by Ni-Ni Simone
“Excuse you!” I snapped at a group of kids.
“My fault,” they said in unison.
“Dang.” I sucked my teeth.
I looked at my watch. The bus was running late and I had to be on time for the first day of school.
After standing there for a few minutes with my book bag on one shoulder, the stroller in front of me and my feet aching in my high heels, I felt like a dressed-up bag lady.
Finally, the bus came and I was the first one to get on. As usual, the bus was crowded. People were sucking their teeth and getting aggravated with me because not only did I have all of this stuff, I had a big ole stroller to fold up. I slung my baby bag and backpack on one shoulder and held Noah in my right arm while trying to fold up the stupid stroller.
And wouldn’t you know it, the damn stroller lock got stuck.
“Miss,” the bus driver said, “you’re holding up the line.”
“I’m trying to hurry up.” And as I said that, Noah started crying at the top of his lungs like I had dropped him or something. All I could do was take a deep breath and try it again.
“Let me help you, baby,” the lady behind me said. “I’ll hold him and you fold the stroller.” She took Noah from my arms and I was able to fold the stroller and pay my fare.
“Thank you.” I took my baby back.
As she passed me, I heard her say, “Don’t make no sense. Babies having babies.”
I felt like such a dummy. And just when I thought I was off to a new start today.
Once I got to the daycare and signed Noah in, the director stepped outside of her office door and signaled to me. “Miss McKnight, I need to see you, please.”
“Can I finish unpacking him first?”
“No need. Now, may I see you, please?”
I pushed Noah’s stroller into her office. “Yes.” I glanced at the clock; I had five minutes before the bus that I needed to take to school was due to come.
“I’ll make this quick,” she said. “You have to take Noah back with you. We haven’t received authorization from the welfare program.”
“What?”
“Yes, they said something about not receiving all of the paperwork back.”
I stood there for a moment trying to think of what she was talking about and then it clicked. Earlier this summer, when I was at the welfare office, I never took the paperwork back. And even worse than that, I don’t remember what I did with the paperwork. Damn, I was ruined.
“Can you just please keep him until the end of the day?” I asked.
“I’m sorry but I can’t do that.”
I felt like crying. I bit the inside of my lip as I turned toward the picture window and watched my bus ride by.
Instead of saying anything, I just turned around and left. I really was at a loss for what to do, so I got back on the bus and went downtown to the welfare office. I signed in and waited patiently. What else could I do, short of crawling under a rock and dying? I couldn’t believe I was back there; it was like I was almost where I’d started. God, I had to get out of this situation. I couldn’t live like this the rest of my life. Maybe I needed to fill out my application to Spelman. Maybe I needed to fill out a couple of college applications.
“Ms. McKnight.” A caseworker that I didn’t recognize had called my name. “Come to the back, please.”
I walked over and she held out her hand. “Hi, I’m Mrs. Parker.”
“What happened to Mrs. Robinson?”
“She quit.”
“Oh.”
“So what can I do for you?”
We walked into the small conference room where the welfare workers met individually with their clients.
“Earlier this summer I applied for a childcare program, but I forgot to bring the paperwork back.”
“Which program?”
“The teen moms in school one.”
“Oh, that deadline has passed.”
“Mrs. Parker.” Don’t ask me why but I started to cry. “I have to get into this program because I have to go to school. You don’t understand—I really need your help.”
She handed me some Kleenex. “Don’t cry. There are other programs.”
I wiped my eyes. “Really?”
“Yes.” She handed me a stack of paperwork. “This is a similar program, except you have to pay a hundred dollar co-pay a month. Can you afford that?”
I had no choice. “Yes.”
“Okay, great. And if you sit here and fill out the paperwork, I’ll call the daycare and see what we can arrange.”
“Thank you.” I gave her the daycare information and she left the room.
Noah was asleep, so it made completing the stack of paperwork much easier. I couldn’t believe this lady was so nice to me. The other workers would never do this. After an hour passed, I was done with the paperwork and the caseworker had come back. “Ms. McKnight,” she scanned the papers, “you’re all set.” She held her hand out and I accepted her gesture. “Good luck!”
“Thank you. That means a lot.”
“You look like a smart girl. I know you’ll make something of yourself.”
That made my day—well until I got outside and it was raining and my feet ached like hell. Forget this, I called my mother.
“Ma.”
“Toi, why aren’t you in school? They just called here.”
“Don’t go off ma.” I explained to her everything that had happened that morning. “Can you come and get me?”
“Of course.”
I waited for my mother inside the lobby. When she pulled to the curb, she hopped out and helped me place Noah in the car. I knew for sure she was going to go off—she was way too calm on the phone.
“Say it, ma.” I said. “I’m listening.”
“Okay,” she sighed. “I’m proud of you.”
“What?” I snapped my neck toward her so fast, it’s a wonder I didn’t get whiplash. “Huh?”
“I am. You’re growing up. You could’ve fallen apart at that daycare, came home and done nothing about your situation, but you didn’t. You handled your business like a woman and I’m proud of you.”
“Yeah, but I had to have welfare to do it.”
“No, you did it. You did what you had to do and that’s what counts. You have to start somewhere, Toi, and this is your beginning.”
“You think so, ma?”
“I know so.” She sniffed, as she’d gotten misty-eyed. “Now, all you have to do is get you some sneakers and take off those heels.” She laughed. “And you’ll be fine.”
She was soooooo right because my dogs were cryin’.
“Now are you going home?”
“No,” I said. “I know it’s late, but I’m going to school.”
“Okay.”
“I’ll just explain what happened. It’s ten o’clock and I should be okay for the rest of the day.”
My mother gave me the biggest hug in the world. “My girl! My…girl!”
Maybe, this life won’t be so bad after all. “Ma, can you—”
“Yes, Toi.”
“Yes Toi what?”
“I will keep Noah until tomorrow and you can take him back to the daycare then.”
“You think you know everything.” I smiled.
“I do.”
“Ma—”
“Wait a minute, baby,” my mother said as she snapped her fingers. “This is my jam.” It was Salt-N-Pepa’s “Push It.” “Ahhh, push it,” she rapped, “push it real good.”
“For real, ma,” I said as she pulled in front of my school. “You can calm all that down.”
“Girl, you don’t know nothin’ ’bout that,” she said in a fake southern drawl, “Now goodbye and have a good day.”
“Bye ma.” As she pulled off, I could hear the music floating through the crack in the car window.
I’d just finished my homework and decided that I needed to fill out my college applications. Seven had completed hers over the summer so I was late getting started. I just
hoped I wasn’t too late. I walked over to my dresser, grabbed the applications and spread them on my bed. As I lay back on my pillow and read the instructions, my phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and saw that it was Quamir.
Here we go again…
“Yeah?” I answered.
“Wassup? What’s good?”
“You got it.”
“Ai’ight, ai’ight, so why don’t you come see me?”
“Nope,” I said, making a popping sound.
“What?”
“I said nope.” And I made the popping sound again.
“What’s all that for?”
“Nothing.” I knew he could hear me smiling through the phone. “I just said no.”
“So what you doing?”
“I’m filling out applications.”
“That’s wassup. What, you tryna get a promotion at IHOP, tryna audition for head waitress, cook, or somethin’?”
“No, I’m trying to go to college.”
“Oh, you tryna be smart, huh?”
I had to laugh. “Alright, I need to go.”
“So, Toi,” it was obvious that he wasn’t getting off the phone, “why you throw that dude up in my face?”
“What dude?”
“The one I saw you with at the mall.”
“Boy! Do you know how long ago that was?”
“Feels like yesterday to me.”
“Oh my God.”
“You wanna come chill with me?”
“No, where ya new baby mama at?”
“Who, Shanice?”
“Oh, so now you admit it?”
“Man, you know she had a baby by another dude on me.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, Toi, I’m lonely. I miss you.”
I fell out laughing. This was priceless. I was laughing so hard I was crying.
“Now I’m funny?” I could hear that he was pissed. “I pour my heart out to you and you play me.”
“Qua-Qua,” I couldn’t even finish, I was laughing so hard.
“Oh, it’s cool. Be like that, Toi. Be like that!” And the next thing I knew, he hung up.
I lay back on my bed and screamed with laughter at the top of my lungs. I swear to you, this was the best day of my life!
22
Since this was our senior year, we planned a series of fun events to raise money for our prom. And the rule was that whatever the seniors planned to do, the juniors had to help out, too. So every Friday we held an activity meeting to discuss the upcoming event, which was Rep Your Hood night at Celebrity Roller Skating Rink. Meaning, whatever clique you were with, or whoever your homies were, y’all got together, set up a skating routine, and put it on blast for the world to see. So you guessed it: Seven, Tay, Shae, and me were a team.
The juniors and seniors were given forty-five minutes to meet and discuss what they had planned for the night. “Okay,” Ms. Lawson, the guidance counselor said. “We need some volunteers to take pictures for the yearbook.”
About four people, including Shae, raised their hands.
“Great,” said Mr. Rogers, the assistant principal. “What else is there, Ms. Lawson?”
“The skate booth.”
I volunteered for that.
“Okay, now we need two volunteers to run the concession stand.” And wouldn’t you know it, Tay and Percy raised their hands.
“I got this,” Percy insisted. “Serving runs in my family.”
“Never mind,” Tay shouted.
“I don’t think so, Ms. Johnson.” Ms. Lawson said. “You’ve already volunteered. Besides, I think it’ll be nice if you and Percy worked together.”
“Yeah,” Percy cleared his throat. “I’ma put her behind the stand, make her work that set, and when she act funny,” Percy tossed his lips to the side, “I’ma say ‘You just better have my money!’”
“Out!” Ms. Lawson yelled at Percy. “Out!”
“I was just playing.”
“Somebody go get Ms. Minnie,” Mr. Rogers said.
“I’m leaving,” Percy waved his hands in defeat. “I’m leaving.”
“Anyway, class,” Ms. Lawson continued as Percy walked out. “The event is next Friday. I think it will be a lot of fun and since it’s open to the community, I believe we’ll make a lot of money. So, I believe we’re done. Any questions?” She looked around for a moment. “Seeing there are none, you may go to lunch now.” And we all bailed out.
Once my girls and I got our lunch and sat at an empty table, we started talking about our routine. “Toi,” Shae said. “You know how to do the Souljah Boy?”
“Yeah, but I thought we were going to mix it up.”
“With what?” Tay asked.
“With like the Walk It Out, Cupid, and the classic baby—”
“What’s that?” Seven asked.
“The Pop-Lock-and-Drop It!”
“Hollah!” we said simultaneously and exchanged high-fives.
“Y’all know that’s my boo’s favorite thing to do,” Tay said.
“You don’t have a boo,” I snapped at her.
“Oh dang, I could’ve sworn that Chris Brown was at my house this morning. Was I…dreaming again?”
I just looked at Tay. “Be quiet.”
“Ill.” She place her hands on her hips. “And what’s with your attitude?”
I sucked my teeth. “I miss Harlem.”
They all looked at me like I was crazy. “You the one.” Tay waved her index finger. “Got all high and mighty and cussed er’body out—”
“Messed around,” Seven interrupted, “and dumped ole boy—”
“And now you miss him?” Tay sighed. “Girl, please.”
“But I had to,” I insisted. “Things were falling apart and I needed to do this for me. I needed to get myself together so that I wouldn’t have any regrets about life.”
“What…” Tay said slowly, “the…hell…was…that?” She took her index fingers and made them like a cross. “Stay away. Yo azz done turned into an after-school special.”
Seven and Shae started to scream like they were frightened, then they broke out into laughter.
“Shut up.” I had to laugh at myself. “You don’t understand.”
“We understand,” Seven said, “that you need to chill. You’re trying to make all of these changes but change doesn’t happen overnight. Calm down. You just dumped Quamir for good, you had a good guy but he wasn’t exactly ready to be with a girl with a baby, so it is. Call him. It’s not against the law. And until then, chill. ’Cause if I hear one more time about you trying to get life right, I’ma scream.”
I thought about what Seven said as I sat at the table, twisting my lips. Maybe I had gone to the extreme again, but here’s the problem. Where the hell was the middle? While my crew carried on with what routine we were going to do, I flipped my cell phone open and figured, what the heck. I had nothing to lose. I dialed Harlem’s number. Just as my heart stopped thundering in my chest, I heard the computerized operator say “The number you have reached…has been changed.”
“Who you calling?” Shae asked.
“Nobody,” I played my heartbreak off. “I was checking my bill balance, that’s all.” Before I could continue with the lie, the bell rang and it was time for class again.
As I stopped by my locker I heard someone say, “Yeah, that’s the bitch.” I knew it was Shanice—just when I thought I this week had gone off without a hitch, here comes the glitch. I sighed as I turned around and glimpsed Shanice and two of her girls watching me.
“We got a problem here?” I spat as the chick, Kellia, who stood next to me, quickly walked away. I figured I may as well get it poppin’ before they thought they had the upper hand on me. I looked Shanice directly in the face. “You ain’t been in school all week and now you come this afternoon tryna flex. Girl, beat it.” And yeah, she said something, but whatever it was, it wasn’t enough to make me stop walking to class.
I took my seat and, of course, the ghetto bi
rds came trailing behind me. The teacher hadn’t come in the room yet, so they took the opportunity and ran with it. “She think that she’s so bad, but I got bad, ’cause she knows I’ma kick her ass.”
I rolled my eyes to the ceiling. They could talk as much as they wanted, as long as don’t nobody put their hands on me. Then I’d have to punch ’em dead in their face.
“Besides, she know that ain’t Qua’s baby.”
As if it were an involuntary reaction, my back arched and I had to turn around.
“You got something to say to me?”
“No. What I heard is you screaming when I stomped you off your porch. And now all of a sudden you decide you don’t have enough credits to get your G.E.D., so you come back to school, and you tryna rock with me. Girl, please. You better back up before you get smacked up.”
“You just better leave my man alone.”
“What man?” I spat. This whole deal with fighting over Quamir was ridiculous, especially since he was still sweatin’ me and I didn’t want him anymore. “You know yo azz a lesbian.” I just threw that out there. Since she wanted to play dirty so bad, let’s see if she could handle that. “Now sit yo dike behind down before you catch one.”
Honestly, this was embarrassing, cussing out the very chick that when it got down to it, I had nothing against. Heck, Quamir didn’t treat us any different, it’s just that she obviously hadn’t caught the hint. “Besides, he ain’t shit. I don’t want him. He got babies everywhere. You think we the only two with kids by him? Girl, please. Fall back and relax. Trust me, that dog will be back to piss on you. He hasn’t gone far.” I turned around in my seat and the next thing I knew the teacher walked in the room and was yelling at Shanice. “What are you doing, Ms. Jones! Out!”
I turned around and behind me was an official uproar. Shanice was out of her seat, reaching for me.
“Toi, please come up here by me as Miss Jones leaves,” the teacher said. I did as she asked, and a few seconds later Shanice walked out the room.
