Blissful Vol. 1
Clarissa Wild
Sweet and sexy, Blissful will melt your heart
Unlucky is my middle name. My life as a singer-songwriter in a band I started with my best friend isn’t getting anywhere. I’m curvy and being thin is apparently important for a musical career. When my high school sweetheart and I get married, I find him kissing my best friend. Of course I didn’t put up with it.
Broken and depressed, I run away from everything I know, but even my car breaks down. Like I said … luck is not on my side.
Until I meet Jack …
Maintaining a ranch isn’t easy. I’ve got more work than time. Spare time is a luxury I can’t afford and won’t give into. When I spend one moment alone with my thoughts, I’m done for. Alcohol becomes my friend, because I can’t bear to feel the misery inside my heart.
I hate who I’ve become. Sorrow eats me up, but I won’t let anyone see. I need to keep on living, keep on fighting, and do everything on my own. For her, my little angel. She’s all I have left.
Until I meet Amy …
Lost in misery, love is our salvation
This is volume 1 of Blissful and contains about 22500 words.
This story contains mild sexual references. Suitable for ages 17+.
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Published by Clarissa Wild at Smashwords
Copyright 2013 Clarissa Wild
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
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Chapter 1
Amy
There was a time when I believed in a magical and fairytale-like wedding. I imagined myself getting married in an old church decorated with roses and golden adornments with a hard-working, confident but sweet man who swept me off my feet. I remember all the times I told myself never to fall for Ronnie, my childhood friend, because he was such a pain in the ass. Always getting me in trouble for the things he did. Throwing crumpled papers at the teacher while pointing at me, stealing candy from a store and leaving me behind to take the blame, pulling my hair to impress his friends. The way he mimicked people’s expressions always made me laugh, though. We could spend ages lying on the grass outside his house, drawing imaginary invisible animals in the clouds above us. I adored his attention whenever we were alone, passing me his cupcake for lunch because he knew I loved them so. He made me smile when he said the music I made with my piano was beautiful. It was my little secret that Ronnie Keston was actually a sweet boy on the inside. After the dozen attempts he made to woo me when I was fifteen, I finally gave in.
And here I am, eight years later, wishing I ignored his teases and flirts.
The soundless breaking of my heart overshadows the screams inside. I watch in horror at the scene before me. I can only see parts of their body, but I know it’s them. His short black hair and sleek posture I recognize from far away, as I know it’s her just by seeing her long brown hair tucked tightly into a twisted bun. Both of them crushed my heart. Ronnie Keston is kissing my best friend Nicole Perelli.
My eyes widen as I stare at the two making out like rabid hyenas. It’s only for a few seconds, but time feels infinite at this moment. Ronnie gropes her ass, and she frowns. She pulls back and covers her mouth with her fingers, her pupils dilating. Her hand comes up and leaves a mark on his askew face, the sound of the slap reverberating in my ears. My body is shaking and I place my hand on the door to steady myself. As the door opens farther, the creaks give away my presence.
In a blink of a second, Nicole sets her eyes on me. At first she’s confused, casting her eyes rapidly from me to him. Then misery sets in.
My mouth drops open. Ronnie’s head turns around, and when he looks at me all I see is fire. The blazing passion he once shared only with me.
I gasp. Words cannot describe this expanding chasm in my chest, tearing my past, present and future to shreds.
“Amy …” Nicole says with a soft voice.
Tears well up in my eyes, but I blink them away. My throat is dry, and I swallow before I speak. “On our wedding day?”
Ronnie turns around completely and raises his brows, pretending not to know what he’s done wrong. “Shit,” is all that comes from his mouth.
I stomp forward on my high white heels, holding my heavy gown up so it doesn’t scrape the floor. Ronnie steps in front of Nicole and blocks the way, protecting her from my wrath. She pushes him aside and holds up her hands when I reach both of them.
“How could you?” I scream.
“I’m sorry, Amy, I—”
“No. I don’t want to hear it.” I turn around and direct my attention to Ronnie. He is the one instigating this all. I knew it from the moment I lay my eyes on them. He is always the one starting these short lived affairs.
I’ve had enough of it.
I smack my bundle of flowers against his chest. “You cheating bastard!” I scream.
“Amy, wait,” Nicole says. She grabs my arm, but I jerk it loose.
“I’m sorry, Amy. Christ. I didn’t mean to,” Ronnie says.
“How the fuck could you not mean it? You kissed my best friend. On my fucking wedding day!” I push him, and he stumbles to the side, catching himself on a table standing near the window.
“It just happened,” he stammers.
“Just happened my ass.” I slap him across the face, and he winces.
Biting his lip, he says, “Fucking hell, Amy. I didn’t deserve that. It was just a kiss, one time only. I’m confused, messed up, and I just needed to know for sure that I wanted this.”
“Wanted what? Don’t pretend this is the first time you ruined our relationship.” I glower at him.
“I’m not. This marriage thing is just scaring the shit out of me. Seeing you, in that dress, scares the shit out of me.”
“Why? Because I’m fat?”
“No, of course not.” He rolls his eyes as if it somehow makes this acceptable. As if he never thought I was fat. As if he never said those words to me.
“It’s just this wedding. The permanent thing about it.”
I snort. “Then why don’t we just cancel the whole thing?” I jerk the ring off my finger and throw it on the floor.
“Amy …” Nicole mutters, but I ignore her.
“Here,” I say. “Now you can go ahead and slobber over any chick you like. I won’t be a part of your dirty tricks anymore. You lie to me, you treat me like crap, and you act as if it’s okay to kiss other girls. I’m done with you, Ronnie. I’ve had enough of your bullshit!” I shove him out of the ground floor window, together with what remains of my pride.
“You should’ve known better! You should’ve known every fucking time!” I yell.
He lands in a bush, his face covered in red marks from the needles on the plants. The sight of him in pain is of little consolation to me.
I jerk the crown out of my blonde hair and throw it on the floor. Turning around, I watch Nicole stammer, unable to say anything. There’s nothing to say. My own eyes saw what happened. There is no explanation that could soothe my aching heart.
I sniff and march out the door, slamming it behind me.
All the people in the church are turned around, gawking me. I feel naked and bruised. The way they l
ook at me makes me feel like a freak show, but I won’t cry. Not this time.
I rush out the big wooden door and bolt down the steps. I hear the doors creak open behind me. Somebody probably followed me, wondering where I’m going, wondering what happened. I don’t want to speak. I don’t want to be the one telling them they came for nothing. I don’t want to realize my life as I knew it is now over.
I run to the street in my humongous white laced dress and hold up my hand to signal a taxi. When one stops, the taxi driver asks me if I need help, but I just open the door, step inside, and tell him to drive.
I gaze out the window, in shock. I can’t believe what I’m doing, but I know I must. I have to stop enabling him. I have to stop being the victim of his ever changing whims. I need to fight for myself. Fight for my dignity and heart.
I sigh and purse my lips, knowing that I look like a sulking child, holding back the tears. My eyes follow the church as the car drives away. As it disappears from my view, I think about all the crappy things Ronnie’s done to me, just so I won’t tell the driver to turn around.
How he always teased me for being overweight. How he never stood up for me in front of a crowd. How he always wanted to impress his friends, even if it meant belittling me. That he never supported my musical career and my band that I’d created together with Nicole. That he was never there for me when I needed him the most. That he just kissed my best friend.
I hate him.
Blowing out some steam, I realize I want to say goodbye to it all.
I roll down the window and jerk the ring off my finger. Then I throw it out into the gutter, just like my love for him.
When we arrive at my place, I pay the driver, and he drives off as if it was the most normal thing in the world. As if he didn’t just drop off a bride after a failed wedding.
I shake my head from the stupidity and incredibility of it all. Walking up the stairs to my apartment building has never been more straining, but now I’m more than glad I kept this place for myself to return to.
The farther away I get from the church and Ronnie, the more I think about my life and what I’m doing. What do I want? I don’t know what I want. All I know is that I don’t want to marry Ronnie anymore.
Just thinking about him makes me want to punch a hole in the wall.
I go up to my room and flick on the light while closing the door. Darkness and silence is waiting for me there, and they’re creeping under my skin. The crawling feeling makes me queasy.
I sit down on my bed and throw my keys on the table. I bend over and look at the floor, trying to get some blood to flow to my brain.
Then a scream comes out.
It’s not a normal scream. This is hollow and sounds more like a howl. It’s as if someone has broken my body into tiny little pieces and that I’m falling apart at the seams.
Tears stream down my face, and I squeal in agony, the sound coming from my deepest core. I never knew I had it in me to cry so hard. Of course, I cried before. I whimpered and sulked whenever they laughed at me because of my weight, or when they told me I’d never succeed as a singer. That I was too fat for the big stage.
But nothing compares to this emptiness.
The only support I had, Nicole and Ronnie, was just ripped away. All my life I believed I would be okay, that I could keep it together, but now I can’t. The only thing I can do is blubber and wail.
I come up for a breath and notice a photo of Ronnie and me standing on my cabinet. Wincing, I grab it and take a good look. His face gives me annoying goose bumps. Looking at him makes me want to vomit.
I hurl the photograph across the room and it shatters against the door.
How could they do this to me? How could they betray me like this? After all I’ve been through? I deserve more than this.
I take a deep breath and stand up. I walk to a mirror and look at myself. My face is slathered with mascara, my once beautiful dress smeared with dirt, and my hair looks like one giant spider’s nest.
I don’t deserve this. I tell myself again and again, staring into my own eyes.
I should’ve never have settled for this. What was I thinking when I thought of having him for a husband? We don’t have a relationship based on trust. The only reason we stay together is because that is all we know. We are both afraid to stop, even though it’s clear as hell Ronnie desires someone else. Multiple times.
I don’t care that he’s still at the church, having to explain everything to the people there. It only makes me smile thinking he gets all the shit now. And I don’t want to think about Nicole right now … she is my partner in crime. Our band duo is supposed to grow big. Well, I don’t give two shits about that anymore. Maybe I’ll just go solo.
I kick off my shoes and take off the dress in a fit of rage, almost tearing it apart. The corset coming loose sets my lungs free, and I gasp for air. Never do my eyes leave the mirror’s reflection, always gazing at my body, confronting myself with reality. This is who I am. Fat, unloved, ditched, and a failure, but it’s still me. It doesn’t matter if it’s wrong or right. It doesn’t define my worth. It doesn’t mean that I’m less than anyone else. It disgusts me that I lower myself to these standards of having to be thin and successful because of what people say. I can’t believe they made me think that I am all they told me. That I could ever believe Ronnie is sweet and that he is right. That he is all I deserve or that he is the only fish in the sea.
Well not anymore.
I want to be more than what they think I am. What Ronnie thinks I am. I will show them and him that I can be more than that. And he will goddamn miss it!
I snort and put on some sweatpants and a casual top. I snatch everything in my closet and stack it together, and then grab a suitcase to stash it all inside. I sit my big butt on top and close off the overflowing rim. Lucky my fat butt is useful for some stuff. I smirk to myself, thinking of all the reasons why I shouldn’t ever think of returning here. With my head raised high I say goodbye to my apartment and stride out the door with my suitcase by my side as my only friend.
Chapter 2
Amy
I’ve been on the road for days now. My shabby car is rattling, but it still manages to drive somehow. I feel lucky I still kept this old thing. That was one thing I did right. Never say goodbye to your old shit if your new shit is unreliable, or in other words, Ronnie.
I smirk and turn on the radio. The country songs keep me company and drown out the noise in my head. I’ve been pretending since I left; pretending that I don’t feel anything. I just don’t want to fall apart right now. I need to get away from my old life, leave everything behind, and get my mind straight. I know it’s a long shot, but I’d be so happy if I could feel absolutely nothing, if only just for a little while.
I peer out the window and enjoy the scenery. Endless patches of wheat, grass, untilled soil, and barely sprouted seeds cover the land, stretching to the horizon. Some grassland has livestock grazing on it, like cows and sheep. I wonder where the heck I am, because I’ve not watched the map in hours. There isn’t a house in sight. Not that it matters. The constant driving keeps my heart still, so that’s what I’ll do.
Maybe I’ll just drive to the other end of the world. If that’s what it takes to feel happy again.
Suddenly the car starts sputtering, and I hear bangs coming from the back of the vehicle. Oh, no, please don’t quit on me. Not now.
The car shakes, and the more I press the gas, the less the car drives forward. Shit, shit, shit!
I can hear the pebbles bounce up against the metal, and the tires that work their hardest to roll over the road. The car moves forward painfully slow, and after a while it comes to a full stop.
I sigh. Why does this always happen to me?
I step out of the car and slam the door shut. Walking to the front, I can already smell a distinct odor. I open the hood and hold my breath when the stench meets my nose. Pinching my nostrils together, I wave away the smoke coming from the engine. I don’t know
a thing about cars, but I can tell that is not a good sign.
The setting sun is too bright, so I place my hand on my forehead to block out the light. Peering inside the mechanical parts of the car, I check if everything is still in place.
As if I have any clue what I’m doing.
I roll my eyes and shut the hood again. This car isn’t going anywhere like this. The only thing left to do now is call for help.
After wiping the sweat off my forehead, I sit down in the driver’s seat and take my cell phone from my bag. The screen is blank. Are you kidding me? The battery has to die on my now?
I let out an annoyed moan and throw my cell phone to the passenger’s seat.
Seriously, this can’t get any worse. It just can’t.
I’m so goddamn tired of all this misfortune or whatever I should to call it. I drop my head on the steering wheel. Of course I didn’t miss the horn, which blares loudly into the distance. Well, it’s not as if it’s going to bother anyone, seeing as I’m the only friggin’ person around.
I bump my head into the horn a couple more times and then let it rest on the steering wheel. My eyes are getting watery, and I sniff. Luck is not my middle name. My head feels heavy and my breath is slow. I feel so tired. Even the loud country music can barely make me feel alive. Somehow, tears make their way down my cheeks, even though I never gave them permission to run freely. I can’t stop them now. They just keep coming.
Then I hear something tap on my window.
I jolt up in my seat and gape outside. At first all I see is muscle. Pure muscle. Raw and visible through the thin fabric covering it up. I blink a couple of times and gasp. There’s a hand knocking on my window. Am I dreaming?
He bends over and suddenly there’s a face attached to that delicious body. And oh my god, it’s the kind of face that makes my heart stop. Tanned skin, chiseled jaw, fine creases showing a bit of worry on his forehead. His dark eyes and thick lashes are hidden behind a curtain of brown hair. But I can tell those dreamy brown eyes are staring into mine.
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