"But he's blind."
The doctor looked stunned. "Surely not. Did he say that before he collapsed?"
"Not just say it, acts like it. He is blind."
The doctor re-examined Alexander more carefully, but still found nothing to indicate any condition which could result in the symptoms she had described.
He motioned for her to come into the hall with him. "He was in the war, you tell me?"
"Yes."
"Any idea what happened to him?"
"Not very much, I'm afraid. He has no memory, and is blind."
The doctor shook his head. "What physical injuries?"
"His back is badly scarred. Strips of flesh... And of course the scar near his eye."
"It looks like a deep cut, or even a burn with something searing hot. A piece of shrapnel, for example."
"I don't know. All I know is he's not well now, and can't see, or even remember his own name."
"Then how did he find you, come home?"
"He had papers identifying him, and that led him, um, home to us."
Dr. Gold stared at her. "It's a most extraordinary story. How long ago was he injured?"
"About two years. He told me the monks in Spain looked after him, and he had to learn how to walk and talk all over again."
The doctor nodded. "I'll do what I can for him, Sarah, but there are many things about men injured in war that we don't yet understand." He went back into the room and opened his case.
"Here, give him some laudanum for the pain, a couple of drops in some brandy, but no more, and only a couple of times a day. Here is a concoction of herbs I use for brain fever. This bottle will help him with his eyes, and I would suggest washing them with arnica and chamomile.
"As for his back, a good soak in Epsom salts, once each day would be most beneficial. If you can get him up to Bath that would be most efficacious for him."
"I had planned to," she admitted. "As soon as he was feeling better and I could arrange everything."
He nodded approvingly. "I'll look in on him tomorrow. I would recommend you get a couple of other helpers from the village to help tend to his needs. Caleb and Jenny are the best of people, but they're a bit elderly, and not as strong as they once were."
"The eldest Miller boy and girl are bright, and discreet."
"Very good. I'll tell them to come on my way home."
"Thank you, Doctor."
She let him out, and returned to her anxious bedside vigil. Alexander just had to wake up. He just had to. The prospect of not being able to talk with him, laugh with him, seemed almost unbearable even though they had only known each other a day.
She stroked his dark wavy hair back from his brow, took his hand, and prayed.
Chapter Nine
Sarah and her four helpers kept watch over Alexander all night, hour after hour. Jenny and Caleb had insisted they wanted to stay to help the hapless man. The young Millers were lively and efficient, and helped Sarah keep her spirits up.
Alexander never regained consciousness, though she did nothing but hope and pray, bathing his brow, speaking to him in a low tone, touching his handsome face, his exquisite hands.
The clock ticked incessantly, until Sarah began to despair. A thousand questions raised themselves in her mind, but she ruthlessly quashed them. It didn't matter who he was, where he had come from, so long as he lived.
But he lay so still, Sarah had a dreadful feeling that if she left him for even just one moment, she would lose him. And that she could never allow to happen. She needed him. He completed her in every way.
She realized with a jolt that she was falling in love Alexander. A complete stranger, with no name and no memory, whom she had only just met. It was completely illogical. But she knew it was love all the same.
Now she could understand everything she had ever read about that elusive emotion. The mad passion, the longing to be as one with the beloved. The need for just one more look or touch, yet even as it was received, to long for more, and know a lifetime of such would still never be enough.
God forgive her for ever having judged Jane or any other woman harshly in the dark of her ignorance. She had thought herself broad-minded, but superior. Had believed herself immune to that emotion, incapable of ever losing her head in so wild and foolhardy a manner.
But at the first hurdle of temptation, she had not only stumbled, but also fallen head over heels. And undoubtedly landed right up to her neck in the mire. Lord, Alexander just had to wake up, he just had to.
And could loving him be so wrong? Such a sin? Surely the Lord had sent him here to be comforted and aided in his time of darkest need?
Or was he the work of the Prince of Darkness, sent here to tempt her? Or to dangle the prospect of joy in front of her, only to leave her in despair?
She was glad to have the tall, raw-boned Miller lad and lass with her. They seemed so solid and practical, that she was sure that they would be able to help if there was some sort of crisis. They certainly helped lift her brooding spirits with all her fanciful notions and grim forebodings.
Both were tall and lanky, quite bright, with hearts of gold. She noted how careful they both were of Alexander, bathing his temples and throat, and watching him like a hawk.
But there was no sense in them all staying up the entire night. At three Sarah told Sally and Jed to follow Jenny and Caleb's example and go to bed for a couple of hours' sleep.
Once she was alone with Alexander, she began to pray like she had never prayed before. She took his hand, and willed him to come back to her, to draw strength from her.
When she dared look up into his face once more, she was horrified to see he had a terrible nosebleed. She tilted his head back so he would not choke, and wadded up some cotton wool to plug his nostrils.
He immediately began to cough and splutter. For a moment she was terrified he was choking to death, so strong was the flow of blood.
"Alexander! Alexander! Don't you dare! Don't you die on me! Don't leave me!"
She pressed her head to his chest, and could hear only the faintest of heartbeats. "No! You can't have him, Lord! Do you hear me! His time hasn't come! Why would you put him through all of this suffering only to take him now?"
His breath rattled in his throat, and Sarah went wild with grief, pounding his chest with her fist as if she could force it to beat by her sheer strength of will.
"Do you want another bargain? You already have Jonathan's! Was Alexander part of that one? Or do you want one from me, too?"
She pounded Alexander's chest again, but his breath was still coming in great rattling sobs. She knew the sound. She had heard it before. It was Time's winged chariot hurrying near...
"All right, you win! Take me! I don't want a happy old age, or even a happy middle age! I just want Alexander, for a little while longer. My life for his. I don't know how or why, but I love him. Take me! Take me!"
She pounded his chest one last time. As his breath flew out of him in a final rush, she clamped her mouth over his for a desperate kiss. She was panting heavily, and so distraught that at first she did not notice his chest rising and falling in time to her own breathing.
Only when his arm crept around her shoulders and pressed her mouth to his in an earnest kiss did she realize he was still alive.
Her eyes flew open and she jerked away in complete shock. He looked up at her with a puzzled frown, studying her so intently that for a moment she was certain he could see her.
"Good morning, Sarah," he whispered. "That was a fine way to wake up."
"G-g-g-good morning," she gasped, her hand over her open mouth, staring at him as though at a ghost. She tasted blood, and mopped his face hurriedly. She was relieved to see that the torrent from his nose had become a mere trickle. The color had come back into his cheeks, and he was actually trying to pull her into his arms for another warm embrace. She had never seen him look so happy.
Jenny, Caleb and the Miller children had been roused by the commotion, and now piled into
the small room.
"What is it? What's wrong?" Caleb demanded.
"Nothing now. He's all right," Sarah said with a shaky laugh, overjoyed, but so overcome by passion and relief, she had all to do not to burst into tears.
"Thank God," Sally said.
"Welcome back, lad."
"Golly, if you didn't give us a terrible fright, sir!" Jed Miller exclaimed.
"What would you like me to cook you for breakfast?" Jenny asked practically.
That got a laugh from Alexander, though prior to it he had been laying there with a confused expression on his face as they had all exclaimed over him at once.
"Explanations and introductions can wait until later. Can you bring porridge and coffee, and a bacon sandwich right away, Jenny, please?" Sarah ordered, doing the utmost to keep her voice steady.
"I could eat a horse," Alexander admitted, then reached up a tentative hand to explore his sticky face. Then he frowned.
"I do appreciate you all being so solicitous of me. But was it really necessary to stick these things up my nose?"
That got a general laugh, and Sarah relaxed at last.
The children went back to bed, and Jenny began to cook up a storm.
Sarah lingered on despite Caleb's numerous attempts to persuade her to go to bed.
"I'll stay here and tend to his sore head. Really, it's fine. I want to."
Alexander smiled at her gratefully, and Caleb gave up trying to argue with her.
Once they were alone again, she nursed him and touched his face and chest without any attempt at restraint, almost as if she were terrified to let it go, too frightened to allow him out of her sight for a minute.
She was more than relieved that he was still breathing, and seemed alert and composed. He also wasn't writhing in pain. But all the while as she sat there, she couldn't help but wonder what her emotional outburst might have brought down upon her head.
What sort of bargain with God had she made? she wondered with an uneasy shiver, and clung onto his hand as though she would never let go.
Chapter Ten
It was only when she was at last in the privacy of her own room several hours later that Sarah allowed herself to give vent to her tumultuous feelings.
She threw herself down on the bed and wept until she could weep no more. She had been so scared, so desperate.
What had happened? What had she done? Had she really brought Alexander back from the brink of death?
She wished more than anything that Jonathan were there. He would understand, and possibly be able to make sense out of something which was so incredible as to not be believed.
She was sure he had been dying. He had stopped breathing, his heart had ceased. Was this what had happened to Jonathan on the battlefield two years ago?
Even worse was the thought that it could happen again at any time. One minute he had been merrily singing and playing, the next, he had-
She couldn't think about it.
Sarah raised a trembling hand to wipe her cheeks and then moved over to her wardrobe to choose a gown. She mustn't brood, she scolded herself.
He was going to be fine. He had eaten heartily, taken his bath energetically, and been examined once more by Dr. Gold. He was delighted at the change in his patient, and pronounced the crisis over.
Alexander had then eaten a second hearty breakfast, and was now out in the garden working happily. She could hear him singing, Barbara Allen if she was not mistaken. Even his back seemed better, his gait less stiff.
But if he was well, what had the terms of the bargain been? She recalled her desperate words. She had said she did not care for a happy old age or middle age, just so long as she could be with him a bit longer. How long was that going to be? And in what manner was death going to come for her?
She thought of her brother again. He had not cared about the consequences at the time he had made his vow. As soon as he had seen to it his friends were safe and on a troop transport back home to England with the rest of the wounded, he had waited until it was permissible for him to relinquish his commission. He had served bravely at Badajoz, and then taken the first ship home that he could manage. From Portsmouth he had journeyed to Oxford and thrown himself into his studies.
It was only when he had arrived safely at Oriel College that he had discovered that his beloved Jane had eloped with an unsuitable man. Had done the unthinkable and broken faith with him.
That had seemingly been the price Jonathan had paid, but he'd kept right on paying when Jane had managed to find her way back to her brother Thomas with an infant daughter in tow. Jane had been insane, and rife with venereal disease by then. Even if Jonathan had been willing to forgive her, there could be no question any longer of marriage. Yet her brother had nearly renounced his beloved Pamela to keep faith with his original vow.
Sarah had no one she loved except her family and friends. Was one of them going to be sacrificed in exchange for her desperate request to keep Alexander alive? Was she herself going to be made to suffer?
As Sarah moved around the room, she could almost feel the shadows closing in on her. But that was nonsense, she told herself firmly. God was good and just. She had to believe that.
Jonathan and his friends had suffered, but their hardships had brought them all to an even greater happiness and understanding than they had ever possessed.
Jane had suffered, but she had done wrong by eloping, trusting someone she had not examined critically enough. Then she had been too proud to admit she had made a mistake. She could simply have gone home. Thomas would have forgiven her readily enough.
Her foolish, selfish actions had affected them all, but they had acquitted themselves well. The men responsible for Jane's descent into madness had paid the price. Paxton was dead, and the Earl of Ferncliffe was in prison for killing the unfortunate mad woman in the midst of attempting to kidnap little Sophie.
Ferncliffe had not yet been executed, but Sarah was confident that he would get the punishment he deserved. Especially since there was some doubts as to his entitlement to the earldom. He had tried to dupe everyone. Now his sins were coming home to roost.
Sarah had to believe there was not simple man-made justice, but divine as well. Even if Alexander were a dreadful sinner, he certainly looked as though he had paid amply. As for herself, well... She could always do better, but was it really such a sin to love a man who matched her so well in every way?
Sarah paced up and down her room for a few more moments, attempting to quell her agitation. She needed to put on a brave face for her companions waiting for her downstairs. At last she felt equal to the task of facing the rest of the day.
She took some fresh linens out of her drawer and went down to the bathroom, where she splashed her red blotchy face with cold water. She undressed and got into the warm tub still full from Alexander's ablutions. As she soaked, she struggled to regain her equanimity.
She might have prayed fervently, but she could not always be waiting for a bolt of lightning to strike her dead. If her faith were strong, she simply had to accept what had happened, and be thankful that Alexander had been spared for however long they had together.
It might well be her destiny to lose him. In fact, the closer he came to finding out his true identity, the more likely that became, she reflected, swallowing past the lump in her throat. And look what had happened to Jane, not knowing enough about her beau before she had committed herself heart and soul. And body too...
How could Sarah know a man, love and trust that man, when he didn't even have the faintest idea who he really was?
Alexander was not a local landowner. Somewhere out there was his real life. She had promised him that she would help him find the truth, no matter what that was. And help him she would, even if it meant he was married to another, was a family man. Or was something other than the good, kind man she thought him to be...
Sarah had him with her now. That was what counted, she decided. She had had all sorts of plans for his rehabilitatio
n, and what had happened that morning changed nothing. She would simply take each moment as it came, for good or bad, for as long as she could. She would try to be a bit more cautious, even though Alexander was everything she had ever longed for in a man and more.
She would enjoy the gift of his company for as long as she could, but she needed to be sensible.
Yet at the same time the bargain she feared she had just made with God might mean that their time together was limited.
She chewed her lower lip, torn between her Christian devotion and her longing for love. For passion.
She sighed, and hauled herself out of the tub. Every action had consequences. She would simply have to face them when the time came. She would try to look before she leapt, but the fact was she was sure she had already jumped straight into the fire with both feet.
The Rakehell Regency Romance Collection Volume 2 Page 13
