New student day was always exciting, especially that all of Bria’s students loved her so much, but today was different. The other night she was going through her email, playing a game of do-you-seem-like-a-bright-student-just-from-your-name, when she landed on something so familiar that it made her insides move. Ava Carlson. Carlson. She knew that name all too well, almost like it was carved into her mind. Her heart dropped suddenly and the first thing she did was go onto Kade’s Facebook profile to check if he had, by any peculiar chance, moved back to Livingston.
It was true. Kade Carlson, her high school sweetheart, had moved back to the little old town and he had brought his three-year-old daughter with him. Bria was petrified. The last time she saw Kade they were parked in front of her house up on Groove’s Street, exchanging their last kiss before he finally dumped her, two weeks before prom.
“Why are you doing this?” she remembered asking him. She also remembered looking at herself in the rear-view mirror, and observing her Avril Lavigne inspired makeup look melting like wax off her face. “Is there someone else?” she asked him, streaks of black eyeliner running down her cheeks.
“Well, yeah,” he nodded, much to her surprise.
“Who is it?” she asked him, her nostrils flared. At that moment it started raining and that was when Kade excused himself.
“I have to go.”
“No, not before you tell me who it is.”
He froze for a moment, his eyes fixated on the AC of his car. “Scarlett, Scarlett Callahan.”
Bria felt her stomach churn. She didn’t say anything after that; she just nodded and slipped out of his car, never to see him again. Then somewhere between that day and this night Bria found out she was going to be teaching Kade’s daughter. The years dragged on and they went their separate ways. They dated other people and fell in love with other people and lost people and, apparently, had kids. Well, she didn’t. Bria had always loved children but she wasn’t ready to have one herself. She was even more surprised to find out that Kade had a child. For the past ten years, his presence in her life was a mere thumbnail on her newsfeed, hovering around idly, just a face on a screen. She had mistakenly liked one of his posts, but she was quick to unlike and pretend that nothing ever happened.
Bria sighed and collapsed on the bed. For a while she just stared up at the fan’s moving propellers but then she decided she was going to make herself some breakfast. She had time to spare anyway, given the fact that she had gotten up at four AM for no reason at all. No reason at all, she thought to herself. She snuck into the kitchen as quietly as she could so she didn’t wake up the cat. A mighty furry beast, she was asleep right in the middle of the kitchen floor. Bria loved Snickers more than anything. She had been with her for the past seven or so years, but on her darkest days, she needed someone to talk to, and have them talk back.
“It’s not that you’re not enough for me,” she mumbled to herself. She cracked an egg into her favorite red bowl and stirred it aggressively. For some reason she couldn’t stop thinking about today. Last semester new student day was a success; she got to know the kids in no time, in fact one of them came up to her at the end of class smiling because, in a matter of hours, she had taught him to love his ginger hair.
“Hey, you!” she had said to him at the time. “You look like a big boy, how old are you?”
“I’m five,” he whispered under his breath.
“Oh, you’re a big boy! What’s your name?”
“Aiden.”
“Aiden! What a lovely name. Alright, Aiden, do you wanna tell the rest of the class a little bit about yourself?”
He shook his head and folded his arms across his chest and that was when she realized she needed to talk to him. So during their break, she sat down on the grass next to him. “Hey, what’s up?”
“Nothing.” He turned his face the other way. Bria thought that dealing with kids was her favorite challenge.
“Yo, where are you going?” she asked him.
“Back inside,” he said.
“Don’t you want to play with the other kids?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because they’ll make fun of my hair.”
“Oh, has anyone made fun of your hair today?”
“No, but they did at my other school,” he said.
“And how did you deal with that?”
There was silence. Aiden averted his gaze elsewhere, and for a while he was just staring into space.
“Hey, come here. What are those?” Bria pointed to his face.
“Ugly dots, they’re ugly dots.”
“You mean freckles?”
“Ugly freckles.”
She giggled. “Your freckles aren’t ugly. You know what they look like?”
“What?”
“They look like stars.”
His chin tilted a little and his eyes snapped sideways. “Really?”
“Yes, really! You know that not everyone has freckles, right? And the ones that do also happen to have red hair, like you!”
“I don’t like my red hair.”
“Well, you ought to. Think of it this way, it’s like you have a flame on the top of your head, and that makes you cool, like a superhero!”
Aiden’s lips curved to a smile. He reached out and touched his hair, then he moved his fingers away almost immediately. “Ow, it hurts!” he jumped, then his lips curved to a wry grin.
“It does, doesn’t it?” Bria said. “Can I touch it, too?”
“Careful, it’s pretty hot,” he said. She reached out and touched his hair with the tips of her fingers. “Oh my God!” she snatched her hand away. “You’re like Hephaestus!”
“Who?”
“Hephaestus, the god of fire!”
“Woah!” Aiden’s pearly teeth were flashing through his smile, and then, without uttering another word, he took off. Bria watched him infiltrate a group of kids, approaching them with a newfound confidence, and letting them touch his hair. A little while later they were all playing with him, chasing him around the playground and calling him ‘Heliopolis’.
Bria smiled at the egg batter. She found solace in helping little kids find themselves and the longer she worked as a preschool teacher, the more she loved her job and the more she wanted to have kids of her own one day.
She must’ve spent the coming hour making french toast but her mind was somewhere else. Finally, at around six AM, she left the house because she needed to get there early to decorate the classrooms. That was one more thing that she liked -- arts and crafts. And she was really good at it, too. It was like Bria was the archetype of the perfect preschool teacher, arriving every morning with her big hiking bag and sketch books and packs of crayons. Everyone thought it was cute.
She balanced herself on her bike and took off in the early morning, feeling the warm sunlight fall on her skin. On that day the lake was flat as any mirror, laying without a ripple in the silver-blue water as if time itself had been frozen. From the tall pines around the edge came not a sound, no movement of branches, no birds calling. The air was calm and dead, but in a good way. At times Bria would get off her bike and walk to the lakeshore, and that was what she did. Looking through the waters of the lake was like peering through perfect glass, unsmudged by the sticky prints of small children. The stones at the bottom had many hues of brown and grey. After a few minutes of looking Bria could notice some that there were some that were more reddish or closer to white. The water at the point she stood had a current. The earthen path stretched wide to her left and right making a complete loop around the edge just behind the trees that grew directly on the bank.
Finally she hopped onto her bike again and rode off. The school was in a quiet neighborhood, even quieter than her own, and even though she had to bike thirty minutes to get there, she wouldn’t have traded the view for anything.
“Morning, Mrs. Batcher,” she smiled in greeting. Her mind was buzzing with thoughts about today, but first thing’s first: d
ecorations. She must’ve spent the next hour hopping on and off chairs, hanging up posters and paper flyers and cutouts and balloons.
“I still don’t know where you get all that energy from,” the robust woman said, shaking her head from side to side. Bria wasn’t sure if she was impressed or disapproving.
“Thanks, I guess?” she said, jumping off the chair and grabbing another flyer.
“Well, don’t forget to greet the parents at the door,” she added, stepping outside. Bria sprinkled a little confetti on the tables before heading out herself. She waited for a little bit until the parents all started arriving with their children. Suddenly her heart dropped. A man appeared in the hallway and for a moment she thought it was Kade. Without even thinking she stepped back into the classroom and busied herself with something else.
“Good morning,” she heard a voice say. She turned around, only to find that it wasn’t Kade, but a stubby man and his son.
What the hell is wrong with me? she thought to herself. “Morning!”
Then one by one, they started showing up. Bria found herself socializing more with the teachers steering clear from the doorway, avoiding it at all costs so she didn’t bump into Kade. Just the thought of him walking in there made her stomach churn, and then she started to feel stupid.
“Bria,” Mrs. Batcher said, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Why aren’t you greeting the parents at the door? And where did all the cookies go?”
“The kids ate them,” she said, pursing her lips. She nodded at the woman and walked back to the door, where she hung out until the next parent-child duo showed up. Every time she saw someone come up the stairs her heart skipped a beat, not in anticipation but in pure apprehension -- or perhaps both. She wasn’t particularly excited to see Kade, but she was, if anything, a bit curious to see how his life turned out.
Mrs. Batcher was still eyeing her from across the room. Alright, Ari, time to get your shit together, she thought to herself before flashing the woman a smile and shaking hands with one of the parents.
“This is Sally,” the skinny-legged woman said.
“Hi, Sally!” Bria waved, but she couldn’t help but stare at the door the entire time. The classroom was swarming with people, all talking to each other over cookies and paper plates. As much as she loved that her cookies were a success, she was getting overwhelmed. She looked up at the clock and it was already nine; maybe Kade and his daughter weren’t showing up, after all.
Chapter Three
“Ava, sweetie, it’s time to get up,” Kade said, rocking his daughter gently. She was curled up on the bed like a fetus. Kade stroked her shoulder with his thumb until she opened her eyes and blinked at him. “Guess what day it is.”
She mumbled something inaudible, and then slowly got up.
“It’s yours first day of school, honey.”
“Mhmm.”
Kade stared up at the clock. It was almost eight thirty. A few hours ago he had fallen asleep on the couch, and then he woke up to the sound of birds chirping. “Shit, we’re late!” he said, bolting up the stairs and slipping into Ava’s room.
“Come on, time to get dressed,” he said, helping her up and handing her the clothes she had picked out the other day. The truth was that he knew nothing about girls’ clothes but when Ava said she’d be wearing a pair of green pants over a bright red and yellow striped sweater, he couldn’t help but smile and tell her that she’s beautiful.
“Do you want me to make you breakfast?” Mrs. Carlson asked, stepping into the room. Her hair almost resembled a bird’s nest and her eyes were half-closed, almost swollen.
“That would be great, Mom,” Kade said. “Oh and, um, one more thing. Could you drop Ava off at school today? I can’t be late for work.” It was his first day at his new job, and the last thing he wanted to do was drag his feet into the courthouse at ten AM. Even though he was apprehensive, he was filled with hope that there was a place for him in the world.
I can’t fuck this up, he thought to himself.
“Of course,” Mrs. Carlson said, helping Ava get dressed. She rubbed her eyes and yawned constantly, but then she finally got dressed, tied her hair back and threw her bag over her shoulder.
“I don’t know how you do it,” Kade said before heading out.
“I raised you, didn’t I?” his mother said, rather to herself. As soon as Kade left the house, Ava’s eyes started swelling up with tears and as she watched him through the window of her room, she started sobbing. “It’s okay, sweet Ava. Daddy’ll be back in a couple of hours, but for now we need to go to school.”
“I don’t want to go to school,” she said, her voice quivering. She watched Kade walk down the driveway and disappear, and that was when her sobbing turned into howling, and she crawled up on the bed again, refusing to be moved.
“Come on, honey,” Mrs. Carlson said, putting a hand over her. “Wow, you’re stubborn. Just like your daddy.”
Kade stomped the gas pedal and flew on his way to the courthouse. Suddenly his phone started ringing. “Hey, Mom. Is everything alright?”
“Ava won’t go to school. She said she wants you to come back.”
“Oh, God,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Let me talk to her.” There was a pause, a bit of crackling on the other end, and then sniffling. Around a year ago, Ava started seeing a grief counselor, a sweet red headed lady who really looked like she knew what she was doing.
“She’ll get over it,” she said with all certainty. Months later Ava was still having night terrors, in fact they were getting progressively worse and more frequent. Kade decided to put in place his own therapy techniques, which mostly included cuddles and promises of a good future. Ava’s counselor, on the other hand, was all about false promises and zero results. She would spend hours talking about the grieving process, how it’s different for kids and how, even though Ava was too young to remember, memories of her mother’s death have wiggled their way into her subconscious.
“Now, go with Grandma, alright?” Kade said as he parked in front of the courthouse. “Do you promise me that you’ll go with Grandma?”
“Mhm,” Ava said.
“Good girl, now … have a great day, munchkin. I can’t wait to hear all about it.”
Kade must’ve spent an eternity trying to parallel park. His brain was on overdrive; all he could think about was Ava fitting in with the rest of the kids. As he gathered his things he took his time to look at the streets, like really look at them. He realized that he needed to walk more often, to explore this little town that he once called home. The truth was that he had forgotten most of it, or perhaps he didn’t know much about it at all. He only remembered where the cinema was, where the park was. Was there a theater, even? Kade loved the theater and he made Ava fall in love with it too.
As he walked up the stairs to the courthouse, he felt a bit uneasy, like something was tugging at him. This was his chance at a new beginning, and he wasn’t about to mess it up. He pulled his suit together and rolled up his sleeves; today was a new day, not just for him but for his daughter, too.
He was told to make his way to the judge’s chambers first thing in the morning. His shoes clicked against the marble floor as he walked; the place was quiet, almost majestic in its silence. Kade looked around, admiring the architecture of the place, but in the back of his mind he was still worrying over his own presumed incompetence. He checked his phone for calls one last time, and when he found none, he breathed a sigh of relief, thinking that Ava had probably gone to school.
A great crystal chandelier hung from the ceiling, grand as it was intimidating. The light came in through stained glass windows, hitting the marble ground with its colorful might. Even though he didn’t have the time to, Kade observed the patterns, trying to make sense of them. Then he turned with the stairs until he got to the presumed floor.
“Good morning,” he said, peeking his head in through the inched open door. Two men were sitting there, one was at the desk and the other was sitting dow
n with his back to the door.
“Mornin’,” they both said in unison. The man spun around in his chair, and the moment his gaze met Kade’s, they both smiled.
“Mr., Mr. Guffaw?” he jumped, his eyes growing wide. “I didn’t know you’d be here!”
“I’m quite surprised, myself,” he said, rising to his feet and walking towards him. He had grown quite a big belly over the years; his hair was long and grey now and his nose had gotten longer and pointier like an old wrinkly boot. “Actually, I take that back. I’m not surprised at al l… I’ve always known I’d run into you here one day.”
He then turned to the other man and gestured towards Kade. “Kade was my student some ten years ago … he was always an assertive kid, spoke his mind on every possible occasion, perhaps he spoke a bit too much,” he smirked at Kade before averting his gaze back to the other man. “I’ll never forget this one time when I thought I had heard him talk in class … so, I turn around, right?” He spun on his heel and faced Kade again. “I turn around, and no one’s doing anything. So I go, You’re disrupting the class. And he asks me, Did you see me? I go, No, but I know it’s you. And guess what he says?” Kade shook his head and stuffed his hands into his pockets. He goes, No evidence, no case!”
The other man burst out laughing and Kade could feel the heat rising to his cheeks. “Looks like you had a little lawyer in class, and you didn’t even know it,” he said.
“Oh, I knew it, alright.”
“That’s right, Mr. Guffaw was the one that pushed me to go to law school. Best decision I ever made,” Kade said, smiling timidly. When he was younger, he always liked to argue with people, teachers included. He would weave his way through debates, diving in and out of loopholes, busting every single logical fallacy and handing it to them. Whenever there was a student debate Kade was there, the only guy in a suit, standing at the podium with a water in his hand.
“He was pretty relentless,” the big-bellied judge said. “He was having existentialist debates by age fifteen, now, isn’t that something?”
Second Chances Page 2
