by Elouise East
As luck would have it, he strode up to the entrance when Grant exited.
“Hello, you,” Emerson said, gaining Grant’s attention.
A smile lit up Grant’s face, making Emerson warm inside. “Hey! What are you doing here?”
“Thought I’d try and persuade you to have lunch with me.”
“If you don’t mind sharing me with Lola! She asked me to go see her for some reason.”
“No problem. Shall—” Emerson started to ask when he was interrupted.
“Now, aren’t you two a sight for sore eyes.” Sister Mary Agnes stood in front of them, hands clasped in front of her, a smile on her face as she scrutinised them.
“Good afternoon, Sister Mary Agnes.” Grant grinned. “How are you today?”
“Ah, I’m doing fine, my boy, thank you for asking. How are you two?” she asked.
“Good, thanks. We’re going for lunch. Would you like to join us?” Grant asked, then peeked at Emerson with a grimace. Emerson nodded minutely.
“No, no. I won’t be disturbing your time together. I wanted to tell you…you need to let go of the past, Emerson. In fact, both of you do. The past cannot be changed, but with every today and every tomorrow, you get a second chance. Choose wisely, who deserves those second chances.” She said this with a serious tone to her voice, and the hairs stood up on the back of Emerson’s neck. “Anyway, I’ll leave you to your lunch. Enjoy yourselves, boys.”
And she pranced off, waving to people as she went. They watched her before Grant chuckled.
“Maybe we should start calling her our positivity coach?” Grant said, his tone slightly serious, slightly jesting if Emerson was to guess.
“She’s not been wrong so far. I’ll heed anything she says for the time being,” Emerson agreed.
“Come on, let’s get some lunch. Clarissa is on the warpath today. Leaving the café without a drink for her would be a bad idea. A coffee might allow me to leave the library unscathed this afternoon.”
As they settled at the table and waited for Lola to finish for lunch, Grant asked, “You appeared a little frazzled when I first saw you. What’s happened?”
Emerson let out a sigh. He didn’t want to bring the conversation down, but Sister Mary Agnes’ words hit home. “I was supposed to be on a flight to England right now,” he confided.
“Oh shit, yeah. How did your father take it when you told him no?”
Emerson winced. “I didn’t tell him, except for the first time when he was here. He rang me loads earlier, I’m assuming as he waited to board, but I never answered. I just didn’t turn up. He’s left voicemails and messages too, but I’ve not checked any of them.”
“You chose whatever you needed to do to ensure you could live with yourself, Emerson. Don’t be too hard on yourself. It was your father’s fault for ignoring you the other day.”
“I know. I kept thinking maybe I should have gone for closure or something. But Sister Mary Agnes forced me to realise I’m a different person than who I was before. I don’t need to spend several days in the presence of someone who always belittles me.” Emerson rubbed a hand on the back of his neck, staring at the table.
Grant’s hand covered his. “You are amazing, Em. Don’t listen to anyone who tells you otherwise.”
Emerson smiled at him. “Thanks.”
“Hey, boyfriends!” Lola sat herself with a thump next to Grant. “God, my feet are killing me today.”
“Hey, Lola. How are things?” Emerson asked.
“Meh. What more can I say?” Lola sniggered. “Food will be out shortly.”
“What did you want to talk to me about?” Grant inquired after they’d been served their drinks.
“Nothing major. I wanted to ask your opinion on holiday destinations for Christmas. If I’m not working for those few days, I want to get away. I haven’t a huge amount of money, but somewhere cheap yet different would be nice,” she explained.
“Well, I’ve never been away for Christmas myself, but from what I’ve read, there are plenty of different types of places to go to. It would depend on what you were looking for.”
“In what way?”
“Well, do you still want somewhere Christmas themed? Do you want somewhere where there is no Christmas at all? Do you want hot? Cold? Warm?” Grant listed off the different choices Lola had to make. Emerson wouldn’t be able to go somewhere neutral when it was Christmastime. He loved all the decorations and festivities and everything else involved. Sure, maybe not the traffic and tourists, but they got that all year-round, anyway.
“Well, I’d not thought about it.” She frowned.
“Alright, let’s go through it,” Grant said as the food was delivered.
They spent over half an hour talking through the different options and researching it on their phones to give Lola the best ideas of where to go. Grant also promised to check at the library that afternoon to see if he could find something else for her.
When lunch was over, they both hugged Lola before grabbing Clarissa’s coffee and beginning the short trek back to the library.
“I don’t think I could spend Christmas somewhere non-Christmassy,” Grant admitted into the quiet.
“Me either,” Emerson agreed, voicing his earlier thoughts. “I love everything about Christmas.”
“Me too.”
They smiled at each other as they strolled hand in hand before heading into the warmth of the library. Emerson had had the forethought to bring his work with him and, after kissing Grant goodbye, he headed to a table in the corner to get on with his final two assignments, which were due before the fall semester finished the following week.
****
They settled into a routine over the next few days, although more time was spent apart and texting instead of in each other’s company because they both had work needing completion before the end of the semester. But once they had both sent off their last assignments, they were almost inseparable. They spent time walking through the parks, when the weather allowed; or Emerson read in the library while Grant worked; or Emerson worked on his plans in the library for when he returned to teaching in the new year. Basically, whenever Grant worked, Emerson was close by. Grant helped with the plans too, giving ideas of how to do things differently to keep the kids’ concentration. It was never an easy thing to do and having a second pair of eyes on his plans, certainly wouldn’t hurt.
“What are we watching tonight?” Grant asked as he gathered the snacks and drinks onto a tray to take into the front room.
Emerson grabbed the popcorn bags and followed him. “I think we should watch a Christmas movie. What do you say?”
Grant smirked. “As if we don’t have enough Christmas around us…?”
“We don’t have to. We can watch something else.” Emerson didn’t care what he watched as long as he was there with Grant. They could sit there in front of a black screen all night as far as he was concerned.
“Nah, it sounds good. Any suggestions?” Grant asked.
“What about one of the Hallmark movies? You can’t get more Christmassy and romantic than those,” Emerson answered.
Grant pulled a face. “How about Love Actually? At least it has some funny bits in it.”
“Agreed.” Emerson put the popcorn on the table and moved over to the TV, turning it on and grabbing the remote. “I’ll see if I can find it.”
They sat side by side on the sofa, watching the beginning credits as they ate popcorn and talked about their favourite movies. It seemed domestic to Emerson. He’d never believed he would be able to have this, but here he was. And without Sister Mary Agnes’ input, who knew where he would have been right now.
Grant snuggled up to Emerson’s side, and Emerson lifted his arm to pull Grant closer. Emerson had his socked feet up on the coffee table, and they were reclined on the sofa. He was in heaven, more so when Grant linked their fingers together. Emerson couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across his face.
They were watching Hugh Gran
t dance across the screen when Grant’s phone rang. He leaned forward to grab it off the table, hesitating when he saw the screen.
“You okay?” Emerson asked, pausing the film.
Grant nodded slowly, blew out a breath and pressed a button. “Hello.”
Emerson couldn’t hear the other side of the conversation, but he sensed the tension in Grant’s body. He placed a hand on Grant’s back, rubbing it in circles, hoping to comfort him with his presence. Emerson had a feeling it was Grant’s parents.
“It’s too close to Christmas, there’s no way—”
“I’m not—”
“I won’t be able—”
“No.” Grant sighed.
“I said no.”
“Goodbye, Father,” he whispered. Grant pulled the phone away from his ear, the male voice screaming through it before it was cut off when Grant pressed the end button. Tears were running down his face, and he sobbed into his hand. He jumped when the phone in his hand rang again, Emerson pulled it from his grasp and put it on the table.
Emerson’s heart broke for him, he pulled Grant into the circle of his arms and held him as he broke down. Grant clung to him as if Emerson was his lifeline. Emerson didn’t mind it one bit, because the truth was, Grant was his lifeline, too.
They stayed snuggled until Grant’s sobs receded to hiccups and sighs. Grant’s hand was no longer gripping Emerson t-shirt but instead resting flat against his chest, as if feeling his heartbeat.
“You alright?” Emerson asked softly.
Grant sniffed and nodded. “Yeah.” He paused. “My father.” He cleared his throat. “He wanted me to get a flight home for Christmas.”
“Wow, that would be next to impossible now,” he mused.
“Yeah. But it’s not just that.” Grant paused again. “I don’t want to go back there. I’m not sure if I ever want to back,” he continued in a whisper.
Emerson kissed the top of Grant’s head. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, Grant. No one can force you. You do what is best for you and no one else.” The conversation reminded Emerson of when they had been talking about his father.
Grant didn’t say anything, and Emerson let him have the silence he needed to work through his thoughts. He didn’t envy Grant the decision. Emerson had done the same thing when he’d left the house he’d lived in with his father. Daniel had helped him to find accommodation he could move into so he could continue his studies without the hassle of his father being there. Grant was in a similar situation now, but he had to decide whether he was going home after his course finished in the summer. Emerson had left his father’s house and never looked back. After hearing some of the words Grant’s father had shouted at him before he’d hung up, Emerson hoped Grant decided to stay far away from them.
“Would you like to spend Christmas with me?” Emerson breathed.
Grant peered up at him, eyes wet but no longer leaking. “I’ll be here with Adam and his parents.”
Emerson wasn’t upset Grant wouldn’t be spending it with him, but he was happy Grant wouldn’t be spending it alone.
“But I would love it if you could join us? They have extended family and friends over during Christmas Eve, and immediate family and me on Christmas Day. They would love for you to join us because they asked about your plans earlier.” Grant blushed.
Emerson’s heart raced. “I’d love to. Thank you.” He used his finger and thumb to bring Grant’s face up to his and kissed his reddened cheeks then his mouth. “As long as you want me there.”
Grant moved up onto his knees, pushing their mouths closer together, and Emerson wrapped his arms around him.
Grant broke away to breathe. “I definitely want you there.” He dropped a kiss on Emerson’s lips again. “Always.”
“Then, I’ll be there.”
Chapter 11
Grant
Later that night, Grant laid awake, thinking about the conversation with his father. Deep inside him, he understood it would be one of the last times he would ever speak with him. As for his mother, well, he had no idea if he’d speak to her again.
“Hello.”
“Son, we want you home for Christmas. You will have enough time to get a flight before the rush, so make it happen.” His father’s voice sounded the same, stern and unforgiving.
“It’s too close to Christmas, there’s no way—”
“You will be home for Christmas, no arguments.”
“I’m not—”
“I told you, no arguments. Your mother wants you home. Find a flight and tell us what time to pick you up at the airport.”
“I won’t be able—”
“You will do this, Grant. It is the least you can do with everything you have put us through. Your mother wants you home. Make it happen. I don’t want to hear any more excuses. You always do this. You always let us down and make us look like fools. I cannot comprehend how we managed to have a son like you. So ungrateful for everything he is given. The best thing for you would be to come home and stay here from now on. No more going back to New York. You can finish your course here if you insist. I’ll be in touch later and expect to have an answer about the time of your flight.”
Grant didn’t want to go home, and if he had, there was no way he’d get a flight now. It was too close to Christmas. So, he said the word he’d wanted to say from the beginning and waited for the explosion he knew would follow. “No.”
“What did you say to me?”
He sighed, amazed he’d managed to say it. “I said no.”
“Are you so ungrateful you will refuse your mother this one request? Did we bring you up properly, or has that place corrupted you? I thought sending you away would be the best chance to get you to give up these silly ideas of being gay. No son of mine is gay, you got that?”
Tears overflowed Grant’s eyes as he realised there was no way he would be going to see them this Christmas, or maybe any other. “Goodbye, Father,” he whispered.
His mother would be upset, but she had backed his father up when Grant had come out to them as gay. Although it killed him to think about never seeing her again, he also realised it was for the best. He couldn’t live in the closet for the rest of his life. And besides, he had Emerson now. Grant wouldn’t give him up without a fight.
Grant wrapped Emerson’s arms around him tighter and closed his eyes.
****
Christmas Eve dawned bright but cold, and Grant didn’t want to leave his warm bed. He sighed heavily, flung the covers back and raced to the bathroom to start the shower—he didn’t want to stand in the cool air for longer than he had to. He had heating in the guest house, but he never had it high, mainly because his body ran warm, and he found it easier to warm up than cool down. But it meant, in the mornings, his house was a tad cold.
Submerging himself under the warm water, he made plans for the day ahead. Emmaline and Theo were having family and friends around for lunch and games. They anticipated most would follow them down to the shelter to visit with the people there. Emmaline wanted to spread some Christmas cheer for those who were not as lucky as they were. Grant admired her, and he hoped he could do the same in the years to come, something to pay forward what he could.
Towelling off warmed him, and he strode back to his room to dress. He wasn’t going in a full out suit today like he planned to tomorrow, but he would still dress smartly. An emerald green shirt with beige trousers would do nicely. He laid them out, ready for later, and threw on some joggers and a t-shirt for now.
Emerson wasn’t due for another hour, and they’d been told to be over at the main house by eleven, so Grant had time to sit and relax for a little while. Not that he did. He ended up checking over the presents he’d bought and wrapped for everyone. For Emmaline, he’d bought a cashmere scarf in her favourite purple colour; for Theo, a true tourist present, a set of playing cards featuring his favourite football team; and for Adam, he’d bought a scrapbook style photo album small enough to take whenever he
travelled.
For Emerson…well, to begin with, he’d had no idea what to get him. It had taken him days, but he’d finally chosen two snowglobes: one of Central Park as a reminder of their times there, and the other was of Cambridge in England. It showed the Bridge of Sighs and the River Cam, which, when Grant had searched the internet for it, looked pretty. Grant had no idea if it was anywhere close to where Emerson had lived, but Emerson still might like the reminder of home, especially as he’d not been there for many years.
A knock at his door had him scrambling to get the presents back in the bags and near the tree before he went to answer it. It was too early to be Emerson.
Opening the door, he was surprised to see it was Emerson.
“You’re early!” Grant smiled.
“I can go again if you want?” Emerson said, half-jokingly.
“No! No, come in, come in. I wasn’t expecting you so soon. You’re welcome any time, you know that.” Grant strove to reassure Emerson. He seemed unsure of himself that morning.
“Thanks.”
He watched as Emerson slowly dropped his bag to the floor and removed his coat to hang it up.
“Is everything okay?” he asked when Emerson said no more.
Emerson let out a breath and sank onto the sofa. “More or less.” He sighed again. “My father managed to get hold of me last night…or should I say early this morning? Bloody three o’clock in the morning, he rang. I answered it without checking because I was half asleep. Wish I hadn’t now,” he mumbled the last bit.
“Oh no. What did he say?” Grant moved over to snuggle up next to him, and Emerson wrapped his arm around Grant’s shoulders, linking their fingers over Emerson’s stomach.
“It all boiled down to I was a waste of space and didn’t appreciate family and didn’t care enough to go to England, blah, blah, blah. The usual stuff.”
Grant wrapped himself tighter around Emerson, trying to show him how loved he was. “Ignore him, Emerson. He’s pissed because he didn’t get his own way. He wanted you there to show the rest of them he was in control, and he probably seemed like an idiot if he’d already told them you were coming. Forget about him. You’re here with me, and we are going to enjoy Christmas.” Grant gazed up into Emerson’s face and gave him the words he hoped would help. “I love you.” Emerson stilled, even his breathing seemed suspended, then Grant was jerked into a crushing embrace before Emerson replied.
