Love & Loss (The Austin Series)

by C. J. Fallowfield

  ‘Fuck, fuck,’ muttered Lex. ‘Do as she says, get in there, keep quiet and don’t come out until I tell you.’ She pushed him into the kitchen and quickly ran to her bedroom and came out with a pile of clothes and shoved them at him and shut the door. ‘Shit Mia, please don’t say anything.’

  ‘Lex,’ I sighed shaking my head. ‘I leave you alone for six days.’ I looked at her and her shoulders slumped. ‘What were you thinking?’

  ‘Penetrative orgasms,’ she groaned.

  ‘So you’re still with Doug?’

  ‘Yes,’ she grimaced.

  ‘Damn it Lexi.’ I sighed, then jumped as the door knocked. ‘Not a word to Gabe, say hello then we’ll go next door to check on the progress and you need to get him out of here as fast as possible, got it?’

  ‘Got it, thanks. I’ve missed you.’

  ‘I missed you too,’ I sighed. ‘As far as Gabe’s concerned we’ve just done the hugging and welcome home thing ok?’ I ran a hand through my hair and she screamed and covered her mouth.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Fuck, you have a HUGE ring on your finger,’ she gasped and pointed at my left hand.

  ‘Shit,’ I muttered. I’d got used to the feeling of it on there and I’d forgotten all about it. I’d meant to take it off last night on the plane and I’d got distracted with Gabe.

  ‘You’re engaged?’

  ‘Not really, long story. Bugger,’ I groaned as the door knocked again. ‘Not a word about the ring to Gabe ok? Please.’ She nodded looking completely confused and I went and opened the front door.

  ‘Someone was happy to see their best friend, we heard the first scream down the stairs,’ he smiled as he stepped it.

  ‘Yes, she got a shock alright,’ I nodded as I looked back at her. On both fronts, I thought.

  ‘Hi Lex, you ok? Look like you’ve only just got up.’

  ‘I have, you know me, perpetual snoozer. Good time?’

  ‘Amazing time. I want to drag Mia next door to look at the apartment if you don’t mind, then the two of you can have a good catch up while I go and see Dr Jarvis. No doubt birthday drinks will be starting early.’

  ‘Shit, it’s your birthday today,’ Lexi gasped. ‘Sorry I totally forgot.’ She came over to hug me and I sighed and hugged her back. I was so disappointed that she’d done this to Doug, he really didn’t deserve it. We were going to be having a serious chat the minute Gabe was out of sight.

  ‘Come on Gabe, let’s leave Lex to get showered and dressed and we can go and look next door.’ I grabbed his hand and tugged him out and narrowed my eyes at her as I pulled the front door shut. ‘So what did Tom have to say?’ I asked as we wandered across the landing.

  ‘He was only here making sure everything was in place, the crew have finished ahead of schedule and the cleaning team are coming in early Friday morning, before the last bits of furniture arrive. Ready?’

  ‘Ready,’ I nodded, looking up at him, pleased to see he was looking as excited as I felt. He turned the key in the door then stooped and made me squeal by scooping me up into his arms. ‘Gabe,’ I laughed.

  ‘Well I know it’s not like we’re married, but it’s a special occasion, first house and all.’

  ‘It is,’ I smiled and pursed my lips for a kiss before he shouldered the door open. He just stood there with me in his arms as we looked around, totally taken aback. If it wasn’t for the lack of lounge and dining furniture it looked finished, and it looked amazing. I felt my eyes fill up and Gabe slowly set me down. ‘Wow,’ I whispered.

  ‘Yeah,’ he nodded as he took my hand.

  The kitchen was in and tiled and shelved, the stunning chandelier extractor, the wooden floors and half painted half bricked walls that looked just like I’d imagined. To the right the pool table was in place, along with the juke box and pinball machine and the cabinets that must be where Gabe had housed our desks. The place looked huge. I looked up at Gabe with a wide grin and ran to my pole and did a spin around it as I laughed.

  ‘O my God, this is awesome.’ I squealed happily and his face lit up.

  ‘You really like it?’

  ‘Are you kidding, I love it. It all looks amazing.’ I ran over to the kitchen and smoothed my palm over the oak worktops and shook my head when I saw his expensive built in ovens, microwave and coffee machine, still with their blue protective wrapping over the stainless steel. I turned and watched as he checked out his new pool table and opened the cupboard doors, which tucked right back to expose one of the custom built desk units.

  ‘Left or right?’ he asked as he looked back at me.

  ‘Come on,’ I chastised. ‘Three months together and you haven’t noticed which side I like to be on?’

  ‘Left,’ he smiled.

  ‘Right,’ I gasped.

  ‘Left,’ he retorted. ‘You’re always on my left in bed.’

  ‘But that’s the right side of the bed as you look at it numpty,’ I laughed. ‘So as you look at the desks, or the bathroom sinks I’ll want the one on the right.’

  ‘Right,’ he nodded and we both laughed. ‘Come on let’s go see the pantry and bathroom.’ I was really pleased we’d gone with the pantry idea, it was a really good size, with built in shelving all around, but the bathroom was where I got really choked up. It looked like a luxurious spa. The fireplace looked amazing and it was totally finished, they’d even got in the glazed bookcase and sanded it back down to the pale wood for us. ‘So, you have your bidet,’ Gabe smiled.

  ‘I do and our large shower and bath and see, my sinks on the right,’ I smiled as I stood in front of it.

  ‘God I can’t wait to move in,’ Gabe sighed as he took my hand.

  ‘Me neither. Come on, dressing room and bedroom next.

  ‘No, still off limits.’

  ‘Gabe,’ I protested.

  ‘No, there’s a couple of finishing touches I need to sort before you officially move in on Saturday.’

  ‘Am I allowed to see the utility?’ I asked.

  ‘Yes,’ he laughed and led me back out through the main room and we wandered in to have a look. ‘Good choice on these units, worktops and tiles, they look really good.’

  ‘They do. Would you mind if I bring Lexi to have a look later?’

  ‘As long as you don’t go in the dressing room and bedroom.’

  ‘You’re so mean.’

  ‘I want it to be a surprise. Right, here’s a key for you and I’d better get going. I’ll be back in a couple of hours, make sure you’re both ready to go ok?’

  ‘Ok,’ I nodded.

  ‘No leaving the building.’

  ‘O don’t worry, we have lots to catch up on,’ I assured him before I kissed him properly and pulled away as I felt him swelling against my stomach. ‘I don’t know, it’s been my birthday for hours and we haven’t even had sex.’

  ‘Right,’ he muttered and marched me to the pool table. ‘Jeans and knickers down and bend over it,’ he ordered.

  ‘Your appointment?’ I uttered.

  ‘I’ve got time for a quickie, can’t have my girl unhappy on her birthday can I,’ he growled as he slammed the front door shut and advanced on me.

  I used our new bathroom to quickly clean up before he left me outside my front door.

  ‘See you in a while, have fun with Lexi baby.’

  ‘I will, please be honest with Dr Jarvis about how you’re feeling.’

  ‘Promise,’ he nodded and bowed his head for a kiss and ran down the stairs with me watching him over the edge of the bannister. I sighed and turned to face my door, hoping no more naked men were going to confront me and stepped inside. Lexi came running out of the lounge and threw her arms around me.

  ‘I’m so sorry about earlier, all of it.’

  ‘I know. Come on I need some coffee and we can go and sit and talk. Please tell me he’s gone?’

  ‘He’s gone, thanks for covering. Go and get comfy and I’ll make the coffee.’ She let me go and kissed my cheek and headed into the kitchen.
I wandered into the lounge and saw she’d put a pile of cards on the coffee table for me to open, along with Mum’s birthday present bag and a big gift bag with a tag from her. ‘Here, coffee and chocolate hobnobs.’

  ‘Thanks,’ I smiled.

  So cards and presents first.’

  ‘Let’s do them later, when we’re with everyone at Gabe’s. Assuming we’re with everyone?’

  ‘No way, me last, you can start with that huge frickin’ rock on your finger,’ she proclaimed as she grabbed my hand to look. ‘Wow, Mia it’s stunning.’

  ‘I know,’ I smiled. ‘You really didn’t know he was going to propose?’

  ‘No, but now I’m really confused.’ She frowned as she went to tuck up on the end of the sofa so she could face me. ‘I thought you said you weren’t engaged? Now you’re telling me not only are you wearing an engagement ring but he proposed too?’

  ‘O Lex, I felt awful, he was so romantic,’ I sighed. I filled her in and she even reached up and wiped a tear from her eye as I did. ‘I promised to wear it for him over there, I just forgot to take it off last night.’

  ‘So you’re really not engaged, but you’re going to keep it and give it back to him when you’re ready?’

  ‘Yes,’ I nodded with a smile as I looked back down at it.

  ‘So why’s it still on now? Take it off.’

  ‘I will when we get back to his, he has the necklace to put it on. I’m worried about losing it.’

  ‘I’ll bet, how much was it?’

  ‘Too much,’ I replied with a half-smile. I couldn’t tell her, not when she was struggling for money and he was spending these amounts on me.

  ‘So New York news first, then you can beat me over the head with the Lexi’s so stupid stick,’ she smiled and I laughed.

  ‘O there’ll be a beating alright, but it will be a wide bat not a stick.’ I updated her on our amazing trip and told her that we could go over together in one of the holidays.

  ‘Really Gabe would be cool with that?’

  ‘Well he’d actually suggested it for the four of us, so you’d better tell me what the hell’s going on.’

  ‘I don’t know,’ she sighed as she covered her eyes. ‘I was just feeling all this pressure with Doug and needed a release.’

  ‘What pressure?’

  ‘He’s getting serious Mia, wanting me to meet his parents and I can just tell he wants more, but I can’t let go, something’s stopping me from letting go with him and I hate that. Part of me really wants to as I like him so much, then part of me wants to run for the hills. So I went out the Friday you left, while he was at swimming practice had a few drinks and picked up some guy and before I knew it we were at his having sex.’

  ‘Did you come during?’

  ‘Yep, straight away. So it is me, I know it’s me, I’m holding back Mia.’

  ‘So you’ve been seeing this guy over the weekend? What about Doug?’

  ‘I’ve had “the flu” if he asks. I haven’t seen him since you left and what’s even worse is that guy, the guy you saw today, he’s not the guy from Friday. He was the third guy since Friday.’ She looked up at me with a sad face and I sighed. ‘So come on, let me have it.’

  ‘What’s the point Lex? You know what you’re doing’s wrong, shag around if you want I don’t care about that, but don’t do it while you’re in a relationship with someone. I mean it’s Doug, sweet, adorable wouldn’t hurt a fly, best friends with Gabe, Doug.’

  ‘I know, I’m going to have to finish with him aren’t I?’

  ‘If you want to keep seeing other guys, definitely,’ I nodded.

  ‘Shit. How do I do it? It’s bloody Christmas, like I’m not a shit already, to dump him over Christmas?’ she looked at me, obviously expecting me to come up with some miraculous answer for her.

  ‘Lex it’s not going to be nice for him to hear whenever you do it, but until you end it with him no more sex with anyone else. You promise to never tell him that you cheated on him, and you try and end it in a way that means the four of us can stay friends.’

  ‘Well obviously I’m not going to tell him about the other guys,’ she replied with a roll of her eyes. ‘But how do you dump someone nicely?’

  ‘You just have to be honest with him.’

  ‘Yeah right, because “Hey Doug I’ve been faking it for a couple of months” is a really nice way to dump someone.’

  ‘Not about that, be honest and tell him that you aren’t ready for a serious relationship, that you need to work on your issues before you can commit to anyone.’

  ‘Great thanks,’ she muttered, ‘I have “issues” now?’

  ‘Well you do Lex. You’ve been faking orgasms and are about to dump a really nice guy, that you get on with amazingly well, because you’re terrified of admitting you could be with him long term.’

  ‘See it was all easy before this stupid bloody pact we made. I’m blowing off a nice guy for random meaningless sex with strangers and you’re faking engagements with a guy who’s on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Jesus,’ she sighed and I burst out laughing. ‘It’s not funny Mia,’ she scowled.

  ‘It sort of is,’ I replied with a shake of my head. ‘It could only happen to us. Come on, I need to unpack then repack with all my cards and presents and I want to show you the new apartment.’

  ‘It’s amazing, but I’m going to miss you so much,’ she sighed as we returned to stand in the bare lounge area.

  ‘I know, me too, but I’m only across the hall Lex and I’m coming for a sleep over Friday night.’

  ‘He’s letting you sleep over?’ she asked, her eyes wide with excitement.

  ‘Yes, he’s trying really hard Lex and agreed we’d put off our official moving in night until Saturday so you and I could have our last night together.’ I laughed as she hugged me.

  ‘I’ll say thank you. Now do you think he’ll notice if I nick that big chandelier for my bedroom?’

  ‘Yes, I think he would,’ I smiled and my smile widened when I saw Gabe watching us from the door way. ‘You’re back!’

  ‘I am, so let’s get moving and we can start the celebrations sooner than later. And no touching my chandelier,’ he warned Lex, and looked surprised as she went over and hugged him. ‘What’s that for?’

  ‘Looking after Mia so well and for letting her have another night with me at ours.’ I smiled as I watched them, then frowned as she whispered something in his ear.

  ‘You’re the second person to tell me that,’ he laughed with a big smile.

  ‘Ok what’s that all about?’ I demanded.

  ‘Never you mind,’ replied Lex. ‘Come on then, let’s get going, I need alcohol.’

  ‘You haven’t started already?’ Gabe asked, surprised.

  ‘No, too busy yacking,’ she advised.

  We loaded up the car and Gabe drove us to his, it was already dark and I squealed with delight to see fairy lights over the box hedges and a twinkling Christmas wreath on the front door and Gabe and Lexi laughed.

  ‘O poor Gabe, he’s yet to experience the super hyped up Birthday Christmas Mia.’

  ‘I’ll take her anyway I can get her Lex,’ he said with a soft look of love over at me, which made me blush. We got out and Robert came to help us unload just as Doug turned up and I looked over at Lex who gave me a sad smile and went to greet him. I watched out of the corner of my eye and grimaced as I saw him hug her tightly and kiss her, he was really serious about her, I could tell and I felt so sorry for him. ‘Ok baby?’

  ‘What?’ I looked up to see Gabe looking at me puzzled.

  ‘You ok?’

  ‘Yes, sorry, bit jet lagged.’

  ‘Mia, happy birthday,’ announced Doug as he came and hugged me and spun me around.

  ‘Thanks Doug,’ I laughed. ‘Missed us have you?’

  ‘Too bloody right.’

  ‘Hey put my girl down and fondle your own Doug.’

  ‘Dude,’ Doug grinned as he set me down. ‘Come here my man.’ They hu
gged and slapped each other on the back. ‘Good time?’

  ‘Brilliant thanks.’

  ‘Come on then, let’s get this party started.’

  ‘Right, I’ve made a fire in Gabriel’s lounge and there’s some mulled wine heating up, why don’t you all head in,’ gestured Robert.

  ‘We’ll be down with you in a minute guys, I just have something to do with Mia upstairs.’

  ‘Didn’t you do that enough this weekend dude?’

  ‘Lowering the tone as ever Doug,’ Gabe laughed. ‘Honestly we’ll only be a few minutes and no comments about my stamina please.’

  ‘As if, everyone knows you can’t keep it up,’ Doug ribbed with a guffaw.

  ‘Boys, please,’ I protested as Robert started laughing too.

  ‘Come on baby.’ Gabe tugged me upstairs not even letting me have time to get excited over the beautiful huge decorated tree in the hall, but all was forgiven when we got to his bedroom, as he’d done a lovely one in the corner of his room. He led me over to the bed and sat me down on the edge and crouched at my feet as he took my hands. ‘So, what are we doing about this?’ he asked as he ran his thumb over my ring.

  ‘I’d like to do what we agreed Gabe.’

  ‘Still?’ he looked up at me disappointed.

  ‘Gabe,’ I pulled my right hand out of his and ran my fingers through his hair. ‘You knew this was coming, why are you looking so surprised?’

  ‘Because you never took it off, you’re still wearing it.’

  ‘I mean to take it off last night, but with you being upset I forget I had it on, until Lexi spotted it earlier.’

  ‘So you haven’t changed your mind?’

  ‘No, I told you I’m not there yet and I want to be before you put it back on my finger. I promised you that.’

  ‘I know,’ he nodded. ‘I just hoped that wearing it you’d realise it wasn’t such a big deal.

  ‘It is a big deal Gabe, to you. Don’t diminish the importance of being engaged just to have me wear your ring. Besides, didn’t we agree we’d get another ring for me to wear instead?’