"I don't want to change my mind," Arabella insisted, smothering his face with kisses. "In your arms like this, we belong together. You heart does speak to mine, your soul. I feel at one with you. I can't explain it. But whenever you touch me, all of my questions and doubts are answered in an instant."
He held her tightly for a moment, his heart hammering in his chest. "Darling Arabella, I need you to be sure. I need you to open your eyes and look at me, and tell me who I am. What I mean to you. What you want us to do next. Anything you want, you have only to say. I love you too much to deny you anything."
With one final torrid kiss, Blake put her away from him, his bare hands on her forearms steadying them both as he rose to sit on the sofa beside her. Arabella clung onto him importunately, but he locked his elbows to keep her at arm's length.
"My love," he commanded in what was at last his regular tone of voice, "open you eyes and look at me. Tell me who I am. What you want. All I am, all I ever have or will be, is yours."
Her eyes, heavy-lidded with passion, opened at last. She blinked, sure she had to be seeing things. And blinked again in stunned disbelief.
For there in front of her was Blake.
CHAPTER THIRTY
Arabella's fingers dug into the sleeves of Blake's evening coat convulsively for a moment, before she began to struggle and pull away from his lover-like caresses.
"Oh, no, it can't be- You tricked me! Is this some sort of quiz! To protect my virtue!" She sprang to her feet. "To test me to see if I had subdued my wanton nature?"
He leapt up as well, trying to draw her into the loving circle of his embrace once more. "No test, love. And you have no wanton nature. I saw you kissing Adam. You told him, well, me, that you felt nothing."
"It's true, I did feel nothing," she said tearfully, wondering what he was accusing her of.
"Then if you felt nothing for him, or his brother, or Philip, what did you feel for me? Just now, here on the sofa."
She stared at him in confusion. "The same as when you and I were at the inn," she confessed in a tiny voice.
"Don't you see? It isn't you. Or me. It's us. You and I together. Only you, my love. God forgive me, I've tried to put it out of my mind, to let you meet and be with various beaux. If you had really loved Adam, I would never have said a word about my feelings.
"But surely you can see now that what we have between us is something so rare, so special, we can't just throw it away. I can't be brave and noble any more, darling. I can't sacrifice you and the only chance of happiness I've ever had in my life."
Arabella stared at him, her eyes hard and glittering, hardly daring to believe what he was telling her.
"This is a test. It has to be. It's what all seducers say when they're trying to get a woman into their power. That she's special, the only one for him. Really, Blake, it's too bad of you to toy with me thus."
He pressed forward then, grasping her pliant waist and pulling her to him once more. "Look at me! Look at you! Do you think this is a test?" He took her hand and place it upon his groin.
She gasped, but he held it there firmly despite her struggles.
"Do you think I can fake that for the sake of trying to catch you out in some immoral behaviour? I burn to possess you myself, can't you see? I love you. I want to be with you tonight, marry you as soon as I can get the special licence."
She shook her head. "This is madness. You told me at the inn- All these weeks-"
Arabella's token struggle was no match for her yearning, however, and passionate curiosity, as her fingers began to explore his magnificent body of their own accord.
As Blake's mouth moved downwards over hers inexorably, she parted her lips with a sigh. His tongue ravished hers, and she could feel his burning need pressing into her hand, proclaiming his urgent desire in a way that no mere words ever could, a yearning that could no longer be denied.
No, it was no test, except of her strength of character. Arabella knew she ought not to even consider what she was about to commit to in view of all Blake had said and done. She ought to be angry.
But the truth was she wanted him every bit as much as he said he wanted her. She could sense too his own struggle, understood it all now. His curtness, seeming anger. His distance. He was afraid. Had always been afraid.
Well, she was not.
She pulled away from his arms, and slapped him hard across the face. "That's for lying to me, tricking me into believing you were Adam Neville."
Blake put one hand up to his cheek, shocked. His expression went back to its usual granite one, and he looked as though he had never been so crushed.
She lifted her left hand, and slapped his other cheek hard before he could catch her wrist. "And that is for lying to me, denying us both all the love and pleasure we could have had while you've been acting like a stubborn mule ever since we met on the road in December."
He stared at her open-mouthed.
She gave a small nod. "So now, I'm going to go into the ballroom to make one last appearance so people won't ask any questions. Fix your clothes and get your gloves on, and go back into the ballroom in about five minutes. Be your usual self, drink punch, and dance. I'll see you in my room in half an hour. And you'd better not be late."
"B-b-but, Arabella-"
"And if you aren't there, I'll make your life as my guardian a merry hell."
He laughed shakily. "As if you haven't already."
"No, my love. You did that to yourself," she said sharply, turning to head for the door. "For all of the right reasons of course, because you're a noble man, but it's still been hell. Well, I've tasted Heaven twice, Blake, and I'll not be denied a third time. Half an hour. And don't even bother to try to dance with me in the ballroom. If you touch me once more I shall burst into flames."
Then she was gone, leaving Blake sitting on the sofa stunned. As he adjusted his toilette he wondered how he dared. How she dared. His cheeks still stung. Had she left any marks?
He went up to the hearth and peered in the mirror. No, he looked all right, A bit flushed, but fine.
He smoothed his hair, shirt, waistcoat and then checked his cuffs and put on his gloves.
Inside his mind raced. Half an hour… How could he?
How could he not…
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Blake was aquiver with the most acute anticipation as he went back into the ballroom. He could not tear his eyes from Arabella as she made her way around the room, laughing and smiling as though she hadn't a care in the world.
Arabella was trembling so badly she was shocked that her legs could still hold her upright. But she needed to put on a good show for the Jeromes, thank them graciously for all the trouble they had taken over the ball for Blake and she, and to cry fatigue after the long night they had put in at Sarah Davenport's for the birth of her son.
Everyone was kind and understanding, and gave her a warm kiss good night. She was surprised her guilt was not written all over her face at the enormity of what she was about to do.
But as she turned to leave the room and head up the stairs, she decided that they were all her friends. They would want her to be happy. Well, with Blake she would be, she was sure of it.
She entered her room. Leaving only one candle lit by the bedside, she disrobed and put on a filmy white wrapper of fine lawn which was so delicate it was virtually see-through. She stripped off all of her undergarments, and turned down the sheets of the bed invitingly. And waited…
Blake crept down the hallway silently, his heart hammering, on the alert for any sound. But there was nothing, no one. Everyone was downstairs at the ball. He had made his excuses over being exhausted after the night at the Davenports, and had got out of the ballroom without shouting out his love for Arabella for all to hear.
He had gone to his room for a brief moment, and now crept towards his future joy with equal parts of elation and trepidation. He tapped on the door lightly with his finger, and it was opened quickly and shut again equally fast.
/> He turned to look at Arabella. His breath stopped in his throat. Clad in nothing more than a diaphanous wrapper, her dark hair unbound and flowing down to her waist, she was like a goddess. He hardly dared touch her, until she took his hand gently.
"I'm so glad you're here. Welcome home, my love."
He lifted her into his arms for a torrid kiss, and carried her over to the bed. He tried to be gentle, patient, but her fingers were tearing at his clothes so eagerly his shirt fastenings popped in every direction.
She knelt in front of him on the bed and helped him shrug out of his jacket and waistcoat. Then his chest was gloriously bare, and she stopped at last.
"I seem to recall this was where we left off at the inn. The rest I have to plead complete ignorance to. Though I do seem to recall I had unhooked your trousers as well, and touched our interesting friend there."
"Stop, don't remind me," he groaned. "I've been so cruel to you, so foolish."
She shook her head. "No, it was the best thing for us, really, difficult though it's been. If we had, well, you know, we would always have wondered, maybe regretted it. Had our doubts or done something foolish like marry because we felt we had to.
"Now I have no doubts and fears. I'm here with you because I want to be. Will marry you because I love you. I can't think of anyone in the world I would rather be with than you." She stroked his face tenderly and planted a delicate kiss on his lips.
He stared at her in disbelief. "It can't possibly be true. I'm so much older than you, and so terrified of not making you happy, of you seeking solace with another-"
She shook her head, gazing up at him with naked adoration. "You and I are perfect for each other, so compatible in so many respects. Who do you think I would rather spend my life with than you? With this sultry heat between us, I'm doubly blessed. Please, I know you have doubts about yourself, but don't doubt me. I'm sure."
"You must fear though. This is a big step."
She shook her head and stroked his cheek tenderly. "No. I know I'm safe with you. You would never hurt me willingly. You've tried to do what you feel is best for me. But you are what's best for me, Blake. I love you, and you alone. It's been agony thinking you didn't care.
"One day perhaps you will be convinced of my love fully. I don't blame you now for being frightened. But it will all be well. You need to trust me, as I trust you."
He left out a ragged sigh. "I will try. To say sooth, love, I can barely trust myself."
"Tell me what you need and want. I'll try my best to make you happy."
"Oh, darling you do. You have no idea."
He held her to him for a tender moment, cradling her lush softness against him.
Soon his hands began sliding up the linen wrapper, however, and he recalled where he had left off in the library downstairs.
"I seem to remember I had got up to one thigh," he murmured against her lips as he lifted her wrapper higher, exposing one long bare leg.
"And my breasts at the inn, don't forget." She untied the ribbons holding her garment closed, slid it off her shoulders and cast it onto the floor. "They've been aching for your touch all night, trapped as they were in that dashed gown."
"We need to make sure they don't feel neglected any longer," he said with a grin. "Lie down and make yourself comfortable, darling. We have all night."
She lay back upon the pillows, reclining with one arm stretched up over her head as she watched him remove his evening pumps, stockings and drawers. Her eyes widened appreciatively at his huge maleness, the delicate pouch underneath, his lean thighs and hips.
"You look like an ancient fertility god."
"Thank you for reminding me." Blake fished in his pocket. "Much as I adore the thought of us having children, we need to be careful for now." He held up a contraceptive.
She looked at it with renewed interest. "I saw them before at the clinic. I've handed out enough of them in the little brown paper wrappers. Now you need to teach me."
"I will, darling. But you need to teach me too. I have only limited experience of what women want. And no one as young as you, no virgins either. I'll try to make this easier for you, but I'm afraid it's going to hurt, make you bleed."
Arabella held out her hand to him. "I trust you. I'm better off in the hands of someone who knows about the body than some impetuous youth who will take what he wants with no care for me."
He stroked up her leg for a moment and then went into the bathroom. He came back with three towels, a basin and some cool water.
He took one of the towels, folded it into a large but thick rectangle, and placed it under her. "The last thing we need is the maids seeing the sheets tomorrow morning. Comfortable?"
"Fine."
"You can still change your mind-"
"It sounds like you're the one changing yours," she accused softly.
"No, it's just, this is so enormous."
"Mmm, I've noticed."
He laughed sheepishly, and at last got in the bed beside her. "I meant what we're about to do. But thank you for the warm words of appreciation."
With his head down on the pillow next to hers, he wrapped his arm around her, and felt at peace. "Anyone would think I was the virgin the way I'm dithering and carrying on."
"I'm not afraid." She took his hand and placed it on her breast. Her nipple immediately jutted into his hard-skinned palm. "You see? Perfect fit. She missed you."
"Perfect indeed. And I most certainly missed her. So much that I think I shall have to give her a kiss."
"Please."
He bent his head and laved the nipple gently.
Arabella parted her lips and sighed. "Lovely."
"You are, so incredibly lovely."
His erection brushed against her leg, and she reached down for it once again as she had done at the inn. This time he did not pull away. It surged into her hand, and he admitted shakily, "It's been so long that I have little control. I would be most pleased if you would help me along here."
"Tell me what I have to do." Despite herself, she said, "So long? Why, you've been seeing your, um, friend, haven't you? I mean, I've seen you making assignations with Leonore at the balls and soirees."
Blake lifted his head to meet her gaze. "Is that what you thought? No. Never. Not once. I swear it. Not since before I met you, and even then that had been months before. And after, well, it was unthinkable."
She frowned in confusion. "But you didn't come home that night-"
"What night?" he asked quietly.
"Two nights, actually. The second one was the morning I hugged you. When we left London."
He glanced down at her in dismay. "That was the night I had a horrendous emergency case at the clinic. You mean to say all his time you thought I was-"
"I had no right to be jealous, but it did hurt, I have to admit," she said with a sigh. "Thinking you were with her, when you'd turned away from me and the love I could give you."
Blake stroked down both her breasts worshipfully. "No secrets between us, love. I never did. We merely speak for form's sake. It's over between us, has been for a long time. I should have had the sense to break it off long ago, even before we met.
"As you said before when describing love, she doesn't speak to my heart or my body. I should have had the courage to finish with her as you tried to do with Adam. I was weak and stupid. I'm sorry if you were hurt.
"The sad truth is, I forgot that she was ever anything to me other than someone to speak to. A passing acquaintance. She could be very witty when she chose. Made me feel interesting, important, by listening to me. But the rest meant nothing. All I can think about day and night is you.
"I also have to warn you that Rosalie proposed to me that we pick up where we left off so many years ago."
Arabella shot him a look of outrage.
He shook his head vehemently. "Have no fear, darling. The offer wasn't the least bit tempting, even couched as it was in the most licentious, not to mention profitable terms. She left me cold.
<
br /> "That's why she performed that little drama in my examination room. But I swear, there's never been and never will be any woman I love or want as much as I love and want you."
"Then show me," she urged in a throaty purr. "Touch me. Love me."
"Gladly. But first things first. I need you to love me for a moment. Move your hand and I'll show you what almost happens to me every time you walk into a room."
The Rakehell Regency Romance Collection Volume 2 Page 88
