Beer Goggles Anthology

by Anthology

  The first thing I notice aside from her super short shorts is the tight red Cubs shirt that’s molded to her skin. Good god, she’s got her own Cubs shirt. If my hormones were batters, the sight of that alone put my men on first. Her hair is long down the middle of her back, and she’s got large eyes that you could get lost in—that’s another base hit putting my men on first and second base now. Her lips are full and bright red—it’s like they’re an invitation to taste her—a triple threat. All of that is enough to make me stand up and take notice, but when TJ says something to her and she smiles, holy hell, boys, it’s a grand fucking slam.

  “Hello, I’m Jensen,” I tell her, immediately holding my hand out for her to shake. Her smile widens and my johnson twitches in my pants at the sight. It’s not like I can help it; it has a mind of its own. Every move she makes elicits a reaction from me. It’s like she’s the conductor and my cock the musician. Plus, truth be told, it’s been a while since I’ve had any physical lovin’ so my body has been on the prowl for a while.

  “Hi Jensen, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Ruby.”

  “Ruby,” I repeat, “like your lips.” I say and smile when her smile manages to grow larger. Is it just me, or are all the pieces falling into place? This girl is going to be the love of my life. I mean, she likes baseball, check. She has a Cubs shirt, check. Her name Ruby implies the color red, and red is one of the Cub’s colors, boom, another check. Yep, it’s meant to be. If she’s TJ’s girl, I’m breaking man code—I don’t care. I’m taking her away from him.

  “Hey, Jensen, how’s it going?” TJ asks, but I don’t look his way.

  “Have you been to a game before, Ruby?” I ask.

  “Oh yeah, several times. I love the Cubs. My dad was a huge fan.”

  Oh my god, I think again, this girl…she’s made for me. I know it. “My dad is too.” Wait, what was that she said? “Ruby…I’m sorry, did you say ‘was?’”

  She nods and sadness flashes across her eyes and makes the corners of her mouth turn down, “Yes, he passed away a couple months ago.”

  “Actually, that’s why—” TJ begins.

  “God, I’m so sorry,” I tell her, interrupting TJ and rubbing my thumb across the top of her hand, which somehow, I’m still holding. The fact that she’s experienced that kind of loss makes my chest ache as thoughts of Pops enter my mind. He would be really excited about today. Opening day was his favorite, maybe that’s why I refused to work today. He used to always tell me that there was much excitement to be found in a new beginning. That the team could decide to be anything they wanted this season, and it was anyone’s guess what kind of team they would be that year. We always hoped it would be the winning year, but he said that was entirely up to them. He passed away not long after the Cubs won the World Series. I’m grateful that the cancer didn’t take him before he got to see that. That was one of the happiest days of his life—I know because he told me.

  Since my memories of him are so fresh, and since I know how much it sucks to lose someone you love, I reveal, “My grandfather passed away about five months ago. He’s the reason I have these seats, and hell, one of the reasons I love the Cubs so much, so I get it.”

  She squeezes the top of my arm and looks into my eyes as she says, “I’m sorry for your loss.”

  “Thanks,” I reply with a nod, “and I’m sorry for yours too.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Dude, that’s part of the reason we’re here,” TJ interjects loudly, this time his frustration with me evident in the tone of his voice.

  Relenting, I look away from Ruby. “What are you going on about?”

  He rolls his eyes and looks at me in a way that tells me he knows I’m totally tripping out over Ruby, but I don’t care. “Ruby has a problem, and I told her that you could probably help her.”

  “What do you mean?” I ask and I can feel my brows lower in confusion at his statement.

  We all sit in our seats and huddle together, clapping as the Cubs make a double play to obtain two outs—only one more to go. No runs have yet been scored in the game. When we all turn to each other to speak, I notice we leave the other girl out that TJ brought with him, but she doesn’t seem to care. “Ruby and I share a class together and got to talking—”

  He pauses and they look at each other. I look back and forth between them for a few seconds and when they both remain silent, I prompt, “What?”

  Ruby shakes her head at TJ, then looks at me. “Look, never mind. Let’s just forget it and enjoy the game. I don’t want to get you into trouble.”

  “Get me into trouble how?”

  I’m ignored as TJ says, “I told you his dad is one of the owners of the Cubs. If anyone can help you with this, he can.” I immediately look at him in anger. What the hell is he setting me up for here? At least to Ruby’s credit she looks a little embarrassed.

  “What the hell is going on?” I ask, my patience gone.

  “I told you that my dad passed away,” Ruby says hesitantly and I nod. “Well, he had pancreatic cancer for a while and he knew the worst-case scenario. I mean, we all did, but he was worried about making sure he had everything tied up in the event off…” she trails off and I nod letting her know I understand. “Anyway, in his will, he left an odd request…”

  She pauses and I take the opportunity to down the rest of my beer—it was still half-full but it didn’t matter, I need it. If the dread in my stomach is any indication, I’m pretty sure I know where this conversation is headed. Ever since the Cubs won the World Series, this has come up more than one would think. When I first learned of it, I was shocked, because I couldn’t believe that one person, let alone several, would have the same idea. I almost immediately start shaking my head, then decide to wait to hear her out.

  Before she can continue, I see Cal, a guy who works the park selling Budweiser and raise my finger letting him know I’d like to buy one. When he arrives, we all purchase a beer, and when the last drop is poured and money exchanged I look at Ruby, “Go on.”

  “Well, he made arrangements to be cremated after his passing, and in his will, he asked that should the Cubs ever win the World Series—”

  “He said that he’d like some of his ashes spread on the field,” I finish for her.

  “Yes, how did you know?” she asks at the same time TJ asks, “How did you know that?”

  “Because your father is not the only one who’s made the request. And not only for people who passed away more recently like your father. Some people passed away years ago, and their loved ones have held onto their ashes in case the Cubs ever clinched the title and the opportunity should arise. Requests have been coming in right and left.”

  “Wow, I thought my dad was the only crazy one.” She laughs softly, fondness in her voice.

  “He’s not crazy, just a diehard Cubs fan.”

  “That he was.” She nods. “So, what is your dad doing about it?”

  Sighing, I run my hand through my hair and take another gulp of my beer. I feel bad. I understand her desire to fulfill her father’s wish, but that doesn’t change the fact that I can’t help her. “His staff is telling them that they are very sorry for their losses, and that the loyalty of the fans is one thing that makes this sport so great, but unfortunately spreading their ashes on the field is illegal.”

  “Oh,” she says sadly and looks down into her beer glass before taking several drinks. “Yeah, I was hoping there was a way around that fact.”

  “So, you know it’s illegal then.”

  “Yes, I had heard that,” she says.

  “Come on, man. We know it’s illegal, but there’s got to be something you can do. I told her that maybe you could help figure something out.” TJ’s looking at me imploringly and through my first urge which is to punch him for getting Ruby’s hopes up and putting me in the middle, I can’t help but wonder, what’s in this for him?

  “Can he help us?”

  Wow, she speaks, I think to myself as the girl on TJ’s other sid
e finally joins the conversation. When I look at her I find she’s staring at me. Awkward. “Us?” I ask and look at TJ in confusion.

  “Oh, sorry. Jensen, this is Opal, Ruby’s sister.” And now it all makes sense. My guess is that TJ will score with Opal if his friend, aka me, can help out her sister. And what the hell is with their names? As if she knows my internal thoughts, Ruby shrugs and looks at me, “My dad was a jeweler. We also have a brother named Onyx.”

  “You’re kidding.”

  “Nope,” she says and I try to hold it in, but when I see she’s smiling, I let go and laugh, happy when Ruby joins in.

  “So, this was completely a waste,” Opal says in anger and I decide that Opal is annoying and a bitch. I’m not sure what TJ sees in her. Opal stands with the rest of the crowd as the Cubs prevent a runner from going home and gain the third out ending the inning. She places her hands on her hips, and her breasts strain against the front of her tank top and spill over the top. Well then. Question asked and answered.

  TJ turns to me, desperation in his eyes, “Man, come on. There really isn’t anything you can do?”

  “You do realize what you’re asking me, don’t you?”

  “I know, I know, and I’m sorry, really. I just thought that it was worth a shot and chances were even if you were caught your dad would fix the problem.”

  “And the fact that my dad would kill me is fine?”

  “Well…no…of course not,” TJ says, looking remorseful.

  Looking at Ruby, I scratch my chin, “How much ashes are we talking about exactly?”

  She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a small clear jar that contains the ashes. “There isn’t more than a tablespoon or so here. It isn’t much.” Sighing, I look at her and then the jar. She pushes her hair over her shoulder, leans in and places her hand on my thigh and squeezes. “I would really appreciate your help, Jensen. But if you can’t, I understand. I meant it when I said that I don’t want you to get into trouble.”

  She’s really good. I’ll give her that much. “All right look, if I do this it’s not going to work for all four of us to go running around. Everyone knows me, and they’ll think it’s weird. It will have to be me and Ruby only.” I look at all three of them. Opal’s jaw tightens, but she nods her head stiffly. TJ just looks relieved and Ruby nods her head enthusiastically. “I’m not making any promises, but I can try to get you on the field. God knows how I’m going to make this work, but I can at least try to get you where you can empty the jar discreetly. Okay?”

  “Okay!” Ruby cheers and throws her arms around me. Her breasts press against the front of my chest briefly before she pulls away. She smiles at me and then kisses me briefly—on the lips. I know right then and there that I’m going to hell because there is one reason and one reason only I’m doing this. With any luck, I’ll get laid at the end of this.

  Inning Three

  “First things first, have you guys come up with any ideas on how we can do this?” I ask looking at all three expecting a whole list of ideas. When they don’t immediately start talking I look up to the sky in frustration, “Seriously?”

  “Well, I thought I could get a balloon, fill it with the ashes, and throw it onto the field,” TJ says. He actually says that. I know, because I heard it with my damn ears, but I can’t believe it.

  “A balloon,” I state. “And how is it going to pop?”

  “I figured when it hit the grass it would pop, the ashes would scatter and voila, done.”

  I stare at him for a moment, then say, “Next idea, please.”

  “Don’t the players usually sign autographs at some point? We could go down and get some autographs and while someone is signing I can lean over the wall and dump them on the field,” Ruby suggests.

  “It’s not a horrible idea assuming the field would be close enough when you lean over the edge, but you guys already missed the autograph time. They do that before the game even starts.”

  “Oh,” Ruby says. “I didn’t realize it was before the game. I guess I’ve never gotten here early enough to see.”

  “Anything else?” I ask hopefully.

  “Cubs boy here is probably on the field all the time,” Opal says pointing at me. “Why don’t you just give him Dad’s ashes and he can take care of it the next time he’s down there?”

  “Seriously, Opal? That’s so disrespectful. One of us should do it. Not someone Dad didn’t even know. No offense.”

  “None taken.”

  We’re all quiet, watching the game and reacting to the action in front of us. Maybe we’re hoping an idea will hit us by doing so. “I may have an idea,” I say.

  “Yeah?” Ruby asks hopefully.

  “Yes. There are a couple workers here that really like me.”

  “Cocky much?” Opal asks rolling her eyes and I get irritated. “Do you want my help or not?”

  “Yes, we want your help, ignore her,” Ruby pleads.

  “Sorry,” Opal says half-heartedly and I know again that the only thing TJ likes about this girl is her ginormous tits because she has zero personality.

  “Anyway, as I was saying, one of the people I’m talking about works near one of the field entrances. I may be able to distract her enough that you can get by her to do a quick dump and run. It would have to be fast, and I’m not sure if I can make it work, but it’s worth a try at least.”

  “I’m willing to try anything.”

  I hope she thinks the same thing when it comes to the bedroom. If that’s wrong to think, then I don’t want to be right.

  “Does it have to be this game, and only this game? Maybe we use this game to come up with a plan and another one to initiate it?” TJ asks.

  “I’d prefer to do it now if we’re going to do this. If I leave here and think about this more, I’m going to change my mind,” I tell them honestly. They don’t want me to take the time to think this, and the potential consequences, through further.

  My thoughts are interrupted by an exciting play when the Cubs get on a hitting streak. There’s a runner on first and third and only one out so far. As I excitedly watch the next batter, I look to my right and happen to see Wanda down toward the field, manning her area and an idea comes to fuller completion. I think it might just work.

  At the end of the inning after we’ve scored three, I excuse myself, “I’ll be back.”

  When Wanda sees me approach, she crosses her arms over her chest and begins tapping her foot. How she knows I’m about to put on my charm and hit her up for something, I’ll never know. “What are you doing over here? You never leave your seat during a game.”

  “Yeah well, I’m doing a lot of things I don’t normally do during a game.”

  “What did you say? You’re mumbling.”

  “Nothing. I was wondering if you’d be willing to do a favor for one of your favorite people in the whole world?”

  “I don’t see Harold here, do you?”

  “Wanda—”

  “I don’t see Tom Selleck here either, do you?

  I open my mouth to respond, then close it again. That one I wasn’t expecting. “Tom Selleck is one of your favorite people?”

  “His mustache is sexy.”

  “I don’t even know what to say to that.”

  “You asked, did you not?”

  “Well can you pretend that I’m one of your favorite people then?”

  “What are you up to?” she asks narrowing her eyes at me. She looks past me and I follow her gaze to my seat above. Ruby is staring at us and when I look at Wanda again, she’s staring at me once more and I jump. “What?”

  “Who is she to you?”

  “Who?” I ask dumbly.

  “You know who. You’re about to ask me to do something stupid for some girl, aren’t you? I’m asking you, who is she to you? Is she your girlfriend?”

  “Wanda, you know that I only have eyes for you.”

  “Oh good lord, you’re laying it on thick. It must be a big favor. I can’t wait to hear this.�
��

  And as she’s waiting for me to tell her, I pause. I can’t ask her to knowingly do something that could potentially get her in trouble or put her job at risk. She loves this job. She told me once during one of her softer moments that since Harold’s passing this job gives her purpose, something to look forward to. I can’t ask her to do this, no matter how stupid the favor may be.

  “You know what, never mind.”

  “What?” Pure confusion covers her face.

  “Have a good rest of the game, darlin’,” I say because it always makes her roll her eyes. “I’ll catch you later.”

  I turn and head back to my seat. She calls my name once, but I don’t turn. When I get back to my seat, I can feel her stare still burning into me, but I refrain from looking at her and look at Ruby instead. “Sorry, that lead’s a bust.”

  “Well, I think that if all else fails, there’s always streaking,” TJ says.

  “Streaking?” Ruby asks.

  “Yeah, streaking. You know…one of you takes off all your clothes and runs across the field naked. All you’d have on you is the jar of ashes and as you run you pour them on the field. Bam. Done,” TJ says and I swear he’s got hope glittering in his eyes at the prospect of seeing one of them naked.

  “God, TJ, you wish,” Opal says. “The plan is to figure something out that gets none of us arrested, remember?”

  “I just figured I’d suggest it in case we have no other options.”

  “Even if we run out of ideas, we aren’t going to go for that one,” Opal says and TJ’s face falls, which makes me laugh.

  “Come on, Ruby. Let’s go get something to eat and think on this a bit more. If we stay here and drink with TJ he’s likely to convince you streaking is a good idea.”

  Ruby stands up immediately with a laugh. “Let’s go.”

  Inning Four

  While we wait in line at Gilbert’s Grill car—one of the newer and most popular food places in the park—to get something to eat, I rack my brain trying to think of how I can make this happen. Usually, I’d be pissed off that something was hampering me from watching the game, but surprisingly I don’t mind this so much. Maybe it’s the company. I look at Ruby once more head to toe, and damn, it’s all the incentive I need. She catches me looking and smiles, “Thanks again for trying to do this.” As she leans in to talk to me, her breast rubs the side of my arm and it makes me itch to touch her.