“Making new friends already, Elina?” Reid asked sharply.
“Yes.” I nodded eagerly, looking back towards the door to hide my smirk. “Jayson’s awesome.”
“That he is.” Petra smiled. “And isn’t he just divine to look at?” She giggled like a schoolgirl. I joined her when Reid huffed and narrowed his eyes.
“Please help yourself to breakfast,” Petra said, pointing towards some large domed silver platters on one of the side tables.
Lifting a few of the lids and inspecting the choices available, I eventually chose a plate of scrambled eggs and wheat toast.
“Did you sleep well?” Petra asked as I shovelled in my breakfast. I was famished. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d eaten something decent.
“Like a log, thank you.”
She smiled and nodded. “Good. Now . . .”
The door opened again and my face grinned but my heart wept when Lettie came barrelling into the room and jumped straight onto my knee. “El!” She beamed at me, her arms flinging around my neck to pull me down for a tight hug.
“Hey, sweetie.” I snuggled her as hard, nuzzling her neck and inhaling her sweet scent. Eventually I took her shoulders and pulled her back slightly to inspect her. My lip nearly popped under the pressure of my teeth when I saw a few bruises on her arms.
“Who did this?”
She frowned at me, giving me her usual look of annoyance. “Oh don’t start, grumpy knickers. I’ve not seen you properly for ages. I’ve missed your pretty smile.”
Cupping her cheeks with both my hands, I scanned her sweet face, etching her to my memory. My eyes filled with tears causing Lettie to lower her gaze.
“You know,” she whispered. I nodded, tilting her head back up so I could look in her eyes, which were tinged with a slight hint of yellow.
“Oh, Lettie, I’m so . . .”
“Don’t you dare be sorry,” she grumbled. “It isn’t your fault.”
But it was, all of it. I gave her a forced smile and swallowed back the guilt; it wouldn’t help her and she didn’t deserve my heartache on top of her parents.’ I needed to be the strong one. Reid and Petra had more right to grieve for her than I did, so I had to be the one who held them all together.
“Your home is stunning, Lettie,” I said, changing the subject.
Her eyes widened and she nodded. “Isn’t it? It’s a lot better than the dorms in Judgement.”
“And you get to see the sky as much as you want now.”
“I know!” Her giggle was contagious and I laughed with her, delighting in her happiness as she jumped back off my knee and went to Petra, kissing her before she climbed onto Reid’s knee. He shuffled her further on and handed her some of the pastry he had chosen for his own breakfast.
“This is just great,” Lettie mumbled excitedly around her food, her gaze switching between Petra and Reid. “My Mummy and Daddy back together.” Lettie swung her happy face to me. “They’re getting married again, El, next week and I get to wear a pretty dress. You know how much I want to be a bridesmaid.”
Reid cringed, his eyes closing for a moment while his throat moved manically as he tried to swallow his food.
“This is the best thing God could have given me before I die,” Lettie continued happily.
My heart exploded in my chest as each muscle in my body tensed and my throat constricted, attempting to keep the egg down that wanted to force itself back up.
Petra smiled widely at Lettie. “I know, baby. I know how much it means to you.”
Reid slowly lifted his eyes to look at me, his whole body tense; guilt and remorse evident on his face. I stared at him, unable to do anything else. My mouth went dry as all the moisture was forced into my tear ducts. I didn’t understand. They were back together? Then what had last night been?
I scrambled backwards when the egg decided it wasn’t going down, only up.
“El?” Lettie shouted as I hurried across the room.
“I’m okay, Lettie,” I managed to squeak. “Tummy bug.”
“Another one?”
I nodded as I burst through the door. Jayson’s eyes widened in horror when I slapped my hand over my mouth. Taking my arm, he pulled me across the hallway and flung open a door, revealing a bathroom.
“Do you need me?”
I shook my head, bending swiftly over the toilet bowl just in time. Jayson grimaced then nodded and stepped back through the door. “I’ll be outside.”
Tears accompanied the vomit, devastation emptying from me in huge heaves. They were remarrying? But . . .
I groaned when another wave of sickness had me whispering sweet nothings into the loo. More tears accompanied it but I told myself it was due to the force of my retching.
I frowned, listening when raised voices caught my attention outside the door.
“I don’t think Elina would appreciate your company at the moment, Mr McCallum,” Jayson said in a stern voice.
“I’m sorry?” I cringed at Reid’s acid tone.
I sat silent, Jayson, bless him, was doing his best to keep Reid away, and right then, he was right to. I think I might have hurt him if I’d come face to face with him.
“I’m sure,” Reid hissed, “whatever Miss Rowe wants, is actually none of your—fucking—business.”
“Reid,” I shouted through the groans. “Just go away, please. At least leave me to spew in bloody peace and go back to your wife!”
I scuttled back when the door flew open and Reid’s towering frame glared down at me. All of a sudden he disappeared backwards. Then he was back. Then Jayson came into view. Then he glided back out. I couldn’t keep up.
“What the fuck is going on?” A man’s voice shouted.
The oxygen in the atmosphere seemed to be sucked away with the silence that fell heavy.
“Excuse me, Mr McCallum,” Jayson spoke respectfully, making me frown. Not two minutes ago he was trying to strangle Reid.
After another bout of silence, I climbed off the floor and peeked around the door. Jayson swung his face to me from his position beside the door and smiled, but other than that, the hallway was empty.
“Are you okay?”
I nodded to him, still swinging my gaze in every direction. “Where did he go?”
“With Mr McCallum.”
“Yeah, Reid, where did he go?”
“With Mr McCallum. Into his office,” Jayson repeated.
“Oh.” I rolled my eyes. “He went with Logan. Sorry, I’m out of it.”
Jayson shook his head. “No, he went to talk about something with Mr McCallum.”
I stared at him. “Bloody hell, Jayson. Are you always this . . . difficult?”
His mouth popped open but then he chuckled. “Only when I’m trying to converse with blondes.” The way he said ‘blondes’ with a wink made me glower at him.
“I’ll have you know, I’m quite an intelligent woman.”
He nodded slowly then slipped his arm around my shoulder and side hugged me, laughing and mumbling an ‘of course you are’ under his breath. I couldn’t help but smile. This huge slab of muscle was really quite sweet.
“Right, Jayson, let’s start again. Where did Reid go?”
“He—went—with—Mr McCallum—into—his—office.”
I nodded with each slow word. “So—he’s—in—Logan’s—office?”
He shook his head slowly, his lips twitching in amusement. “No—he’s—in—Mr McCallum’s—office.”
“Bloody hell! He’s with Logan, his brother!”
“No, Elina.” He chuckled. “He’s with Mr McCallum, his father.”
I gawped at him. “What?” I coughed, clearing the squeak in my throat. “What?”
“Would you like me to escort you there?” He gave me a sceptical look, obviously thinking I was gonna throw up again with the way the blood rushed from my face.
I shook my head. “Uhh, no. No, I’m . . . Thank you anyway.”
“Are you okay?” Jayson asked when I turned and walked away.
I nodded then shook my head. “Mmm.”
He continued to stare after me as I glided up the stairs. I grabbed my shoes and phone, and sneakily shoved the toothbrush that had been laid to one side for me into the backpack Jonah had brought from the safe house. Then Jayson stared at me again when I walked back into the foyer and out of the front door.
THE DRIVEWAY WAS LONGER than a damn airport runway and my ankle twisted twice in my haste to hurry across the gravel.
“Elina!”
I groaned and rolled my eyes when I heard my own personal magnet running behind me.
“Go away, Jonah!”
“Where are you going?” he asked when he caught up to me, his hand snatching my arm to stop me.
“Home.”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “Home? You have one then?” I flinched, making him realise what he’d said. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. But where are you going to go?”
I quirked an eyebrow at him and pulled my arm away, scurrying back towards the huge iron gates at the end of the mile hike. “I just said. I’m going home.”
His feet skidded slightly on the gravel. “What?” He shook his head, his eyes widening as he grabbed hold of me once again. “By home I really hope you don’t mean Judgement.”
I sighed, shrugging sadly. It took so much effort to hold back the emotion that wanted to erupt, so I swallowed heavily and carried on once more.
“Why?”
“Why?” I snapped, staring at him as if he was stupid. “Look at it, Jonah!” I swung my arm to the house, gesturing at its size and beauty. “Look at her.” We both winced at the mention of Petra. “I can’t compete with that. And I certainly don’t belong here.”
“Why don’t you?” He was quiet now, his eyes full of sadness but I also saw the understanding hidden deep.
“Oh, come on. I’ve never seen anything so grand. It’s a family home, Jonah. And I’m not part of that family.”
“Sugar . . .”
I shook my head, hating that the tears once again humiliated me. “No. It’s time to go back to mine. It’s okay,” I urged when his face tightened and he stared at me. “Honestly. Lettie needs her mum and dad, and I get that. I do. And they have the support of Logan and their father now.”
“I’m sure . . .”
“I don’t belong here, Jonah! Don’t you get that?” He winced as my temper frayed and I shouted at him. “And to be honest, I don’t want to be here, not while . . .”
He nodded, grabbing my hand. “I do understand, more than you think, but at least let Reid explain.”
“But that’s just it; he doesn’t need to because I really do get it. If my daughter was dying, I would fuck the devil if that’s what it took to make her happy. So really, I’m okay. And I won’t ever stop Lettie’s chance of happiness before . . . she leaves. I won’t do that. And if that means me going back, then that’s what I’ll do.”
“Elina, please.”
Reaching up, I held Jonah’s face with my hand and kissed his other cheek. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. “At least let me take you.”
“No, I need the walk.” More like enjoy my last moment in the sun.
His eyes were full of pain and I smiled softly. “Will you tell Reid I’ll do what is needed?” He nodded. “And,” I closed my eyes, hating the sudden surge of emotion. I was stronger than this. I’d lived in Judgement for so long that it was stupid to dread going back. I knew what to expect, and it was now time to do what was right. “Please tell Lettie I love her. Tell her I’m sorry but I need to finish this now. It’s time. She’ll understand.”
“Sugar, please.” The worry marring his handsome face made my throat hurt. It was nice to have someone care for me but when he went to wipe the stray tear from my cheek I grabbed his hand and kissed the back of his knuckles.
“Thank you, Jonah, for looking after me.”
He sighed. “Reid is not going to be happy with you, or me for that matter.”
“Why you?”
“Well, I’m going to have to be the one to unlock the gate for you.”
I spun my head to look at the gate, blowing out an irritated breath when I saw it required a code to open it. The last thing I wanted was to get Jonah into trouble.
I shook my head and winked. “Walk away, Jonah. You refused to open the gate. Walk away and let them see you in the surveillance footage.”
“But . . .”
“Don’t worry.”
He stared at me for a long moment, his throat bobbing and his face screwing up. Suddenly he pulled me into another bear hug, his strong arms enveloping me as he stuck his nose in my hair. “Please be careful.”
I nodded. “It’s time to set them all free, Jonah. Set my guilt free. Thank you for this.”
He gripped my head in both hands, squashing my ears to my head, and planted a kiss to my forehead then turned and walked away, leaving me watching the expanse of his back filling out a black t-shirt. The tension in his shoulders made my heart ache. He’d become a good friend, and although my adventure was over, it had made me realise I deserved more than what my life was. I deserved friends. I deserved to go to parties, to sunbathe on the beach, even to shop and drink coffee with friends. I deserved a life. And it was time I got one.
I smiled, proud of myself when the gate keypad smoked and the huge iron railings swung open. It was such a good feeling to be able to control my energy. I’d never managed it before and stupidly, making me laugh out loud, I realised it was all to do with emotion. Emotions ruled me, and they controlled my ability. It had only taken me twenty-three years to figure it out. Oh well, better late than never.
I walked down the street with a heavy heart but wearing a smile. I had a purpose. I had a mission, and damn if that didn’t take away some of the pain that silently crippled me.
Knowing Reid would more than likely follow me when he realised I’d gone, I noticed a large field down a long alleyway and took that. It led me into a small wood, sunlight streaking through the trees giving the area a storybook feel.
It was still morning and as the birds serenaded me on my way through the cleared pathway I was astounded by how peaceful I felt. The breeze rustled the crisp leaves up on the nearly bare tree branches, the sound broadcasting a unique natural melody to complement the birdsong. Other birds jumped from branch to branch, puffing out their chests and proclaiming their beauty to me. Squirrels scurried in front of my path and raced up tree trunks, sending the birds into the skies.
I smiled to myself when I noticed some graffiti etched into a tree trunk I strolled past, Mason declaring his love for Ava inside a wonky love heart. I wondered who they were. Were they still together? Had they married and had children? Were they still in love?
I’d lost Reid. He and Lettie were the only people I cared about. Lettie was dying, and Reid was back with his wife, as he should be, for Lettie’s sake. And both of those losses bizarrely gave me a sense of determination to carry this out until the end.
It didn’t matter if I lived or died now. There was nothing to tether me to the world. Although my heart belonged to Reid, no one wanted it, so I was free to choose if it remained beating or not.
I had nothing to lose. It was time to go home and make things right.
I REGARDED HIM WITH narrow eyes, not quite believing it would be so simple. “Is it really that easy?”
He shrugged, pursing his lips. “I hope so, but there’s no way of knowing until she’s in.”
Leaning forward, I clasped my fingers together and nodded faintly. I couldn’t help it, I was worried, and sensing it, my father tipped his head, measuring me up. “She means a lot to you.”
I nodded. “She’s like this little tornado; a whirlwind of fun, beauty and passion, and that makes her enchanting and attractive. She’s aggressive and a little crazy but she’s also the owner of the biggest heart, and she has the most compassionate soul. She’s gutsy but passionate, humorous yet stubborn. But she’s also fearless and
headstrong, and if I’m honest, that scares the shit out of me.”
He nodded, smiling. “Sounds like your mother.” I smiled with him, agreeing. “She’s also as beautiful as your mother. How does she feel about you and Petra?”
I blew out a long breath. “What do you think?”
“Can’t say I blame her, Reid. It’s not pleasant for her having to witness you and Petra together, even if it is a show just for Lettie. How would you feel if she cozied up to Rowan?”
My head snapped up and I stared at him. “How do you know about Rowan?”
“I’ve made it my job to know about her, Reid. For one, she owns my son’s heart and for two, I need to know what the girl is made of if she’s to do this. I can’t risk sending in a weak person who can’t handle it. Her mind needs to be one hundred percent with it because one slight break in there and it’s all over.”
“Yes, I agree, but why the need to know about Rowan?”
“There wasn’t a need. He came up when I ran a check on her.”
I nodded slowly, my heart galloping and my mind raging with questions. Sensing my inner turmoil he sat back down in his chair. “I take it you know nothing about him?” When I shook my head, he sighed. “It’s not my place to say, Reid. It’s Elina’s story and I think she should be the one to tell you.”
“I know.”
“Have you thought of asking her?” When I nodded but said nothing he scowled at me. “Son, she is in love with you. If you ask, she’ll share. If you don’t ask, she won’t be very forthcoming with such a delicate subject.”
“Delicate?” The way he spoke made my heart thud both in anger and anguish. A flurry of questions flicked one after the other in my head about how deep their relationship went. “Do you think she still feels something for the guy, whoever he is?”
“Who knows, but whatever conclusion you come to, you need to remember you were once married, and you’re getting married again, and even if it is just for conventional purposes that must still hurt the girl.”
“Yeah, and unfortunately I didn’t get a chance to tell her myself before Lettie burst it free.”
He winced, drawing his teeth back to hiss. “Ouch.”
Judgement 8 (Subject Alpha #1) Page 16
