Amber
Chapter Thirty-two
As Sky put the finishing touches to her History essay, a flock of geese landed with a splash on the canal outside. It was as if they were giving her an ironic fanfare for finally completing a piece of homework. Sky sat back and sighed. One assignment down, five to go. Even though it was Sunday she’d set her alarm for super early, determined to tackle her homework once and for all. Something had shifted in her last night as she read her poem on the open mic. As she’d spoken her deepest feelings out loud a force had built within her, bigger and bigger, until it felt as if she wasn’t just reading the poem – it felt as if she was the poem. And as the anger and sorrow and determination and hope of the words all swirled around inside her, as she rode the waves of passion and emotion she had an epiphany. She’d been giving school way too much power, letting it get to her so much. Poetry was her passion – writing it and performing it – and nobody could take that away from her. Yes, school was stressful, but she wasn’t going to be there for ever. School wasn’t a final destination: it was a stepping stone. And if she viewed it like that – as a stepping stone to much better, brighter things – it lost its ability to overwhelm her. Then, on her way home last night, she’d got a notification from Wilde at Heart and read a blog post from Amber that had blown her mind. Amber had gone to Paris! And reading her defiant declaration of being proud to be different made Sky want to jump for joy. Amber had included a photo with her blog – a selfie of her sitting outside a Parisian café – looking so happy and free. Even though she’d been bullied at school and apparently on her blog, she hadn’t sat around feeling sorry for herself, she’d done something about it. And that’s how Sky wanted to live too. She’d sent Amber a text when she got home apologizing for being a rubbish friend and telling her how inspiring she found her words. Sky smiled as she re-read Amber’s reply.
You haven’t been a rubbish friend at all. You’ve been going through a really tough time and we all understand. And thank you so much! I’ve been getting some lovely messages about the blog. Paris was amazing! Amber x
Sky felt a wistful pang. She wanted to believe that her friends understood what she’d been going through recently – but she knew this wasn’t true of Rose. She still hadn’t heard from her. She scrolled down to Leon’s last text.
Thanks for a great night Sky-Blue. And for the great poem. Raw is real! Xx
Sky smiled. When the event finished last night Eloise had come sidling up to Leon, asking if they, but looking only at him, wanted to come to a party in Brixton. To Sky’s relief Leon shook his head. “We have an urgent date with a bag of chips,” he’d said, putting his arm round Sky. As they’d walked back to the station, sharing a bag of hot, salty chips, he asked her what had inspired her poem and it had all come tumbling out. How she’d been feeling about school, her fear about Maali’s dad ending up like her mum, even her argument with Rose. Leon hugged her. Then he’d told her about how, after his friend Tyrone was stabbed, he’d felt so angry at the world he’d shut everyone out – even the people closest to him. “Good friends are hard to find,” he said. “You need to keep them close – even when they say things that hurt you.”
Sky scrolled through her contacts till she got to Rose, but before she could send her a text she heard Liam making his way down the passageway.
“Sky, are ye awake? I’ve got a surprise.”
“What kind of surprise?” Sky said, opening the door. “Oh!”
Rose was standing there holding a backpack. Her expression was deadly serious, while Liam was grinning like a Cheshire cat.
“She’s come to stay with us,” he said. “Isn’t it grand?”
* * *
Rose sat on the end of Sky’s bunk.
“What are you doing here?” Sky said, looking from Rose to her backpack.
Rose frowned. Sky didn’t exactly seem thrilled at her arrival, which was pretty darn rude of her. Surely Rose should be the one who was pissed.
“OK, I’m going to head off to the High Road to get us all some breakfast,” Liam said from the cabin door. “How does croissants and coffee sound?”
“Sounds awesome,” Rose said. It felt good to be back around Liam at least. There was something instantly calming about him. It must be all the meditation he did.
“Great,” Liam said. “See you in a bit.”
Rose turned back to Sky. She was standing by the porthole on the other side of the cabin, holding her phone. Rose bristled. She’d probably been about to call Leon. “Do you want me to go?” she asked, picking up her bag. The last thing she wanted was to play gooseberry all week; she’d rather be on her own, back in Hampstead.
“What? No! Of course not!” Sky’s frown faded. “I’m really glad you’re here. You have no idea how glad.”
Rose frowned. “Seriously?”
“Yes.” Sky started fiddling with the drawstring on her pyjamas. “I was just about to call you.”
Rose felt a rush of relief. “Why?”
“To say sorry. And to explain.”
Rose put her bag down. “Explain what?”
“Why I’ve been so weird – about visiting Maali.” Sky sat down on the bunk opposite. “It didn’t have anything to do with Leon. This is going to sound really pathetic but I have a phobia of hospitals.”
“How come?” Rose studied her face for any sign that she was lying.
“Because…” Sky looked down into her lap. “Because that’s where my mum died – in a hospital. And ever since Maali’s dad was diagnosed with a brain tumour I’ve been terrified that the same thing’s going to happen to him. And when I’ve thought about having to go to a hospital to see her, I’ve freaked out. I’m really sorry.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Rose said softly.
“I was embarrassed. I was already feeling bad enough about being such a wuss about school.”
Rose came and sat down next to her. “You aren’t a wuss.”
“Really?”
Rose shook her head. “I’m sorry too.”
“What for?”
“Saying what I did about Leon. You were right. I was jealous. I was so gutted about Francesca and when things worked out for you guys I—” She broke off. This fessing up business was hard. “And I was scared I was going to lose you. That you’d lose interest in the Moonlight Dreamers.”
Sky looked visibly shocked. “I’d never lose interest in you guys. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”
“Better than poet guy?” Rose couldn’t help asking.
“Yes!”
Rose gave a relieved grin.
“I’m really sorry about Francesca,” Sky said. “And for saying what I did.”
“It’s OK.” Rose sighed. “I think I’ve figured out a meaning to it all. Maybe we are meant to meet certain people but it’s not always for the reason we think.”
“How do you mean?”
“I’ve been cursing the day I ever laid eyes on Francesca but that’s just because I’m gutted that she isn’t into me. The fact is, she made me realize what I want to do with my life and she’s given me my first break on that path. Maybe that’s why I was meant to meet her, to help me achieve my patissier dream, not my, like, gay dream.”
They looked at each other and laughed.
“I’ve really missed you,” Sky said, moving closer to Rose.
Rose took hold of her hand. “I’ve missed you too.”
Chapter Thirty-three
“How about a game of I Spy?” Maali’s dad said, looking at her and her mum with a grin. A terrified grin. Today was the day they were getting the biopsy results and an icy fear hung over all of them. They’d tried to distract themselves by playing countless games of charades but it didn’t work. At any moment now the consultant could come striding into the ward and hand her dad a possible death sentence. Maali looked at the Kali figurine on the bedside cupboard. She’d brought it to the hospital with them this morning to help bring them strength. Please, Kali. Please let i
t be good news, Maali silently prayed. Kali glared back at her fiercely.
Sky got into school half an hour early – a record for her – and made her way to her form room. School wasn’t so bad at this time of day, with no other students about. The corridors felt wider and the only sound she could hear was the distant hum of the traffic outside. She opened her form-room door and breathed a sigh of relief: Mrs Bayliss was already there, once again hunched over a pile of marking.
“Excuse me, Mrs Bayliss, I was wondering if I could talk to you about something.”
Mrs Bayliss looked up, surprised. “Sky. This is very bright and early for you.”
“Yes, I know. I was just wondering…” When Sky had practised this with Rose last night it had gone really smoothly, but now that she was here, standing in front of the real Mrs Bayliss, she felt tongue-tied.
Mrs Bayliss took off her glasses and leaned back in her chair. “Yes?”
“Well, it’s just that…” Sky took a step closer. “As you know, I’d never been to a secondary school before I came here.”
“Yes.”
“And so it’s given me a unique perspective … on how things are done here.”
Mrs Bayliss stared at her. “Would you care to elaborate?”
For a second, Sky’s mind went totally blank, until the chorus from Leon’s poem started echoing through it. Be the change. Be the change. How could she be the change she wanted to see in the school system if she didn’t say anything?
“I just think that the way things are done can be so pressurized.” Sky had wanted to say “are” so pressurized but Rose had made her change it to “can be” to be more tactful.
“Well, it’s bound to be stressful to come into the school system at such a late stage,” Mrs Bayliss said, nodding sympathetically. “As I said to you the other day, if there’s anything I can—”
“I’m not talking about for me,” Sky interrupted. “I’m talking about for everyone. I mean, you guys don’t even hide the fact that it’s so – it can be so stressful. We have to have classes on anxiety in PSHE. And when Mr Jenkins gave us a talk about our exams, he told us if it all got too much we should see our GPs.”
“I’m sure he was only talking about extreme cases, Sky,” Mrs Bayliss said. “And GPs can help students if they’re struggling to cope.”
“By medicating them,” Sky snapped, her face flushing red. She took a deep breath to try to regain her composure. She wanted Mrs Bayliss to take her seriously, not think of her as a tantrum-throwing child.
“In some cases, yes. But really, Sky, we’re talking about a tiny minority here. Often a GP will refer a student for counselling, or some CBT sessions.”
“It’s not a tiny minority, though,” Sky said, searching through her bag and pulling out a piece of paper. “I’ve got some figures here and they’re really shocking. The number of young people being given antidepressants has gone up by more than fifty per cent in the last seven years. And there’ve been massive rises in the number of people with anxiety and eating disorders and self-harming, too. And I think the way schools are run has played a big part in that.”
Mrs Bayliss was silent for a moment. Sky’s heart was pounding so loudly she wondered if she could hear it. “So, what would you, with your unique perspective, as you put it, suggest that we do?” she eventually asked.
Sky came over and stood by her desk. “I think students should be allowed to have more of a say in how things are done.”
Mrs Bayliss gave a dry laugh and Sky instinctively prickled, thinking she was being patronizing. “That would be lovely, Sky, and I wish teachers could be given more of a say in how things are done too, but unfortunately, that’s not the world we’re living in.”
“So why don’t we change it, then?” Sky looked at her hopefully. It sounded as if Mrs Bayliss was pretty disillusioned with the system too.
Mrs Bayliss sighed. “Ah, to be young and idealistic again.” She leaned forward in her chair. “You’re really serious about this, aren’t you?”
Sky nodded. “I want to do something. I don’t want to be one of those people who just mopes around and moans.”
“And that’s very commendable.” Mrs Bayliss looked in her drawer and pulled out a leaflet. “Have you heard of the student council?”
Sky shook her head.
“Well, I think you should make that your first port of call. If you have suggestions for how our students’ needs could be better met, the council can campaign for them on your behalf. You could always join them if you like; I know they’re always looking for new members. You might also want to look into the Youth Parliament.”
Sky looked at her questioningly.
“It’s the government who decides how schools are run, Sky, not the teachers – sadly. So, if you want to bring about change you need to put pressure on the decision-makers – the real decision-makers.”
Sky nodded.
Mrs Bayliss put her glasses back on and picked up her pen. Sky turned to leave.
“I admire your spirit, Sky,” Mrs Bayliss said, just as she reached the door. “Try to hold on to it. Don’t let the world make you cynical.”
Sky turned back and smiled. “Thank you, miss. I won’t.”
The first person Amber saw when she arrived at school and made her way to her locker was Chloe. Typical. Talk about coming back down to earth with a bump. Amber took a deep breath and braced herself for the onslaught.
“You think you’re so good, don’t you?” Chloe said, walking over to her. “Swanning off to Paris. Writing all about how great you are on your stupid blog.”
A hush fell over the crowd of students at the lockers.
Amber looked at Chloe – at her beige face and bitter stare – and all she could see was unhappiness oozing from every foundation-clogged pore. Why would she need to keep endlessly picking away at Amber if she was happy with her life?
“Why are you so obsessed with me?” Amber said loudly.
“What?” Chloe’s glossy, pouty mouth fell open in shock. “I’m not obsessed with you.”
“Yes, you are. You must be. All you ever do is hang around me like a bad smell.” Amber heard a snigger from the crowd. For once it wasn’t directed at her.
Chloe’s face flushed. “I’m not obsessed with you. You’re the gay one.”
“But I’m not the gay one. You know that. You read my blog – obsessively.”
The school corridor was completely silent now. Everyone was watching and waiting to see how Chloe would respond.
“You are gay. Your dads are gay. You dress like you’re gay,” Chloe spluttered.
“No, I don’t. I dress like I have flair and imagination – because I do. Unlike you, you pathetic sheep.”
“What did you call me?” Chloe stepped right up to Amber, so close that Amber could smell the stale cigarette smoke on her breath.
“I called you a pathetic sheep,” Amber replied loudly, not moving a muscle and not breaking her gaze.
“Are you asking for a slap?” Chloe hissed.
“No, but why don’t you give me one and see what happens.” Amber felt a fury building deep within her. All of the years of fear and frustration, all of the pain caused by Chloe, morphing into a fierce rage. Amber clenched her fists. She’d never hit anyone before but she felt ready. She could practically hear Oscar Wilde in her head, egging her on. She moved even closer to Chloe. They were so close now that they were practically nose to nose, like two boxers psyching each other out before a fight. Then the weirdest thing happened. Amber saw a flicker of fear in Chloe’s eyes – and Chloe stepped back.
“Yeah, well, I wouldn’t waste my energy on you, anyway,” she muttered.
A murmur of surprise rippled along the corridor. Amber remained standing tall as she watched Chloe and the rest of the OMGs skulk off.
“Well done!”
A group of girls made their way over to Amber, smiling.
“You were great,” one of them said.
“Yeah, you really
put her in her place.” Another of them laughed.
Amber’s face flushed and she started to grin. All these years she’d felt scared of Chloe but now she couldn’t for the life of her understand why. Going to Paris had expanded her world far beyond this school and all that happened here, making Chloe mouse-like in her insignificance.
“Oh my God!” Amber heard Sky exclaim. She turned and saw her beaming at her. “What just happened? You were amazing!” She grabbed Amber in a hug and for once, Amber’s instinct wasn’t to stiffen but to hug her right back.
“I’m not exactly sure,” Amber said. “But it felt really good.”
“I bet!” Sky grinned at her. “I’m so proud of you!”
Amber smiled. There was something different about Sky too. Considering they were at school, she looked remarkably happy. She felt her phone vibrate in her blazer pocket and took it out.
“It’s from Maali,” she said.
“Any news?” Sky asked, instantly looking anxious.
“No,” Amber said, reading the text. “They’ve got to wait for the consultant to do the rounds – should be some time this morning.”
Sky nodded. “OK.”
“Do you want to see my Paris photos?” Amber asked.
“Absolutely.” Sky linked arms with her. “I can’t believe you went to Paris on your own and faced down Queen OMG all in one week. You’re my hero.”
Amber laughed. “I can’t quite believe it either! But it’s Oscar’s fault. He made me do it!”
Chapter Thirty-four
As Rose made her way out of school she checked her phone for about the millionth time. Her heart skipped a beat as she saw that she finally had a text from Maali.
No news. Consultant still hasn’t been.
The text was so blunt and so unlike Maali that Rose could practically feel the tension that had gone into typing it. She didn’t know how Maali and her parents were coping. She’d found it bad enough to wait all day to hear something; she hated to think what it was doing to them.
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