“But, Casey…I thought you trusted me. You didn’t even try to tell me, did you? You just left. And did you know what you were going to do after you had the baby? Were you really going to come back? Or would you have let me hang on for God knows how long? Would I ever have known that I had a child out in the world?” He drew in a deep breath. “Is a child’s father not important?” His quiet tenderness was growing into anger again.
“I don’t know, Scott. I was going to tell you eventually. But I also wanted to give you the chance to bow out if you wanted to…if you couldn’t handle the obligation—”
“Is that the kind of man you think I am?” Oh, fuck…now I’d done it. He was beyond angry. There was no hiding it in his eyes. He shook his head and then pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers, his eyes closed for a moment. “You don’t know shit about me, Casey.” He stood up and reached in his back pocket. “Nice knowing you.” He opened his wallet and threw some money on the table and left, his food barely eaten.
I watched him through the window as he peeled out of the parking lot. I felt dead inside…no baby, no humanity, no soul.
Chapter Seventeen
I SAT IN the restaurant for another ten or fifteen minutes, trying to regain my composure. There weren’t any customers sitting right next to my table and I hoped the people who were there were so absorbed in their own lives that they hadn’t caught any of what had just happened. The waitress stopped by once more and asked if I needed anything. Yeah, a life. No, actually, I needed a huge box of tissue. But I told her no so she would go away. She did pick up Scott’s money and left and then brought the change back. What an asshole…Scott had also paid for mine and left plenty for a nice tip too. For some reason, that really pissed me off.
I picked up my stuff and shuffled out to my car. Why did I even try? I wondered. Maybe I should give up on men for good.
But—and here was the part that hurt—I’d done it all to myself. Scott hadn’t done it. It was all me. What a fucking idiot I’d been. I, Casey Williams, had ruined my chance. Barry, yeah…he’d just been a youthful mistake, and so that was forgivable. Scott, though, had felt like…a soulmate. Someone I should spend my whole life with. And I’d just pissed everything away.
And honesty might have been the best policy, but now I wondered if I’d just made things worse by telling the truth.
Still, I didn’t think I could have gone on lying anymore. I’d hidden the truth for too long. It had been eating at me, messing with my mind.
So I just drove around Winchester for an hour, not knowing what to do. I felt lost, more lost than before. I loved Scott, and he didn’t even know it.
I decided to talk to David. He was my only close friend here, although now maybe he wasn’t anymore. Carla was a friend too, but she and I weren’t close. I hadn’t shared any secrets with her. I would overwhelm her if I even tried.
So I pulled over and parked, then grabbed my cell phone out of my purse and called David. If I got his voicemail, I’d just hang up. But I got lucky and David answered. He didn’t recognize my new number, so I told him who it was.
“Hi, Casey.”
“You busy right now?”
“No. Today’s my day off.”
Time to bite. “Can I take you out to lunch?” Like I could really eat lunch. What a fucking joke. I hadn’t eaten the food on my plate earlier. I’d forced down one fry so, if mom asked, I could tell her I had eaten without having to lie. I knew I wouldn’t be able to eat now, but it was a good excuse and it would be on neutral territory, in case David needed that.
But even that wasn’t enough. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
Time to fight for what I wanted. I had failed miserably with Scott, but I couldn’t do it again. “David, I know you’re mad at me too, and I know your loyalty lies with Scott. That’s fine. But you’re my only friend here. My only friend. And I really need someone to talk to.”
The silence told me he was debating with himself. Then he said, “All right. When and where?”
We made plans to meet in an hour at a little restaurant downtown…one of the places I’d always meant to go that had local art on the walls. It was called the Renaissance Room. We were going to meet in an hour. I was tired of driving around, though, just jonesing for a smoke, and I refused to give in. Wasn’t that stupid patch working anymore?
The lunch rush was on and they didn’t have any tables available, and that was fine. David wasn’t due for a good forty-five minutes. I asked if I could look at the art gallery in the back of the restaurant.
They had some good stuff and quite a variety of work. Sure, they made use of the walls, full of some incredible paintings, but they also had some pottery and jewelry and multimedia work. I found myself absorbed but checked my phone clock once or twice so I wouldn’t lose track of time. With ten minutes to go, I went back to the lobby. The hostess said they had a table ready for me now and asked where I wanted to sit to wait for my friend…here or at my table? I decided to sit in the dining room and I ordered a glass of iced tea.
While I waited for David, I wondered how I could get some of my art on display here. Most of what they’d had in the back was for sale. It was a possible source of revenue, and the fact that I’d already sold some art in town might help me sell myself. I’d have to stop in sometime when I was calm and had my shit together to find out how I could get some of my work here.
David arrived a few minutes later. I could tell by the look in his eyes that I must have looked awful. He hugged me. “You looked like you could use that.”
He was right. I needed several more hours of that. A waiter brought menus by and we spent a couple of minutes perusing the selections. We didn’t say anything while we decided what we wanted to eat…or, in my case, stare at on my plate. After the waiter took our orders, David asked, “So, what did you need to talk about?”
I gnawed at my lip. “I don’t know. I just needed to talk…about what, I really don’t know.”
“Look, Case, you need to know. You are a good friend. But Scott and I are cousins, and sorry, but blood is thicker than water. I have to support his decisions.”
“Yeah, I know that. But that doesn’t mean we can’t talk, does it?” He shrugged. On impulse, I slid my hand across the table and squeezed his hand. “Thanks for coming.”
“Sure.”
So, even though I wanted to, I didn’t pummel him with questions about Scott or how Scott was doing, what he thought, or anything to do with Scott. Instead, I asked him innocuous questions about work. Then I asked him about how his relationship with Gerald had progressed. David then completely relaxed and spent the rest of our entire meal telling me about how close they’d grown. Gerald had asked David to move into his apartment downtown…and David was considering it.
I nibbled at my food a little, forcing down as much as I could. I’d promised mom and the doctor. I had to at least try. At least David ate like he meant it.
The restaurant served wine, so I asked David, “Wanna have a drink? My treat?” I wanted to just let it go for a while. And it was wine, so there was no risk of getting trashed. I wasn’t ready for David to go. “Besides,” I said, “I do have something to kind of celebrate.”
So, over wine and a slice of chocolate-covered cheesecake that we split (okay, so I ate one bite and had David polish it off), I told David about how it seemed as though my art career was getting off the ground. I told him about the exhibit in the fall. And when we were done talking about it, we’d finished the wine. So we paid the bill (he didn’t make me treat) and walked out into the mid-afternoon sunshine. David asked, “Want to continue drinking at my house?”
I shook my head. “No…we better not. Scott’s there, and I don’t think he wants to see me right now.” I let out a sigh. “Trust me on this.”
“He was there earlier, Case, but he should be at work by now.”
So I acquiesced. Sure, part of me would have loved to see Scott, but now was too soon. I was certain he was st
ill livid with me. No way he couldn’t be. I’d laid a lot on him, and I knew he’d have to sort it out. Sure, I hoped he would forgive me down the road, but even that wasn’t guaranteed. I only hoped that whatever we’d had, combined with the fact that I did tell him the whole truth, would help him find it in his heart to forgive me.
So I left my car in the parking lot and went with David. We stopped by the liquor store and both bought a few bottles. Yeah, we bought more than we should have. I’d decided a couple of months ago that I wasn’t going to drink too much anymore, but that was before my heart had been crushed by Scott. I’d allow myself one drunken escapade and then I’d get my shit together again.
David drove to his house, and—just as he’d promised—Scott was there. I felt my gut unclench as I released so much tension. I wasn’t ready to face him again.
When we got inside, we just drank sips from our bottles for a while, and then I started to relax…enough to talk.
Might as well ask the hardest question first. “Did Scott tell you what I told him today?”
David almost sobered. “Yeah. He did.”
I took another swallow of Ouzo. Damn…a cigarette would have gone down smoothly with it. “You probably hate me now, huh? I hurt him pretty bad, didn’t I?”
David took another gulp too and said, “Casey, my girl, you took the cake.”
Ouch. I sighed. “I guess I deserved that one.”
David tapped his finger on the coffee table and then looked at me. “Casey, you need to know. If you want the truth, I’ll give it to you. If not, don’t ask me any questions.”
“Fair enough.” So I told him everything I’d told Scott, even though he’d probably already heard most of it. “But, David…there’s one thing I still didn’t tell him.”
“Oh, hell, no. Seriously? Well, then, don’t you be telling me, girl.”
I paused, slowly sipping from my bottle. I ignored his admonition and said, “I love him.”
David slammed his glass down. “Why the hell didn’t you tell him that?”
I stared at the bottle. “Because I was afraid.”
“Afraid of what?”
I forced myself to make eye contact. “Afraid of being involved with someone again. Hell, even afraid of being rejected. Afraid of everything that comes with relationships…afraid of it all.”
“Why don’t you tell him this? Any of it?”
“I can’t tell him that, David.”
“Why not?”
“‘Cause then I’d scare him off.”
“You already did.”
“No…I didn’t scare him away. I practically pushed him away. And now he hates me.”
“No, he doesn’t hate you. Geez, Case, he was with you longer than he was ever with any other girl. Well…since high school anyway.”
“What?” I asked, doubtful. “We weren’t together very long at all.”
“Yeah, but don’t you remember what I told you?”
“What?”
David sighed. “Scott’s been used a lot. He’s too nice.”
“I never used him.”
He smiled. “And that’s part of why you stayed together. That, and he really liked you.”
“Well, the feeling was—is—mutual.”
We drank some more and then David continued. “Let me tell you a couple of stories.” He was talking slowly, the drinking beginning to catch up with us. He slid off the chair onto the floor and leaned on the coffee table. “About three years ago, when I first started working at Bob’s—”
“You’ve been there that long?” I couldn’t help asking.
He smiled. “I’m a short-timer, Casey. Lots of people have been there a lot longer than I have.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.” He raised his eyebrows in mock irritation. “Anyway…Scott got me the job at Bob’s. Before then, I’d been working at an assembly plant in Colorado Springs. Boring work. Yeah, Bob’s isn’t the greatest but at least there’s a little variety. But I’m straying from my point. Scott and Jim were roommates. Jim was engaged to Julie at the time and Julie had moved in with them. She was a couple months pregnant at the time.” David paused to take a drink and he noticed the questioning look on my face. “Oh, yeah…she lost the baby halfway through. I think that’s why she and Jim wound up getting married.” He wasn’t making sense. He must have had more to drink than I had. I just decided to shut up and let him talk. “Anyway, all three of them had been drinking…sound familiar?” He smiled again and sipped more of his Jim Beam, then waved the bottle before setting it down. “They were drinking, had some friends over. I wasn’t one of them or I might have been able to stop what happened. Maybe not…I don’t know. But Scott went to bed early because he had to open the next morning. Next thing he knows, someone’s crawling into bed with him and he’s getting laid.”
I leaned over, my arms resting on my thighs. “You mean he didn’t remember how it happened?”
“No…I mean he didn’t invite this girl in his room. She just showed up…crawled into bed with him and started screwing him.” I started laughing, not knowing what to think. For some reason, I found the idea comical. David laughed a little too but then grew serious again. “Honest to God. And I know girls don’t always understand, but when that kind of thing happens to a guy, you don’t say no. You just enjoy it. You know…you’re already being stimulated…down there…you don’t just tell someone to stop. You just ride it on through.” I couldn’t help myself. I started laughing again. David pressed on, trying to ignore my fit of giggles. I’m sure I was quite distracting. “Anyhow…when all was said and done, he’s just laying in bed all drunk, just basking in the glow. He’s got this chick spread out next to him. Jim comes in, turns on the light, and there’s Julie all naked, laying in bed next to Scott.” My expression changed in a flash from amused to somber while David continued. “Jim got all mad and ordered Julie out of the room and then Jim and Scott had it out. Scott’s swearing he didn’t know it was her, blah, blah, blah.”
While David took another sip of his drink, I used that opportunity to ask a question. “Do you think he was telling the truth?”
David lowered his brows and stared at me. “Of course, I do. This is Scott we’re talking about.” Well, David would know. He’d known Scott all his life…I might have fallen completely in love with the guy, but I’d barely known him close to half a year. David’s words made me feel guilty for even asking. I nodded and sipped at my bottle. “Scott managed to calm him down and Jim finally believed him.” He shook his head, considering me. “No…not a bros before hos moment. I’m not sure what the whole deal was. Honestly, I don’t know that Jim really believed him. I don’t know. All I know is it changed their friendship. After that…every girl Scott went out with…Jim would sleep with them, just as a matter of principle.”
None of this was making sense. Maybe I’d had too much to drink. “But why? Jim’s married. And he’s a creep besides. Why would these girls want to sleep with him?”
“Hey, I agree with you…but the girls think he’s hot. You’ve heard the waitresses talk, haven’t you?” I shrugged. I’d mostly ignored them when I’d worked at Bob’s. I knew Jim was good looking but he became uglier and uglier the more you got to know him. “He has a reputation as a ladies’ man, and you probably would have heard more of the talk if you’d been a waitress.” That was probably true. “Just so you know…Scott’s not very good at picking nice girls.” I raised my eyebrows and even let my jaw drop in mock upset. David got a devilish look on his face and screwed up one side of his face. “You think bailing on him like you did was nice, Casey?”
My face dropped. Yeah, he had me there.
He reached across the coffee table and placed his hand on mine. “Oh, I’m sorry. That wasn’t very nice.”
“True, though.”
He took another sip of his bottle and just stared at the table for a good minute. Then he said, “I know Scott always felt bad about what happened…guilty, even, like it was his fault
Julie climbed into bed with him. So he just lets Jim do it, like he deserves it, and because none of the girls ever complained… Shit, most of them seemed to know that if they wanted to get into Jim’s pants, they had to go through Scott first.”
It all came clear to me then…that whole stupid thing about Scott and Jim sharing women…it was a lie perpetuated by the women themselves. Well, I guess it was actually a truth, but it wasn’t exactly sharing. It was more like Scott was the bottom rung of a ladder. I just stared at my hands, feeling bad for poor, sweet Scott. It was a side of him I hadn’t known about. Getting used…that’s what David had said one time. Yeah…you could say that. I wanted to ask so many questions, but my fuzzy liquored-up brain couldn’t form them.
“But I think Scott’s just about fed up with Jim.”
David pulled me back into the room with his sentence. My head cleared a little and I said, “Is that what he meant when he said I was the first girl to tell Jim no?”
Another sip of liquor, and David slammed the bottle on the coffee table. “I have no doubt about it.” He took a deep breath and acted like he didn’t know if he should continue talking…but he did. “Why do you think Scott fell for you so hard? You were different, Casey. You liked him for him, not his stupid sleazy married buddy.”
I took a sip of my drink. “Wendy said Scott and Jim like to share girls.” My perspective of her words had changed considerably over the past half hour, however.
“She’s such a lying slut. She wanted to sleep with Jim, but she knew she had to go through Scott to get him. Of course, once you entered the picture, she thought Scott might not be so bad after all. She and Jim still sleep together from time to time. Trust me…I know this. But now she really wants Scott, and that’s why she hates you so much.”
Then Kiss Me Page 22
