by Blue Saffire
The room falls silent as everyone looks at Ry. Shit, losing one of my brothers would be like death. Ry’s words hit hard. It dawns on me that Felix really could be dead with his friends.
“As long as there is breath in my body, I will never let a fucking thing happen to any of you,” Wyatt promises.
It doesn’t escape my notice that Wyatt’s looking in my direction. I know my brothers know something is going on with me. They’re just waiting for me to speak up. I look away from Wyatt.
My emotions are threatening to bubble over. I love Kamara. I would change the world to make sure she’s safe, but I would fucking die for every single man in this room, without question.
“Sometimes it seems like we’re floating apart. I just want you all to know, I love you. You’re my brothers. We can be as bad ass as we want to be, but we’re human. I’m going to say this shit while I still can. I love you all,” Felix says, with red eyes.
“That’s not even a question,” Noah says. “Any time one of you calls I’m going to come running. Death will have to go through me, before it greets one of my brothers.”
Noah, thumps his fist over his heart. It’s something he used to do when we were younger to show he took his words to heart. Again, my brother looks at me, as if he needs me to hear and understand his words.
Yeah, Noah and Wyatt are sending a message. I get it and that’s why I can’t drag them into this shit. They would put their lives on the line for me. I can’t ask that.
“We should get tats,” Braxton says, breaking the intense moment. “You all know those folklores mom’s always talking about. About finding each other in death and shit. Let’s get something that will allow us to find each other even in death.”
“That shit is morbid as fuck, but actually a cool idea,” Ry teases.
“I was thinking the same exact thing,” Wyatt laughs. “But why not?”
“We could get Black Brothers or something like that,” Brax says.
“I’m down,” I shrug.
All my brothers turn to look at me. I’ve been here, as silent support mostly, until now. Wyatt nods his approval. I get that feeling I used to get, when my older brothers showed they were proud of me.
“Whatever, let’s go,” Felix stands and wobbles a bit.
We all snicker, but we’ll get him there. I already know where I want to get my tat. Someplace I can see, as a reminder. I will always have my brothers.
chapter Thirteen
Heartbroken
Toby
Two years later…
If I would’ve known letting Kamara walk away from me that night, meant letting her walk out of my life, I would’ve run after her. I fucked up not chasing after her. There hasn’t been a day over the last two years that I haven’t regretted that decision.
I haven’t spoken to Kwäzē in almost as long as it’s been, since I’ve seen Kamara. I blame him. He says he had nothing to do with the decision, but I don’t believe him.
I’ve lost the love of my life. I don’t even know where she is. Kwäzē promised she didn’t return home to the man she’s supposed to marry, but he wouldn’t tell me where she’s gone either.
I wouldn’t wish this shit on my worst enemy. All the wanting in the world, hasn’t brought Kamara back to me and I don’t know what else to do. I’ve tried to find her on my own, but it’s like someone is hiding her from the world.
I think what hurts the most is knowing she knows the truth. Her brother said they sat her down and told her. Apparently, when I wouldn’t tell her the truth she went to demand it of her father and brother.
I keep thinking that if I’d just told her, she’d still be with me. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t think about her. Her smile plays in my head whenever I’m still.
Even now, I can see her chocolate skin draped over mine, my hand skimming her curves. What I would give to have her in my arms. Then, there is the part of me that knows she’s safer without me.
There’s the part of me that knows us being apart is for the best. I’d rather protect her, than have her here where us being together could put her in danger. Doesn’t mean that I don’t miss the fuck out of her.
“Go home, Toby,” my father booms through the office.
I look up from my desk. All I do is work. It’s all I know to do to keep from losing my shit. If I’m home I’m left with my thoughts. I don’t need that.
What I need is to let her go. It never would’ve lasted. Kamara is destined for amazing things. There was never anything I could do about that.
“Yeah, Dad, I will in a few,” I mumble and look back down.
“Go home, now,” Dad growls.
“Dad, I just need to finish this up,” I sigh and rub my tired eyes.
“It will be here in the morning,” Dad says, walking over to my desk. “Son, you can’t keep going like this. You’re twenty-four, you’re in this office more than I am. Maybe it’s time you take a vacation.”
“I’m fine, Dad,” I protest, rubbing my eyes again.
“You look like shit,” Dad deadpans.
My mouth falls open. I blink at my dad a few times. I can’t believe he just said that to me. That is such a mom move.
I shake my head and chuckle. I probably do look like shit. I haven’t taken the time to look in a mirror lately. I go for hair cut on habit, not out of trying to keep myself up. I wash my ass because my mother would have a fit if she ever caught a whiff of one of her boys smelling like ass.
Like, literally beat the shit out of us, in front of whoever. Trust me, I know because I watched her do it. Brax took too long to shower after a game of ball and my mother tanned his hide.
I run my hand over the scuff on my face. Yeah, I’m positive I look like shit. I sigh and stretch my tired bones. Dad’s right, I’m too young for this shit.
“Listen, your mum wanted me to do this months ago. At the time, I thought you needed time. I gave you that. Nothing has changed. So, I’m going to listen to your mum,” Dad starts.
I groan. This can’t be good. When mom gets into shit and Dad has to execute her orders, your pretty much fucked. I hold my breath.
“I want you to take some time off. You’re not allowed back in this office for at least a month. In a month, we’ll see where you are. Braxton and Ry can cover for you. Heather will help out where she can,” Dad sighs.
I release the breath I’ve been holding. A month with just me and my shit. I think I’m going to be sick. I look down into my lap. I feel so lost.
“Is there somewhere you want to go?” Dad asks.
I look up at him, feeling like the little boy that used to hang on his father’s every word. Dad’s golden eyes stare back at me. I know he’s doing this for my own good. It makes my heart ache at how foolish I’ve been.
Dad pats my shoulder. “Start with the beach house. I’ll call your cousins and see if you can go spend some time with them,” Dad offers.
The mention of the beach house sparks something inside me. I haven’t been back there, since the first time Kamara and I made love there, for the first time. You would think that’s the last place I would want to go, but it’s actually what I need.
“Thanks, Dad. I think I’ll stay at the beach house for a while. I don’t want to put anyone out,” I reply.
Dad smiles. “Good, if you need anything, just talk to me, Toby. I’m here.”
I nod, too choked up to say a word. I’m suddenly looking forward to some time off. Maybe if I can clear my head, I can move on with my life.
“Go home,” Dad orders one last time.
~B~
Kamara
I didn’t know what to do after feeling so betrayed by Toby. I needed answers, but when I received them I thought I would die. I’m engage to some maniac back in Nigeria.
My husband-to-be is the sadist they murmured about in the village I grew up in. King Afafa is one of the most hated men back home. Still, my people take arranged marriages very seriously. I now understand the need for secret
s and hiding.
I did not leave Toby because of my hurt. Yes, I was so angry with him, but I left for his safety. If my husband-to-be found out about him, he would send someone here to kill him.
My first thought was to leave. To do what Toby would do for me. He would cover me, keep me safe. I only did what I thought was best for him, but I miss him so much.
The last two years have been hell on earth. I can’t go back to Africa, because the man I’m to marry is on a rampage looking for me. He had Kwäzē’s betrothed murdered in hopes it would bring us out of hiding.
That is the reason Kwäzē returned home for a year. The things my family and my people have been through. I still haven’t wrapped my mind around it all. We could lose our kingdom if we are not careful, but to go back to Nigeria puts us all in danger.
Kwäzē was so brave to go back. Our people grow wary. There is much to be restored, but time is needed, as are resources.
At this point, there is nothing I can do in my country. Yet, everyday I’m tempted to go after my love here in America. My heart bleeds for Toby. I need him so much.
It hurts to know he won’t speak to Kwäzē. This was my decision. Kwäzē doesn’t even know where I am. Daddy does, I had to plead with him to come here. He couldn’t understand why I chose this place.
I figured it would be the last place anyone would look for me. It is also the one place that would keep me strong and resolve to my decision. I have some of the fondest memories of my relationship with Toby here.
It may have been a day and a half and one night, but it was amazing. Well, aside from the drama that had been going on back home. Toby made me forget about all of that. I figured being here would help me to forget again.
For two years, I’ve been living only a block away from the beach house, Toby and I spent the night at. I drive pass the house often. My private beach connects to the one the house is on. Somedays, I walk the beach to clear my head and find myself standing in front of the house. I just stare at the window, Toby and I stood in.
Like I’m doing now. Only, this time, something is different. The house has sat dormant for months. Joe Black and Cassidy Black were here about six months ago, but no one has been here since.
I see movement inside and my heart lurches. I know it is silly to believe it is Toby. It could be any of the Blacks or their friends or family that they have let use the place. It’s just something in my heart whispers Toby’s name.
“Stop being foolish,” I murmur to myself, but as a precaution, I move away from view.
I continue to stare for a little while longer, until the lights go out in the house and all becomes still. I shake off the need to find out who is inside. If it is Toby, I need to stay far away from this beach.
I turn and rush back the way I came. Nothing good will come of me standing out here tonight. Maybe it would be good to steer clear of this beach for a week or so.
chapter Fourteen
Finding Secrets
Toby
I’m starving and there’s nothing in the beach house. I just went shopping last week. I can’t believe how much I’ve been eating.
Then again, I burn off enough energy running on the beach. I run at least three times a day. At first, it was enough to clear my mind. That was until the day, I swear I saw Kamara.
She rose out if the water looking like the dream she was. The long braids are what pulled me from my shock and stupidity. The girl looked so much like Kamara, except for the braids.
I’ve never seen Kamara with a hair style like that. She was also a bit thin for my Kamara. Curvy, yes, but thin. Frustrated with my own thoughts, I turned and ran back to the house, before the girl could get to shore.
I called my dad that night. I told him as much as I could, without telling him who I was talking about or any in depth details. It felt good to get it off my chest.
I thought I would start to heal from there. I even think I started to, but then I started to see shadows of Kamara everywhere. I think it’s the same girl. I’m never close enough, but something about her reminds me so much of Kamara.
I’ve begun to look for her, hoping to get close enough to reassure myself it’s not her. I’m starting to feel crazy. I thought about taking Dad up on the offer to go to New York to spend time with my family, but something has me rooted here.
I stop staring at the freezers and open the door to grab two pints of ice cream. I probably look like a crazy man. I don’t know how long I’ve been standing here thinking.
“Toby?” I hear called from behind me.
I turn to find Celeste. She looks great. I remember how crazy Kwäzē was about her. I also remember the reason he walked away from her. It stings, as I sympathize with her.
For the first time in a long time, a real smile creases my lips. In hindsight, those were simpler times. At least, they were for me. I hadn’t known how much I loved Kamara then.
“Wow, Celeste,” I greet her. “You look amazing.”
“Thank you, how are you?” She asks warmly.
“I’m pretty good,” I shrug.
“This week has just been filled with blasts from the past,” she says almost to herself.
“How so?” I pry anyway.
She waves her hand. “Oh, nothing. I just almost ran into someone else,” she shrugs her small shoulders.
I haven’t missed the huge rock on her finger. It looks like Celeste has managed to move on with her life. Good for her.
“Mommy,” a little boy rounds the corner of the aisle and barrels into Celeste. Seconds later, I little girl turns the corner, as well. She looks just like the little boy.
“We should go,” Celeste says, placing a hand on each of their shoulders.
“Hi!” The little girl waves, with her chubby cheeks.
The boy and girl both look up at me expectantly, as I stare down at them. I’m doing the math in my head, because fuck me. I swear, I’m looking into the face of Kwäzē and Kamara.
I look back up at Celeste in slow motion. Her eyes are wide, as she looks back at me. If I don’t figure it out on my own, its written all over her face.
“He walked away from what we had. I…I didn’t know. When I found out I was told he went back home. I moved on with my life,” Celeste says, as if she has to explain it to me.
“They’re beautiful. It was good seeing you,” I murmur.
Celeste nods, turning to take her children and leave. I’m left standing in the aisle, blinking after them. My mind is spinning. Secrets destroy love.
I make my way to the register and pay for my things. I can’t get the face of Kwäzē’s children out of my head. I can’t let go of how much they look like their father and aunt.
Something just doesn’t sit right with me. Kwäzē is a prince set to be king. He would want to know about his children to protect them. I may be angry with him, but as his friend it’s my job to protect his family.
“Fuck,” I yell to myself, once in my car.
I pull my phone from my pocket. The least I can do is text my old friend and let him know to look into things. He will figure the rest out for himself.
Me: Find Celeste.
Kwäzē: No.
Me: Find her. You will understand when you do.
Kwäzē: Two years and your first text to me is to find the woman I left my heart with.
Me: You left more than your heart. Find her.
I wait a few minutes for a reply, but it never comes. I know my friend well enough. He will find her. My words will nag at him until he does.
I start my car and head back to my new temporary home. I debate a run, once I get back. I decide against it. I think I’ll call one of my brothers and see if they want to come down.
When I park in front of the house, my phone buzzes. I open the text and snort. Kwäzē hasn’t changed. I knew he would find her. A second text comes in and I just stare at it. I don’t know what to do with the words before me.
Kwäzē: Thank you.
Kwäzē: I don’t know w
here my sister is. But I don’t believe she ever left the state. She did it to keep you safe.
I close my eyes and let the pain settle in. She’s protecting me. It was supposed to be my job to protect her. I didn’t think my heart could crumble this much all over again.
All of my emotions bleed into the roar I let out. I’m so lost without her, I wish I knew what the fuck she was thinking. I feel like we should’ve talked this over.
Sure, it probably would’ve ended the same way. We were never meant to be together. I open my eyes and send a text back to Kwäzē.
Me: Thank you.
~B~
Kamara
It’s him. I know it’s him, staying at the house. I’ve seen him on the beach running. He looks so different. A little leaner, but more cut up.
It has taken everything in me not to run to him. This is only right. I need to let him go. I need to keep him safe.
Only, it seems every time I look, I am on a collision course with him. It is like the Universe is bent on bringing us together. The day I stepped out of the water and saw him, I thought I was dreaming.
Then, I realized it was him in the flesh. He was there one minute and gone the next. I still didn’t believe it, until I saw him again the next day.
I sigh, as I stand in the window, staring at the beach. Toby is usually out running around this time. He has not come pass my window as of yet.
I would know. I’ve been waiting. I know I’m only torturing myself, but I need to see him. Seeing him soothes the pain just a little.
My phone rings, but I’m hesitant to move away from the window. I curse and stomp my foot, when it continues to ring. I tear myself away and go to retrieve my phone. I will make sure to have it on me, at all times, from now on.
I see Kwäzē’s name lighting up my screen. I smile. I could use a good talk with my brother. I miss him.
“Hello, Brother,” I sing into the phone.
“I’m a father,” Kwäzē returns.
I freeze. I don’t know what to say to that. I didn’t even know Kwäzē was dating. He may not know where I am, but we speak often enough. I can’t believe my ears.
“I don’t understand,” I say slowly.
