She shook her head and took my other hand in her free one.
“I wish I knew what you were hiding from, Lucy. There is so much more to you than you let us all see. Have you ever talked to Carrie about it?” she asked.
I shook my head no.
“Have you ever talked to anyone?” she asked.
I shook my head no again.
“I'm here for you,” she said. “You need to talk. I'll be here waiting for when you're ready. I'm just hoping the two of you snap out of it before it's too late.”
Lance and Carrie's dad walked into the room. I felt his eyes on my back. I didn't have to turn to know he was watching me. Why did it feel the way it did being in the same room as him, I wondered? How was sex with him more intense and amazing than it had ever been for me before? I felt horrible when I thought about it. When we were together, so many feelings moved through me. I couldn't help the guilt I felt when I felt a connection with Lance. I was so glad he knew what he wanted, and I wasn't it. That sounded crazy, I know. It made so much sense to me though.
We walked into the living room, and I looked around in awe. How had Scott pulled it off, I wondered? His secretary looked like she was exhausted, and I figured it was really her that had pulled it off. She'd done a great job. I made sure to let her know how beautiful the place looked. She beamed with pride at my words. I was hoping Scott was planning to make up for what he had put her through that day.
James came running into the room, and I scooped him into my arms. He looked up at Lance with a smile. Then he quickly hugged me before putting his arms out to Lance. I could tell Lance was a bit nervous. We'd all watched a cartoon movie together just weeks before. James had taken a liking to him that day. Lance took him from me and lifted him to give him a hug. When I saw the two of them smiling together, I had to look away. I honestly felt like I was going to break at any moment. The tears were fighting to break free, and I was not going to let them. I needed to be strong.
When the front door opened and Carrie and Scott came through, James wiggled around to get free of Lance's hold. He ran over to them and wrapped his arms around their legs. Scott scooped him up so they could hug him. I felt Lance lean down, but I didn't turn to face him.
“Everything okay?” he asked.
I nodded my head but refused to look at him.
“Fine,” I said.
“Lucy,” he whispered in a rough tone.
“I'm great,” I said, as I walked away from him and over to Carrie.
We hugged, and I told her how happy I was for them. They had it all. She had James, a baby on the way, and the love of her life. I was so happy for her and knew it was awful of me to feel envious of them. What made them worthy of a forever, I wondered? Why couldn't I have had that?
Scott's friend was there with his wife. I laughed when I saw them all hugging. It was that woman and that man that had Carrie running from her heart for so long. She'd assumed the worst and given up the only one she truly loved. It was a crazy situation. She'd gotten pregnant by another man, one who wanted nothing to do with his child. If she had been with Scott, James wouldn't have been born. The two of them were sad to have missed that precious time together but they were also happy to have their son. It all made sense to me. I'd lost the only man I would ever love, and my entire world was destroyed. I'd never felt pain that horrible in my life. I also knew I'd feel that same pain over and over again just to have that time with Brad. He loved me in a way nobody ever had. He loved me more than my own parents did. I would forever cherish the time we had together.
I jumped when something touched my shoulder. Then I felt a warm tingle run down my arm. When I turned to look up at him, there was a look of concern on his face. I didn't let him even get my name out before interrupting him.
“You ready to watch these two get married, Hotshot?” I asked.
He shook his head and followed me to our seats. We sat and waited for everyone else to sit down. I played with my hands in my lap while I waited. I could feel him looking at me, but I wasn't moving my eyes from my hands.
The wedding music started and I jumped up from my chair to see my best friend walk into the room. You could see so much love between her and Scott when they looked at each other. He held James in his arms and held her hand the entire time. I couldn't help but watch her with her family. She had an amazing son and another baby on the way. I thought about what life would have been like if I'd had a baby with Brad. Would I have been a good mother, I wondered? I wasn't sure of the answer. My mom was always too busy for me growing up. Would I have been better than that? What would he have been like as a dad? My life was much different having lost him. I appreciated every single day. I knew it could disappear in a flash. I never wanted to feel a loss like that again. I watched Carrie and hoped she realized just how amazing her life was and how lucky she was to have gotten a second chance at love. Not everyone got that.
I felt so damn guilty for all of the thoughts I'd had during the wedding. I should have been watching them profess their love to each other. Instead, I thought about my own life and what I was missing out on. That wasn't the friend I wanted to be.
“You okay?” I heard his whisper and felt the heat of his breath on my skin.
I nodded without taking my eyes off the happy couple.
“I'm happy for them,” I said.
“You sure you don't want that one day?” he asked.
I was surprised by his words. He didn't sound like it was just a question. There was so much more to his words. For a second I felt like he was just as confused as I was.
“Not anymore,” I said.
“Why not?” he asked. “What changed your mind, Lucy?”
“That doesn't matter anymore. I can't change the past,” I answered.
We both hugged them and congratulated them. It was an amazing sight to see. She'd come to work at the company a totally different woman than the one that had just promised forever to the man next to her.
Everyone ate dinner. I was in the middle of helping her get dessert ready when a strange feeling moved through my stomach. I set down what I had in my hand and took off for the bathroom. All of the stress I was feeling had finally caught up with me. I lost everything I'd eaten. It felt like it drained the life out of me too. I heard a knock at the door and pulled myself together the best I could. When I opened the door, I was surprised to see Lance on the other side.
“Are you okay?” he asked in a worried tone. “Come on.”
He took my hand and began pulling me down the hall.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“We're going to the hotel,” he said. “You're not feeling well. I will not have you sitting down there with everyone like that. You need to get some rest.”
“I'm fine,” I said. “I think it was just stress.”
“It doesn't matter,” he said. “I'm taking you to the hotel.”
“Thank you,” I said. “Tell them you'll be right back. I'll meet you at the car.”
“I don't think so,” he said. “I already told Carrie's mom we were leaving.”
I tried to protest, but he wasn't having it. He opened the door for me and quickly got in his side. The drive to the hotel wasn't long at all. I was starting to feel better already. He got us checked in and carried both of our bags to the room while still holding my hand. It was a strange feeling having someone seem worried about me, even though it was someone that didn't care about me. We walked into the room, and he put our stuff down.
“I'm sorry the room isn't bigger,” he said. “This all they had on such short notice.”
I looked around the room and smiled.
“What?” he asked.
“This room is huge,” I said. “I don't give a shit about that kind of stuff. Do not ever apologize to me for something like that again. My apartment could fit in this room with space left over, Ballplayer. After seeing your house, I can't believe you even showed up at my place last night.”
“Why is that?” he ask
ed, as he opened my bag.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“Getting you something to sleep in,” he said, as if it were natural and something that happened often.
“Get out of my bag,” I said. “What if I had a vibrator or something in there?”
He let go of my stuff instantly and turned to face me.
“No fucking way did you bring a vibrator when you have this right here,” he said, as he reached down to grab his dick through his pants.
“So confident,” I said with a smile.
“I should take you over my knee right now,” he said in a deep tone that sent a shiver through me. “You must be feeling better.”
“I told you it was nothing,” I said. “I think it was just the stress of getting here on time. I don't want to risk getting Carrie sick since she's pregnant. I don't want to risk getting you sick either. You have a game in a few days. What would they do without you?”
“Smartass,” he mumbled.
“I'm being serious,” I said. “I'll sleep on the couch. You can have the bed.”
“Fuck no,” he said. “You are something else.”
“Why don't you go back and spend time with Carrie and Scott,” I said. “I'll just sit here and watch a movie or something.”
“I'm not leaving,” he said.
“I'm fine. I already told you that.”
“Doesn't matter,” he said. “Get your sweet ass changed.”
He began pulling off his suit jacket. Then he undid the tie and left it around his neck. I let out a moan and walked over to him. Then I grabbed the tie and pulled him closer. Another wave of sickness hit and I took off for the bathroom. He was right behind me. I looked back at him with a glare.
“Out,” I yelled. “There is no way you are seeing me like this.”
“Not going to happen,” he said in his this is not negotiable tone.
If I wasn't bent over and losing anything left in me, I would have jumped his ass just from that one sentence. One hand was holding my hair while the other rubbed my back. In between moments, I whispered.
“You can't get sick, Lance.”
“Don't worry about me,” he said.
Then he got a washcloth and held it on my head. I brushed my teeth and got on my shorts and tank top. When I came out of the bathroom, he had the blanket and sheet pulled back and a glass of ginger ale on the nightstand. Without argument, I crawled in and pulled the covers over me. I looked up to see him walking toward the bed in only his boxers. He must have noticed my disappointment. A smile covered his face from ear to ear.
“If you behave tonight, I'll get dressed up just for you to get me naked,” he said sweetly. “Now scoot that sweet ass over.”
“You can't sleep in here. Whatever this it, it's crazy bad. I feel like something sucked the life out of me.”
“I said scoot over now, Firecracker,” he demanded.
I grunted and scooted over. He pulled the blanket and sheet back and got in next to me. He sat up and pulled me to him as if it took no effort at all. Then he handed me the glass.
“Drink this,” he said.
I let out a sigh and he shook the glass in front of me. Then I grabbed it from him and took a huge drink. He turned on the television and started flipping through the channels. I handed him back the glass and he put it back on the table next to the bed. He pulled me in against his chest and rubbed small circles around my back.
“Why are you doing this?” I asked.
My mind was going in so many directions. Why was he taking care of me? Brad had been the only one to ever be with me while I was sick. He didn't like being touched when he wasn't feeling well, so when I was sick, he made sure I had what I needed but left me alone to rest. I liked that Lance was staying right there. I felt my eyes starting to close little by little. The warmth of his body felt so good against mine.
“Go to sleep, Firecracker,” he said. “You need to rest.”
I put my arm over his stomach and fell asleep.
It felt like only a few minutes had gone by when I opened my eyes. His hand was on my forehead before moving to my cheeks. The room was light, so I wasn't sure if it was still the same day or I'd slept all night.
“What time is it?” I asked.
“Ten,” he answered.
My eyes opened wide and he burst into laughter.
“You slept all night, Firecracker,” he said. “I didn't feel you move one time. You must have been exhausted. I'm not so sure about the snoring though.”
“I do not snore,” I said sternly.
“You sure do,” he said. “I'll take that over the dreams though.”
I felt the exact moment he realized what he'd said. His body went stiff before quickly recovering and speaking again to change the subject. I gave him that. There was no way I was talking about it. I didn't do sleepovers. He was the first. I honestly thought that I'd made it through each night with him without any nightmares. He'd just clued me in that I was wrong. No more sleepovers with him.
“Are you feeling better?”
“I am,” I said. “What did you do all night? I told you to go back to Carrie's parents' house.”
“I watched a movie and then fell asleep with you. I think we were both exhausted,” he said.
“You were gone for two weeks traveling. That definitely explains why you were so tired. Will you be able to rest at all this week?”
“I have to leave Monday,” he said. “I'll be gone two weeks again.”
As soon as I felt the sting of him being gone another two weeks, I got out of bed and hurried to the bathroom. That shit could not happen. I couldn't miss his ass, no way.
“Carrie's mom is making lunch. She wants to see you before you we leave,” he said.
I could tell he liked the idea of going over there too.
“Before you say anything,” he said. “She said she doesn't care how sick you are. She expects you to be there.”
I laughed and shook my head. Carrie's mom knew me better after a few weeks than my own mother did after thirty years.
I was fine all the way through lunch. Carrie's mom kept giving me a strange look. I'd ask her what it was about, and she'd tell me nothing. On the way out the door, she pulled me into a hug.
“You call me if you need anything at all, Lucy. Do you hear me? I want to hear from you at least a few times a week. If anything at all comes up, I want you to call.”
She whispered into my ear. I nodded and pulled back to see a concerned look on her face.
“What?” I asked.
“Just promise I'll hear from you if anything comes up in your life. I'm here for you,” she said.
I nodded, but I'm sure I looked at her like she had lost it.
“You two be careful,” she said. “Call when you get her home, Lance.”
He nodded, and we both waved before he pulled out of the driveway and down the street.
“What was that about?” I asked.
“Oh, you think you're the only one that has her number?” he asked. “I don't think so.”
He tried to hide his laugh, but I could see his shoulders shaking.
I'd made it most of the way home before it hit me and he pulled the car over. I was more embarrassed than I had ever been in my life. That wasn't like me. I didn't get embarrassed. Being in front of him like that did it though. There was no way I wanted the man I was hooking up with seeing me lose it like that.
“You okay?” he asked, as I shut the door after bringing my body back into the car.
“I was hoping it was gone,” I said. “I'll be fine. I feel bad that you're here with me. I don't want you to get sick while you're on the road. I'm sure they'd be lining up to take care of you though.”
“Don't,” he snapped. “I mean it. Knock it off. I'm not that bad and it bothers me to hear you talk like I am. I told you I wasn't with anyone when I was gone those two weeks. I get that we aren't a couple, Lucy. That does not mean I'm going to be fucking women while I'm gone. I'll be
honest, I've not been with a woman more than twice since I can remember. This is a first for me.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but he gave me a look that told me not to do it. I actually closed my mouth. I couldn't believe it. I didn't close my mouth for any man. I was also too sick to put any thought into it.
“Don't say a word. I haven't changed how I feel. I'm just saying that I have no plans on screwing anyone while I'm gone. That's all I'm saying.”
I nodded without a word. I was too busy trying not to get sick again.
He pulled into the driveway of my apartment, and I threw the door open and leaned out of the car. He grabbed the bags and took my arm in his hand to help me out. When his arm wrapped around my waist, I shook my head and laughed.
“What?” he asked.
“You have no idea how horrible it feels to know you've seen me like this, Ballplayer. This is not who I am. I'm strong, independent, and take care of myself. That is who I am.”
Chapter 8
Lance
I felt horrible for Lucy. She was so damn sick and trying to hide it. I get that we were fuck buddies basically, but I wasn't a total asshole. I knew what it was like to be that sick and alone. It wasn't a good feeling. I did care about her, just not in a girlfriend kind of way. There was no reason for her to feel weird about me helping her. When she said it wasn't who she was, I knew it wasn't just her worrying about me seeing her lose her lunch. It was more about me seeing her in a vulnerable state without her mouth showing what a tough bitch she could be. I shook my head and grabbed her keys to open her door.
The moment we were inside, she took off for the bathroom again. I felt so damn bad for her.
“Thanks for being with me last night and today,” she yelled out. “I'll see you later.”
“What?” I yelled back, as I put her bag in her room.
“I said that I would see you later,” she yelled back. “Have a good trip.”
“I'm not leaving,” I yelled back.
I walked to the bathroom and jiggled the handle on the door.
“Open the door,” I demanded.
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