by Golden Angel
xx
Jared banged his head on his desk. Then he did it again just because the flash of pain followed by endorphins felt good and helped to clear his thoughts a little.
Reading the email from Marissa had him running a gamut of emotions that were so conflicting he thought his head might explode. Why banging it against the desk seemed to make him feel better, he didn't know.
He also didn't know what to write back. Every answer that popped into his head seemed either too cruel or too weak.
The worst part was that he almost wanted to give them another chance. Geezus... she was actually fighting for him in a way that she never had before. Then again, he'd never made her fight for him. It had always been him fighting for her.
From the moment they'd met, she'd seemed so fragile and broken, sitting alone at a bus stop crying. He hadn't been able to walk by. That just wasn't who he was. It had been a chance meeting, but when he found out that she was into kink - and that her boyfriend had dumped her for not being daring enough for him - it had seemed like fate. Jared had wanted to take care of her from the beginning; it hadn't mattered to him that she'd been intimidated by his friends and didn't feel comfortable with them at first. Or that she'd hated Olivia on sight. Or that she didn't seem to want to be around anyone but him in the kink scene - he didn't blame her for not trusting easily. Her previous Dom had pushed her to the point of saying her safe word and then dumped her for it.
It had taken him a while to realize that it wasn't a trust issue, it was that Marissa hadn't really liked anyone who took his attention away from her. But that had been okay too, because she'd needed him in a way that his friends hadn't.
Then she'd started leaving for jobs. Wanting to spread her wings. He'd been glad to have time back with his friends while she was gone... it had actually been a pretty good system until she wanted to make their relationship open while she was away. Since her previous Dom had been the only other man she'd had sex with, and she hadn't exactly enjoyed it, she'd wanted to know what else was out there.
Jared couldn't really blame her for that, but he hated that she'd kept him on the hook. Used him as a safety net. Apparently they saw her constant leaving and returning very differently. Every time she'd left, every time she'd said she didn't want to be exclusive while they were gone, another little piece of him had died. Hell, he'd wanted out of the relationship, the constant cycle, for ages. But he'd always seen her as too fragile. Especially since she'd once threatened to commit suicide if he did. That had seriously changed things between them and he think she realized she'd gone too far that time. Maybe that's why she hadn't done it again. Or maybe she really was just stronger than she used to be.
Closing the browser on his computer, Jared decided he could write her back later. Maybe tomorrow morning when he'd had a decent night's rest and his brain didn't feel like it was throbbing.
His hand hovered over his phone, which was sitting next to his mouse. But who could he call? He and Olivia could talk about anything except Marissa. His other friends' advice about Marissa had changed over the years from "she'll come around" to "you need to just dump her." That wasn't exactly helpful right now since he had dumped her.
And calling Leigh just seemed wrong, even though she was probably the only one who would really understand.
But for some reason he found himself picking up the phone and calling her anyway. Speed dial made it way too easy.
"Hello?" Her voice, low and sultry and sleepy. Just hearing her made him feel better, and at the same time a little guilty.
"Sorry, were you sleeping?"
"Not really. I'm in bed but I wasn't asleep yet."
On the verge of it though, going by the throaty quality of her voice.
"I can call you later. Tomorrow." Doubt was already pricking at him. He shouldn't have called her in the first place. Glancing at the clock, he silently cursed himself. It was after eleven on a school night. Damn he was an inconsiderate bastard.
"No, it's okay, what's wrong?" She sounded more alert now, curious and a little worried. Which meant that he couldn't just put her off.
Besides... he really did want to talk this out with someone. Someone who would get it. After all, that's part of what he truly appreciated about Leigh - she got it.
So he told her about Marissa's email. Apparently he'd practically memorized the thing word for word, he didn't even need to pull it back up on his computer screen. "I just don't know how to respond to her... and I don't know who else to talk to about this. Olivia would tell me to write back 'fuck off' and I don't think anyone else's responses would be much better."
There was a long pause and Jared almost opened his mouth to say that it was stupid and insensitive of him to come to her with this, but she ended up responding before he could.
"Well, what result would you want your response to have?"
"I just want her to leave me and you alone," Jared said tiredly. "I just want to be able to move on without her wedging her way back into my life. She just doesn't seem to be getting the message."
Another long pause had him rolling his shoulders as he leaned back in his computer chair. He'd known he'd been right to call Leigh, even though it seemed fucked up to be talking about his ex-girlfriend with his new lady. Even if his new lady didn't have an official title yet. Jared considered Leigh his now, especially since she wanted to give him some responsibility over her.
If only he could completely shake off the responsibility that he also felt for Marissa.
"You know, some of your friends have told me that I should fight for you," Leigh said, her voice low again, but not quite a whisper. Just a touch above a murmur. "I don't really want to fight for another man though, I want someone who will fight for me. Does it bother you that I don't want to fight? I would understand if that makes me seem less attractive."
"Right now it makes you seem more," he said truthfully. Leigh's soft laugh made him smile. "I don't want her fighting for me. It's too little, too late."
"Why don't you tell her that?"
"I don't know... doesn't it seem like a challenge?" He shifted uncertainly.
"Hmm. You have a point. What about if you just tell her that she shouldn't wait for you, that you've moved on and she'll just be wasting her time?"
"Maybe..." He rubbed his hand over his forehead and then back over his skull, feeling the prickliness of his hair against his palm. "Maybe I should just ignore her. Not respond at all."
"That seems kind of cruel," Leigh said, although her tone was a bit hesitant. "Isn't it nicer to give her a definitive no?"
"No doesn't seem to be working real well. Maybe no response will work better."
"Maybe." Leigh sounded unsure, but Jared was liking the sound of no response better than trying to come up with the perfect one that would make Marissa leave him alone without hurting her. "It might be nicer to be clear though. Cruel to be kind, that kind of thing."
"If it gets to that point... but I'd prefer it didn't." He bounced slightly in his chair, feeling much more relaxed than before. "Thank you for talking this out with me. I wasn't sure if you'd want to even talk about this."
"No, I'm glad you called. I think in the same situation, I would call you too. Angel means well, but she just doesn't always understand... if Michael wanted to come crawling back, she'd want me to lay down some broken glass for him to come across and then kick him once he got to the other side."
Jared couldn't help but chuckle. "Same thing with Olivia, and she's usually who I go to when I need to talk something out."
"Well no wonder she doesn't like Marissa, if all she ever got to hear was the bad stuff that you were trying to figure out how to deal with," Leigh said, scolding him slightly, although he could tell she was smiling.
"Nah, they didn't get along from the get-go. Marissa's submissive around men, but she's kind of an alpha female; the two of them butted heads too much to ever like each other, no matter what I said to Olivia."
"Oh well that's good, I'd hate for Oli
via to start hating me once she hears all about my bad side," Leigh teased.
He outright laughed. "If I tried to tell Olivia anything negative about you she'd probably smack me upside the head and tell me to get my head out of my ass."
"There are negative things, trust me. On top of being a picky eater and neglecting to eat healthy and go to the gym," Leigh said with a sigh. "I can also be totally oblivious to social cues, apparently I never know when a guy is flirting with me or just being friendly, and when I get stressed I become extremely anti-social and cranky."
"Anything else?"
"Yeah, but I don't want to scare you off yet."
"Definitely not scared. Still looking forward to seeing you tomorrow."
"Me too. Well, maybe. Are you going to spank me tomorrow?"
"We'll talk about it. First we'll figure out what you want to be spanked for. Then we'll see."
"Well that should help me sleep," she said a little sourly, but still lighthearted.
"I'm not going to do anything to you that you don't ask me to," he responded, his voice deep and with just a hint of authority, but also reassurance.
"That shouldn't sound so sexy, but it does."
He smiled. A relaxed warmth had spread through his entire body while he'd been on the phone with her. "Sweet dreams, little girl."
"You too."
Hanging up, he thought, not for the first time, how damn lucky he was that Leigh had come into his life.
Chapter 9
"Miss Douglas? Are you okay?"
Blinking, a blush rose in her cheeks as Leigh focused in on the student standing in front of her desk, realizing that she'd been sitting there ignoring the young woman. Vera Michaels; straight A's, a bit of a bookworm, and the most likely to come by at lunchtime for extra help. She had a look of concern on her face as she hovered uncertainly, pushing a few strands of blonde hair out of her eyes. It always fell back in again though; Vera had a habit of hiding behind her hair.
"Yes, sorry Vera.... um... what did you say?"
"I was wondering if you had a minute to talk about the AP exam."
"Oh, yes, of course."
It wasn't for another couple of months, but Leigh had never neglected her students and she wasn't about to start now just because she was daydreaming about... well, things she definitely shouldn't be day dreaming about in school. Clearing her throat, she lowered her head to look down at the papers on her desk, hoping that her furious blush would subside. Fortunately, like most teenagers, Vera was self-centered enough not to notice that her teacher was flustered. Instead, she was already pulling a desk up closer to Leigh's and pulling her books out of her bag, focused on her needs.
Which mean that was what Leigh needed to be focused on as well. She shouldn't be daydreaming about spankings in the middle of her work day, even if it was lunch time and she'd chosen to sit at her desk rather than go to the teachers' lounge. It was the principal's birthday today which meant there was cake in the teachers' lounge and Leigh thought it prudent to stay away from temptation considering that she and Jared were going to be talking about the rules this evening - and no extra cake should definitely be one of them. Leigh found it surprisingly easy to stay away when she thought about having to fess up to Jared.
She'd packed a really healthy lunch today and had just darted into the lounge and back out again to grab it from the fridge. A small salad and a turkey sandwich with light mayo on whole grain bread, with an apple for her 'dessert.' Yeah, a piece of cake would be yummier than an apple, but it would also be really embarrassing to have to explain to Jared that she'd already slipped up. Plus, then she might get a real spanking.
Thinking about that was why she hadn't noticed when Vera came in, walked up to her desk and started talking to her. Leigh had been totally inside her head, remembering (and expounding on) the pleasurable spanking that Jared had given her before. She knew that wasn't the type she would receive for being bad, but that's just where her head went.
Except now she needed to concentrate on Vera. She could daydream about Jared later.
******
"Why don't you ask Olivia?"
Jared grunted. "That's kind of the point, I'm trying really hard not to talk to Olivia about this."
If Rick kept smirking like that, Jared was going to really enjoy pounding him. They'd met up at Liam's dojo to get in a workout. Well, really, Jared had called Rick and asked if he would be willing to meet up. Usually the friends would gather on Wednesday nights to train and spar together, but Jared hadn't been going regularly lately and he definitely had some excess energy he needed to burn off today. Between his anticipation over Leigh and his dread about Marissa, he was feeling pretty antsy.
He'd called Rick because, out of all of his friends, Rick was the least likely to just immediately brush off any concerns about Marissa or her feelings. Plus, Jared had already confided in him about some of the harder shit - like Marissa locking herself in the bathroom and threatening to kill herself one of the times he'd tried to break up with her. That was something he still hadn't told all his friends. Rick had been sympathetic (as opposed to Olivia who had pretty much exploded in a big ball of wrath until Jared had left the room so she could finish yelling about it where he didn't have to listen) and surprisingly nonjudgmental.
Waking up this morning, Jared had looked at the email again and still didn't know if he was doing the right thing by just ignoring it. Leigh had made a good point about being cruel to be kind... but hadn't he already been cruel enough? He'd actually picked Marissa up and bodily removed her from his apartment. At the club, he'd made it clear he had no more interest in her. At this point, shouldn't he just ignore any more overtures from her; wasn't responding at all just going to encourage her?
"I don't know man... Marissa's just not acting normally," Rick said, getting to his feet so that he could start to stretch out his muscles from a standing position. "She's acting more like a stalker than an ex."
"She's not stalking me though... she's just..."
"Showing up at the club, refusing to accept the break-up, confronting your new woman, and sending you an email that indicates she hasn't listened to a word you've said about it being over. Sounds pretty stalk-y to me."
Following Rick's lead, Jared got to his feet and started stretching out his quads. "But other than those times, it's not like she's showing up everywhere I go. She's not leaving me little notes everywhere or calling me all the time, it's just been the one email. And it's not like she followed me around at the club."
"Only because Patrick would have kicked her ass out if she had. I still think it sounds stalkerish."
Jared could see what Rick was saying, but he still didn't think Marissa really qualified as a stalker. It wasn't like she was harassing him - honestly he'd find that easier to deal with because then at least he could get annoyed enough to be mean.
"So do you think I should respond or should I ignore it?" He was still leaning towards ignoring it, but he just needed some reassurance from an outside party.
Rick's lips twisted in a grimace as he ran a hand through his sun-bleached hair. His blue eyes looked as conflicted as Jared felt; so he didn't feel so bad about not knowing what to do. At least he wasn't the only one.
"Okay, well, you've already responded to everything else she's done, right?" Rick asked. Jared nodded. Sighing, Rick shrugged, rolling his shoulders. "Then you might as well see what happens when you just ignore her. Unless you'd prefer to concentrate on her over the delightful and lovely Leigh." It was no secret that Rick and Leigh got along well, although most of their conversations revolved around work. They liked to compare notes on their curriculums.
"Definitely not," Jared said, rolling his own shoulders. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Liam approaching them as the class he'd been teaching broke up.
Totally in his element, the boyish-looking dojo owner padded silently across the floor. Despite being shorter and more compact than both Jared and Rick - substantially when it came to Jared - th
ere was no mistaking who was in charge among the three of them inside this building. He moved with complete confidence, knowing that everyone would jump at his command, and totally assured that he could kick any of their asses.
He really could too.
"I'm assuming you two are here to spar?" he asked, giving them both a grin. There was a slight sheen of sweat glistening on his skin - Liam always did some of the workout alongside his classes, in between watching them and walking around to give pointers.
"Half an hour till your next class, right?" Rick asked, even though all three of them already knew the answer.
"Yeah." Liam eyed Jared. "Just blowing off some steam? Or is there something you want to share."
"I've got a date with Leigh tonight," he said, giving his friend a half truth. Otherwise he knew they'd spend the next half hour talking, and that wasn't going to do him any good.
"Ah, good." Liam looked both surprised and relieved, and Jared couldn't help but wonder if all his friends secretly expected him to ditch Leigh now that Marissa was back in town. He wished he could say their thoughts were undeserved, but he got it. At least he was going against their expectations this time. "Hilary really likes Leigh."
"Even though she's friends with Kate?" Rick asked, teasing.
"She's getting past that," Liam said dryly. "It helps that Andrew's obviously okay with Kate's return."
"Okay might be an understatement," Rick responded, arching his eyebrow and grinning. "Five bucks he asks her to scene."
"I'm not taking that bet, but I'll bet you ten that he asks her on a date."
"A date?" Both Rick and Jared raised their eyebrows at that. Neither of them could remember the last time Andrew went on an actual date. Scened at the club? Yes. Took a sub to a kink party? Sure. But a date? "A real date? You're sure you want to bet on that?"
"Yup."
"Deal." Liam held out his hand and Rick shook it, looking a little uncertain in the face of Liam's confidence. "Do you know something that I don't?"
