He had stayed up all night, troubled by his own revelations, quite surprised at himself for making such a decision. A toilet seat was a toilet seat; it meant nothing more. He tossed and turned in bed and tried spooning Scarlett for a while but she turned away from him. Then everything started to feel wrong, so very wrong, like it was never meant to happen in the first place. Marrying Scarlett started to feel like the biggest mistake he’d ever made, because, even though a toilet seat was a toilet seat, Kade never really loved her.
Scarlett was a beautiful woman. He remembered running into her in the hallway one day and being absolutely bewildered by her fiery red hair and good looks. She had shot him a sly glance and then proceeded to walk with her friends, but that look never seemed to escape his mind. He was dating Bri at the time, but for some reason he couldn’t get his mind off the redhead. Matters became worse when she started taking a class with him; two group assignments later, Kade was hooked.
Facebook was only in its infancy when Scarlett sent him a friend request. He remembered hovering around her name, thinking about whether this was a good idea or not, but then he stumbled upon one bikini picture that sent his adolescent imagination soaring and he had no choice but to accept.
Then one thing led to another and Kade found himself chatting with Scarlett, exchanging music with her, and all those things that high schoolers did. Which led him to think that he was actually in love with Scarlett, and that his relationship with Bri was a big scam. When Kade thought about those things now, he smiled to himself because it felt like a lifetime ago. High school Scarlett had faded into a distant memory, something almost intangible, obsolete, and totally out of reach.
Prom was coming up, and Kade needed to make a decision. He was your typical jock, loved and admired by everyone. And the truth was that a lot of girls would’ve killed to go out on a date with Kade Carlson. But all he could see was Scarlett, with her long red velvet hair, her freckled face, and mediocre bass skills. In his defense, Kade never cheated on Ari, but he did lead her into thinking that they were going to prom together, all because he was too scared to tell her the truth. So what followed after that was Bria’s prom fiasco, which included a week’s search for the perfect poofy dress, several face masks, and a hired photographer.
Around a week before prom, Kade realized that Scarlett, too, had begun her prep journey, which led him thinking, Woah, man, I really gotta dump Ari. Fast forward twenty-four hours and the two of them were parked outside Bria’s house, sitting in gut retching silence. Nothing could be heard but the sound of their breathing, and then all of a sudden, Bria exploded with a series of curse words and accusations and “I knew it was her all along!” Kade just sat there, absolutely frozen, trying to think of what to say next but before his words could take flight, Bria stormed out of the car, never to be seen again.
And so Kade was the reason why Bri never went to prom, and that was one big burden to carry. But of course at the time, being the immature high schooler that he was, Kade didn’t give a shit, even less when everyone went off to college and Bria had become a distant memory to him. What was left was Scarlett, who became more stunning as the years rolled by. Everyone envied him. And they envied her. It was like they were the star couple of their class — that is until they started fighting.
They say you never really know a person until you live with them and that was exactly what happened with Kade and Scarlett. It turned out, Scarlett was one hell of a drama queen. After being asked to pick a favorite shade of lipstick, Kade pointed out that they all looked the same to him, to which Scarlett responded with three days of silent treatment. The days rolled by and Kade had already met her parents and the truth was that they liked him probably more than Scarlett did, vowing to stop at nothing until the two of them married.
“Well, I really can’t wait until you’re out of here,” Carol would joke, over and over again.
“Ouch,” Kade would say, rolling his eyes. Despite his mother’s careless ways and crude sense of humor, he still loved her to death, and so he would’ve done virtually anything to please her. He was still too young to get married, he knew he was, but he was looking forward to a new life, a life far away from Livingston and all its people. It was the typical small town, and to him, small towns killed dreams, while big cities brought them to life.
“Why don’t we just move to New York?” he asked Scarlett one day, to which she replied with a scoff.
“But my family lives in Arizona,” she said, giving him a glare that froze his bones. “You promised.”
Oh, and another thing about Scarlett; she was pretty damn selfish. Somehow she had managed to pull a promise out of Kade, one that would bound him to Arizona forever.
“This isn’t how I imagined my life would turn out,” he said to himself once while Scarlett slept soundly next to him. All he wanted was to move to New York and live a fast paced life, to move along the current of panicked businessmen hurrying to their jobs, to stop at a hotdog cart on his way back, to spend New Year’s Eve at Times Square. Instead he had to tolerate Arizona’s dry summers, and mingle with their old retired neighbors over hot cups of tea. But as the years dragged on he got used to it. Better yet, he grew to love his job. In fact his job was his only outlet from what was quickly turning into an empty nest marriage, one that was held together by a tiny little seed budding in Scarlett’s belly.
Kade tried to convince himself, over and over again, that he was still in love with Scarlett. The same love that tore him away from Bria and hurled him into her arms almost a decade ago. But no matter how hard he tried, he realized that this was no longer the case and that marrying Scarlett was a mistake.
He planned on leaving her, but instead she left him.
Kade clenched his eyes at the memory and swiveled around in his chair again. He clasped his hands behind his head and let his thoughts take him to a happier place, a more comfortable place. Bria. He wondered why he even left her in the first place, because even though he still missed Scarlett with all his heart, she wasn’t the one for him.
“And that’s okay,” he whispered to himself. He didn’t want to lie to himself anymore, in fact he was done living a lie. After years of trying to please everyone around him, Kade had finally reached a decision; that he would be true to himself. That meant raising his daughter to be a wonderful woman, going on long bike rides at the crack of dawn, learning how to cook instead of eating his mother’s food, and being with the type of person he wanted to be with.
Suddenly he snapped out of it and he worked ferociously for the rest of the day. Even Mr. Guffaw was impressed.
“Well, well, well. I didn’t expect you to be done so quickly!” he told him. “Burst of inspiration?”
“No, I just woke up,” he said, the silver of his eyes flaring up. It had taken him too long to realize certain things but once he did, there was no turning back.
Chapter Ten
Bri had forgotten how long a teacher’s day could be. She had forgotten about all the headaches, throat pains, and swollen feet. But despite everything, she loved everything about her job. Her favorite part? Stepping into their little world and knowing so much about them that she could almost call herself a mother.
Today Bri did a great job, and she was looking forward to the next day. And the next. And the next until she ran out of days. Discovering kids like Ava was also one of her favorite things about what she did, because one day she imagined they’d grow up and remember her. She wondered what Ava would remember her for, whether it was the compliments she gave her or the stickers she stuck on her notebook. But she hoped she would remember her for something. Kids, Bria realized, were special creatures, and she needed to treat them as such.
She peered up at the clock and, realizing it was almost two o’clock, decided that now was the right time to panic. She expected Kade to show up anytime now and no matter how hard she tried to avoid him, she knew she couldn’t. She hated how awkward their dynamic was and she still cursed Savvy for making her go out that
night. Alright, well, she didn’t make her do anything, but it was still her fault regardless. It was just easier to blame other people for your own fuck ups.
As always Ava clinged to her leg, laughing hysterically whenever Bri tried to break free.
I swear, it’s like I have a little puppy, she thought to herself. Ava was probably the clingiest child she’d ever met but she never seemed to get sick of her.
“Can I come in?”
Bria looked over to find Mrs. Baxter, her supervisor, standing there.
“Of course,” she smiled, just because she had to. As much as Bria liked Mrs. Baxter, she sure hated her visits. That woman always wanted something. That, or she was just keeping an eye on her. “What’s up?”
“Well, I just wanted to say, you’re doing a great job this semester,” the woman said, slumping down on one of the chairs. “I received a few phone calls from the kids’ parents, and I gotta say, these kids really love you, Bria.”
Her heart warmed. “I really wasn’t expecting that,” she said, her hand flying to her mouth. At that moment she thought that teaching was probably the most rewarding job in the world. It was nothing like building bridges or working at a bank.
“Those who can’t do, teach,” her mother would always say, but boy, was she wrong. Bria preferred this job over everything. In fact a part of her felt like she had found her calling.
“Thank you, really,” she said after a long pause. “That means a lot to me.”
“Well, you deserve it,” Mrs. Baxter said, adjusting her glasses over her nose. Suddenly Bria felt a presence, like someone was standing behind her. She turned around, only to find Kade standing there, his lips parted and his tie slightly loosened around his neck, like he had been sprinting.
“Daddy!” Ava said, running to him. As always, he picked her up and spun around a bunch of times. Mrs. Baxter stared at them with a smile plastered to her face, almost like she was reminiscing.
“Ari,” Sandra, a fellow preschool teacher said, popping her head in through the door. “It’s Jessica’s birthday today, we bought her a cake.” One by one, the teachers snuck into the classroom; Bria didn’t understand what was going on until they started ducking behind the chairs. “Quick! Turn down the lights!” Sandra hissed. Bria didn’t know Jessica that well at all, but she complied, anyway.
“Um, I better get going,” Kade whispered.
“Shh!”
“Let’s just hide,” Bria said, crouching down behind one of the chairs. He crouched down with her, stroking Ava’s hair gently so she didn’t make a sound. The air was tense with an impending happiness. Kade shifted uneasily, breathing slower than usual; Bria thought he probably couldn’t wait to leave. It wasn’t long before Jessica stepped inside, only to be blinded by a burst of confetti.
“Surprise!”
Bria saw the shock register on her face before she could hide it. There was a delicious moment where her face washed blank with confusion, like her brain cogs couldn't turn fast enough to take in the information from her wide eyes. Every muscle of her body just froze before a grin crept onto her face, soon stretched from one side to the other showing every single tooth.
“Thank you, guys,” she said, hugging each person in turn. Bria walked up to her and left Kade behind, and he had no choice but to mingle with these women. He contemplated leaving but there was something about watching her socialize with her work friends that made his heart melt.
Kade stuck around longer than Bria thought he would. She had gotten all caught up with her work friends, that she had totally forgotten he and Ava were still there. They had sung Jessica Happy Birthday. They had blown out the candles and cut the cake. And Kade was still standing at the very back of the classroom, holding his daughter, who was just smiling at Ari.
“I’m so sorry,” she walked up to them. “It’s just that I got a little distracted.”
Before she could utter another word, she saw total blackness as Kade kissed her. She hiccuped, and suddenly the world seemed to go around in total slowness. Then she started hearing cheering, followed by “awhs”. Something told her they had stolen Jessica’s spotlight. Kade pulled away, and as she looked around she realized that everyone had been staring at them.
“Y’all are cute!” Mrs. Baxter said, gawking at them above the thick rim of her glasses. Bria was blushing and even though Kade had given her butterflies, she still didn’t know how she felt about this.
“What was that for?” she whispered, her eyes darting back and forth frantically. Kade’s eyelids dropped a little, almost like he was disappointed. At that point she was just staring at him, unforgivingly, almost. Kade shrunk a little because, judging by the look on Bria’s face, he had screwed up big time.
Chapter Eleven
Kade held his breath and gazed at Bria. Her hands were balled up into loose fists, and she was staring somewhere distant, somewhere far away. To him it felt like he had lost her with that move. Her friends had gathered round the table again, totally getting over the whole thing, but she was still stuck in her little bubble, bewildered and pinned to the floor.
He couldn’t stand the idea of fucking up like that. He had made Bria totally uncomfortable; he could tell that from her pursed lips and twitching cheeks. “Are you alright?” he asked her, but she stuck to her silence and stormed out of the classroom. “What the hell just happened?” Kade asked himself. “Ava, wait for me here, alright?” he said.
“Don’t worry, we’ll take care of her,” Mrs. Baxter winked. “Trouble in paradise?”
“We’re about to find out,” he said, taking off after her. He followed Bri down the stairs, but she wouldn’t look at him. “Bria, Bria!” he called out her name, but she wouldn’t stop. At first Kade thought she was wandering around aimlessly, but then it occurred to him that she knew exactly where she was going. She hurried down the fire exit, shoved the door open and disappeared behind it. Kade hurried after her, following her down the flight of stairs and then stopping where she did. “Hey, come on. Talk to me,” he said, placing a hand over her shoulder. “I thought, I thought it’d make you happy … what I did.”
Bria stared at him, her eyes swelling up with tears.
“Wow, um. I’m really panicking right now, help.” Kade’s attempts to turn this into a joke weren’t really helping, but thankfully, he heard the door creak open, and there was Ava. “What, how did you get here?” he asked her. The little girl just smiled devilishly and turned away, as if to give them some privacy.
“You raised her well,” Bria said before bursting into tears again.
“Hey, hey. Talk to me,” Kade said, holding her face in his hands. At that point he just wanted her to pour her heart out to him, to tell him all those things that she never got to say.
“What’s the point?” she asked him, shifting around in her place. She was standing right in the middle of one of the tiles, fidgeting anxiously like a caged lion. “What’s the point of telling you how I feel?”
“The point is that I get to understand,” he said. “I get to know what goes on in your head before you go to sleep at night.”
“Oh, and what makes you think I’m willing to share any of that with you?” she asked, almost challengingly. Kade let out a frustrated sigh and started pacing slowly. Eventually he sat down on one of the stairs, and Bria shifted her focus to Ava.
“What’s wrong?” she whispered, pouting. Bria felt all warm on the inside. Damn, that cute little munchkin. I sure can’t say no to her.
Bria shook her head. “It’s not important,” she murmured. In the corner of her eye she could see Kade slumped down on one of the steps, pretending not to listen in on their conversation. Bri tried hard not to cry anymore, but she couldn’t help it. She couldn’t hold it back. Her eyes dripped with tears, and her walls, those walls that held her up just collapsed. Moment by moment, they fell. She just couldn’t keep her guard up anymore, she couldn’t pretend. Salty drops fell from her chin, drenching her shirt. Finally she pressed her head against
the wall, trying not to draw any attention, but it was too late. Ava was already staring at her with those big eyes, concerned eyes, eyes that said “I love you”.
“Tell me,” the little girl insisted.
“I’m just a little bit sad, as you can tell,” she blurted, trying to control her sobbing. She was trembling. They were raw tears, raw emotions, feelings that she couldn’t get over just-like-that. She knew Kade was listening in on their conversation, but he wouldn’t dare look.
“Why are you sad?”
“Well, a long time ago, your daddy broke my heart.”
“How?”
“It’s not important. He just really hurt me, okay? And I thought I had forgotten about it, but it turns out I haven’t.”
“Oh,” Ava said, obviously confused. Bria couldn’t believe she was saying this to anyone, let alone a three-year-old, but the truth was that she was desperate. Years later, she realized that she was just as distraught as she was the day that Kade dumped her. She needed an outlet, she needed to pour her heart out. No matter how hard she tried to resist it, there was no escaping how she felt.
Kade overheard Bria talking about him, and it made his skin crawl. It made his skin crawl because he knew she was right, that what he did was horrible. To this day, he hadn’t apologized for what he did. The words “sorry, I still love you” were just clawing at his throat, begging to come out.
Second Chances Page 9
