“Hey, Jim. I’m doing well, man. How about yourself?”
“Much better since I started these meetings with Dr. Wilson.” Jimmy looked off, chuckling at a joke he must’ve had in his head. “You know, you can quit the booze, but until you reach in and pull out whatever parasite made you need it so much in the first place? Doesn’t make a damn difference.”
Gabe’s mind wrapped around Jimmy’s words, and it started to sink deep without his permission. What was the parasite living in Gabe’s mind? The alcohol, the lifestyle, it was an attempt at self-medicating, of drowning whatever it was that Gabe couldn’t deal with. But what was it that he couldn’t deal with?
Gabe shook his head, needing to get inside and talk to Victoria.
He thanked Jimmy for the chat and promised him they’d grab lunch one day to catch up, and then he quickly slipped into the door and walked towards Victoria’s office. He pushed open the large wooden door to find Victoria standing over her desk, papers in hand and boxes littering the room. She looked up with the startled expression of a deer in headlights, and her face seemed to grow ice cold when she saw it was Gabe.
“Hey, Vic,” Gabe offered, her name coming out as a question.
“What do you want, Gabe?” Her voice was ice, as cold as it had been when they’d first seen each other again at the cemetery.
“Baby, I am so sorry. How I acted that day with my parents was awful, and you deserve so much better,” Gabe started. “There are a lot of old wounds there, and I just got so damn overwhelmed by it all. I never wanted you to see me that way. Please, Vic, let me make it up to you. I made some reservations. Sparkling cider, steaks, dancing, all the works! I even bought you a dress I think you’d like.”
Victoria stared at him, no emotions ever crossing her eyes.
Gabe waited. Nothing. His heart began to sink in his chest. He moved closer to her. “Come on, sweetheart. I’m sorry. Tell me what you want me to do to make it up to you and I will do it. Anything in the world.”
“You’re a liar, Gabe,” she finally spoke.
A liar?
“What are you talking about, Vic?”
“I saw you. At the cemetery. Drinking.”
“Vic, I wasn’t drinking!” Gabe had to explain what had happened. “I was there, but—”
“I don’t care, Gabe. I saw it. I don’t give a shit what you say, anymore.”
“Vic, I swear to you, I wasn’t—”
“Enough! I don’t want to hear it!” Victoria slammed her papers down and walked around the desk. “You know what the worst part of all this is? I went there to tell you that I love you. Once and for all. And that’s what I found. You are a liar, Gabe. A damn good liar. But I am so done. I am walking away and I am never looking back, just like I should’ve done the first time you screwed me over.”
Gabe’s head was spinning. “You love me?” It might as well have been the only thing he heard.
“No, Gabe. I loved you.”
Gabe stared down at the floor, the situation finally clicking for him. The bare walls. The boxes. His heart sank.
“You’re leaving.” It should’ve been a question, but he knew the answer.
“I’m leaving.”
The silence filled the room, enveloping them both and weighing heavy on Gabe’s shoulders. He had finally had a chance at happiness, and here it was, slipping from his fingers. He had to do something, had to make it right. He had to tell Victoria how he felt, and maybe that would make her stay. He thought and thought and thought and the words refused to come out of his mouth.
“Vic—”
“Goodbye, Gabe,” Victoria cut him off and pushed around him, walking down the hall and away from him.
“But, Vic, I—”
“Close the door behind you.”
Love you…
***
VICTORIA SEALED THE last box shut with a thick piece of masking tape. She slapped her hand against the top, letting her fingers linger for a moment on the smooth cardboard. Sighing, she fell into the chair behind her.
The truth is, Victoria didn’t have to pack much. She’d barely unpacked her things, and already, she was leaving again. But this time, it was for good.
The ache in her chest was dull, yet throbbing, a physical pain that made it hard to breathe if she let her mind linger on it for too long. In that moment, sitting on the couch, she couldn’t help but think of Gabe.
Her throat tightened as the first couple of tears spilled over her lids.
“God, Vic,” she laughed to herself. “Get it together.”
She wiped the tears away, but it was pointless. More continued to fall and the pain in her chest became harder and harder to ignore.
When Gabe had come to her office, she was surprised. Her first instinct was to run into his arms, melt into his chest and kiss him so hard that it became impossible to tell where his body ended and hers began.
Then, the anger set in. Anger towards him, for doing what he did. But mostly, anger for herself, because truthfully, Victoria still wanted him, wanted with everything in her for Gabe to have tried harder to keep her.
If he really cared, he would have explained himself, followed her out, forced her to listen to him and not taken no for an answer.
You didn’t exactly give him a chance, Victoria reminded herself.
She was cold, cut off, unwilling to listen to a word Gabe had to say.
But damn right she was! She had every right to be. He had betrayed her, and not for the first time.
Victoria cursed at herself.
She was a mess. Logical thought escaped her completely. Her degrees, her promises to herself, her carefully crafted plans for dealing with situations like this… all out the window. And it was all because of Gabe Matthews. Again.
It didn’t matter, anymore. Victoria was leaving, hopping on a plane and saying goodbye forever to her one and only home. When she got back to New York, she’d stay with an old friend from college until she could find her own place, and that would be that. She’d go back to working for the psychiatric group that she’d been with. It would be as if she had never left.
Victoria placed a hand on her chest, digging her nails into the skin there in a desperate and foolish attempt to stop the pain she felt.
It didn’t work. Not even a little.
***
STARING AT THE CEILING wasn’t doing him any good, but when he turned to see the empty pillow next to him where Victoria once slept, his stomach twisted. He turned back towards the white ceiling. Nothingness. Because without her, that’s all he had.
It took all of his effort, but Gabe pushed himself up into a sitting position, crossing one leg and using it to lean on while the other hung off the side of the bed. Head in his hands, Gabe couldn’t help but think about how many things he’d done wrong.
Gabe’s hands tightened into fists as he shoved up from the bed. He walked into the hallway, pacing back and forth before continuing towards the front door. It was time. He was done.
Sometimes, you need to fight for what you want in life. Now was one of those times. Gabe would fight and die for Victoria, and she needed to know that. He wouldn’t push her away and watch her walk out of his life… not again.
Gabe couldn’t imagine a future without Vic, and he was going to make damn sure that she knew that. Right the fuck now.
Chapter Fourteen
VICTORIA SAT AT THE bar at Ellie’s, eyes on the TV and hand bringing stale chips to her mouth to munch on while she waited for her ride.
She didn’t know why she went there. Of all the places in the world, of course she chose the place that had re-sparked everything between her and Gabe.
A chuckle escaped her throat. There was never anything between her and Gabe… because it was only her who loved him. And one sided love wasn’t love at all. It was an obsession, and she was done being obsessed with a man who couldn’t care less about her.
Victoria jumped when an arm fell over her shoulder, but she let out a sigh of relief
when she saw it was only Jason. Her heart squeezed a little bit and she shoved back tears, angry with the small part of herself that wished it had been Gabe.
Jason pulled her into his chest and squeezed her tight, giving her the perfect opportunity to squeeze her eyes and command the tears in her eyes not fall. Or so, she thought. The hug only pushed her closer to the edge.
When he pulled away and sat down on the stool next to her, Jason quickly flashed a brilliant smile. Jason was a very handsome man. Light brown hair, dark eyes, great build. Any girl would’ve been swooning over a man like Jason.
And yet here Victoria sat, unable to will her mind away from Gabe. Victoria certainly seemed to have a masochistic heart, forever in love with the one man who would never truly care for her.
“What are you doing here, Vicky?” Jason asked. She cringed at the nickname.
“I’m just waiting for my ride. My dad was supposed to pick me up and drive me to the airport, but he was running late, so I figured I’d stop here and grab some food.”
Victoria looked at the time on her phone and mentally cursed. At this rate, she might miss her flight…
“You’re moving, eh?”
“Yes.”
“Gabe told me.”
Victoria’s heart ached at his name. Pull it together! she scolded herself.
“How is he?” she hated herself for asking, but she just couldn’t help herself.
“Not doing too well.”
Victoria desperately wanted more. Her heart beat into her throat. She shoved down her emotions, reminded herself of her work, of what Gabe was.
“He’s a recovering alcoholic who started drinking again. That’ll happen.” She hated herself the minute the words left her mouth. She was so cold, but ice was the only thing that would keep the tears from rolling out of her eyes.
“Gabe isn’t drinking,” Jason said, squeezing his brows together as he looked at her. “He hasn’t had a drink since his sister passed.”
Victoria smiled sadly. “I saw him at the cemetery. With you, if I might add.”
Jason shook his head and turned away, wiping his thumb over his lower lip. Victoria swore she heard a chuckle, but she couldn’t tell for sure.
“He didn’t drink that day, Victoria. He had the bottle, yeah. But it was never opened. He didn’t drink it.” Jason stared at her with a deep genuine expression, and Victoria knew he was telling her the truth.
“Then why would he have it?”
“He was getting rid of it. Once and for all. He’d had that thing for years, some sort of insurance policy or whatever. He was getting rid of it so he could move on.” Jason stared at her, his expression growing increasingly more serious. His eyebrows raised. “You’d have to ask him yourself, but I’m pretty sure he was getting rid of it because of you.”
Victoria felt her stomach doing cartwheels. She knotted her fingers together to keep her hands from shaking as her mind raced through a hundred different thoughts. Was she wrong to assume the worst of Gabe? Should she have given him a chance to explain himself? What was he trying to tell her that day at her office? He kept trying to get something in, but she just kept cutting him off… Did Victoria fall victim to the very fear that she scolded Gabe for yielding to?
Her heart was racing.
“Let me give you a lift,” Jason said, squeezing her shoulder. “Come on.”
Victoria wanted to argue, but the text from her dad reminded her that this was her only option, short of calling a cab. She nodded and bit her lip, knowing that if she spoke, she wouldn’t be able to hold back the tears any longer.
Victoria had made her bed, and now she would lie in it.
Gabe didn’t love her. He couldn’t. Even if Jason was telling the truth and Gabe hadn’t been drinking, it didn’t mean a thing. Gabe could never reciprocate what Victoria felt for him, and Victoria just couldn’t handle that pain any longer.
A single tear slipped out, and she prayed that Jason wouldn’t notice.
She doubted he would. The rain was pouring from the sky, drenching them within a second of exiting the building. Good. Victoria felt the hot tears rush from her eyes, and she gratefully looked towards the sky to ensure those tears were hidden. At least the rain was on her side.
She walked slowly to Jason’s car, completely soaked by the time she made it into the passenger seat. She let out a sigh and leaned her head against the window, the world outside a blurry mess because of the torrential rain.
All the better. If Victoria had to keep looking at the town she’d always loved, the town that came to represent Gabe, the town she was leaving once and for all, she might fall apart again, and that just wouldn’t do.
She had a plane to catch.
***
JASON WAS TAKING TOO long. Gabe was getting impatient.
Sitting in the front seat of the ambulance, Gabe leaned into the seat, pushing his back against the cool leather. The rain outside was pouring down, the sound somehow managing to both calm him and infuriate him at the same time.
Where the hell was Jason?
Gabe had talked to Victoria’s dad and begged him to cancel on her. With nobody else, she’d accept the ride from Jason. He knew she’d be waiting at Ellie’s, so he’d send in Jason just late enough for her to be desperate, but early enough for her to have not called a cab yet.
Then, Jason would text Gabe, faking an illness. Boom, Gabe would ride up in the ambulance, surprise Vic, and beg her to take him back.
It was a damn good plan. Gabe felt like Prince fucking Charming with this crazy romantic gesture. He was sure it would work… it had to. He had to get Victoria back. His life was so dim without her in it.
The plan would work. But why the hell wasn’t Jason texting him, yet? This was taking far too long. The rain must’ve slowed them down. Maybe they had decided to wait at Ellie’s until it slowed a bit.
When his radio started beeping, Gabe furrowed his eyebrows. He made a deal with his boss to work everything out, so he wasn’t quite sure why his radio was sounding off.
“Matthews. What’s happening?”
“Gabe, we need you. Major accident.”
Gabe wasn’t even on duty for another hour.
“Tommy, I’m-”
“It’s Jason. He was in an accident.”
Gabe felt fear curl in his stomach like a vice grip.
“Unidentified female in the passenger seat. Blonde hair. Six minutes from your location.”
Gabe threw the van into drive and slammed his foot against the gas pedal. His heart was beating far too fast. Within five seconds, the GPS on his tablet began guiding him. Tom had sent him the coordinates. He raced toward the scene and prayed to God they were alright.
***
HER HEAD WAS POUNDING. She felt moisture on her forehead, distinct from the moisture of the rain. This was hot and sticky.
The rain seemed to both cool her skin and burn her forehead. Victoria tried to sit up, but her chest throbbed, causing her to cry out in agony. She bit her lip and winced.
Turning her head, she saw Jason on a stretcher. Two men in EMT uniforms were carrying him away. What happened?
Victoria’s back was on the icy pavement. Was that why she was going numb? It couldn’t be… it wasn’t that cold out. Or, at least, it hadn’t been when she’d left Ellie’s with Jason.
Jason. What happened to Jason? Why was he on a stretcher?
Concentrate! She had to concentrate. What had happened?
She was driving to the airport with Jason. It was raining. She was thinking about… Gabe.
Then what? Did they crash?
Slowly, Victoria became more and more aware of the fire in her left shoulder. She tried to move it, but the burn forced tears to fall from her eyes. She couldn’t move.
The cold numbness continued to spread throughout her body, but she welcomed it. She welcomed anything that would take the pain away.
“Victoria!” she heard an echo of her name.
A chill ran down her spine,
but it wasn’t because of the cold.
Did Gabe know that she loved him? Victoria hoped that he did. She wished he could feel the same, but she had a feeling it wouldn’t matter soon anyway.
Darkness was beginning to envelope her.
***
WHEN GABE SAW VICTORIA laying on the pavement, rain pouring down on her, his chest ached. Her white t-shirt was clinging tightly to her skin, only half of the shirt had turned red. Gabe felt like he was going to be sick when he saw the hunk of metal protruding from her shoulder.
He called her name as he ran from the van, and again as he drew closer. She barely flinched at his voice, and he prayed she was still conscious.
Kneeling next to her, Gabe was relieved to see her eyes were open, though she was clearly in shock. A line of red dripped from her forehead, but it wasn’t too deep of a cut. A few stitches and her head would be fine.
What worried Gabe was the chunk of metal in her arm and the blood that soaked both her shirt and the ground around her. Gabe had to stop the bleeding, and fast, but he knew it would only get worse if he tried to pull the metal out. It was ragged on the ends, and would do even more damage if not removed by a surgeon. Gabe cursed in his head. He needed to see if she was alert.
“Vic, can you hear me?”
Her eyes flicked towards him, and a slow smile spread across her face. His heart twisted into a knot.
“Gabe,” she breathed his name.
He felt his breath hitch in his throat, and forced himself to remain calm. For her.
“I’m here, baby,” he reassured her. “You’re okay.”
His eyes struggled to stay on her face. He was waiting for the other damn EMT’s to get over here with a stretcher. They needed to move her, but he didn’t know what the damage was. He’d have to stabilize her before she could be moved.
“Want it… to be true.” Her voice was shaky.
“It is true, baby. You’re going to be fine.” She had to fucking be fine.
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