Before We Say Goodbye

by JN Welsh

  Chapter Two

  Olive slammed the blue and white cooler shut. Her and Nigel’s meeting with their lawyer, a week ago, still had her spewing venom in spontaneous outbursts.

  "What the hell were we thinking?” She cursed their younger selves.

  "Mommy." Her youngest daughter Luna ran up to her, tugging on Olive’s shirt and interrupting her raging, and not so internal, monologue.

  Olive smoothed Luna's curly gold locks with guilty fingertips. "Sorry, sweetheart. Mommy shouldn’t curse. Everything's all right."

  There was a time when a getaway with Nigel would have sent Olive into a high-knee jog in place and clapping her hands like her six-year old. Now a week away from their departure, she was wound tighter than a spring in a pen. As Luna skipped to her brother, pressure weighed on Olive’s chest like a ten-pound dumbbell at the thought of leaving her kids for a week. Since Luna had been born, Olive hadn’t left them for that long.

  "When's Dad gonna get here, Mom? I don't want to miss the waves. He promised us a whole day at the beach," Taye, said. Their son’s brown hair constantly obscured his view.

  "The point is to spend time with your father," Olive answered Taye. "Your Dad has never let you down. He'll be here, soon."

  "Whatever." Taye plopped into a recliner and air from the cushions hissed under his boney frame.

  The screen door whistled followed by it snapping shut, alerting Olive and her children of Nigel’s arrival. He walked into the house like he still lived there, which ticked her off every time. She kept a tight lip because the charade of normalcy was more important.

  "Daddy!" Luna squealed and jumped into her father's arms. Nigel lifted her and swung her around.

  "You're late, Dad." Taye gave his father a much cooler response and passed Nigel with all his pre-teen dismissiveness on his way the car.

  "He doesn't like it when you're late." Olive faced her husband when her son was out of earshot.

  "Taye, put your sister in the car," Nigel called after his son, his husky tone firm-ish for a late dad. He put Luna down. "Go get your brother, lady bug."

  Nigel finally made eye contact but Olive turned toward the stairs. "Amani! Your father's here to take you to the beach," she called.

  Silence.

  "Amani!"

  "I'm coming!" Her eldest daughter’s teenage angst laced each syllable. Amani sauntered down the stairs in an aquamarine string bikini top and shorts. To Olive's relief, her daughter had finally started to fill in up top. Amani’s stress over it was seared into Olive’s memory of the nights Amani had cried about being as flat as a Pre-Calculus textbook. Now, after a few growing pains, Amani's athletic, yet curvaceous build began to mimic her own.

  Nigel crossed his arms. The action swelled his biceps and he took up more space in the kitchen. "Where's the rest?" He asked Amani as he eyed her swimsuit.

  Amani rolled her eyes and slid on her broad rimmed sun hat and sunglasses.

  Nigel side-eyed Olive. "You're allowing this?"

  "It’s a swimsuit, Nigel. She's fourteen. She's fine." Olive pointed to an orange cooler and addressed Amani. "Take this with you."

  "You packed food for them?" Nigel accused. "I told you I'd take care of it."

  You're welcome. "It's just a few things."

  "Amani, go check on your brother and sister. Let me talk to your mom real quick."

  "Are you guys gonna argue, again?" Amani put her hand on her hip.

  Olive swallowed the tightness in her throat. "No," she croaked. The lie, a guilt-filled syringe, injected into her stomach and she felt sick. She didn't want her kids worrying about their parents and she definitely didn't want to 'talk,' which was Nigel-language for debating with her.

  "Later, Mom." Amani lazily waved good-bye. Olive longed for a kiss or hug from her kids but their eagerness to get to the beach and spend time with their father, who they saw even less since the separation, overruled affection.

  "My parents are all confirmed. They’ll stay with the kids here while they finish their last days of school and then take them to their house afterward,” Nigel delivered evenly.

  “Your mom told me. She’s called several times this week,” she said. Nigel’s mother, who they all called Grandma Cutie, had been checking on her and the kids constantly since she’d gotten wind that Olive and Nigel were separating.

  “The witnesses are all secured,” Nigel spoke of Olive’s best friend Riley Walker and his bestie, Florencia Diaz.

  “Yup. Riley will be here the day before we leave.“ The small talk was killing her.

  “Flor, too,” he said.

  Olive sighed. "Was that all you needed to talk about? The kids haven't seen you all week so..."

  "You don't have to remind me about my kids, Olive. Weren't you the one who suggested I move out?"

  "No, we agreed."

  "Yeah. We agreed.” He scoffed. “Look, we have to take this trip. We can at least be cordial—"

  "That’s the thing though. We didn't have to take this trip. You forget, Nigel, that you're the one who decided not to dissolve the agreement."

  "It’s done. Get over it," Nigel said.

  Olive flinched and her teeth clenched. She hated that phrase and even more so that the words were coming out of Nigel’s mouth.

  “Get over it? I have to leave my kids for a week for this. This is nothing for you since you’re always gone.”

  The day she’d come back from Jim’s office, she had been glad that the children were at school because she’d destroyed Nigel's gardening supplies. Once she had released her fury, she had spent the rest of the afternoon curled up in the bathtub bawling. Their wedding video had provided the soundtrack as she mourned each memory. She was in bad shape and had made 911 call to her best friend Riley.

  She hiccupped through her sobs. “I can’t do this.”

  “Come on, OJ. You’re the strongest person I know. You’ll get through this. Now pull yourself up, clean up the gardening tools and get yourself right for your kids.”

  Eventually, she had climbed out the tub and cleaned up before the children returned home, but her body, mind and life had been wrecked. Even worse, she was losing Nigel, her best friend and the love her life and he was being a dick about it by prolonging the inevitable.

  Nigel knocked his knuckles hard on the counter bringing her attention back to the sour pus on his face.

  "What?" Olive asked.

  Nigel frowned. "Welcome back to the conversation. What's wrong with you?"

  "Nothing's wrong with me." Olive moved to the sink and leaned against the counter.

  "You're sure you're—"

  "Don't pretend to care about me now, Nigel. Our trip is planned. I took the time off from work and you’re at the end of your project. We have nothing to talk about unless it’s about the kids. All we need to do is show up."

  "I'll always care about you, Olive."

  Nigel's unexpected softness made her pulse jump.

  "We just.... this is..." He shifted in his stance.

  "Come on, Dad!" Taye yelled with as much annoyance as his could pour into his command.

  "Go. They're waiting for you," she said

  Nigel hesitated toward the door but with their children's relentless calls, he was gone, leaving her even more emotionally charged than what she'd self-inflicted on herself before his arrival.

  "What a shit show."

  Nigel ran with Taye and Luna on the beach. The separation had only exacerbated his absence from their lives. On the drive to the beach, his kids had filled him in on school and their activities, and he questioned them about friends and summer plans.

  "Come back here, Daddy." Luna chased him.

  "Nah-ah. You have to catch me, ladybug."

  Taye raced him down the beach and Nigel awed at how fast his son had gotten since they last raced. Taye was naturally athletic like him, and Nigel wished he'd enjoyed track and field more. But basketball and lacrosse were Taye's sports of choice.

  Amani had played with her b
rother and sister when they arrived but now tanned where they'd set up, alternating between scrolling through her phone and reading a book. Nigel’s memory flashed back to when she was born. Her first mucus filled cries had crushed his heart, and he had never been the same since.

  Luna, tired, went back to where her sister was, and dipped into the cooler. Taye followed soon after. He was grateful that Olive had packed their favorite beach snacks. His alternative would have been unhealthy fast food fair that would have probably garnered him some "yay Dad!" cheers, but result in upset stomachs later that Olive would surely complain about.

  Nigel plopped his butt on a blanket, next to his kids, who rummaged through the cooler. Amani took over divvying the cooler contents and presented everyone with their favorite snacks. He’d convinced himself that he wasn’t too late to be a better father to them but they were growing so fast. They had Olive’s influence all over them but where was his?

  "Here Dad," Amani said, passing him a portioned container and a sealed baggie.

  Inside was smoked turkey rolled with avocado, goat cheese and walnuts, a section with green grapes and another section with a handful of chocolate puffed cereal. The baggie was filled with Marmite popcorn. He took the container and baggie from his daughter with shaky hands. Olive had not only packed their children's favorites snacks, but his a well. Even now with the threatening dissolution of their marriage, she didn't exclude him. She still, to some degree took care of him.

  He felt like shit for the false pretenses he had to put on to get her to take this trip with him and to make her believe that he was on board with their trajectory toward the end of their marriage. The little combined versions of him and Olive before him, reminded him that he was doing this for them.

  His children circled him on the beach blanket.

  "Are you going to come back home, Dad or are you and Mom getting divorced?" Taye asked.

  Amani shushed her brother in a manner so similar to Olive it was frightening.

  "It's okay. You guys can ask me anything, you know that," Nigel encouraged.

  "Are you?" Amani cross her arms over her chest, a motion she did when she was worried or frustrated.

  "What did your Mom say?" Nigel deflected, even if only for a few more seconds.

  "She tells us she loves us and that whatever happens we'll always have both of you," Taye recited the canned response.

  "But she doesn't answer." Amani's head hung. "Are you, Dad? You'd tell us if you were, right?"

  His eldest was the most sullen he'd ever seen her. She was upset and it was his doing.

  "Yeah, honey. I'd tell you. All of you. Me and Mom are just trying to figure out what's best for everyone. So give us some time." Nigel tried to sound upbeat, but there was an uncontrollable shakiness in his voice.

  "I want you to come home, Daddy." Luna’s sad eyes tore him in half.

  "I know, ladybug, I want to come home, too.”

  Taye frowned at him. “Then why don’t you just tell Mom you want to come home?”

  “It’s not that easy. Mom and I still need some time. That’s why we’re going to take this trip. But trust me, I’m working on it really hard.”

  “But you’re always gone, Dad. How are your going to make things better?” Amani asked and the question cut him so deep he bled guilt.

  “I know I haven’t been here much but I’m changing things for us. No matter where I am, I'll always be here for you whenever you need me. Okay?" Nigel took a deep inhale.

  Affirmative mumbles floated above the ocean and nearby seagulls.

  He only had an hour or so left with them before they made the long drive back to Hanford. As he monitored his kids, his chest filled with air and gratitude covered his heart like a crocheted doily.

  Taye and Amani helped Luna diligently work on her sand castle. Nigel tried not to dwell on what was to come, but he had loads to mull over.

  His best friend, Florencia Diaz would be arriving from her home in Santa Monica at the end of the week for this trip. He hadn't seen Flor in a year, and at that time, he and Olive had not yet agreed to separate. Flor already promised him an ass whuppin’ when she arrived.

  “Wait ‘til I get there, Nigel. I can’t believe that you and Olive couldn't fix this. I’m going to kick both your asses. Just wait for it,” Flor had grumbled into the phone. His bestie had the same charm she’d had when he’d met her in college.

  The children’s laughter brought him back to the present.

  “Let’s start packing up. I want to make sure I get you home in time.” He and Olive had arranged pick up and drop off times. He refused to make alimony and child visitation a staple in his future. He was going to fix this. He had to fix this even if that meant keeping secrets from Olive until he could win her back.

  Chapter Three

  Olive had finished packing her last items for her weeklong California coastal trip when Riley Walker, witness number one and best friend extraordinaire arrived at her home.

  "What's happening, Olive Juice?" Riley hugged her tight. She squeezed hard muscle and tears leaked from her lids. She shook in his arms.

  "I don't want to go. This is going to be too painful." Olive breathed in the scent of Lever 2000. It was Riley's go to soap and since he didn't wear cologne, the familiar fragrance comforted her.

  Riley patted her back. "You’re all out of choice OJ. You gotta do this." He separated from her enough to hold her by the shoulders. "I’m with you, okay?"

  She nodded, wiping her cheeks. She kept a hard shell when Nigel was around and a “high energy Mom” charade for the kids, but inside she was falling apart. Since Jim had shared the news about the non-monetary agreement, she’d started to recall some of the list items. Her marriage was over and now she would have to suffer the consequences of her and Nigel’s young, hopeful love agreement. This trip would pulverize every beautiful memory she had left.

  "Thanks again for coming. I know the renovations at the LA center are almost done and you have loads to do before it officially opens. I really appreciate you taking the time off."

  "My assistant director came from Chicago to oversee the project. We'll be in communication so don't worry. I got it covered."

  "I know but—"

  "I got you, OJ."

  She sighed. “Thanks.”

  "Now," Riley rubbed his hands together, "Where're my godchildren?"

  "You're only Amani's Godfather."

  "They're all my Godchildren whether it's official or not."

  Olive smiled at that. She and Riley had been best friends since middle school. The day she'd met Nigel, she had been visiting Riley, during spring break. Riley had won the Rothschild Ingenuity Award at the beginning of his senior year. The ceremony had been scheduled in the spring, for all senior scholars of note, so the visit had been special.

  She and Riley had attended a beach party to celebrate, but by the end of the night, she had agreed to drive up the California coast with Nigel.

  "Nigel still staying in Fresno?" Riley asked.

  "Yeah.” Olive said. "It's not as close to the kids as either of us would like but it saves the cost of another expense. It’s close enough to the airport for his work. That’s all that really matters to Nigel."

  Riley eyed her. "I’m sure he cares about the distance from you and the kids, too."

  Olive frowned. She wasn’t going to argue the point. Nigel’s actions spoke volumes and she was done sugar coating their meaning.

  "You know," Riley dragged out, "you guys left us some pretty hard corps divorce list items."

  "Really? Like what?" Olive's interest in the list items was at volume ten.

  "We're not allowed to say. We just take you on this...adventure. Your past wishes, for your present day selves, were very clear.

  Olive recalled some items on the list, but it had been so many years. With three kids, working from home, and trying to keep Nigel’s arrivals and departures schedules in tact, she wondered how much of what she remembered was correct. If what she
remembered was correct, then she was in big trouble.

  She and Nigel buried the agreement away, certain it would never see the light of day because, of course, they'd never need it. The agreement would never need to be activated because they'd never fall out of love and want to divorce. Never.

  "This is bullshit." She cursed her younger romantic heart. "We’re separated and have started the process toward the end. At this point, there is only one way this can go. I mean what the hell were we expecting was going to happen on a trip?"

  "Want me to take a stab at it or do you think you can come to that obvious answer yourself?"

  Olive punched Riley's arm as they entered further into the house. "Shuddup."

  "Even I, skeptical as I have always been, have been blown away by you and Nigel." Riley moved his bags over to the staircase. "Broke my heart to hear you were calling it quits. Surely, you realize that your younger selves are trying to keep you together."

  "Well, it's useless. Nigel and I are done. We can't even have a normal conversation without arguing." Olive went to the stairwell. "Amani, Taye, Luna! Uncle Riley is here!"

  The padding of feet thudding across carpeted floors echoed through the living room.

  Riley pointed to the ceiling. "Clearly, the fan favorite."

  "Clearly."

  "How much do they know?" Riley whispered.

  "Not everything but they know Nigel's not living here."

  Soon, her beloved trio came trampling down the stairs in a race to hug Riley. He smiled as the children tackled him.

  "Hey, man. You'll almost be as tall as me, soon." Riley slapped hands with Taye and then picked up Luna. "Hey, water bug."

  "It's ladybug, Uncle Riley." Luna corrected. "Water bugs are scary."

  "Yeah, yeah and so are you." Riley tickled Luna's belly and she curled in on him and giggled.

  "You have to say it right, Uncle Riley," Luna sang.

  "We'll leave that endearment for your Dad." Riley put Luna down.