“Fuckin’ stunning, you look sexy as fuck and stunningly beautiful.” His words are making it better and I’m close, as soon as he starts to sense it happening he runs a finger inside my folds coating it with my own juices and then quickly inserts it into my ass. I gasp and groan at the strange feeling, it doesn’t feel bad like I thought it would and then something as simple as him blowing lightly on my pussy causes the reaction he’s been helping me reach.
“Oh Fuck Jonas,” I scream as I cum and buck wildly on top of him. He’s now removed his finger from my ass and is lapping up my orgasm like a thirsty guy in desperate need of a drink. He shifts from under me, leaving me on the bed breathing heavy.
“OK Dalton, my turn now. Sit on the edge of the bed. I’m going to watch your beautiful mouth eat my cock.” As I get in position he waits patiently stroking himself, standing in that powerful position I’ve already got burned in my brain.
“Open wide Dalton,” he says as his cock approaches my mouth whilst he’s still stroking it. I open as he commands and he feeds it in slowly inch by inch, groaning from the back of his throat when he feels my tonsils and my gag reflex kick in. He withdraws and repeats the process again and again.
“That’s it, take it all Dalton.” He doesn’t want me to take over and gorge on his cock and is working hard to control both me and himself. I understand fully that this is where a big chunk of his pleasure comes from, watching me act on his commands, under his control.
“Slow down, I’m not going to cum in your mouth. I want to come inside you.” I slow down and understand that he won’t proceed until I comply.
“Good girl.” He continues to enjoy feeding me for a few moments more until he says “On the bed on your knees, Dalton.” I get up on my knees and face him. “Nice try. Face the other way and get on your hands and knees,” so I adjust my position to suit his request.
“Lovely Dalton,” he says as he comes to lean in behind me and I feel a hand clamp my hip. “Tip that pretty ass up for me. Tell me if I’m going too hard but right now I need to pound the fuck out of you,” I gasp and look round at him as he starts to feed his cock into my pussy. As soon as he’s seated fully inside me he takes a moment to enjoy being where he is and then draws back slowly and punches forward on a grunt and I too grunt at the invasion.
“Fuck Dalton. Take me.” He’s speaking in a pained voice as his pace picks up rapidly and he’s hammering into me so hard I can feel his balls banging against my body like last time. It’s like his body’s working its way through mine and knows what it’s after. Jonas doesn’t let up until he senses the beginnings of my pussy clenching his cock.
“That’s it Dalton. Your pussy is like a fuckin’ vice. Cum. Now.” I start to let out a squeal on an exhale and then I know he’s joined me in his release because of the fierce guttural groan and I can also feel his cock jerk as it’s releasing his enjoyment inside me. When he’s finished he drops on top of my back and we’re both gasping like we’ve run a marathon.
Once again he leaves to get a cloth to clean me up and then we both climb into the bed. The mood in the room has changed and we both know that that was our last time together. I’m shuffling to get comfy when he says “Thank you for my one night, but please understand that’s all it can ever be, one night. I’ve already lost one family and I can’t risk destroying the one I’ve been raised in and knowingly give up on the chance to have another part of one I’ve created. I’m so sorry.”
I don’t answer him because I can’t.
I don’t argue because I knew this when we started.
I start to cry silent tears and Jonas lets me, he knows I need to get it all out so I can move on. I feel like my world is folding in, but he just lets me be and holds me as I try to process it all.
At some point I fell asleep and as I wake up I realize I’m the only one in the bed now and the side where Jonas was is cold. I listen for noises that tell me he is in the bathroom, but there are none and I also notice his clothes are all gone.
It’s like he was never here, but I know different.
He’s done it again, he’s fucking left me.
*****
Jonas
Undone.
That’s how she’s made me feel.
Completely and totally fuckin’ undone.
I asked her to trust me and give herself to me and she did just that.
It was better than I ever imagined it would be, it’s like she was made for me. Everything about her tells me that she is mine and because of that I’ve done what I think is best.
I had to leave her.
I feel like shit but I had to do it. Leaving her in the morning and actually having to face her and say goodbye after the night she gave me would have been torture. Honestly, I’m not even fuckin’ thinking about her which just proves I’m a selfish cunt. I’m thinking about myself because knowing she’s watching me walk away would be like swallowing glass.
I get in my truck and start the engine ready for the long journey home.
“FUCK!” I shout as I smash the steering wheel with my hands. How the fuckin’ hell am I supposed to be around her day in day out, living a life and raising a child with that whore?
This is my penance for all the bad things I’ve done. All the lives I’ve taken, even if they were the enemy. It seems that doing bad things under the guise of war does not make you exempt from karma and pay back.
This is my punishment for having a dark and blackened soul.
Chapter Fifteen
The loss I was feeling was beyond words.
I was sitting in the bed at the motel and must have been there for a while just contemplating where I should go from here. Fate was fucking cruel, I’d had everything I dreamed of but it was only a fleeting taste.
I felt angry at Jonas for what he’d done, it was selfish and all because his life was taking turns he didn’t want it to. But that wasn’t my fault and he still had something to look forward to, he still had a child on the way. How could he do this to me when he knew he was my world and had been for years? The sour taste this had left me with was turning the beautiful night we’d spent together into something tarnished and seedy. The fucker had stolen away whilst I was sleeping because he couldn’t face the goodbye and it left me feeling like a cheap whore.
When my brain hit that point it wasn’t long until the worthlessness and devastation followed closely behind it.
How could I possibly be around him now? My union with him wasn’t something I could pretend had never happened, I couldn’t sit opposite him and play happy families. That one night had given him everything he’d been missing out on, including it seemed closure on his past whilst it left me with nothing and ripped away any hope I’d had left. He gets a new family and I was set to lose the only one I’d ever genuinely known.
That’s when the tears and sobbing kicked in, it took a hold of me so violently that I was finding it difficult to breathe because this must be what true loss feels like and if this was the definition of it, I was never getting close to anyone ever again.
Over the next two days I entered into a routine which consisted of ignoring text messages and voicemails and wandering across the road to the garage to buy Southern Comfort. I hadn’t eaten anything since before Jonas came to me, but one benefit of keeping the alcohol levels permanently topped up meant both my bodies hunger and my brain’s ability to process anything didn’t work. I’d found the best way to forget; so I carried on.
Sometimes I’d function a little and switch the TV on, but mostly I just drank, dozed and stumbled out for a fresh bottle of S.C.
On day four Jessie let herself into my room as I’d refused her access up until now to do housekeeping type stuff. She wasn’t happy to find me like I was and when she mentioned my “big man visitor” the uncontrollable sobbing started again. Bless her, she tried to offer me some kind words and assistance but by this point I wasn’t listening and my responses to her were nothing more than ramblings. After a while she got me in a chair
outside with some black coffee and then proceeded to change my bourbon stained bed sheets and spruce up the bathroom. Exhaustion and despair was setting in so when she guided me back to my clean bed I just collapsed and went straight to sleep. The last thing I really remember was having lovely crisp clean sheets pulled over me.
The next brief time of semi consciousness I could hear someone on the phone, the words were a bit muffled, but I didn’t care, I just needed to get to the toilet. Once I’d done my business I bent my head to the faucet and sucked the water into my mouth, it tasted like heaven. Unfortunately on the way up from the faucet and sink I passed the bathroom mirror and caught my own reflection.
Shit…was that really me?
My skin was an odd color, my eyes looked painful and bloodshot and my cheekbones were protruding more than usual. I guess the stress from the last few weeks and lack of decent nutrition wasn’t having a good effect on me. Seeing that ugliness staring back at me just made me sob again and this time I also started to heave. When I finished hanging over the toilet I just ambled back to the bed and fell in it, letting sleep and despair consume me. The next thing I heard was voices.
“Dolly, wake up.”
“Jesus Fucking Christ, look at the state of her.”
“Dolly. DOLLY. Jesus, you’re scaring me girl, come on, say something…anything.”
“Alright. Only one thing for it.” I knew I was being mauled out of bed, but I didn’t know how or who by, I wasn’t too bothered anyway. “OK girl, you asked for this, we stay in here until you come back to the land of the living.”
Freezing water hit me directly on my face, head and chest and then I realized I was being cradled like a baby under the shower by Chris.
“Cold.” It was the only thing I could think about and the only word my chattering teeth would release.
“I know Dolly, but we aren’t getting out until you come back to us.”
“Really cold,” I utter this time.
“Me too, and let me tell you this temperature is doing nothing for ‘lil Chris’, he is not happy either, is it possible for a guy’s dick to invert itself?” I look up at him and giggle and Chris smiles back at me and then I start to laugh a bit more.
“Neely, she’s back, get me some fuckin’ towels ready, I’m freezing,” he shouts.
“All set,” is returned from my room. Neely’s here? Chris is here? What? How? Chris climbs out of the shower and dumps me on the bed, he then heads back into the bathroom to dry off and get himself dressed.
After an hour, three huge black coffees and some pastries I start to cry again.
“It’s OK. What happened?” asks Neely. I blow my nose, dry my face and just look up and say “Jonas.”
“I know you’re upset about the baby thing, but…”
“He left me again, he came here, he loved me, I loved him back and he left me,” I say quietly through more tears.
“What do you mean he came here?” This time it’s Chris whose face is staring at me with a lack of understanding. Over the next couple of hours I tell them everything whilst sparing them actual details about the nature of the sex we had and Jonas’s ‘real’ side. I tell them about the past, his feelings and finish with how he told me it was never going to be more than one night and then I awoke to find him gone. Neely blows up like a rocket and Chris is mad and trying to keep a lid on his anger, but talking about it has made me feel better and less suicidal.
“How did you find me?”
“The crazy ass granny landlord answered your phone and told me I’d better haul ass,” says Chris. “I rallied the other half of the Dolly Duo and here we are, although convincing Lottie, Flo and Barbara to stay at home was not easy. They’re worried.”
“Oh. OK. Wow.”
“Dolly as much as it pains me to say this, you have to come back. Your life is in Hawkstown and we’re not leaving you here. Jonas can go fuck himself,” says Neely as she starts to poke through the bags on the floor.
“She’s right, it’s your home too, you’re just gonna have to pull up your big girl panties and learn to co-exist, he’s made his choice, albeit a fucking stupid one, but it’s his decision. You have to move on.” I hate sensible Chris because I know he’s right. He’s right because after a week of living in a drunken stupor I still have the same problems only now I’ve got the added embarrassment of the state they found me in as well.
“OK,” it’s not like there is anything more I can say. Disagreeing with them will definitely bring Lottie and Flo to the party and probably mean Barbara demanding an intervention.
“Let’s get some more food and fluid in and get you moving,” says Neely.
A military operation kicks in and before I know it, I’m dressed ready to join society have got my bags and car packed and am saying goodbye to Jessie. I leave telling her how thankful that I am I found her beautiful home and that I’ll send her some pictures of it when I get them printed. Chris is driving his pick up back, but makes sure that Neely is set to drive my jeep home first. As we’re approaching the car she stops me and with a stern eye says “Dalton, I’m sorry I didn’t push you to talk things through especially when I could see you were suffering, I tried to give you space and it didn’t work. But so help me fucking God if you ever disappear again and do something this bastard stupid again I will not be held responsible for the total mother fucking ass kicking you will get. I love you, you’re my girl, you’re my soul sister from another mister, but you worry me like this again…”
“OK Neely, I think she gets it,” Chris interrupts her tirade because he can see I’m still fragile. “Let’s get this show on the road,” he says.
“I’m sorry.” It’s all I can say, I’m embarrassed and have no other response. I’ve put people through hell and the state they found me in is totally unacceptable.
Jonas Drakeson has a lot to answer for. I don’t want to hold him to account for those answers though, as far as I am concerned, he’s dead to me.
When we get home Neely comes in with me to make sure I call Barbara, apparently she’s been unbearable. Chris has brought the bags in and we hug, I don’t say much to him, I don’t need to but I do tell him I know how lucky I am that he’s in my life and that I love him dearly. I get a smile and a wave in return and he leaves after a strange glance in Neely’s direction, one that I’m too tired to try and figure out.
“Dalton Frobisher, for the love of GOD where have you been? And why haven’t you returned my calls?” Barbara is mad.
“I’m sorry Barbara, I’ve been out of town working, had little or no cell phone reception and a bit of a flu thing, but I’m back and I’m sorry if I worried you.”
“WORRIED! I was imagining all sort of stuff, but you’re back, do not do this again. Poor Harrison has had a tough time of it, I’ve made that man’s life miserable, he’s just about had enough of my bad moods.” Her initial rant is over, but she makes sure her message is received and understood. “Can you come for dinner tomorrow night?” she asks. Panic sets in, I don’t want another ambush or to see Jonas yet…or ever. “It’ll just be me, you and Harrison, and I’ve been told to tell you that there will be no ambush, although why he thinks bringing that up again is going to improve my moods, I’ll never know.” Barbara is fine now because the rambling mode of conversation has kicked in.
“OK then, yeah, I’ll pop over, what time?”
“5pm. OK, get some rest, those flu things can take a while to get over you know.”
“OK, see you tomorrow,” I say and hang up. She’s knows that I’ve not had the flu but doesn’t want to ask straight away why I’ve been AWOL.
Neely leaves with a sorrowful, pitying expression on her face, but I assure her I feel better now I’m back surrounded by my own creature comforts. A warm soak in the tub and a mug of chocolate see me though to bed time, where I fall asleep promising myself that tomorrow is a new day and I will do whatever it takes to put dark thoughts to the back of my mind. Tomorrow is my fresh start.
Chapter
Sixteen
I was functioning well, I’d successfully resumed my place amongst the living and normal members of day walking society.
My first encounter at Barbara and Harrison’s for dinner was fine, although she did make some comments like “Past decisions were made with the best of intentions” and “You do things for your loved ones that have an impact that you can never predict” and so on. I didn’t comment whilst she said these, but I knew she was referring to Jonas going in to the navy and us not having the chance to be together. Neely was hovering permanently, she was truly worried about my decision to use alcohol as a coping mechanism, but she didn’t make me feel stifled, so I was happy to be around her to reassure her it was a one time thing and I was OK. I hadn’t seen or heard from Jonas in over two weeks, our last contact had been our one night. Part of the reason Neely stuck close was to make sure I was strong enough to deal with him if he emerged from the shadows he’d retreated into.
Chris had text a lot and popped round, he never raised the subject of his friend and neither did I, but I knew that in a town as small as ours there was no way we’d be able to avoid each other for ever. In general, I was back at work, keeping in touch with Mig and Pamela and picking up small pieces of work for them. I was also looking forward to the Mayor’s Day Festival so I could finish off the brochure for Oli. The only thing I was struggling with was my health, I had no appetite, felt queasy and had some balance issues if I stood up too quickly. For these reasons alone, I totally regret the drinking assault I went on to forget that night. My usually Google medical diagnosis method told me that I was super close to having alcohol poisoning; realizing you could have ended up in hospital sure gives you a wake up call. The fact that I couldn’t even stomach the smell of it anymore was testament to how bad it had affected me. So I carried on doing my thing whilst my binge drinking worked its way out of my system. I should have taken some pictures of myself and become the poster girl to warn teenagers of the dangers of over indulgence.
Fostering Love (The Soul Sisters Series Book 1) Page 16
