Love & Loss (The Austin Series)

by C. J. Fallowfield

  ‘Hmmm, that sounds like a very good idea. Ropes and paddle.’

  ‘Surprise me,’ I winked. I leaned in and whispered in his ear, ‘but I’d better warn you, this pussy got very very wet tonight.’

  ‘Every out. Now,’ yelled Gabe as I watched the swelling in his trousers expand and giggled happily.

  Realisations

  It had been over a week since I’d seen Milo. He hadn’t been in English all week and yesterday I’d sent him a text to say that I’d like us to meet at the gym but to go to the smoothie bar to talk. He hadn’t replied and I was surprised to see he wasn’t in English again. Gabe walked me to Pilates and made me promise to ring him when I was ready to come home. He didn’t even trust me getting taxis and definitely wouldn’t let Milo walk me home.

  ‘I’ll pick you up right outside the door ok?’

  ‘Ok, I’ll see you later. Love you,’ I smiled as I reached up and caressed his cheek with my palm.

  ‘Love you too,’ he smiled and held me tightly as he kissed me, making me light headed. He chuckled, as he always did when he saw how he could render me to the consistency of jelly just from his kiss. I watched him stride out of reception, turning to blow me a final kiss before he disappeared. I headed to the smoothie bar but there was no sign of Milo. I checked my phone and there was no message either so I rang him.

  ‘Hello?’ came his voice, he sounded odd, definitely not his usual self.

  ‘Milo it’s me, Mia. Where are you?’

  ‘Shit … shit,’ he muttered and I heard something smash.

  ‘Milo? Are you ok?’ I asked and heard him laughing.

  ‘No … no I’m not. She’s finished with me Mia, she’s bloody finished with me.’

  ‘O God, I’m so sorry.’

  ‘You’re sorry, you’re sorry. That’s funny,’ he laughed.

  ‘Are you drunk?’

  ‘Definitely on my way to drunkdom.’

  ‘Shit, you’re not on your own are you?’ I heard him laughing again.

  ‘No, Dan’s here. Why do you care? You don’t bloody care … you made that quite obvious.’

  ‘Milo, please don’t. I thought you understood after the other night. I love you as a friend, but you know I’m with Gabe.’

  ‘Yeah … him. Leave me alone Mia, it’s too much.’

  ‘Milo please don’t be like this.’ I winced as I heard a yell and a load of banging then he cursed. ‘Milo?’

  ‘Great, just fucking great I’ve just fallen down the bloody stairs. It’s your fault, it’s all your bloody fault.’

  ‘Don’t drink anymore I’m coming over,’ I sighed and hung up. I went to dial Gabe to ask him to take me over there, but paused with my finger over the button. There was no way he’d let me go there, especially not with Milo drunk, but I couldn’t leave him like that, not when Jenny had broken up with him as well, what sort of friend would I be? I called for a taxi, making sure it was a registered black cab, then shoved my stuff in the gym locker, putting my purse and phone in my coat pocket and went to stand inside the reception entrance to keep watch. When the taxi pulled up I took a photo of the number plate then hopped in and gave him Milo’s address and sent Lexi a text.

  Lex, under no circumstances do you tell Gabe, but Milo wasn’t at the gym and I’m going to see him. Jenny’s broken up with him, he’s blaming me and he’s drunk and upset. Dan’s there so I’ll be fine and I’ve attached a photo of the licence plate of the taxi I’m in just in case. I’ll do the same when I head back to the gym and ring Gabe to pick me up. Love you xx

  I sighed as I looked out of the window. I thought Milo understood that I didn’t feel that way about him and that he was going to accept us just being friends. What the hell had happened to make Jenny end it? I felt my phone vibrate and looked down, Lexi was ringing me.

  ‘Hi Lex.’

  ‘Are you out of your fucking mind?’ she hissed down the phone.

  ‘Lex what am I supposed to do? He sounds in a mess.’

  ‘That’s his problem, you made it perfectly clear that you were with Gabe and it was never going to happen, if he can’t deal tough shit.’

  ‘But Jenny’s broken up with him as well Lex,’ I protested.

  ‘So?’

  ‘Come on, you’re a trainee counsellor, you’re saying I should walk away from a friend when they need me?’

  ‘Shit Mia, Gabe will go mental.’

  ‘Gabe doesn’t need to know. I’ll be back at the gym in a couple of hours and he’ll be none the wiser. Please don’t tell him.’

  ‘No bloody way I’m telling him, more than my life’s worth. If he tries it on with you again you get out of there ok? And make sure you send me a photo again just in case.’

  ‘I will Lex, thanks.’

  ‘God you’re a stubborn bloody mare Page.’

  ‘Pot meet the kettle Lexi Clarke. Love you.’

  ‘You too. Text me as soon as you’re in the taxi again ok?’

  ‘Will do. See you later.’

  I took the taxi drivers card as he dropped me off at the end of Milo’s road, figuring it would be easier to use the same one as I felt safe with him and already had his licence plate in my phone. I walked quickly up the dimly light street, why the hell was he living in such a rundown area? I’d only been the once, when we dropped off Dan after a night out, but it looked worse than I remembered. There was an expanse of wasteland to my left, covered in rubble and a burnt out car, then a large wooded area to the right and it was a few hundred yards before any of the actual houses started. Shit what was I thinking? Gabe would go nuts. I jumped as I heard some twigs snap and felt my mouth going dry and my heart rate spiking as I walked faster. I had a bad feeling, a really bad feeling, just like I’d had in the moments before I found out Gabe had been injured in that accident. I started running and flung open the wrought iron gate at the entrance to Milo’s house and flew up to the front door hammering on it really loudly, looking around behind me nervously. I heard clattering and banging coming from inside.

  ‘Shit hurry up Milo,’ I muttered and I rapped it again even louder as I heard a car go past. I looked behind me again, the tension spreading through my muscles with every second I was out here, then faced the door as I hammered on it again. I suddenly frowned as something in my memory sparked and looked back behind me to see a silver car parked up opposite and I immediately shivered. I hated silver cars, they always reminded me of Gabe’s accident. I screamed as I felt a hand clutch my shoulder and snapped my head around and blew out a deep breath. ‘Shit Milo, you just scared the crap out of me,’ I uttered. I looked at him swaying on the doorstep, with at least three days’ worth of growth on his face.

  ‘Why are you here?’ he asked as he stuck his head out of the door and looked up and down the street.

  ‘To make sure you were ok. Let me in quickly, I don’t feel safe out here,’ I stated as I pushed him back inside, joined him and quickly closed his front door for him and sighed.

  ‘You’re shaking,’ he observed.

  ‘No shit Sherlock. This is one creepy street and I’m feeling really on edge.’

  ‘I told you not to come,’ he muttered as he staggered back along the hall.

  ‘I was worried about you.’ I caught him up, grabbed his arm as he bounced off his door frame and steered him into the kitchen and sat him down at the dining table. ‘Christ you look like shit.’

  ‘Thanks,’ he muttered. I pulled off my gloves and scarf and plonked them next to him and unbelted my coat and hung it on the back of one of the chairs. ‘Right I’m making you a coffee to try and sober you up and then we can sit and talk. Where’s Dan, will he want one?’

  ‘He’s not here.’

  ‘What?’ I exclaimed as I spun around to look at him in horror.

  ‘He’s not here,’ he shrugged.

  ‘You told me he was.’

  ‘I lied.’

  ‘Milo what’s going on?’ Shit this was getting worse by the minute, as if coming here, alone in a taxi wasn’
t bad enough, now I was breaking Gabe’s cardinal rule, never be alone with Milo. I took a few calming breathes.

  ‘You’re nervous.’

  ‘Yes, I just scared myself shitless walking up Nightmare on Elm Street alone, you’re not yourself and now I’ve found out that you’ve lied to me again. This was a mistake, I shouldn’t have come.’

  ‘No one asked you to.’

  ‘I was worried about you Milo, I want to be a good friend, but I’m not prepared to jeopardise my relationship again to do it. I’ll call a taxi to take me back to the gym and make you a coffee. You need to sober up and go and sleep this off.’ I pulled the taxi number out of my back jeans pocket and dialled it. ‘Hi, sorry you just dropped me off in Orchard Street, can you come back and get me? Five minutes? That’s fine thank you.’ I turned around, flicked the kettle on and opened a couple of cupboards looking for mugs until I found one and put it on the work surface and jumped as I felt Milo stroke the back of my neck.

  ‘Why Mia?’

  ‘Why what?’ I asked as I shrugged him off and stepped away.

  ‘You know how I feel about you, we get on great.’

  ‘Milo,’ I sighed. ‘We’ve gone over this. I love you as a friend nothing more. I’m sorry it can’t be like that for me, but I love Gabe and you had Jenny.’

  ‘Had … had,’ he chuckled as he rubbed his eyes and swayed. ‘Yes, had and it’s all because of you that I don’t.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘She knew, she bloody knew before me that I was in love with you. “You talk about her all the time Milo,”’ he mimicked. ‘Do you know how many fucking arguments we had over you?’

  ‘Milo I’m sorry, but I never led you on. When have I ever given you reason to think that we were more than friends?’

  ‘Come on,’ he laughed. ‘You always tell me you love my company, you wear damn skimpy clothing around me, taunting me all the time.’

  ‘Right that’s it.’ I gasped. ‘You’re totally out of order now. I’m putting it down to the fact that you’re grief stricken and drunk and will give you a final pass just this once. Ring me when you’re sober and maybe we can talk this out, but I’m not having you accuse me of flirting with you ever again. I never have, not since our first meeting.’ I side stepped him as he tried to grasp me. My stomach went into knots, I suddenly felt sick, this wasn’t my friend, he seemed like he was someone else and I was stupidly here all alone with him, I needed to get out, fast. I quickly walked to the kitchen door and heard him curse and follow me as I stalked down the hall. I reached up and twisted the door latch and tensed up as he pressed up behind me and slammed his palm on the door, holding it shut, trapping me.

  ‘Stop.’

  ‘No you stop, you’re frightening me Milo, I want to leave.’

  ‘Don’t be scared of me Mia, you’re special. You’re my perfect woman, everything I’ve ever fantasied about. I love you,’ he sighed in my ear and I tensed and hissed through my teeth as he kissed my neck. I quickly bent my arm across my chest and rammed my elbow back, just like I’d been taught in self-defence, and jabbed him hard in the ribs. ‘Fuck,’ he yelled as he backed off. ‘What the fuck was that?’

  ‘Don’t ever touch me like that again,’ I hissed as I turned to look at him rubbing his chest. ‘I’m Gabe’s, I belong to Gabe.’

  ‘You’re not a fucking possession Mia,’ he scowled. ‘You’re more than that.’

  ‘I love him Milo, why can’t you get that into your head, I love him not you.’ I quickly turned, opened the front door and stepped out and looked down the street. The taxi wasn’t there yet. Shit, I didn’t want to stay here with Milo while he was like this, but I didn’t like the idea of waiting down on that corner next to that bloody expanse of trees and bushes either. My pulse was pounding so fast I could hear the blood surging in my ears. I looked back as Milo walked towards me again, so I quickly stepped outside and backed away towards the gate. ‘Don’t come any closer, you’re really scaring me.’

  ‘Mia,’ he sighed. ‘You can’t go out there alone, it’s not safe.’

  ‘Then I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place Milo because I don’t feel safe in there with you either.’

  ‘Shit, you’re shaking again.’

  ‘I’m scared and it’s freezing cold.’ I looked down at myself and realised my gloves, scarf and coat were still in his kitchen. Shit, so was my phone and my purse. I bit my lip and tucked my hair behind my ears, there was no way I could go back in there for them, not now, not after his behaviour.

  ‘Your coat’s in the kitchen, come back in and get it.’

  ‘No.’ I shook my head and folded my arms across my chest.

  ‘You’re scared of being alone, with me?’

  ‘At the moment yes Milo, you don’t seem yourself. I’ll come and get it from you when you’re sober and Dan’s here.’

  ‘You’ll freeze to death walking down the street like that. Stay there, I’ll get it for you.’

  I watched him turn and start walking down his hallway, leaving the front door ajar and quickly turned to check the street behind me. I’d never felt so nervous and on edge, I was really frightened and right now I just wished I was home with Gabe. I grabbed the wrought iron gate and looked around the high box hedge to the end of the street to see if the taxi had come yet. It still hadn’t. Where the hell was he? I heard a noise behind me and went to turn to make sure I could keep an eye on Milo, I didn’t want him getting too close again, but I was too slow. Before I knew it his hand was clamped over my mouth and an arm went tightly around my neck as I was yanked backwards up off the floor. I tried to scream, but his palm pressed tightly against my lips muffled the noise, so I frantically clawed at the arm choking me as my legs flailed. All thoughts of my self-defence classes went out of my mind, I couldn’t think straight I was so scared. What the hell was Milo going to do to me?

  All those tales of people saying that their lives flashed before their eyes in terrifying moments were true. Mixed in with the zig zags of blinding flashes assaulting my eyes and the deafening roar of blood and fear surging through my veins, I saw Sunday lunches with Mum, Gerry and Georgie around our dining table with Mr Biggles yapping for scraps, movie nights laughing with Lexi, then Gabe, my Gabe. I knew I was about to pass out, the noise in my ears was so loud, my vision was failing and I felt sick. All that I could think about was Gabe proposing to me in the rose filled apartment in Paris on that that barmy autumn night.

  What was I waiting for? Why was I stalling taking that official step with him and trying to have his children? He was the love of my life, my undeniable soul mate and suddenly I knew, I just knew that I didn’t want to wait any longer. So what if I was only nineteen and still at University, I wanted to be his wife, the mother of his children, our children. We’d do better, we’d make amazing parents because we knew better, and we’d make sure they’d never miss out on any love in their lives. I felt some tears trickle from the corners of my eyes as I imagined his ecstatic face as I told him the news. It brought me some comfort as my body stopped powering my futile struggle and my limbs went limp as I slipped into unconsciousness.

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  Thank you so much for continuing with the story of Mia, Lexi and Gabe. If you could spare a moment to leave me a review I’d be so grateful. Without them it makes it so hard for new readers to discover our books.

  I hope that you’ll be back to join me for the final instalment of The Austin Series, Infinite Love, which is due out by the middle of August 2014. Please check my social media pages for any updates:

  http://www.cjfallowfield.co.uk

  https://www.facebook.com/cjfallowfield

  https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7807992.C_J_Fallowfield

  https://www.twitter.com/CJFallowfield

  Acknowledgements

  Thank you again to all of my fans and everyone that has purchased Love & Loss and continued with The Austin Series. Your support is never taken for granted and is much appreciated.

  A
special mention to my three Beta readers, Amy, Michelle and Pollie. Your observations and insights have been invaluable in helping reshape areas of this book and I am eternally grateful.

  CJF x