Love & Loss (The Austin Series)

by C. J. Fallowfield

  ‘Not specifically no, just that if I get to that place where I want one, I’d prefer it to be intimate, with just the people I love around me. I’d be doing it for you Gabe, not hundreds of distant relatives we never see, or acquaintances we barely know.’

  ‘So you’re not into having a big extravagant spectacle?’

  ‘No. Can we change the topic as I’m started to get hives,’ I advised as I wriggled on his lap. He laughed and pulled me down for a kiss.

  ‘Thank you,’ he whispered.

  ‘You’re welcome, it’s only what I owed you Gabe.’

  ‘Not for the money, though that was incredibly sweet of you, for trying so hard to work on your issues and not freaking out the minute I mentioned weddings.’

  ‘I want to make you happy Gabe.’

  ‘You do baby and you’ve made amazing progress, I’m so proud of you,’ he smiled as he stroked my cheek and I saw his eyes glittering with tears.

  ‘I’m so proud of you too,’ I whispered. ‘Do you have plans for the rest of the morning and afternoon?’

  ‘No why?’

  ‘I’d like you to take me to bed and make love to me, multiple times.’

  ‘That Mia Page is a gift I accept wholeheartedly and without reservation,’ he advised as he grinned and stood up with me in his arms and I virtually swooned in them.

  ‘See you later baby, ring me when you’re ready for a lift home,’ he advised as he dropped Lexi and I off outside Peppers main door.

  ‘Will do. Love you,’ I pursed my lips for a kiss.

  ‘Love you too,’ he smiled and gave me what I wanted, wrapping his arms tightly around me. I melted in them, we’d just spent four hours in bed, taking advantage of each other’s bodies over and over, but if said he was ready to go again, so was I.

  ‘Get a room,’ groaned Lexi, making me giggle. I pecked Gabe’s lips again.

  ‘Go or I’ll never get into work. I’ll ring you later handsome.’

  ‘Be careful,’ he warned as he walked back around his car.

  ‘I will,’ I smiled and waved him off.

  ‘You two are on permanent heat,’ Lexi laughed as I took her arm.

  ‘I know, it’s bloody great,’ I laughed. ‘Hi Zane, Billy,’ I nodded at the bouncers. The both grinned back and nodded.

  ‘So new routine tonight eh?’ Lexi asked as we walked through the club to the staff area.

  ‘Yes, white and navy Sailor girl outfit, the works.’

  ‘As if you’re not full enough of semen as it is,’ she laughed and I shoved her giggling.

  ‘You’re so rude.’

  ‘Please, who was sitting with me on Tuesday asking me to teach her to talk dirty?’

  ‘That was different,’ I advised as I put my cabin case on the bench next to the lockers and unzipped it.

  ‘O because “give it to me big boy” is so much better than the word semen.’

  ‘Will you give “give it to me big boy” a rest Lexi,’ I laughed. ‘I’ve never said that and I never could now, I’d always be thinking of you.’

  ‘Like you don’t think of me anyway,’ she scoffed as she pulled her uniform out of her bag. ‘Since you kissed me with tongue you have hot lesbian sex with Lexi on the brain.’

  ‘Hey, I offered that first, back off bitch,’ came a teasing voice and I looked around and laughed to see Cindy with a fake scowl on her face. ‘I still can’t believe you had some girl on girl action and it wasn’t with me.’

  ‘It was hardly girl on girl Cindy. It was a quick kiss that was all.’

  ‘Quick?’ gasped Lexi. ‘You were going at it for about two minutes.’

  ‘I was going at it? You’ve got a nerve Clarke. You were the one who grabbed my arse and ground on me.’

  ‘For the love of God please stop, you’re getting me all hot under the collar,’ laughed Cindy.

  ‘I thought you were happy with Max?’ I asked as I pulled off my jeans. Cindy and her girlfriend Max, another new dancer, had been dating for a couple of months.

  ‘Well yeah, that girl has a tongue that can loop the loop, you know what I’m saying?’

  ‘Hmmmm,’ I nodded, thinking about where Gabe’s tongue had been earlier.

  ‘O yeah, Sam’s tongue is insane,’ groaned Lexi.

  ‘When’s he back in London Lex?’ asked Cindy.

  ‘Next week,’ she replied with a huge grin on her face. ‘We’re having a whole weekend in his suite with room service.’

  ‘And toys,’ I reminded her and giggled as she blushed.

  ‘Mia.’

  ‘Don’t be embarrassed on my account,’ laughed Cindy. ‘I’m totally down with toys, I may prefer girls, but nothing beats that feeling of being full inside.’

  ‘No,’ sighed Lexi and I at the same time and we all laughed.

  I strutted off the stage after my second routine of the night and sat in my chair in the dressing room and counted up my tips, wondering what I was going to do with all this money I was saving up. I’d applied for a mortgage, to pay Richard back for the apartment, but they’d declined me saying my income wasn’t guaranteed. Even saving £500 a week was going to take me at least ten years to pay back the capital value of the apartment, let alone interest. I sighed and put my head in my hands. I hadn’t heard a word from him since our blow out before Christmas, there again I hadn’t contacted him, I didn’t want to. I just wanted to pay him back so I could finally draw one last line in the sand and move forwards with nothing linking me to Richard Kensington, contender for the Nobel Prize for shitty fathers, if they had such a thing. It was only ten thirty and my next dance wasn’t until eleven thirty. I pulled on my red bandage dress and slipped out and found a stool at the end of the bar. It was busier than normal at this time. It didn’t usually get this busy until eleven thirty, but one of Gabe’s rules for allowed me to perform was that I didn’t stay any later than midnight, which mean I had to do the earlier performances, missing out in serious extra tips when it was at peak capacity.

  ‘Here you go,’ Lexi said as she pushed a tall iced water my way.

  ‘Cheers. Busy?’

  ‘Yeah, I don’t think I’m going to have time to chat much tonight sorry.’

  ‘No problem, I just had some time to kill.’

  ‘I don’t know why you don’t do lap dances in between and earn extra cash.’

  ‘It doesn’t seem right Lex, that’s too personal. I only want Gabe to see me up close like that. ‘How was Dan on Friday?’ I asked. She’d disappeared with Milo’s friend who I’d caught her snogging on New Year’s Eve.

  ‘Good,’ she grinned. ‘I may see him for regular sex between booty calls with Sam.’

  ‘That good?’ I nodded my head surprised.

  ‘Yeah, but I don’t actually like him that much, it’s just the sex is great.’

  ‘Lex,’ I sighed.

  ‘Don’t start.’

  ‘He still loves you.’ I didn’t say Doug’s name, but she knew who I meant. A look of guilt crossed over her face before her mask slipped back into place.

  ‘I said don’t start,’ she scowled and moved away to serve someone else. I politely smiled and chatted to a guy who came over, refusing his offer of a drink. Mike the owner insisted if we were front of house we looked good and we chatted to the clientele, excusing ourselves if required, but never being rude, which is exactly what I did when he attempted to squeeze my bottom. Sadly Peppers wasn’t a high class strip club. They let pretty much anyone in, the place was tired and well overdue a facelift and Mike refused to see reason that if he spent a bit of money doing it up and offering personal hostess service for drinks, he’d make more money. Sometimes we got some real sleezebags in here, though I’d never tell Gabe that.

  I strode back up the stage during my final dance of the night to drop to my knees as I ran my hands over my body and flinched as I looked out at the crowd. For a split second I was convinced I’d seen Milo, but before I had the chance to look again, someone sitting right at the front of the stage caught m
y eye. It was Adam, the guy who’d come onto me at the restaurant 26, where I’d kneed his face, then his crotch. He gave me a smile and I saw him reach down and grasp his erection, so I quickly averted my eyes as I carried on with the routine. Damn it, that was all I needed him turning up here and seeing me scantily clad. He didn’t need any more encouragement.

  I left Tracy to collect my tips, not wanting to have to deal with him and quickly changed back into my red dress and packed up my small case and went to find Lexi. The bar was heaving and there were three of them working as fast as they could. She spotted me and mouthed ‘See you tomorrow,’ and quickly turned to deal with someone else. She often stayed on if they were busy, she was saving hard as well, trying to avoid having to take on more student loans on next year. I headed backstage again and sent Gabe a text.

  Ready baby, just me, Lexi’s staying on. M xx

  See you in twenty. I missed you G xx

  You too <3 xx

  I smiled and tucked my phone away and grabbed a glass of water. I gave it twenty minutes and walked back through the club and sighed to see Adam standing by the main exit. I really didn’t want a confrontation with him, he was busy talking, so I quickly headed to the back door, out into the ally and wheeled my case along behind me. I was nearly at the front of the building when I froze and tensed up to see my path was blocked by him. Shit, he must have seen me head out the back door and had left by the front to come and confront me.

  ‘Nice to see you again Mia.’

  ‘I wish I could say the same,’ I scowled and he laughed.

  ‘I don’t know why you look so nervous, you assaulted me last time remember?’

  ‘Yes, but in fairness I asked you to let go of me and you didn’t. Please will you move, I’d like to get home.’ Where the hell were Zane and Billy when I needed them? The back door opening sounded an alarm so one of them should come and check.

  ‘When are you going to admit that you find me attractive Mia?’

  ‘When hell freezes over. When are you going to admit that you have a serious psychological problem Adam? What part of I’m not interested and leave me the hell alone doesn’t register with you? I thought I’d made that perfectly clear last time.’

  ‘Just as feisty as I remembered,’ he laughed and ran a hand through his hair.

  ‘Just as married as I remembered,’ I replied with a flick of my head to his wedding ring.

  ‘We have an open relationship.’

  ‘Well I don’t and I’d like to get back to him. Please move.’ Christ it was Deja Vu all over again.

  ‘The blond guy?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘The pussy who let his girlfriend beat me up?’

  ‘The man who chose not to pummel you into next century, you should be bloody grateful that I stopped him from hurting you, or you’d have ended up with a lot worse than a bloody nose and sore testicles,’ I hissed.

  ‘Wow baby, you’re making my testicles sore now talking like that.’

  ‘Adam, just fuck off and leave me alone.’ I’d had enough of this. I marched up towards the road but he quickly jumped in front of me. ‘Adam, I swear if you don’t let me leave you’ll regret it.’ I clenched my fist tightly and started running through all my self-defence moves in my head. Testicles, throat and eyes were the place to strike if I needed too, or a decent jab of my seriously high heel on his foot or lower leg.

  ‘Damn it Mia. Do you know how happy I was to see you writhing around on that stage tonight?’ he leered. ‘I knew the first time I saw you in here that you had potential.’ I moved to my left, but he moved to his right.

  ‘Adam, this is the last time I’m going to ask you to move.’ Where the hell was Zane or Billy?

  ‘Make me,’ he dared as he lifted his hand and ran his fingers down my cheek. I swung my fist to strike his jaw, but he caught it and as I wobbled off balance he quickly pressed me up against the wall, pinning my two hands down with his.

  ‘Get off me,’ I cried out and squirmed as he ran his nose up my neck.

  ‘She said get off her,’ came a deep voice and I gasped as Adam was ripped away from me before I even had a chance to stamp my heel down on his foot.

  ‘Milo?’ I exclaimed as he slammed Adam back against the opposite wall, his hand around his throat.

  ‘Are you ok Mia?’ he asked without looking around at me.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘How many bloody boyfriends do you have?’ Adam gasped as he tried to get out of Milo’s choke hold and swiftly jabbed him in the ribs with a clenched fist and Milo winced. O crap I thought as my hands started shaking, no way was I stepping in between the two of them, so I ran to the main street.

  ‘Zane,’ I screamed. He whipped his head around and started running towards me, he looked like an American football line backer charging along the pavement and I gulped when I saw Gabe leap out of his car and fly towards me. I pointed a shaking finger down the alley, from where I could heard yelling and Zane kept running in that direction. Gabe collided with me running towards him and crushed me to his chest, his heart pounding as fast as mine.

  ‘Mia what the fuck’s going on? Are you ok baby?’

  ‘Yes,’ I nodded as I buried my face in his chest.

  ‘Mia?’ I looked up and saw Billy and nodded my head down the alley.

  ‘You ok girl?’

  ‘I’ll be fine thanks, some guy made an inappropriate move and a friend dragged him off me. Zane’s already down there.’ I smiled as he nodded and headed off. I actually pitied Adam if he was up against the might of Billy, Zane and Milo, no one stood a chance.

  ‘Mia what the hell?’ Gabe uttered.

  ‘It’s my fault, I’m so sorry. I used to the back door to avoid Adam who was standing at the main door. He must have realised and came to wait for me in the ally.’

  ‘Adam? That arsehole from the restaurant?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Did he touch you again?’

  ‘He pinned me against the wall and I think he was going to try to kiss me, but … but …’ Shit. How was I going to explain Milo. Even I didn’t know what he was doing here, but I could hardly complain, if it wasn’t for him …. I shuddered and Gabe held me tighter.

  ‘But what baby?’

  ‘I pulled the bastard off her,’ came Milo’s voice and my heart sank.

  ‘Milo?’ Gabe tensed up around me automatically.

  ‘Hi Gabe. Lucky I happened to be here tonight. I saw Mia leave the back entrance and thought I’d wait to say hello out front here, when she didn’t show I got worried and that arsehole had her up against the wall. You ok?’

  ‘I’ll be fine, thanks ever so much Milo. What’s going on down there?’ I noticed Gabe hadn’t let go of me and I was quite happy about it.

  ‘Billy and Zane are holding him down until he calms down. Here’s your case. What the hell are you doing dancing here? It’s not exactly the classiest of strip clubs. I can’t believe you’d let her do that Gabe?’

  ‘No neither can I,’ he replied firmly and looked back at me. ‘As of tonight that’s it, you’ve done.’

  ‘Gabe,’ I protested and struggled out of his arms.

  ‘No, Milo’s right, if he hadn’t been here tonight God only knows what would have happened. I was stuck behind a pile up and was late. I’m not risking you being here with a load of guys leering over you Mia, not anymore. It ends now.’

  ‘You don’t have the right to…’

  ‘Stop!’ he yelled making me jump. ‘I’m not going to argue with you in the street. Get in the car, right now,’ he ordered as he pointed at it.

  ‘No need to point, I know which your bloody car is,’ I muttered.

  ‘Now Mia, I’m not going to tell you again.’

  ‘But I need to thank Milo for looking…’

  ‘NOW,’ he barked. I pulled a face and mouthed ‘Thank you’ at Milo and quickly did as I was told. I sat in the passenger seat and watched as I saw Gabe and Milo talking, talk about awkward. I cringed when I saw Gabe put bot
h hands on his hips and Milo looked like he was raising his voice. He was shorter than Gabe, but with the weights he bench pressed I was sure if the two of them starting fighting they could both seriously hurt the other. Luckily both of them were distracted by Billy and Zane man handling Adam, his arms locked behind his back. I saw Gabe lunge at him and Milo quickly dragged him back. I closed my eyes and covered them. This was so fucked up. I heard the car door open and peaked through my fingers to see Gabe get in with a face of fury. He slammed it shut before starting the engine and roaring away before I even had a chance to see if Milo was ok.

  ‘Gabe?’

  ‘Not now. I’m fucking furious and I don’t want to lose it with you again Mia. No talking until I’ve calmed down,’ he snapped. I bit my lip and looked out of my window and sighed.

  When we got home he opened my car door for me, grabbed my hand and yanked me out, leaving my case behind as he marched at a fast pace, all the way up to our front door. I braced myself in my head for a punishment fuck, it was a long time since I’d seen him this angry. He let go of my hand the minute we stepped inside and marched to the kitchen and got himself a bottle of water and stood with his back to me, his palms flat down either side of the sink. I felt my eyes filling up, I loved my job and I knew I was never going to be able to go back, not after this. Not if it was going to make him worry about me being confronted by someone again, to worry about Milo having seen me half-dressed doing what I did up there. I pulled off my heels, dropped my handbag and ran to the bathroom and shut the door. I started taking off my makeup as the tears started to flow, then quickly stripped off and got into bed, curling up on my side and hugging big boy the panda as I started sobbing properly. It wasn’t long before I felt the bed sink and his arms go around me. I quickly spun around and buried my face in the crook of his neck as I cried and he held me tightly and kissed my hair, hooking his leg over mine to keep me as close as possible.

  ‘You know I can’t let you go back don’t you?’ he said quietly. I nodded and cried myself to sleep as his hand rubbed up and down my back.