“I don’t need to worry, huh?” Colton asks, hesitantly smiling warmly at Carter before his gaze lifts to mine and his eyebrows crease with worry. I want to crawl out of my skin. I feel so foolish and so very inexperienced at this moment around this man. What must be going through his mind? I brought him over for what he thought would be a dinner date while I have my son here. He was probably after a booty call when he offered dinner. Not a quiet night at home with a family. A family rounded off by Jake, even though we weren’t together in the biblical sense.
“Colton,” I take a step forward, unsure how uneven my voice sounded. “I understand if you have other plans for tonight,” I say, giving him an out that wouldn’t raise my son’s curiosity.
Colton’s dark brows pinch together, and the uneasiness that had settled into his features turned into a more contemplative look as he stared at Carter and me.
“I’m staying.” He smiles at me, but I sensed the challenge in his demeanor. “I brought burritos, and we’re going to sit and eat burritos.” I couldn’t hear Colton’s voice, but he was smiling like a little boy while he looked down to my son and so I gave whatever this was a chance.
“Yay,” Carter must have screamed because he was suddenly airborne.
I take a step toward Colton. “Burritos it is,” I say, taking the bag. My son was jumping up and down as we made our way to the kitchen. I get some plates out of the cabinets and pass them to my son to set the table. Then I get some cutlery since I eat my fajitas with a fork which I know was weird, but hey. I take the iced tea I just made out of the fridge, and some apple juice for Carter, and the three of us sit down for a Mexican dinner.
“Do you get to watch baseball games live?” Carter asks Colton as he takes a large bite of his burrito.
“I do. I get front row seats, and sometimes they let me on the field to pitch a few balls during practice,” Colton explains.
My son’s blue eyes grow wide. I am having a hard time keeping up with their conversation since they are speaking back and forth too fast for me to read their lips. The protective mother in me felt like a colossal fuck up. I used my son to get rid of Colton. I was being selfish and made a stupid mistake. Now I was paying for it dearly because my son liked Colton. There wasn’t much not to like, but I didn’t want to risk Carter befriending him only to see him walk away. Even though he had a stable father in Jake.
“Maybe you can come to a game with me sometime,” Colton offers. I caught on to those words, and I’m a little floored he’s invited my son out to a game.
“Um.” I clear my throat and hope I am speaking loud enough when I say, “I’m sure the Governor is a busy man. We shouldn’t impose on him.”
“The governor?” Carter asks with a questioning look.
Colton takes a napkin and wipes some sauce off his lip. “Carter wouldn’t be imposing. It would be cool to take him to a game and hang out,” he says, and I feel like my lower lip may be hanging slightly open. What was happening here?
“Yeah Mom, it’d be cool,” Carter repeats. “What is the governor anyway? I thought you said your name is Colton?” Carter gives Colton a confused look.
Colton throws his head back laughing. I wonder what his laugh sounded like. When I first became deaf, I missed hearing so much, but then there came a time where I appreciated my quiet world. Then Carter was born, and I questioned my existence because I had a son who could hear and it terrified me. We learned to get by quite nicely. Now I was questioning myself again because here I was, the perfect man sitting at my dinner table, only he wasn’t perfect for me. Statistics show that long-term relationships didn’t have a high success rate when one person was hearing and the other was deaf. There are enough challenges in life.
“Hmm.” Colton brows creased. “Help me out here Evie.” He looks to me with a crooked grin.
“The governor is someone that is in government. Meaning responsible for running the state and passing executive laws,” I say, knowing it was a little too much information for my ten-year-old.
“Sure whatever!” Carter waves off my words. “You get to sit front row at games and pitch a ball. That makes you cool even if you are the governor.”
Colton begins to laugh so hard he put his burrito down, and that makes me laugh because yes, I find Carter adorable but I also find Colton’s reaction to my son charming too. And for a mama that meant trouble.
Carter gives us a weird look like he doesn’t understand what us adults found so amusing. Then he finished off his burrito. When my son was done eating he asks if he could be excused and I nod. Carter goes to the sink and places his dirty plate inside, then saunters off to the family room to play more XBox. I usually limit his playtime but tonight would be an exception.
“He’s a great kid,” Colton smiles to me.
“Thanks.” I grin, but I feel like I owe him an explanation. I stop eating for a minute. “I’m sorry, I should’ve mentioned something about Carter last time.”
Colton shakes his head. “No, you shouldn’t have. We had a dinner date. A first date. You didn’t have to say anything. You don’t owe me an explanation, but I feel like I owe you one,” he explains, and something about his body language makes me tense. Was this the part when he stood up and told me to have a good life? Shit! I hate feeling so vulnerable especially when it comes to a man, but my history and my life caused me to have vulnerabilities that I grappled with almost daily.
“Okay,” I say warily.
Colton sits back in his chair. He is no longer eating, and his shoulders slightly hunched forward. He looks almost vulnerable, but that doesn’t make sense. I was off. My reading of him is wrong. “Evie. I like you. I can’t stop thinking about you from the minute I saw you.” His eyes turn serious as his blue eyes stare right through me. My frayed nerves make me feel the need to crack a joke about the cream pie I threw to his face, but I hold back not wanting to break the sincerity of the moment. My chest warms, but my armor is up expecting a goodbye. “It’s just…” he pauses staring at me while looking like a million thoughts was rushing through his mind at once. “I’ve never been in a relationship. I was raised without a family. I’m not used to being around kids.” His body language told me that his confession was filled with such deep emotion my heart hurt for him. He wasn’t the strong, powerful man that the media portrayed at this moment he was just Colton Mathis a simple man with a broken past. A past I could relate to.
“I understand,” I say, placing my hand on his thigh over where his hand rests. The gesture was to console him. Even though I should’ve been consoling myself because even though I knew him for a short time, I truly feel heartbroken. It doesn’t make sense. When I touch him, I don’t want to feel the same jolt of electricity I felt a few nights ago when we kissed. Yet, it is there, and it runs through every fiber in my body. His eyes meet mine, and I see recognition. He is feeling it too, and through that connection, our pain feels understood, accepted. I didn’t know I could feel this way. I am sure the earth has tilted slightly sideways as gravity urges me to hold him, touch him, understand his pain even though he is saying goodbye. I have to accept his decision. Respect it. Hell, before I found out I was pregnant I didn’t want kids. I thought I would make a shitty parent like my mom. I understand Colton right now. Even though I would love to show him that there is another path in life…one filled with family and acceptance. The road I found with Jake and Carter. Except I know, I can’t push that on him. We’re wrong for each other despite our strong attraction.
“No, you don’t.” He picks my chin up so that we were eye level and repeats, “You don’t understand because even though I’m completely out of my element, I want to get to know you and your son,” he says, and I swear my ovaries burst. I hear a whoosh of blood pound quickly through my body making me feel so very alive and so very attracted to this man. “I can’t make any promises. My record of accomplishment with women is less than stellar but I want this, I want it badly. I don’t understand it, and I understand if my words want to make
you run but please don’t run, don’t even walk away. Give me a small chance and let‘s just see,” he stops talking. I wonder if I have read all those words from his lips correctly or if this is a delusion.
“My son lives with me most of the time. He goes to his father to sleep two evenings a week. That means I’m a full-time parent. He comes first. I know that probably isn’t a situation you’re used to but it’s who I am. I’m a parent first, my needs come second.” My emotions overpower me as I stand up from my chair and begin to clear the table. Colton remains rooted to his seat as I place dishes in the sink. I am giddy, nervous, happy, and scared all at once. I startle when I feel the warmth of his hand on my shoulder. I stop rinsing the dishes and dry my hands. His hand is now guiding me to turn around and look at him.
“You’re shaking,” he says, making me realize that I am truly shaking. My emotions are all over the map because of this man I barely know. “I don’t want to upset you, and I don’t want to walk away from you. What you just said about your son makes me respect you more than you’ll ever know. I’m glad you put him first. He’s a lucky kid. Can I settle for getting all of your extra time?” His grin is lopsided as he asks the question, his blue eyes warm and inviting like the soft waves in the Caribbean Sea.
“You’re very confusing.” I take a step away from him because having him standing so close clouds my judgment.
He remains close, placing his large hand on my shoulder once again and urging me to look at him. He seems to have caught on to the fact that I need a clear view of his lips to communicate. “Get to know me, and you won’t find me so confusing. I normally don’t share details about my personal life with women, but I want to share those details with you,” he pauses, his facial features filling with emotion, pain. I notice how his breathing changes right before he says, “My mother walked out on my father and me when I was five.” His revelation makes my heart come to a complete halt. I have to remind myself to breathe. “The fact that you care for your son so much put him first. I love that. I don’t want to come in between that. He’s a great kid…” he stops speaking again, and I take the time to absorb his gestures. Watch how torn up he is. I sense he wants to say more but is holding back.
“My mom left when I was seven, and my father died when I was two. I was lucky Grandpa Jack took me in. Mom had a hard time trying to raise a deaf kid on her own…” I shake my head because I always make excuses for her even though I know that they’re just excuses. Mothers shouldn’t leave their children behind. Since Carter was born, I understand her less. “I don’t know how a mother does that,” I say, surprised I allowed those words to leave my lips. I don’t think I’ve admitted that aloud before. Colton gives me a knowing look, and before I can say another word, he wraps his strong arms around me and holds me tight. Then he pulls his head back and bends his knees so that we are eye level and asks, “I hope this is okay.” His smile is wide.
“It’s more than okay,” I grin. His arms wrapped around me feel heavenly. He understands my commitment to my son, and he still wants to get to know me. I mumble in my head. I want to guard my heart because I’ve been hurt and I’ve experienced loss, and it terrifies me. Only I can’t defend my heart because Colton has a way of finding cracks in my armor and slithering underneath my shield.
I don’t notice my son entering the kitchen, but I feel Colton turn his head and look down to Carter. I pull out of his embrace.
“Sir, I was wondering if you wanted to play Xbox with me?” Carter’s lips move, but he also signs.
“Carter, Colton probably…” I begin, but Colton picks up a hand and motions for me to wait a minute.
“You don’t need to call me Sir. I’m a friend. Call me Colton.” His cerulean eyes are filled with warmth and creased at the sides as he smiles down at my son.
“My mom called you governor, so I wasn’t sure,” Carter responds.
Colton laughs. “Just Colton and I love Xbox. Which games do you have?” He follows Carter into the next room. I dry my hands off and follow them into the next room taking a seat behind them on the couch. For some reason, I enjoy watching them interact.
“Minecraft, Halo, NBA, FIFA.” I watch as my son goes on listing his games.
“Let’s put on the NBA that way I don’t embarrass myself in front of your mom,” Colton smirks while copping a squat on the carpet in front of the TV. Huh? Was this happening or was I daydreaming? Carter popped the game in and set things up then sat next to Colton. I went to sit on the other edge of the couch so I could see their faces.
“I’m warning you I’m not very good. I got my first video game when I was thirty,” Colton smiles. Carter continues to play the game.
“Really? Didn’t you play video games as a boy? My dad and I love video games,” Carter explains, and I love that he can refer to something he likes with his dad. I didn’t have that kind of upbringing with a close family, so I appreciated that my son had that even more.
“No, my dad was pretty strict. There were no video games allowed in our house. I was busy doing other things like school work.”
Carter scrunched up his face. “I’m sorry. That doesn’t sound like much fun.” He was getting carried away with the game remote. “My dad still has his Atari and old Nintendo. When I go over to his place we play the games he played with as a boy; it’s pretty cool, they don’t make them like they used too,” Carter explains, sounding very mature. It sounds like something Jake would have said.
“Your dad is a lucky guy then.” Colton smiles to Carter just as Carter scores a goal on him. I was beginning to think that Colton was allowing my son to win on purpose. Colton turned to look back at me with a wide smirk and winked. My hunch was right. Colton was making a real effort with my son and whether I liked it or not I couldn’t control the little butterflies that danced in my stomach knowing that was true.
Chapter Ten
Colton
Evie went to prepare a shower for Carter and get him ready for bed, and here I am leaning back on her couch with my ankle resting on my knee like I’m the most relaxed person in the world. The crazy part is that I am relaxed. Me of only a week ago was a commitment-phobe,feeding Cassandra a crap of bullshit about how settling down would ruin our lives. Here I was enjoying a quiet night staying in with a beautiful woman and her cute son. I look around the apartment almost in awe. The place has a homey feel, a woman’s touch. When I was growing up, the house I lived in may have been enormous, and we may have had a maid, but it held no character. This house has style. It’s a home. I like it here.
I feel like I’m having an epiphany on Evie’s couch. Listening to her speak with the utmost conviction about being a mother had me undone. If I found her drop-dead gorgeous before, now I find her delectably sexy on an entirely different level. I like and respect her as a human. It may sound fucked up, but years of therapy taught me I have issues with women, as in I don’t trust them - at all. It has something to do with my mother leaving, no goodbye, not even a fucking postcard over the years, nothing.
When I was a teenager and became attracted to the opposite sex, I realized I needed the ladies for sex, no emotion required. There may have been madness to my method, but it worked just fine until the cream pie throwing bandit in the next room knocked my socks off. Instead of running in the opposite direction as I usually do, I want to stay and ride the wave that is Evie… I realize I don’t have her last name yet.
“Hey.” Her soft voice drifts through the room pulling me from my epiphany. “Carter’s asleep. He had a great night. Thank you.” She comes around the couch only she takes a seat on the opposite loveseat beside me instead of sitting next to me. She’s keeping her distance, and I don’t like it one bit.
“I had fun too, he’s a great kid.” I look at her meaningfully only my thoughts begin to run wild as she sits across from me in the dark room. She dimmed the lights before she went to put Carter to bed. She said if he knew I planned to stay, he would never settle down for bed and I’d find myself having a sleepover
with him. Right now, the only thing I was envisioning was having a sleepover with his mom and her writhing beneath me. The rational part of my brain told me that wasn’t happening tonight.
“Thanks.” Her smile is soft and sweet as she watches me. She leans forward, I think to be able to see my lips clearly if I say something. I’m trying to remember to look directly at her when I speak or when I’m with her. It means I’m focusing on her a lot and something about the way we communicate intrigues me more. Light from the next room hits her pale skin, and I’m not sure if it’s the reflection of the light, or if she’s blushing.
“Can I invite you to sit beside me? Or are there certain rules because Carter is here?” I ask, placing each of my arms on the backrest of the couch. She nods and stands from the loveseat and takes a seat close to me, even though I sense her guard is up. Can’t say I blame her with all the speculation about my relationship history reported in the media.
“It was a fun night. Thanks for bringing dinner,” she says, and she’s so close to me that my lips ache to kiss her.
My features straighten as the scent of strawberries waft my way. My eyes warm at the sight of her and I can’t focus on small talk because I need to kiss her like I need air. I want to take things slow. I don’t want to rush whatever is happening between us, but my body is impulsive around her, wanting to ravish every inch of her skin. “I need to know your last name,” I say, maybe to redirect the lust flowing through my body. I know she can’t hear me, but my voice is raspy and filled with so much need as we eye each other hungrily.
She giggles, and it breaks the heat level between us. Thankfully. I have to keep reminding myself to take things slow with her.
“Harper, my last name is Harper. Why?” She sounds a little breathless. I’m glad I’m not the only one feeling this intense attraction.
Mr. All Wrong Page 8
