Love & Loss (The Austin Series)

by C. J. Fallowfield

  ‘We are relaxing enjoying the view. How much better does it get? A roaring fire and an amazing skyline all lit up.’

  ‘In another ten minutes I’ll show you how much better it can get.’

  ‘You’re full of mystery and surprises lately.’

  ‘Just trying to keep your interest, stop you getting bored with me.’

  ‘Gabe.’ I wriggled around in his arms and put my hands on his chest as he looked down at me. ‘I could never get bored of you. I told you, you’re stuck with me, I love you.’

  ‘Don’t you just feel sometimes like it’s too good to be true? That we just clicked so instantly, that we get on so well, trust each other and that the sex is … off the fucking charts?’

  ‘No I don’t. I often think how lucky I am to have all of that with you, but what we have, isn’t that what all couples strive for? That’s why some people have so many partners, they keep moving on until they find their perfect. I struck out Gabe, I got you so quickly.’

  ‘I guess so,’ he shrugged. ‘I just feel like I don’t deserve you sometimes, like I don’t deserve to be this happy.’

  ‘Why wouldn’t you deserve that Gabe?’ I asked as I ran a finger down his face and watched as he bit his lip and shrugged again. ‘You still feel guilty about your Mum don’t you?’ I whispered. He didn’t answer me, but he blinked rapidly. ‘Gabe, I wish you’d believe me when I tell you that you have nothing to be guilty for. One day you’ll believe that, but you deserve as much happiness as anyone, more so because you’re so generous and I’m not talking about your total disregard for the preservation of your finances.’

  ‘Mia,’ he sighed, but gave me a slight smile.

  ‘You’re so generous here,’ I touched his heart and he inhaled through his teeth. ‘You love me so completely it takes my breath away sometimes. And you’re also just as generous here,’ I smiled as I stroked his soft penis through his sweats. ‘You’re so selfless in bed, always putting my pleasure before your own. Any women would be so lucky to have you, you deserve to be loved back just as much as you love me and you are. I love you so much Gabe and your Mum did too and she’d want you to put this behind you and move on.’

  ‘I’m not sure I can Mia,’ he said quietly shaking his head.

  ‘Well you have me and Dr Jarvis to help you with that. Just like I have both of you to help me with my issues with marriage and children. We’re no different Gabe, both of us have deep rooted fears and it’s easy to look at someone else and wonder why they can’t just get other them. It takes time, but I think we’ll get there.’

  ‘You do?’

  ‘I’d like to think so. I know I want to, for you, to make you happy. Ok, imagine if we had children, can you do that for a minute?’

  ‘I already do imagine it Mia,’ he whispered, making me inhale terrified this time.

  ‘Ok, well would you want your child to beat themselves up for life for a tragic unintentional accident?’

  ‘No of course not,’ he said quickly, frowning.

  ‘Well that’s how your Mum would’ve felt Gabe, that’s what you’re doing to yourself and it’s not fair. You’re such a good man. I love you with all my heart.’

  ‘O baby,’ he sighed and rolled onto his back, pulling my head onto his chest and kissed my hair with one arm tightly wrapped around me. ‘I love you that much too and more.’

  I put my hand over his heart and could feel it racing and decided I’d said enough, the time for talk was over and it had gone better than I thought it would, he really was doing well this weekend. I planted a kiss on his chest and we just lay there listening to the fire crackle and the faint buzz of the New York traffic and sirens way below us as I felt his heart beat regulate to its normal powerful rhythm. I was startled from our contended state of relaxation by the elevator whirring gently behind us and sat up.

  ‘You’re not expecting your Dad are you? I have no knickers on.’

  ‘No relax. It’s Seb.’

  ‘Who’s Seb?’

  ‘The butler. He’s just doing as I asked, he won’t come in. When we hear the lift go down we can go up.’

  ‘We’re going up on the roof? It looks cold out, I better go and get some clothes.’

  ‘Trust me, you’re fine as you are. In fact a little overdressed.’

  ‘What are you up to? You expect me to sit on a windy rooftop naked.’

  ‘So suspicious of my intentions today Miss Page, get back down here with me,’ he commanded and tugged me back down next to him. ‘Trust me.’

  ‘Ok,’ I sighed as I snuggled up to him again until we heard the elevator make its return journey.

  ‘Right on your feet, let’s go.’

  I tried to pull my t-shirt down to cover my naked behind as I got in next to him, but it was too short and he just smiled and shook his head, squeezing one of my bare cheeks. He still only had his bottoms on, no way he’d go out topless without good reason. Once again as the doors opened I was left open mouthed. The twinkling lights, candles and patio heaters were on again, but tonight a section of the decking to one side had been removed to reveal a steaming bubbling hot tub sunk into the floor. Next to it was a small steel catering urn with a dispenser and two mugs and near the glass, facing the Empire State Building was a large double recliner.

  ‘O my God, this is just crazy,’ I giggled.

  ‘Come on then,’ he laughed dropping his bottoms and jumping into the water naked. ‘Strip off and get in.’

  I pulled my t-shirt off and ran to join him, my nipples immediately jumping to attention as the wind bit into them. ‘Brrrrr,’ I shivered as I sat down next to him, submerged to my shoulders. It didn’t take long for the water to warm me and I squealed as he pressed some buttons and made the jets go faster. He shunted around to sit opposite me and reached down for my feet and started to gently massage them.

  ‘Better?’ he asked.

  ‘Yes, it’s lovely and warm in here thank you. What’s this?’ I asked nodding to the urn.

  ‘Do the honours and find out.’

  I held a mug under it and turned the tap and the smell of spiced mulled wine immediately hit my nostrils. I passed a mug to Gabe, who rested my feet on his knees as he took it, before I filled my own.

  ‘This is delicious,’ I groaned.

  ‘I love the stuff. I can never seem to find it any other time of year,’ he shrugged. I made him laugh by singing the first few lines of It’s beginning to look at lot like Christmas. ‘Don’t laugh Gabe, it is. Mulled wine and the Empire State doing that light show earlier.

  ‘Is my singing that bad?’

  ‘Let’s just say dancing’s your forte,’ he teased and yelled as I splashed him. We sat silently for a while, sipping our drinks and just smiling at each other. I felt so happy, like a typical teenager in love and he looked every inch the same.

  ‘O no! My ring,’ I exclaimed pulling my hand out of the water. ‘Will the chlorine it mess it up.’

  ‘I’d hope not, but maybe keep that hand out just in case,’ he suggested as he looked at it glinting. ‘Mia, I may not like it but I get your reasons for wanting to take it off and I’ll respect them, but you need to let me do something tomorrow without getting all pissy with me.’

  ‘Does it involve this ring finger still?’ I asked sticking it up.

  ‘No.’

  ‘Ok, what do you want to do?’

  ‘We’re going to go to Tiffany’s so I can buy you a ring to wear on your other hand, so you’ll at least be wearing a ring from me. Don’t even start, you have your I’m going to argue with Gabe face on.’

  ‘Will it really make you that happy?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Then I’ll agree, but it’s on the condition that it’s not platinum, doesn’t contain a quarter carat diamond let alone a two carat one and it doesn’t cost a fortune.’

  ‘Ok, but define a fortune, we seem to have differing views on that.’

  ‘£100 max.’

  ‘No deal,’ he said firmly with a shake o
f his head. ‘I’m not buying you some cheap tat, besides I doubt Tiffany’s would even stock anything at that price. We also need to get your necklace. How about we agree on a total expenditure on all items of ten percent of what I spent on your engagement ring?’

  ‘Gabe that’s still £3,600. You’re seriously crazy. How about a maximum one percent?’

  ‘No. I don’t want to compromise on something we both like and that budget is really going to restrict me. Ten percent if I promise to not deliberately spend up to it.’

  ‘Why do you feel the need to spend so much money on me Gabe. I love you, I loved you before I knew you had any.’

  ‘I know that baby, but it’s all relative. How much is your allowance from your Dad each month? Your monthly spending money?’

  ‘£1,000.’

  ‘How much have you spent on me for Christmas?’

  ‘Gabe that’s a bit personal.’

  ‘You insisted on knowing the price of your ring, you owe me.’

  ‘About six hundred pounds,’ I sighed.

  ‘Fine let’s do the math. You spent sixty percent of your monthly income on my Christmas present. If I was to do the same I’d spend roughly £7,000 on yours. When I put it like that does it still sound unreasonable?’ he asked with a raised eyebrow. I scowled at him, of course he had to use logic and percentages to make it seem perfectly reasonable. ‘So can we dispense with the crap and let me have the budget I want of my own damn money to spend on you as I please?’

  ‘Fine, but I’m not happy about it.’

  ‘Well you agreed to stop bugging me about money Mia, it was one of our deals when we agreed to move forwards, and I’m not happy you spending that amount on me. What savings or investments do you have to fall back on?’

  ‘My apartment.’

  ‘Nothing else?’ he asked aghast.

  ‘No, whatever savings I had were spent on furnishing the apartment and the rest on everyone’s Christmas presents, not just yours before you moan.’

  ‘O God baby.’

  ‘Gabe, you have a totally unrealistic view of what’s normal.’

  ‘Meaning?’ he asked sounding slightly affronted.

  ‘Come on,’ I laughed waving my hand around at our surroundings. ‘You’ve been brought up in another world. You’re looking at me thinking I’m poor, well where I come from I’m considered rich. None of my friends had their own apartments mortgage free at eighteen, their University education paid for in full and allowances to cover bills, food and spending. Take poor Lexi, she gets nothing. She’s had to take student loans out to pay for her first year and has no income source from anywhere else.’

  ‘Seriously?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘How does she manage with clothes and going out?’

  ‘Mum gives her clothes money for Christmas and Birthdays and I budgeted her loan to pay for her first year fees and give her a small allowance each month for spending. Otherwise I pay for her to go out.’

  ‘She doesn’t pay you rent or chip in for food?’

  ‘No, she can’t afford to. She feels so bad about it she’s coming to Peppers with me to try and get some regular bar work. Gabe I’m so lucky to be in the position I’m in, you have no idea how many people are out there that aren’t as blessed as me. Most people live in constant debt and worry how they’re going to pay their bills each month, let alone having savings.’

  ‘Are you in debt? Do you have any balances on your credit cards or an overdraft?’

  ‘No, but if even if I was I wouldn’t want you to know because you’d try and pay them off for me. Can you see why I find it so hard to see you spending so much money on me now?’

  ‘Sort of, but I can’t help that I’m in this position Mia. You want me to give it all away to make you feel better?’

  ‘No of course not, don’t be so obtuse. I’m just trying to make you see how differently we see things.’

  ‘Obtuse?’ he growled. ‘Fine, but if you think for a minute I’d rather have this money than still have Mum with me you’re very much mistaken.’

  ‘I know that Gabe, of course I do. Let’s not fight about money. I’ll go to Tiffany’s with you tomorrow and you can spend what you want, please don’t let this ruin a lovely evening.’ I grabbed his empty mug and refilled it and my own and sidled up to him and let him take his wine before offering up my pouted lips. He sighed and kissed them and put his arm around me.

  ‘If you ever need my help you need to ask me Mia, I don’t want you worrying about money.’

  ‘I’d say if I was destitute Gabe and I’m not. So remind me other than shopping and lunch with Sofia, what are we doing tomorrow? And when are we going home?’

  ‘We need to pack tomorrow afternoon,’ he sighed. ‘We can leave our cases with the security guard when we head out and Antonio will pick them up before he comes to pick us up to take us to the airport.’

  ‘Pick us up from where?’

  ‘We’re going to the theatre to see a show.’

  ‘A Broadway show?’ I squealed.

  ‘Yes, you like that idea?’

  ‘Yes, I love shows. What are we going to see?’

  ‘Phantom of the Opera, your Mum said you hadn’t seen it and you wanted to.’

  ‘That’s why you’ve been phoning her you sneaky bugger.’

  ‘Yes, we were torn between Phantom or The Lion King. Did we choose ok?’

  ‘I’d have loved either choice thank you.’ I clasped his face and kissed him.

  ‘We’re booked in for a pre-theatre supper at Sardi’s at six so with lunch at two as well we’ll have to decide which we’re going to eat light at. I can’t do two massive meals in one day, let alone that close together.’

  ‘Let’s take Sofia’s lead tomorrow. If she wants three courses we will and then we can have something light at night.’

  ‘Ok. Are you warm enough?’

  ‘Yes I’m lovely thank you and this wine is going down well.’

  ‘Drink up, enjoy it.’

  ‘I thought you didn’t like me drinking?’ I said as I drained my glass and shuffled around to top it up.

  ‘I’m dealing, plus when you’re with me and safe, where I know I can look after you, I don’t mind. I’m not keen on seeing you throw up though, so try not to get that bad.’

  ‘Do you want more?’

  ‘No I’m good thanks. I’d like to go and lie down and look at the view properly one last time. Join me?’

  ‘I’m naked.’

  ‘Me too. We have some towels to dry off and we can snuggle under the fur blankets.’ He hopped out and grabbed two towels hidden in some large metal cupboard and held one open for me to step into.

  ‘It’s hot!’

  ‘Towel warmer,’ he shrugged. I shook my head, no wonder he thought his level of spending was normal living like this all the time. I really needed to reign myself in when it came to his spending. I kept getting irritated when he tried to control me and things I did, yet I was guilty of doing exactly that by moaning about money. We dried off and he grabbed two fresh towels to wrap around us before taking my hand and leading me to the bed, lifting the top blanket for me to get in.

  ‘Ok towel off now, no one can see you under there, except me’ he smiled holding out his hand for it. I shuffled out of it and handed it to him and watched him walk around and climb in on the other side and drop his over the edge of the bed before putting an arm around me and pulling the fur up to our necks as we lay and looked out at the view.

  ‘This is so amazing.’ I said shaking my head and feeling tears pricking at my eyes. ‘I’ll never forget this as long as I live.’

  ‘You’ve really loved it?’

  ‘God yes. It’s been magical, thank you so much Gabe, you spoil me so much,’ I sighed as I wriggled around to look up at him.

  ‘Because I love you and I can Mia. Please no more arguments about me spending money on you in future. I promise I’m not being reckless, trust me.’

  ‘Ok,’ I nodded. I ran a finger
around his lips and down his throat and circled his nipple before moving down his stomach and running it back and forth across his pelvis.

  ‘Mia, I thought you wanted to look at the view,’ he said in a strangled tone as I felt him swelling and brushing against my hand as he grew.

  ‘The view I’m looking at right now is just perfect thank you,’ I replied, hearing the breathless tone my voice had taken on. I pulled his hip so we were lying on our sides facing each other and pushed a leg between his and guided him towards me, looking up at him wide eyed full of longing.

  ‘O baby,’ he groaned as he kissed me and gently gripped my hip and slid into me.

  ‘Gabe,’ I sighed as I put one arm around his neck and the other under his arm to clutch his powerful shoulder blade. ‘O yes … yes.’

  ‘I love how much you want me Mia, how ready you always are for me.’

  ‘And you for me … Ooooo … God that feels so good. Do we do it enough for you?’ I gasped as he gently thrust away.

  ‘What do you mean,’ he asked as he let his lips brush back and forth across mine, making them swell.

  ‘Would you like to have sex more often?’

  ‘Mia,’ he groaned.

  ‘Tell me.’

  ‘Yes, sometimes yes. I don’t want to come off as some sex addict though … O God baby you feel so good,’ he groaned. I closed my eyes as he kissed me, we seemed to average three times a day as it was, sometimes more at a weekend or when we were away, but I felt like it wasn’t enough for him. On the other hand I wasn’t sure how we’d have the time to fit it in any more. ‘Mia, you’re not happy?’

  ‘Yes, especially right now,’ I nodded as I half opened my eyes and caught my breath. ‘I just don’t want you to hold back out of some … Ooooo, yes right there, do that again Gabe.’

  ‘Out of some what?’

  ‘O sod it.’ I pushed him on his back and rolled with him and sat up letting the fur slide down my bare back. ‘Let’s talk later.’ I arched my back as I moved my hips on him and ran my hands up my body, my skin puckering at the chill, and pushed my fingers into my hair as I threw my head back and cried out when he gripped my hips and thrusted up harder into me.

  ‘God you look so damn sexy. Lift your hair up,’ he ordered. ‘Pick it up and pile it on top of your head and hold it there.’