“Jesus,” she sobbed. Things couldn’t get much worse.
Chapter Twelve
Head pounding, she glanced up at the bedside clock. The little red numbers read 10:23 a.m. She’d been sitting here crying for over an hour. Pathetic.
A knock sounded on the door, shaking the wood against her back.
“Kat?” Denise’s voice tentatively called through the oak.
She wiped her arm across her eyes and nose and stood. Taking a deep breath, she pulled the door open.
“Hey.” Denise smiled sadly. “You okay?”
“Sure,” she mumbled and rubbed her hand against her nose again. “Allergies.”
Denise tipped her head, a look of understanding passed across her face. “Look, I’m heading to Phoenix to deliver a horse today, why don’t you come with me? We’ll stay a couple of nights, meet up with some friends of mine and come back on Thursday.” Denise squeezed her shoulder. “It’ll give you a chance to forget about things with my idiot brother for a little bit.
Kat rubbed her hand across her face. God, how pathetic was she that Denise knew exactly what her problem was? The other woman had warned her, but did she listen? Of course not. She thought she could handle things. Hell, it had made her feel powerful to know three men wanted her. She sure didn’t feel powerful now. She felt broken.
“Come on, it’ll be great. Besides, you’ve been here for nearly a month and you haven’t had a chance to have any fun.”
She’d been having a lot of fun until Justin started acting like an idiot. But maybe getting away for a couple of days was a good idea. Hopefully when she came back she’d have a handle on her emotions. The thought of working side by side with him for the next three weeks made her cringe, assuming she still had a job. She’d known it was a bad idea to get involved with him, but she’d been swayed by that cowboy charm and those damn blue eyes. She glanced back at Denise who watched her expectantly.
“Sure, that’d be good, thanks.” Happy that Denise and she were still friends, Kat forced herself to smile at the other woman.
“Great. Now pack a bag and let’s get out of here.”
* * * * *
Justin dropped down onto the porch swing. He slapped his hat against his leg, sending dust flying, then wiped his arm across his forehead. Today had been a bitch. The sound of the screen door opening had him lifting his head. Duncan walked across the porch with two beers in hand.
“Make yourself at home,” Justin muttered.
Duncan raised his eyebrow at the belligerent tone. He handed Justin one beer and leaned against the porch railing.
“So what the hell’s your problem, man?” Duncan asked.
“Nothing.” Justin rubbed his hand across his face. Just what he needed—Duncan wanting to talk.
His friend’s snorted laugh made him scowl. “What?”
“I think our definitions of nothing are a bit different there, Jus.” Duncan took a pull on his beer. “Okay, so if nothing’s going on, then how come you’ve been such a douche since the other morning?”
Sitting up straighter in his chair, he glared at his friend. “I haven’t been a douche.”
Duncan raised his eyebrow. “Yeah, you have.”
Rubbing the back of his neck, Justin looked everywhere but at his best friend. How the hell did he explain this to him? To avoid meeting Duncan’s eyes, he started to peel the damp label off his beer bottle.
“Right, I get it,” Dunc snapped. The simple words were laced with so much anger it bit deep into Justin’s gut.
“You get what?” Justin growled. How the hell could Dunc get it when he didn’t know what the hell his own problem was?
Duncan stared at him then shook his head sadly. “Look, man, it’s cool. I know it’s not your thing and honestly it wasn’t really fair for us to do that to you.”
Justin stopped mid-peel, the bottle lay limp in his hand as he looked at his oldest friend. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“Come on, Jus, I know how it creeps you out that Kase and I fuck.”
Where the hell did that come from? He hadn’t had a problem with them being together, hell, he’d seen them up close and personal multiple times throughout the weekend. “It doesn’t creep me out.”
“Yeah right, that’s why you haven’t been able to look at me all week.”
What a mess this had all turned into. He stood and walked to the edge of the porch, looking out across the land that had been in his family for generations. Gripping the handrail, he muttered, “It has nothing to do with you and Kase. Well, not really.”
“Right, ’cause watching me pound Kasey’s ass while he fucked your girl was cool.”
Justin laughed. “Very eloquent, Dunc.”
“Fuck that. Come on, man, I’m sorry. I know you’re cool with everything between Kase and I in theory but seeing it is a whole other thing.”
Rubbing his hand over his eyes, Justin sighed. “Honestly, bro, that has nothing to do with it.” He shifted his shoulders, this was really not a conversation he’d ever pictured himself having. “It’s not my thing, but seriously it doesn’t bother me. I mean, shit, it’s not like I didn’t know you were touching each other when we were all together, and as long as your hands don’t stray to me, why the hell should I care?”
Duncan stared at him. “Then what the hell’s your problem?”
“Ugh,” he groaned. “I don’t know, man. It’s not that you and Kasey were together. Hell, I wouldn’t have cared if you fucked him while I was there the whole time. Shit,” he grunted and rubbed his hand over his head. “It was not being there that fucked me up.”
Duncan’s brows knit together in confusion.
“I don’t know how to explain it. Walking in and seeing you guys with Kat alone, it just kind of fucked me up.”
Duncan burst out laughing.
“What’s so funny?” Justin growled.
“The big bad Justin Shaw has finally fallen.” Duncan grinned like an idiot. “I never thought I’d see the day. And knocked to your knees by a little spitfire too.”
He bristled at the statement and scowled. “I haven’t fallen for anything.”
“Yeah right, ’cause you get jealous enough to pout like a little girl all the time.”
“Fuck you.”
“No thanks. I already told you, Kasey’s more my taste.” Duncan snickered. “So what are you going to do about it?”
Ruin everything, apparently. “Nothing, I ended things.”
“Man, you’re an even bigger douche than I thought. You can’t be serious.”
“Dead serious.” Justin lifted his bottle to his lips and took a pull of the yeasty brew as he looked out toward the paddock. It was better this way. Duncan was right. He was acting like a little girl already. Fuck, if this kept up he’d be crying like some pansy ass by the time she left.
“Jus, I’ve never seen you like this over a woman before. Don’t screw that up.”
He laughed without humor. “Too late.”
Duncan groaned. “What did you do?”
“I, umm…I kind of said she was more of a buckle bunny than I’d expected.”
Duncan covered his mouth with his hand. “Oh Jesus, tell me you didn’t say that.”
He sipped deeply on the bottle, draining the last of the beer, then he set it on the rail. “I did.”
Dunc winced. “Damn, you know how she feels about those women.”
“I know.” He rubbed the back of his neck again, feeling the knots forming beneath his fingers. “It was just…” He paused, trying to find the right way to explain it without sounding like a big sap. “Seeing her with you guys. Knowing she wanted you both without me there, it just…” He exhaled audibly. “I don’t know, it pissed me off.”
Duncan’s hand clasped down on his shoulder. “I get it, buddy. That green-eyed monster is a bitch.”
Justin leaned his elbows onto the railing and dropped his head. “It’s more than that though.” He shook his head.
Duncan’s hand squeezed down. “I know, and for what it’s worth, I’m sorry. Honestly, it never occurred to me that you’d care. I mean shit, how many women have we shared? Once you invited us into the room I figured it was business as usual.”
He looked down at the ground as the knowledge sank in. “I know. It shocked the hell out of me too.”
Dunc dropped his arm and started to walk away then turned back. “So you were cool sharing her when you were in the room but when you weren’t it was a deal breaker?”
“Something like that.” What kind of perv was he that he’d liked sharing her with his friends? Hell, if he was as crazy about her as it seemed shouldn’t that part have bothered him too? What a mess.
Duncan laughed. “Good to know for future reference. Don’t fuck Kat unless Justin is in the room.”
Without raising his head, Justin growled and flipped Duncan the finger.
“Talk to her, man,” Duncan called as he jumped down the front steps and walked toward the bunkhouse.
Justin stood rooted to his spot at the railing as the sun set on the horizon. The pinks and oranges swept across the plains, blanketing the dusty terrain. As the sun dipped behind the Rincon Mountains, Justin was no closer to figuring out what the hell he wanted to do about Kat. But things were far from over. He grabbed his empty beer bottle and made his way inside.
Chapter Thirteen
Denise pulled the big dually to a stop in front of the sprawling ranch house. Kat looked up at the wide porch and white picket rails and took a deep breath. God, she was going to miss this place. She’d only been here a few short weeks and already it felt like home. She hadn’t realized how restless she’d been in New York. She eyed the porch swing. Memories of her evening make-out sessions with Justin immediately swarmed her senses. She frowned. At least she had her memories since even those stolen kisses were now a thing of the past.
Pushing open the passenger door, she jumped down from the cab of the truck. She grabbed her bag from behind the seat and slung it over her shoulder. Her head still pounded from the two-day bender they’d gone on.
Rounding the front of the truck, she smiled at Denise. “Thanks for letting me tag along. I had a great time.”
“Me too. But, lord, you East Coast girls can tie one on.” Placing a hand on her stomach, Denise groaned. “If I never see another Irish car bomb in my life it will be too soon.”
Kat giggled. Yeah, they had drank more than their fair share of those but they were so much better than Dr Pepper, which is what Denise’s friends wanted to drink.
“I’ll have to come up with something different for next time.” The moment the words were out of her mouth, she grimaced. Would there be a next time? How many people hung out with the sisters of their ex? Not many.
She pressed her lips tightly together as a wave of sadness swept through her. Damn it. Why had she let Justin talk her into inviting his friends into the bedroom? Everything had been great until then. Screw that. He’d invited them. If anyone was to blame for how this played out it was him.
As they made their way up the porch steps, the screen door squeaked open and Justin stepped out. He nodded to his sister then nervously looked at Kat and gave her a slight smile. “Hey, you’re back.”
“We are,” Denise replied. She grabbed Justin’s forearm as she walked past and said something too quietly for Kat to hear. Justin smiled weakly in reply.
As Justin talked to his sister Kat allowed herself the pleasure of drinking in the sight of him. Wow, he looked good. His forearms bunched beneath the rolled-up sleeves of his chambray shirt. His worn jeans wrapped tightly around his powerful thighs as he stepped forward.
Raising her face to meet his eyes, she inhaled deeply. He stared back at her, taking in every detail of her face. Damn him and those piercing blue eyes that seemed to see right into her.
She lowered her stare, not wanting to let him know exactly how hard it was to be near him and not be allowed to touch him.
“Can we talk for a minute?” he asked.
Kat set her bag down on the porch and took a deep breath, steeling herself for the upcoming conversation. Denise had already assured her that as part owner of the ranch she had as much say as Justin in whether Kat stayed or not, so she knew her job was secure but would Justin be okay with her staying?
Justin took her hand and pulled her over to the swing.
Memories crashed over her as she sat down. The way she’d rested her head on his shoulder as they looked across the landscape as dusk fell. The feel of his lips on hers as he coaxed her into surrendering to him. The way his breath felt against her neck mixed in with the night air. Damn. Kat took a deep breath and exhaled slowly then turned to Justin.
“So what did you want to talk about?” she asked.
Justin raised his head and watched her. “Look, about the umm…the other day.” He rubbed the back of his neck and winced. “I was a jerk.”
Kat snorted. That was an understatement. “You think?” she scoffed.
The wind blew softly, sending the wind chimes on the corner of the house into song. Kat glanced over and watched the metal flow back and forth.
“Kat, I don’t really know what to say about my behavior. Can we maybe blame it on heat stroke?”
God, even now he was making excuses. He probably thought she was going to make things difficult for him for the rest of her stay. Well, she wouldn’t, but that didn’t mean she had to sit here and listen to him make excuses about why he wanted out.
Kat pushed herself up from the swing and glanced down at Justin. “We done here?”
As she took a step away from him, Justin grabbed her arm. “No, we’re not. Sit.”
Bristling at the command, she squared her shoulders and stared back at him.
Justin sighed. “Please.”
“Fine,” Kat grumbled and dropped back onto the seat.
Justin eased his grip from her forearm and slid his hand down to her palm. He looked at their hands, not making eye contact with her as he absently ran his fingertip across her palm, tracing a little pattern. The delicate touch sent a shiver through her body.
Justin took a deep breath and raised his head. “All right, here goes nothing. I’m sorry, Kat. I panicked. I don’t really have an excuse, I just…” He exhaled. “When I walked in and saw you with Kasey and Duncan, I was jealous, plain and simple.”
Confusion etched across her face. “Jealous, why?”
“What do you mean why? You were fucking them.”
“I know but I’d already fucked them both a couple of times with you.”
“Yeah. With me.”
“What? What’s the difference?”
“What do you mean what’s the difference? When I walked in, you were fucking them and it really didn’t matter to you that I hadn’t been there.”
Kat spun in her seat to face him directly. “What do you mean it didn’t matter to me? Of course it did. Do you think I wouldn’t have preferred if you were there? You took off just like you always do in the morning. I was feeling vulnerable and more than a little wigged-out about what happened. Duncan and Kasey knew that and they—”
She paused, looking for the right way to explain what had happened. “They made me feel less ashamed of what we’d done. I don’t how to explain this to you properly but somehow having them trust me enough to be with them made me realize how special what they have is. It stupidly made me hopeful.” Tears welled up behind her eyes and she blinked them back.
“What do you mean hopeful?”
“Nothing. Forget it,” she mumbled. Unable to look at him, she glanced back over at the wind chimes happily blowing in the breeze.
“Do you want to be with them?” Justin asked.
She jerked at the question and shot her attention back to him. “What? No, of course not.”
“Hopeful about what then?”
She flicked her attention away from him, afraid he would be able to see exactly how she felt about him if she didn’t. “Forget it.”
“No, I’m not going to forget about it. If being with them like that made you realize you wanted to be with them instead of me I’m a big boy, I’ll handle it. So why don’t you just tell me what you were so hopeful about.”
“Us, you idiot.”
Justin’s eyes widened. “Us?” A smile slid across his face. “What do you mean us?”
“I mean us, you and me. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed being with Duncan and Kasey but it was nothing like when you were with us. Nothing like it is when it’s just the two of us. It was sex with them.”
“And with me?”
“Come on, Jus, please, haven’t I humiliated myself enough here?” She sighed.
He slid closer to her on the seat. “How have you humiliated yourself? I’m the one who got all jealous asshole.”
She laughed. “That’s true.”
He took her hand in his again and looked at her intently. The flecks in his eyes radiated with emotion. “What was different when I was there?”
Kat stared at him, afraid to open up and tell him exactly what she felt for him.
“Come on, Kat, talk to me.”
She breathed in deeply and exhaled, then finally looked at him again. “Fine. I don’t know, umm…being with them without you felt empty. It was sex for me. For them it was deeper. Maybe that sounds weird but watching them together was beautiful. And for them, having me there didn’t change what they felt for each other. I don’t know, I was kind of like a toy they used to enhance what they had, you know?”
Justin nodded. “I think so.” He rubbed his hand across his face. “Weirdly enough I totally get that.”
“Really?” God, she hoped so. She’d really enjoyed having Duncan and Kasey join them in bed, but what she’d realized was it was soooo much better when Justin was there too. Without him it had felt wrong somehow. Maybe the fact that he’d gotten so jealous meant he felt it too.
“Yeah, really. Oddly enough I didn’t mind sharing you with them when I was there, but somehow you guys getting together without me kind of freaked me out.”
Hope sprang in her chest at the admission. “Why?”
RodeHard Page 11
