“Let’s not argue, darling.” Jason smiled that sparkly eyed smile that always sent female movie-goers into a frenzy. “We hardly get to spend any time together as it is.”
Yeah, and whose fault is that? Rose thought, helping herself to a plate of shrubbery. When she’d first arrived in New York her dad had been all over her – it was the first time he’d seen her since the whole internet storm and it had felt so nice to feel his concern. But all too quickly he’d gotten wrapped up in rehearsals and she’d been left spending most of her time with Rachel – or escaping Rachel and riding the subway to her old favourite haunts alone. She had met up with a few of her old crowd from school but all that had done was show her that they’d never been true friends. Those guys never had her back the way the Moonlight Dreamers did. They only wanted to talk about the infamous Instagram photo and what her mom was up to. They were gossip junkies, not friends.
“So,” Jason said, putting down his knife and fork and staring at her intently. She couldn’t help thinking he was acting even now – playing the part of the doting parent. “What have you got planned for next year?”
Rose watched as he helped himself to some courgette noodles. She got the distinct vibe that he was just going through the motions – saying what he thought he ought to. She was overwhelmed by the urge to do something to make him sit up straight and pay attention to her for once. Yes, why didn’t she see if he was really listening? “Next year? Well, I’d like to train as a patissier and – I’ve decided to come out.” She sat back and waited for his reaction.
Rachel let out a little gasp. Jason kept putting food on his plate. “Really? That’s nice, darling…” Then he froze. “You’ve decided to what?”
“To come out.”
He stared at her. A clump of courgette noodles dropped from his fork. “To come out? What, as in sexually?”
“Er, yes, Father, that is what coming out tends to mean.” As Rose looked at him her bravado started to morph into fear. She hadn’t wanted him to be the first person she told. She’d wanted it to be the Moonlight Dreamers. What if he was a dick about it? She wasn’t sure she’d be able to take it. Why had she said it? Why had she let him get to her? Why hadn’t she just bitten her lip?
“So, you’re saying that you’re gay?” Jason ran his hand across his shaven head. He looked genuinely shocked.
Rose nodded.
“But after the…”
“After the what?”
“The Instagram photo. You said the guy who posted it was your ex-boyfriend.”
“He was.”
Jason frowned. “But why did you go out with him if you’re gay?”
“It was an experiment. I was testing myself.” Rose’s skin was starting to crawl with embarrassment. She didn’t dare look at Rachel.
“So, you’re not into guys?”
“No.” Geez, what did he want her to do? Write an explanation on the tablecloth in her blood?
“I think this is so cool!” Rachel exclaimed, breaking the awkward silence.
“You do?” Rose glanced at her. She was nodding and smiling. But it wasn’t one of her usual, slightly vacuous smiles. This one reached her eyes. This one had meaning.
“Uh-huh. I think it’s great that you’ve taken ownership of your sexuality and that you’ve been brave enough to share it with us, isn’t it, honey?” Rachel looked at Jason and nodded, as if willing him to agree.
Rose looked at her dad. He still looked shell-shocked. “Yes. Yes, thank you for sharing something so personal with us, Rose. For feeling that you could open up in such a personal way.” He got to his feet. “I don’t know about you, but I feel the need for a hug.”
Relief rushed through her. She walked round the table to Jason and he held her tightly. She closed her eyes and pressed her head against his chest and for a moment she was taken back to a time when her parents weren’t that well known, back to a time before she had to think about things like fame or sexuality, when life was simple and anything could be solved by one of her dad’s hugs.
“Are you sure this isn’t – I don’t know – some kind of phase? Or some kind of reaction to what happened with the photo?”
“Dad! I do know my own sexual desires.” OK, now this was getting seriously cringe-worthy. She broke away from him. “Could we just get back to our Christmas courgettes and talk about something else?”
“Of course.”
They sat back down at the table.
“So, go on then – tell me all about this Donny Delaney character,” Rose said, eager to shift the spotlight from her “sexual desires”, even if it meant listening to her dad drone on about himself yet again.
Jason’s face lit up. “Well, as I said, he’s a very complex character and…”
As Rose listened to Jason ramble on about tragic flaws and story arcs she felt a warm glow inside of her. After years of carrying her secret like a ticking time bomb she’d finally told someone, and guess what? The world hadn’t ended. If anything it had made her feel closer to Jason and Rachel, which was a miracle in itself. Now she just had to tell the Moonlight Dreamers. Oh, and her mom. But how hard could that be?
WHIRLPOOL
BY SKY CASSIDY
Fear grips me by the wrist,
pulling me into its swirling depths.
I try to breathe but my lungs fill with ice,
I try to cry but the words freeze in my throat.
Is this what it feels like to be dead?
Suspended in time and space,
mummified by dread.
I search for bravery
but all I see is a darkening whirlpool
and the ghostly spectres of terrible outcomes
whispering “what if…” over and over and over again,
pulling me deeper and deeper
and deeper
down.
Chapter Four
Sky pulled the door of the houseboat shut behind her and stepped onto the bank of the canal. Coming back home had been a bittersweet experience. Sweet in that there was no place she loved more in the world than their cosy little boat, but bitter because coming home meant she was now just days away from starting school. As she strode along the tow-path the question that had been haunting her all week filled her mind again: why, when she’d been home-schooled for years, did Liam have to send her to school now? She understood that he needed to earn more money and not having to teach her would leave him with loads more time to run yoga classes, but still… She only had a few months to go before her GCSEs. Could he not have just held out until then and spared her the torture? The only good thing was that she’d be going to the same school as Amber. But this was only vaguely reassuring because it also happened to be the school where Amber had been plagued by bullies who couldn’t seem to accept the fact that she had two dads and liked dressing in men’s clothes. What would those girls make of Sky and the free-spirited life she’d been living? Would she get bullied for being home-schooled and living on a boat? Or for the pink strands in her hair or the clothes she wore? It seemed like anyone who was in any way different to the OMGs, as Amber called them, was persecuted just for breathing.
Sky followed the footpath up some steps and away from the canal. The rain-slicked road glimmered in the lights of the passing cars and the pavement was crowded with girls in high heels and guys in tight jeans and buttoned-up shirts making their way to their New Year’s Eve parties. Sky was so glad she was going to a Moonlight Dreamers meeting. She was so excited to see the other girls again. She couldn’t think of a better way to welcome in a New Year – especially a year that threatened to be so challenging.
Her phone vibrated in her pocket. She took it out and looked at the screen. It was a text from Rose.
Yo! The eagle has landed! I’m in a cab on my way to Brick Lane. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT start without me! Xoxo
Sky ducked into the doorway of a betting shop and sent a quick reply.
Yay! SO pleased you made it back in time. Can’t wait to see you and
HEAR YOUR NEWS. I haven’t forgotten by the way and I will MAKE you tell me. I’ve got hundreds of mantras lined up specially;) Sxxx
Sky put her phone back in her pocket and carried on her way feeling slightly lighter. She might have to start school soon but first she had a Moonlight Dreamers meeting – and that was guaranteed to make her feel a whole lot stronger.
Maali tightened her sari and looked in her bedroom mirror. She’d never worn a sari to a Moonlight Dreamers meeting before, but it was New Year’s Eve and she felt the urge to wear something special. Her ruby-coloured sari was her favourite outfit by far. The colour was rich and vibrant. It reminded her of rose petals. She looked at her Lakshmi figurine and sighed. Ever since her heartfelt prayer on Christmas Eve for a sign about her soulmate she’d seen references to Ash everywhere. Ashtrays, cigarette ash, her dad looking ashen-faced. She’d even come across an article on the Huff Post about Ash Wednesday – in the middle of Christmas. If that wasn’t a sign she didn’t know what was. But a sign of what? Maali grabbed her coat and bag and made her way downstairs. Her parents were in the living room with Namir watching Harry Potter for the millionth time.
“I’m just off to Amber’s!” she called from the hallway. It was great that her parents knew her friends now and she didn’t have to lie when she wanted to meet them, like she had in the early days of the Moonlight Dreamers.
“Maali, could you come here for a moment, please?” her mum called. She sounded really panicked.
Maali opened the door. The living room was dark, with only the flickering light from the TV. “Is everything OK? Dad!”
Her dad was on the floor, lying on his side, with her mum crouching over him. Namir was hugging a cushion on the sofa and looked frightened.
“Could you get a glass of water, please?” her mum asked.
“What’s happened? Is Dad OK?” Maali stood rooted to the spot.
“Yes, he just fell getting up to reach the remote control. Please could you get some water?”
“Of course.” Maali raced to the kitchen, her heart pounding. How had her dad fallen over just getting the remote? It didn’t make sense. She filled a glass with water and hurried back to the living room. Her parents were sitting on the sofa now but her dad still looked really spaced out.
“Are you OK?” Maali said, handing him the glass.
Her mum took it and gently raised it to his lips. “Take a sip,” she said softly.
“Is he OK?” Maali looked at her mum.
She looked as anxious as Maali felt. “Yes. He tripped. I think it’s too hot in here. Do you think it’s too hot in here?”
Maali shrugged. What did that have to do with anything? “Not really.”
Her mum’s face fell. Her dad blinked hard and forced a smile. “It’s OK. I’m fine.” He reached out for the water but his hand was trembling and he spilt it all over his lap.
“He keeps having these dizzy spells,” her mum said. “I told him he needs to get his eyes tested.”
Maali looked at her dad. He was pale and drawn. Surely whatever was causing his dizzy spells was more than just poor eyesight.
“Can we watch the movie now?” Namir asked in a quiet voice.
“Oh pet, of course we can.” Her mum turned to hug him. Then she looked up at Maali. “You go see your friends. Everything’s fine.”
Maali frowned. It felt wrong to leave them when her dad was so poorly.
“Go on. Have fun,” her mum said in a fake-jolly voice.
Maali looked at her dad. “Go on,” he said with a weak smile. “Enjoy yourself.”
“OK, if you’re sure?” Maali kissed him gently on top of his head.
Please help my dad, Lakshmi, she prayed as she made her way from the flat. Heal him from whatever is causing this. Normally, when Maali asked for the gods’ and goddesses’ help with something, she felt an instant sense of relief. But not this time. This time she felt an uneasy churning deep inside.
Chapter Five
Amber lit the last of the candles dotted around the room and sat down at her desk. It hadn’t stopped raining all day so they were having the meeting in her bedroom rather than up on the roof terrace. Rose and Sky were sprawled across her bed, legs entwined. Amber felt a warm glow of satisfaction as she thought back to the very first Moonlight Dreamers meeting. The tension between Sky and Rose had threatened to derail the whole thing before it even began, but thankfully they’d somehow ended up as close as sisters.
“I wonder where Maali is,” Amber said, taking the Moonlight Dreamers artefacts from her desk drawer and arranging them in a circle on the floor.
“Yeah, she’s got no excuse being late,” Rose said with a grin. “She only lives round the corner. I came halfway across the world and I got here on time. Anyone want some duty-free Toblerone?” She reached down to her backpack beside the bed and pulled out a huge bar of chocolate. Even after a transatlantic flight Rose looked stunning. Her cropped golden hair made her cheekbones look even more pronounced and her make-up-free eyes sparkled like emeralds. “Man, it’s so good to be here,” she sighed, offering Sky the chocolate.
“It’s so good to have you here,” Sky said. “I’d had this horrible feeling you were going to have such a great time in New York you wouldn’t want to come back.”
“Ha! No danger of that.” Rose snorted. “Not with my dad. He is seriously high maintenance. I’ve come to realize,” she said, sitting upright, “that you guys are more like my family now. It was the one thing that kept me sane over Christmas – knowing I had you to come back to.”
Sky broke off a chunk of chocolate and passed the bar to Amber. “Same here. I mean, I love my dad but I can’t talk to him the same way I can talk to all of you.”
“Huh, try having two of them,” Amber retorted. She put on the deep and serious voice she reserved for Oscar Wilde quotes. “‘Fathers should be neither seen nor heard. That is the only proper basis for family life.’”
“Amen, sister!” Rose exclaimed, leaning back on the huge bank of cushions at the head of the bed.
“Oscar?” Sky asked.
Amber nodded. “Of course.” She took her pocket-watch from her waistcoat pocket and flipped it open. “I hope Maali’s OK.”
Sky checked her phone. “I haven’t heard from her. Have you?”
Amber was about to check when the doorbell rang.
“Don’t worry, darling!” Gerald called up the stairs. “I’ll let her in. Just think of me as the butler.”
“I think your dads are awesome,” Rose said.
Amber shrugged as she placed the moonstone in the centre of the circle, but she couldn’t help feeling a burst of pride.
The sound of footsteps on the stairs was followed by a gentle knock on the door.
“Come in!” the three girls yelled in unison.
Maali stepped into the room.
“Wow! Maals, you look amazing!” Rose leapt up from the bed and grabbed her in a hug. Sky followed hot on her heels. Amber hung back awkwardly. Since getting to know the other Moonlight Dreamers her social skills had definitely improved, but she still found public displays of affection slightly awkward. Although they were in her bedroom, so it was hardly public.
“Happy New Year,” she muttered, patting Maali on the shoulder.
“Thank you.” Maali looked at them and her eyes filled with tears.
“What is it? What’s wrong?” Sky said, grabbing her hands.
“Has someone hurt you?” Rose’s face was suddenly serious.
“Do you want a mint?” Amber asked, her eyes falling on a packet of Polos on her desk. OK, why had she done that? Who asks someone in tears if they want a mint?
Maali shook her head. “No, thank you. I’m so sorry. It’s nothing. Well, it’s something but I don’t exactly know what. There’s something wrong with my dad. My mum says he needs his eyes tested but I know it’s more than that. It’s not just that he keeps getting dizzy, he looks so pale and haggard too. And people don’t look pale and haggard when they n
eed their eyes tested, do they?” She looked at the others questioningly.
“OK, rewind!” Rose took Maali by the hand and led her over to the bed. “Sit.”
Maali sat on the edge of the bed and started biting her bottom lip.
“Now start again from the beginning in sentences we can understand,” Rose instructed.
The other girls sat on the bed around Maali. “My dad’s been acting really weird over Christmas—”
“Join the club!” Rose exclaimed. “Sorry, go ahead.”
“How do you mean, weird?” Sky asked.
“He keeps getting dizzy and he looks so tired all the time. And then tonight…” Maali started fiddling with the gold trim on her sari. “He fell over in the living room—”
Rose grinned. “Too much Christmas sherry?”
“No. He doesn’t drink.”
Rose nodded. “I’m sorry. Carry on.”
“My mum said he’d fallen getting the remote control, but it was like he’d fainted. He was acting all spaced out. And when I got him some water he spilled it all over himself.”
Rose frowned. “Are you sure he hadn’t been drinking? My mom does stuff like that all the time when she’s been hitting the champagne.”
“No, I told you – he doesn’t drink.”
“Maybe he’s coming down with the flu,” Sky said gently. “There’s a lot of it about this time of year.” She quickly looked something up on her phone. “Yes, it says on Doctors Direct that flu can cause dizziness and exhaustion … and weight loss.”
“Really?” Maali looked at her hopefully.
“For sure.” Rose nodded. “My mom had the flu a couple years ago and she was like a zombie. She could barely stand. And she lost a ton of weight – which of course she loved, as she had a lingerie shoot coming up. My mom must be the only person alive who actually likes getting sick!”
Tell It to the Moon Page 3
