ask her to stay?”
Sebastian’s expression grew hard. “No. I was a kid and I’d spent more and more time here with Hank. She’d drop me off, and then she’d show up out of the blue to get me. The last time she brought me here, Hank told her she could either leave me with him on a permanent basis and sign the papers he’d had drawn up or take me for good. She signed the papers and that was the last time I ever saw her. We got word a few years later that she’d OD’d.”
Lily felt horrible. Horrible about not being able to help her mom, horrible about not being able to help Hank and horrible for the man next to her. But she also felt a sense of kinship with him. She knew what it was like to not be able to save a parent. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be” came his clipped response. “Leanne was an awful mother who didn’t love me. I was better off here with Hank.”
“Or,” Lily said softly, drawing the word out, “or maybe she did love you. I mean, she left you, but she left you with Hank. She saw to it you were safe, cared for and loved. Maybe that doesn’t seem like much to you, but that might have been the best thing she could have done for you.”
Saying the words to Sebastian eased the hurt in Lily. She was reminding herself that her mother loved her.
She formed the words with purpose in her head. My mother loves me.
Lily knew it. Her mother wasn’t strong enough to leave her father—she hadn’t been strong enough when Lily was growing up, either. But she’d put herself between Lily and her father countless times. She’d taken blows that were meant for Lily. She’d told Lily to go out to the swing when he came in drunk.
It was a warped sort of love.
It certainly wasn’t healthy.
But it was love.
Lily had taken some psychology classes in college, and she’d given the subject of her mother a lot of thought over the years, especially since she’d decided not to fund her father’s drinking habits by sending more money home.
She couldn’t save her mother. But whether or not her mother ever left her father, her mother did love her.
It wasn’t the kind of love Lily had wanted from a parent, but it was something.
“Maybe—” she started, ready to tell him, to share with him.
* * *
“REALLY?” SEBASTIAN ASKED, incredulous at her suggestion. “Really, you’re going to find some bright and shiny silver lining in a drug addict who deserted her own son? Do you always look for the best in everyone?” he spat. She took a quick step backward. He tamped down his anger and asked in a calmer voice, “In your silver-lining world, does anything bad ever touch you?”
Lily snapped, “You don’t know me.”
Her annoyance reminded him of a kitten trying to hiss at another. It was a valiant try, but it wasn’t the least bit intimidating. “Oh, I know you, Pollyanna. You live in a world where nothing bad ever happens. Where there’s always a happy ending. Where birds sing and little rabbits play in your garden. Well, in the real world, sometimes things simply suck. Sometimes kids get dumped by mothers who don’t care. Sometimes people die. Sometimes those damn rabbits hopping in your garden are actually eating your crop and leaving you hungry.”
There was no retreating now. She was angry. “Like I said, you don’t know me, Sebastian. You don’t know where I’ve come from or what I’ve overcome. How dare you say those darn things to me.”
“I—”
“So what? You’ve got a wounded arm. You’ve had a couple surgeries. So what? Do you remember that boy we played basketball against the other day? Joey’s mom left town and his father got injured at the plant. He’s had to take care of his dad, his younger sisters and the house, as well as keep up his grades. That boy has shouldered a man’s responsibilities. That boy knows what trouble is. You have trouble tying your shoes? Well, boo hoo. Throw another tantrum. Other people have problems, too.”
She stormed toward the door, leaving him with an untied shoe and a laptop opened to YouTube. She turned, and for a moment, he thought he saw the sheen of tears in her eyes.
The idea of Lily being upset enough to cry undid him.
No, he convinced himself. He must have imagined the tears. Even at the height of her anger, the best curse word she could manage was darn. It was cute. Kitten-hissing sort of cute.
But a more sobering thought followed that. For the first time since he’d met her, he’d seen her lose her temper. As he sat there, he confessed she was right on both counts.
That kid, Joey. He’d shouldered a man’s responsibilities.
And Lily was right about something else, too. Not a surprise, he was discovering.
This time she was right that he didn’t know much more than a few cursory facts about her.
So what did she do for fun?
He’d ask himself what made her laugh, but pretty much everything did. A few minutes ago, he would have said she probably lived an idyllic life, but now he wasn’t so sure. The idea that her life was once unhappy truly bothered him. He found himself hoping he was wrong, but the pain he’d seen in her eyes told him he wasn’t.
He wanted nothing more than to see to it nothing hurt Lily Paul again.
Ever.
He wasn’t sure how he’d manage to do that.
Hell, he wasn’t even sure how to tie his own shoe.
He clicked on the YouTube page Lily had found and saw a man with a prosthetic arm demonstrate how to tie a shoe one-handed, step by step. He laughed as he thought the words. Tying a shoe—step by step. He wished Lily was here. She’d have laughed, too.
Since she wasn’t, he watched the video alone, and fifteen minutes later, with two tied laces, he got up with a new goal. Find out more about Lily Paul.
CHAPTER EIGHT
LILY DECIDED THAT THIS had been one of the oddest Saturdays in her life. She’d gone on two house calls. The first was a new patient. Katie had a two-day-old baby, Ben, who had jaundice.
Lily had picked up a BiliBlanket at the medical supply store and had taken it out to their house. She hated poking Ben’s heel to check him, but she’d loved cuddling the newborn while Katie took a shower. After that, she’d gone to see Mrs. Burns for her breathing treatment.
The house calls weren’t the weird part. It was afterward, when she went to the diner, that things got odd.
She spent the rest of the afternoon reviewing more of the diner’s old records. Hank had kept absolutely everything. Old phone bills and other utility bills. Invoices. She decided to throw out anything that was more than a decade old. She had a shredder and a file. Most of the older papers went into the shredder, but anything of historical significance went into the file.
And that also wasn’t the odd part.
The odd part was Sebastian Bennington. He’d been different since the incident with his shoes, which she now thought of as the YouTube Incident. But today, he lingered in the diner, supposedly helping Hank, yet finding his way into the office on a regular basis.
Even that wasn’t so bad.
No, what got to her was that he kept looking at her. Long, piercing looks. She’d read the term piercing look before, but she’d never really experienced a piercing look, at least not to the best of her knowledge. But Sebastian had certainly taught her what one was. She’d never read the term again and not think of him.
He couldn’t have seen her crying, could he? Sometimes, she forgot to be optimistic. She forgot to find the silver lining. Those were the times she cried.
She was now back under control, and that was what was important because she was the only one she could control. She’d never been able to control her father—his drinking or his temper. And she couldn’t control her mom. Her mother’s actions were her own. All Lily could d
o was be there and look at the bright side.
And there was a bright side. Her mother hadn’t ever closed the door on her. She was always at the house on Sundays, waiting for Lily’s call. The calls were short, but every time, Lily asked if her mother wanted to leave. Every time, her mother said no, but someday, maybe she’d be ready.
And as for Sebastian? Well, she couldn’t control him, either. But really she wished she could because his lingering and piercing looks were getting on her nerves.
“Do you mind my going through the records?” she finally asked as he hovered by the doorway, watching her. She thought he might have reverted to his hostile attitude.
“No. Why would I mind?” He seemed genuinely confused by the question as he took a seat.
“I don’t know. Maybe I’m searching for millions that your grandfather squirreled away and I’ve got some nefarious plans to abscond with it.”
“Uh, Webster—”
That stopped her short. She had no clue what he was talking about. “Webster?”
“As in Webster’s dictionary. You used the words nefarious and abscond in the same sentence. That qualifies as a definite Webster moment.”
She felt the need to defend not herself, but her choice of words. “Abscond and nefarious are both perfectly good words.”
“They are. But they’re not everyday words. When I was in the marines, I don’t think we were ever advised about the enemy’s nefarious plans.”
She sighed. “I like words. Some feel so right tripping off your tongue. Back in school, a classmate asked how a test had gone and I said it was long and arduous, which made him laugh.”
“So you’ve always been a Webster?” He had an aha sort of look, as if he’d discovered something he’d been trying to find out.
Lily couldn’t figure out what was going on with him. “Just what are you doing, Sebastian?”
His aha look was replaced by an innocent one—too innocent. “What do you mean?”
“You’ve been giving me—” she considered saying piercing, but thought he might label it a Webster sort of thing, so she settled for “—weird looks all day, and now you’re wearing an aha sort of expression as if you were Columbus stepping foot in America. You’re here chatting with me. One might even say teasing me in a chummy sort of way. Only a few days ago, birds were helping me dress in my Pollyanna morning.”
“Birds were singing—they weren’t helping you dress.” His voice was soft, calming even. “Why would birds help you dress?”
Lily recognized that he was deliberately trying to change the subject. “Sorry, that was Disney’s Cinderella. I wouldn’t want to put insults in your mouth when you do such a fine job of it on your own.”
He raked his right hand through his hair. “Look, there’s nothing wrong with being positive, but you’re...”
“I’m Pollyanna? Someone who always sees the bright side of every situation? Yes, I am. I try, at least. That doesn’t mean I don’t have crappy days. Well, not whole days, usually, but moments.” Talking to her mom recently had been a moment, and Lily’s being upset—that was simply a blip. “Being an optimist doesn’t mean I don’t work at overcoming personal flaws, or my past. Some days I’m better than other days. Today, obviously, less than better. So if you don’t think I’m out to take advantage of your grandfather and somehow rob him blind as I clear out decades of old paperwork, I’d appreciate it if you excused me.”
He stood as if he was going to leave, then stopped. “Lily, I’m sorry.”
“Sorry for what, Sebastian? Sorry you came in here when I’m obviously not in a very good mood? Sorry for acting as if you know me when you don’t have the slightest notion of who I am and where I’ve come from? Sorry for taking someone’s optimistic attitude and thinking it makes them somehow less intelligent? Trying to find a bright side doesn’t make me stupid. It doesn’t mean I don’t recognize that some things are just crap.” She thought of Hank and the upcoming doctor’s visit. Yeah, some things were absolutely just crap.
Sebastian nodded. “Sorry for all of it. Despite my behavior, you’ve been a very good friend to me.”
She snorted her disbelief.
“No, I mean it. Only a good friend would challenge me to a one-hand-tied-behind-her-back basketball game, or force me to stop feeling sorry for myself and sort out new ways to tie my own shoes, or open a jar. I’m used to seeing a problem and addressing it. But I’m too close to this particular problem.” He waved his left hand at her, exposing the scars from what must have been a horrific injury.
Everything in Lily wanted to offer some sympathy. She wasn’t sure of the extent of his wounds, but if the scars on his hand were any indication, they’d been severe. But she sensed that Sebastian didn’t need sympathy. “You’ve already made improvements. You need to realize that you can’t force it. This is one of those obstacles that takes time to get over,” she offered. As the words left her mouth, she regretted them. She waited for Sebastian to shoot them down.
“Listen, since I’ve come home I’ve had a hard time keeping a lid on my emotions. I thought that once I was in Valley Ridge everything would reset...that I’d go back to being the old Seb. The old Seb who joked around, who never took anything seriously. The guy who believed life was exciting and fun...that life was filled with opportunities. Despite the fact his mother left him, that old Seb had Hank, and that allowed him to think that the world was all...” He hesitated, searching for the right words.
“The world was all sunshiny rainbows?” she supplied.
He looked a little chagrined, but nodded.
“But that’s not what happened?” she asked, though she already knew the answer.
He sat back down. “No. I’m not that kid anymore. I can’t go back to being him—to being Seb. And after him, I was Lieutenant Bennington in the United States Marines. He’s gone now, as well. I don’t know who the hell I am. What I’ve found so far doesn’t thrill me.”
“What have you found?” she asked.
“A man with a short temper and a crippled hand who’s adrift. I’m here until Colton’s wedding, but then?” He shrugged. “I’m not sure.”
“You could stay.”
He shook his head. “I don’t think so. This was Seb’s home. The marines? Well, that was Lieutenant Bennington’s home.”
She totally understood what he was saying. “And you need to find Sebastian’s home?”
She saw the relief in his expression. “Yes.”
“I get that,” she said. “I left home and went to school, then went to work in Buffalo. It was far enough away from...” She almost said home, but living with her parents had never been that. “It was far enough away from where I grew up and it was exciting living in a city, not a small town. But I missed walking down the street and waving at friends and acquaintances.” Okay, frankly, she didn’t have many friends. She’d held people at a distance, but she’d had plenty of acquaintances, and she’d waved at them.
“I missed a feeling of community. Where I grew up, even though I was on the fringe of things, I was still part of the town, part of someplace. A real community is what I found here in Valley Ridge. To be honest, I’m more a part of Valley Ridge than I ever was where I grew up. I’ve got friends and a place I belong.”
“What did you overcome?” he asked.
She didn’t understand his question. “Pardon?”
“What was in your past that you’ve worked to get over? I saw evidence of something before you mentioned it. Ever since you shoved a laptop with a YouTube video at me, I’ve been wondering about you, about where you’re from...about what you’ve come from.”
She shrugged. “I can’t...no, I won’t share that.” Her family was none of his business. She didn’t want to talk about them. It felt like if she did she’d be bringing those old problems to Valley Ridge. She didn’t want that. She didn’t want to be poor Lily Paul, whose father drank too much and used her mother as a punching bag. She didn’t want to be that lonely little girl hiding in t
he backyard on the swing waiting until it was safe for her to go back inside.
No.
Sebastian obviously didn’t like her answer. “You know practically everything there is to know about me. Before I even came here, you’d seen pictures and heard stories from Hank. And now that you’ve met me, you know I’m a short-tempered, frequently frustrated man who doesn’t know where he belongs.”
Tell someone about growing up? She’d thought about it—by the time she was in high school, she knew if she called social services and reported the situation that she could probably get out.
But the question had been, where would she land?
In the end, the devil she knew was better than the devil she didn’t. So she’d waited and bided her time. She’d studied. Got good grades. Tried to stay under her father’s radar. And the second she could do so, she left.
She might call her mother weekly, hoping someday she’d find the strength to leave, too, but she’d never gone back home. “I guess you know all you need to know about me. I work at being an optimist, at finding glee in...well, everything. And I’m someone who longed for a place to belong.... I don’t have any grand scheme. I’ve simply found my true home. It’s here in Valley Ridge. And it’s Hank, too...if you’ll share him.”
“You may find it hard to believe, but I can see that you and Hank have something special.”
She got up and walked around the desk to where he sat. “So we have his appointment in a few days.”
“And the diagnosis isn’t going to be good, is it?” Sebastian’s voice said he knew that much without seeing any doctor.
“Who knows? Maybe his issue is something that’s easily rectified. We’ve talked about it. There are medical conditions, drug interactions that can cause these kinds of problems. But if it’s not, if it’s some sort of dementia, I want you to know I’ll be here with him...if you’ll let me. I know I’ve pushed my way into your family...even into the business. It’s only that I connected with Hank. He was lonely. He missed you and his Betty. I gave him someone. And he gave me a family...the kind I’ve always wanted. The kind who loves you unconditionally and, more than that, cares about you.”
