‘Of course I haven’t told him. I can hardly talk things through with him in front of this lot, can I? Not that I can hear myself think anyway!’ She sat back in her seat and cast a nasty look at the entertainer, who was continuing with his hideous set of sixties and seventies music, singing along to an awful backing track. Just at that moment Yabba brayed a loud guffaw two seats away from her that wouldn’t have sounded amiss on a donkey. The place was bedlam. And then the last straw: the music suddenly changed to the booming introduction of an Elvis Presley number.
‘Oh, you can’t be serious! This bar has the worst live music in Bath!’ she shouted. She grabbed her orange juice angrily. Nothing was going to be resolved tonight and she might as well get used to it.
‘Is that Ed?’ Joanna said suddenly to no one in particular.
The hand clutching her orange juice froze en route to her lips. The table fell gradually still as one face after another turned towards the stage. Lucy followed Gabriel’s shocked gaze to the pool of light in which Ed stood, holding a microphone attached to a stand. Her eyes took in every detail against her will in glorious sharp colour. Ed was wearing a silver jumpsuit—a jumpsuit!—encrusted with coloured plastic gemstones that caught the light. Even as she watched he struck a pose, opened his mouth and burst into a heavily exaggerated Elvis impression. Her lips pulled back from her teeth in an uncomprehending grimace. An enormous Elvis quiff perched on top of his head. He had even blackened his blond sideburns to match the awful wig. Her eyes refused to leave out the slightest grisly detail as he threw himself with gusto into murdering ‘The Wonder Of You’.
Gabriel was motionless opposite her, an expression of dumbstruck amazement on his face.
‘I didn’t know Ed could sing,’ Joanna said.
Ed’s voice built to a warbling crescendo, his authentically trembling lip visible even from across the room. He seemed to be working on the policy that loudness would counteract lack of tune. As Lucy watched him through stunned eyes he struck another pose to end the first verse, one hand plastered to a jewel-encrusted hip, the other stabbing the air above his head with a pointed finger.
‘Well, let’s be honest about it. He can’t sing, can he?’ Yabba said as Ed’s voice took on a screechy pitch.
Mercifully one verse seemed to be enough for him. It was certainly enough for everyone else as a stunned silence fell for an excruciating moment before scattered clapping kicked in. Lucy was transfixed as Ed took the microphone from the stand and began to make his way across the room towards her. The spotlight followed him. He spoke into the mike as he walked.
‘That was for mah Lucy.’
She realised with horror that he was staying in character.
‘I love ya, little lady.’
‘I had no idea you were an Elvis fan, Lucy,’ Joanna leaned in and said to her as Ed progressed between the tables, the spotlight taking in his every move.
‘I’m not,’ Lucy heard herself say. Her mind and eyes didn’t seem to be engaged with each other properly. Was that really Ed? What the hell was he doing? ‘Not really. Ed’s a massive fan, though. Always trying to indoctrinate me…’
Her voice trailed into nothing as Ed finally reached her table. Beads of sweat hung on his face. Was he really wearing fake tan? She was vaguely aware that the spotlight was taking her in, too, now and she knew just from the way her face burned that she was a bright tomato red.
She had no time to think, no time to collect herself. Whatever she’d been expecting from the evening it certainly hadn’t been this. It was like some surreal dream and she half expected to wake up and find herself in bed at home.
Ed flung himself theatrically onto his knees at her feet. Looking up at her and still in character, he crooned in a deep-voiced southern drawl, ‘Will ya marry me, baby?’
Opposite them, in the darkness outside the spotlight, Gabriel was choking on his drink. Joanna stood up and thumped him artlessly on the back. Lucy didn’t notice. Too late, the penny had finally dropped. Silence fell around her. She was suddenly unaware of anything except for the stares of everyone in the room boring into her, taking in the pair of them bathed in the light. Ed gazed up at her, a silly grin plastered across his orange tinted face, an expectant look in his eyes. And before she knew what she was saying, before she even knew what she was thinking, panic and confusion spoke for her and the word was out of her mouth.
‘Yes.’
The room exploded in wild applause, whistling and cheering. And she was swept suddenly out of her seat and into Ed’s arms. He twirled her around, her feet inches from the floor, in a bear hug. As their friends crowded around them, slapping Ed on the back and kissing Lucy’s cheeks, the music relaunched into an horrific funked-up version of the ‘Bridal Chorus’. Like a rush of ice water through her veins the realisation of what she had just done swept through her and in alarm she looked around wildly for Gabriel. She was too late. The door swung shut behind him and all that was left was his half-empty drink on the table.
CHAPTER NINE
GABRIEL glanced around the hallway of his house. Somehow he’d managed to get himself home on autopilot. He remembered none of the physical journey from The Abbey whatsoever. Every ounce of his energy had been spent turning what had happened over and over again in his mind. And in trying to stem the sensation that his heart had somehow been crushed, stamped on and kicked into pulp.
He couldn’t believe she’d said yes. Not when she’d spoken the word and not now. And without wavering, without hesitation or even a glance in his direction. Weren’t women in two minds supposed to go for the neutral answer and say they’d think about it? That was what happened in the movies and he couldn’t for the life of him fathom why it hadn’t happened tonight. If she’d had anywhere near the feelings for him that he’d thought she had, then, surely yes would have been the last thing she’d say.
He could kick himself now. Her ridiculous proposal idea. He’d contributed to this. Lining up Amanda to give her a makeover, making Ed sit up and take notice. In a surge of desolation he remembered that a couple of weeks ago this had been her dream. Ed proposing to her. The end of her rainbow. Was it such a leap that when her dream came true she would grasp it with both hands? It seemed entirely possible right now that the kiss, everything they shared, might cease to mean anything to Lucy in the face of the future with Ed that she’d so desperately wanted before.
Lucy watched Ed soaking up the attention from friends and strangers alike in the bar. She needed to get him out of here, somewhere quiet where they could talk. Less than a month ago this would have brought her ecstatic happiness. Ed proposing. The beginning of having a proper family of her own at last. How ironic. That stupid proposal plan, Lucy. Be careful what you wish for.
She was horrified that she’d agreed to marry Ed. How could she have done that? She’d just gone and made things a million times worse. Yet even if she hadn’t panicked, how could she possibly have done anything else? After the flamboyant way he’d proposed could she really have crushed him in front of all their friends? She couldn’t help remembering Gabriel’s advice to her back at Smith’s. It seemed like months ago now but it was only a matter of days. He’d told her not to propose in front of their friends if she didn’t want to force a false ‘yes’. And he’d been right. If you cared about someone you couldn’t humiliate them like that, so you would take the only other option. Say yes at the time and then do your best to undo it later. That was what she’d have to do now, if she could ever disentangle him from his adoring public.
Two hours were long gone before she managed to get him back to her flat. Even then she’d practically had to manhandle him into the Mini. Now he threw himself back onto Lucy’s sofa and sprawled there, letting out a noisy sigh. He was still wearing the silver Elvis jumpsuit, had insisted on wearing it for the rest of the evening as their friends applauded his performance and congratulated them both. He had dispensed, though, with the ill-fitting wig, and his fake tan paled to white at his hairline, the blond hair cha
nging to black at the sides of his face. Lucy had eventually managed to persuade him to leave the party and come back to her flat, and now he leaned back comfortably, arms spread wide, grinning at her sitting-room ceiling.
‘What a great night, eh, babe? You know, Suzy said we should go to Graceland as part of our honeymoon. Not such a bad idea, is it? Could do the whole tour. Visit the King’s grave, everything. What do you think?’
There was silence for a long moment before she finally took the plunge and spoke.
‘It’s no good, Ed.’
He looked up in surprise at her quiet tone, such a marked contrast to his overexcitement. He saw her looking at him seriously, steadily. He sat up properly.
‘What do you mean?’
She took a deep breath. ‘It isn’t going to work, Ed.’
His eyes widened.
‘I really wish it could work. But I’ve been deceiving us both. And I’ve been totally, unforgivably unfair to you.’
Her eyes filled with tears at the expression on his face. This was not some easily disposable two-date boyfriend. She had loved Ed. She had. The fact that it had been more with her head than her heart didn’t demean him one bit. She blinked hard. She had to get this over with. He deserved someone who loved him with passion, not someone who was just making do.
As he came back into focus she could see in his face that he’d guessed what she meant. But she needed to voice it anyway, say it out loud.
‘Ed, when I went to the dance with Gabriel…’ she began. She had to try and find a way to explain, to somehow make things between them not right, exactly, she could never do that, but at least make them better.
He interrupted her unexpectedly. ‘You know, Lucy, tonight was a spur-of-the-moment thing really,’ he said. ‘After that row we had I tried to come up with something that might cheer you up. But now that it’s over with and I’ve had time to think, well…’
She watched him, waiting for him to carry on.
He was looking at her, his eyes not wavering from hers, his face contemptuous. She wanted to look away from the onslaught of his hurt reaction, ashamed of how she’d made him feel, but she made herself meet his gaze. He deserved to say his piece.
‘You know I’ve always tried to be what you wanted me to be. You’ve always harped on about marriage and kids but you know I’ve never really been the marrying kind. Then after that row the other night I thought if it was what you wanted I’d go through with it to keep you happy, that’s all.’ He made a disgusted face. ‘I was wasting my time, wasn’t I? What I really think now is that we should scrap the whole thing. And not just the wedding plans. Everything. I should have listened to my instincts the other night about you and Gabriel. I think I knew, even then. You’re not what I want or need any more. Maybe we’ve had our time, run our course.’
‘Ed…’ She shook her head at him.
‘It’s OK, Lucy.’ He smiled at her. A strong smile. No cracks in his voice. ‘We’ve had some fun, haven’t we? Don’t be sad. You’ll soon get over me.’ He grabbed his jacket in one swift movement and turned for the door.
She jolted out of her stupor as he reached the hallway and crossed the room to swing around the corner after him. He was standing at the end of the hall, the door of her flat held open.
‘Ed!’ she cried in an anguished tone.
He turned back.
‘Ed, I’m sorry.’ Her voice cracked. She looked at him, trying to show in her face how true that statement really was. That she regretted her treatment of him with her heart and soul.
He smiled at her. Dignified resignation showed in his face. There was no attempt to talk her round. She didn’t blame him for that; it was no more than she deserved. She’d betrayed his trust. ‘Goodbye, Lucy,’ he said. The door clicked shut behind him.
She stood and looked at the closed door for a few minutes, gathering her thoughts. In a way that door had shut on everything she’d taken for granted. The easy option where she’d always have been able to predict life at every turn. As she calmed down she felt no regret, no pang for that mapped-out life. She walked slowly back into the sitting room and automatically checked her phone for texts from Gabriel. She found herself looking at the screen in dismal surprise. Nothing. No calls. No messages. For the first time ever he appeared to be able to cope with them being at odds with each other. Didn’t he care? She tried to ignore the sudden fear that this was a knockback too far for Gabriel. An accepted proposal in front of all those people. Maybe he was washing his hands of her.
She refused to believe that. She put the phone down on the table and dismissed the impulse to dash to his house and explain. Instead she would let the dust settle. There was something vaguely disrespectful to Ed in rushing to Gabriel the instant the door had closed behind him. Plus the fact it was late now. Past midnight. She would wait until the morning before doing anything. And, she told herself, Gabriel would have definitely got in touch by then anyway. He couldn’t stand tension between them for long.
Gabriel Blake gave up trying to sleep a little after three in the morning. He made his way to the kitchen and brewed coffee he didn’t really want, just for something to do that wasn’t lying down thinking about her. He wondered how long it would be before he could sleep soundly again and didn’t hold out much hope.
His initial shock at Lucy’s acceptance had given way now to a gnawing sense of loss. The thought of her planning her wedding in delight, marrying Ed, making a home and then down the line starting a family filled him with utter desolation. How could he bear to watch that? To see her, a happily married woman, all the time wishing she belonged to him. Torturing himself over the question whether he could have done something, anything, differently. Perhaps if he’d been clearer, stronger with her when he’d told her how he felt. He passed a weary hand over his eyes. It was too late for that now. He’d missed his chance.
He realised with a rising sense of despair that he’d lost her. It was a different kind of grief from the way he’d felt when Alison had died but that didn’t diminish the magnitude of it. He had lost her not just as a lover, a wife, but also as his best friend. Because he couldn’t see a role in her life for him that wouldn’t amount to daily agony as he watched her loving someone else.
Lucy woke up early, the shock of everything that had happened blasting into her mind like a hammer blow. She grabbed her mobile from the bedside table. It hadn’t disturbed her sleep even though she’d left it switched on and she could immediately see why. No texts. No missed calls. No communication from Gabriel at all. She couldn’t believe it. It was so unlike him and the implication that he no longer cared what she did brought tears springing to her eyes. She rubbed them away angrily with the back of her hand.
She needed to talk to him, to explain. What if he doesn’t want to hear it? She refused to accept that possibility. Scrolling through her phone list, she called Sophie to tell her she’d be in late and arranged for her to open up the shop. Then, heart thumping in her chest, she dialled Gabriel’s number. It took ages for him to pick up. It was so unlike him. She was used to him hounding her after they argued, or when one of them did something to offend the other. It had always infuriated her, but she would take it a million times now over this desolate silence from him. Maybe he’d decided to cut her from his life completely. Decided that she wasn’t worth the effort or the grief. Her heart twisted agonisingly at the thought.
Just as she thought he was going to carry on ignoring her—she had no idea how she would deal with that—he finally picked up.
‘Lucy.’ How tired he sounded. It pulled at her heart.
‘Will you meet me?’ she asked him. ‘Can we talk?’
There was a long pause. She bit her lip.
‘Is there really anything to say, Lu? I’m happy for you. You’ve got what you wanted, what you planned for, haven’t you? I know you’re worried about us staying friends but I think maybe it’s best if you just get on with things for a while. I’ll keep a low profile for a bit.’
&nb
sp; Her eyes filled with tears. ‘Gabriel, please. I haven’t. Got what I wanted, I mean.’ She clutched at her hair in frustration. ‘This is such a mess! Will you please just meet me? Just for ten minutes? After that I’ll leave you alone if you want me to, I promise.’
Silence fell again, but her determination was kicking back in. After all this time, all this anguish, she wasn’t going to be put off this easily. If he wouldn’t meet her she’d damn well just go round to his house and ring the doorbell until he let her in. If he didn’t want anything to do with her he could tell her to her face, after she’d told him how she felt. At least then she’d know she could do nothing more.
A sigh. ‘Where?’
She clenched her fist in triumph. ‘Pulteney Bridge. Half an hour.’
He hung up without saying goodbye.
Gabriel put the phone down. Hope tried to infiltrate his desperate heart, but he was too quick for it. He’d thought he’d all but won her last time they’d spoken and then last night had happened. He knew how much their friendship meant to her. And that she must be terrified of losing it. He wished he could tell her what she wanted to hear, that he’d be there for her for the rest of her life, just as he always had been, but he couldn’t watch her make a family, grow old with someone else, all the time wishing it were him.
He loved her. When it came right down to it, he loved her. And he couldn’t bring himself to refuse to meet her. But he intended to keep it short and make it clear that he needed space. Just how long he would need it for he wasn’t sure. A lifetime? He didn’t know.
He grabbed his car keys and prepared to leave the house. And then at the last moment he turned back from the door. Before he could stop himself he picked up the ring, still in its box on the counter, ready to be returned to his parents the next time he visited, and pocketed it. He knew he was tempting fate but he didn’t care. If he sensed the slightest possibility of convincing her to go back on her marriage plans, he intended to fight for it with every ounce of strength in his body.
The Proposal Plan Page 14
