Finally the first wave of grief ebbed and a measure of sanity returned. Exhausted mentally and physically, Jared sat slouched on the couch feeling bereft of all support and love. Finally, with the slow movements of an old man, he stood and picked up his bags.
After a quick shower, Jared turned off the lights and tumbled into bed. He wanted to sleep. He desperately longed for the oblivion sleep would give him, but it wouldn’t come. And it wasn’t just the grief that kept him awake, it was what Kate had told him of his own death. There was something very wrong there and he needed to find out what it was. Possible explanations popped into his mind but none of them made any sense.
Trying to calm his thoughts, Jared turned his mind towards Kate. He’d been surprised to see her at the door earlier. Jen had always said she was a career woman through and through. Jen, on the other hand, had lived for her family, and he had been part of it for these past nine years. In Steve and Jen he’d seen a real love that he hadn’t run across before. They had been perfect for each other, and Jen had become the ruler by which he’d measured all other women. None had even come close.
In the rare times he’d allowed himself to dream of a family, it had been of finding a woman like Jen. One who would love him, faults and all. Who would find fulfillment in raising a family and creating a home. He knew such women were few and far between but after having Jen in his life, he knew they were out there. And with four kids depending on him, he’d need one more than ever now.
Jared finally focused his mind and concentrated on blanking everything out in order to fall asleep. It was a talent that had come in handy in his work, to be able to sleep wherever, whenever. Tonight it was a struggle though, since his emotions ran so high, but eventually his control won out and he drifted off to sleep.
When he woke the next morning the sun was shining brightly through the windows of his bedroom. Jared stretched, thinking as he did how glad he was to be home. This was the last trip. He knew that Jen and Steve would be glad to hear that.
Jen and Steve. He froze in mid-stretch as last night’s conversation with Kate came flooding back. Jared slumped back against his pillow. How was he going to face the future without them? He had to find a way though. The kids were going to need him strong.
Thoughts of the kids propelled him out of bed and into the bathroom. Fifteen minutes later he walked through the front door of the house and headed for the kitchen. He could hear their chatter as he drew closer.
"I don’t want pancakes this morning, Auntie Kate. Just cereal," a childish voice announced.
"But all you ever eat is cereal, Bry. I made these pancakes special this morning. See, this one’s in the shape of a bear."
"Okay, I’ll have one." Bry spoke the words grudgingly, and Jared couldn’t keep from grinning. They’d obviously tasted their aunt’s pancakes a time or two before.
"Great!" He heard the clatter of plates but still didn’t approach the open doorway. "Listen, guys, I have something I need to talk to you about."
The chatter died down slightly, except for the baby babbling in the background.
"Remember how we talked a few months ago when I told you that something had happened to your Uncle Jared?"
"Yep, you said he died, like Mom and Dad." Jared recognized Bry’s voice again.
"That’s right. Someone called and told me that he had died but they made a mistake."
"You mean he’s not dead?" A softer voice asked. Amelia.
"No, he’s not. He came home last night and he’s fine."
"Can we see him?" excited voices asked.
"Sure you can," Jared said as he stepped into the kitchen. There were squeals and shouts as the kids abandoned their breakfast and threw themselves at him. At least the three older ones did. Dani was secure in her high chair and watched them all with wide eyes.
Jared squatted down so he was at eye level with them. A wave of grief caught him totally by surprise as he looked into a pair of green eyes so like Jen’s and saw the smile on Bry’s face, the twin of Steven’s.
"I’ve missed you guys!" Jared’s throat was tight with emotion as he pulled the three close for another hug. "How’re you doing, Amelia Bedelia?" Jared gave his oldest niece a kiss on the nose. "And Bryan, my man, you’ve grown!" He gave his nephew a high five before turning to the little pixie hovering at his elbow. "How’s my sweeter than chocolate Candy?"
"I’m fine, Unca Jared." Candy’s green eyes sparkled and her black curls danced. "Did ya bring us anything?"
"But of course! A special gift for each of you but first I need to say hi to Dani." Jared straightened and walked over to the high chair. He sat down on the chair next to it and smiled at his chubby little niece. She couldn’t be much more than a year.
"Hi, Dani-girl." He leaned forward to give her a kiss but Dani shrieked, big tears spilling from her green eyes. "Hey, I’m not going to hurt you."
"It’s okay." Kate came and lifted Dani from the high chair. "For the past couple of months she’s been a little reluctant to go to people she doesn’t know. She’ll get over it pretty quick. Just give her a little time."
Jared stared up at Kate and wondered how the kids had fared with her after having Jen for a mom. Kate always seemed so cool and reserved, not at all like her sister. Even her appearance was the exact opposite of Jen’s. Jen had been tall and all womanly curves while Kate was of average height and on the thin side. Jen’s black hair had been a riot of curls that she’d passed on to her children. He’d never seen Kate’s hair down but nothing could hide the average brown color. Jen’s eyes had been a snapping green while Kate’s were a pale gray. He would never have mistaken them for sisters or rather, half-sisters, since they only shared a father.
Jared stood and shifted his gaze from Kate to Dani. She watched him, her eyes sparkling like leaves wet with dew in the morning light. He smiled at her but she just pressed her head against Kate’s shoulder and regarded him thoughtfully. He couldn’t help feeling sad that she would never know her parents the way the other three had. Jen and Steve would just be people in photographs and videos. She’d have to learn about them through the memories of others.
"Okay you three, you’d better eat a bit more before the bus comes." Kate slipped Dani back into the high chair.
"Do we have to?" Bry groaned as he slid back into his chair. "I’m not really that hungry. Today is hot lunch day so I’ll eat then."
Kate stood silently behind an empty chair. It surprised Jared to see hurt sweep across her face. It vanished so quickly that he was sure that he had imagined it, but he wasn’t imagining the way her hands tightly clenched the back of the chair.
"Okay, just make sure you eat everything they give you." Kate scooped up the plates of untouched pancakes and swiftly dumped them into the garbage. "Go get your stuff together. Maybe your uncle will walk you out to the bus today."
"Will you, Uncle Jared?" Amelia asked.
"I’d love to." Jared stood and went to get the jacket he’d slipped off when he’d first come into the house. Kate, with Dani propped on one hip, helped the kids get into their jackets and rounded up backpacks. She gave them each a hug and a kiss and sent them out into the brisk morning air with Jared.
Jared returned to the house ten minutes later. He’d promised the kids their surprises when they got home that afternoon and then watched as the bus carried them away.
The house was quiet when he got back except for Dani’s chattering and banging.
"Okay, sweetie, let’s see if you’ll eat this today," Kate said as Jared walked into the kitchen. She glanced up. "Do you want some breakfast? There’s cereal in the first cupboard or eggs and bacon if you want to fry them up yourself."
Jared was grateful she hadn’t offered him pancakes. As he went about getting himself a hot breakfast of bacon and eggs, Jared noticed that all sign of the pancakes had vanished. He had to give her credit for trying. It wasn’t her fault she hadn’t gotten the domestic gene like her sister.
"Do you want some?" Jared of
fered since he hadn’t seen her eat anything.
Kate shook her head as she shoveled another spoonful of baby food into Dani’s mouth. "Thanks, but I already ate."
Jared watched as she expertly caught the food as it slid out again and quick as a wink slipped it back into Dani’s mouth. She’d obviously learned the art of feeding a baby. Practice, he supposed.
Once his food was made, he sat down at the table with his plate and after bowing his head to say grace, he dug in. He had only taken a couple of bites when he noticed Kate staring at him, a peculiar expression on her face.
"What’s wrong? Never seen a man eat breakfast before?" Jared asked with a lift of an eyebrow. The eyebrow rose a little higher when he saw a flush of pink sweep up her cheeks. A blush. He hadn’t seen one of those in a while.
"I was, uh, just noticing that you pray before you eat."
"Oh yeah. I suppose I wasn’t doing that the last time we saw each other." After taking another bite, Jared settled back in his chair. "Actually, it’s a bit of a story. The strange thing is, I was in an accident in mid-January, just after I made contact."
Kate gasped. "You were? But why did they think you were dead? Didn’t they look for survivors?"
Jared shrugged. "I’m going to have to try and find some answers about that in the next few days. Anyway, it was a helicopter crash, not a car accident, and I was found by some natives. They took me back to their village where there was a missionary family—one of very few left in that area. They nursed me back to health and at the same time they shared about Jesus with me. I became a Christian about a month after I’d been there."
"That’s wonderful!" Kate exclaimed. "I became a Christian many years ago but haven’t been very active in my Christian walk. It’s just been the past year that I’ve really grown spiritually."
"I had heard lots about it actually. Jen and Steve had started to attend church and when I was home last they shared to me about it. I wasn’t ready then, I guess, but they had planted the seed. Staring death in the eye has a way of changing one’s outlook on life. I guess that’s why I was more ready when Alex—the missionary—shared with me."
"Jen and Steve were Christians?" Kate asked, her voice hushed.
Jared nodded. "When I was here in late July last year they were just bubbling over with it."
"Oh, I’m so glad!" Kate set the empty baby food jar back on the table. "I’ve been so upset thinking that they died without knowing Christ. What a relief!"
Jared agreed. It did give him peace to know that his brother and sister-in-law were in heaven and that one day he’d see them again.
"Jared, to change the subject ever so slightly, there are a couple of things we need to talk about."
Jared finished off the last of his bacon. "Anything in particular?"
"Your parents," Kate stated grimly.
"My parents? What about them?"
"When I heard you were dead, I started proceedings to get permanent guardianship of the children, but then your parents filed for custody. The first hearing will be next Monday."
Jared took a couple of deep breaths, trying to calm the anger pounding through him. "They will never get their hands on Steve’s kids. I’ll do whatever I have to, but they must never get custody."
Chapter Two
Kate’s eyes widened at Jared’s response. She had been vaguely aware of Steve and Jared’s estrangement from their parents, but she hadn’t anticipated such a strong reaction.
Jared’s hands gripped the edge of the counter, his blue eyes stormy. "No child on earth should ever have to live in a house with those two people."
"I’m sorry...I didn’t realize..." Kate stumbled, not sure what to say.
"It’s not your fault. You couldn’t have known all the details." Jared pinned her with a hard look. "Just tell me you weren’t contemplating handing over custody to them."
A bolt of pain went through her heart. "How could you think that of me? I wanted to adopt them. I would never have given the children up without a fight. Never."
"I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked you that." Jared’s head dropped.
Dani banged her spoon on the tray, drawing Kate’s attention. Grateful for the distraction, Kate lifted Dani out and took her to the sink to wipe off her hands and face. She chattered softly to the little girl as she worked.
"Here, my sweet, why don’t we find you some toys." Kate left Jared in the kitchen and went through to the family room. She found Dani’s box of toys and pulled it out for her.
"Have you been in contact with a lawyer?" Jared asked, joining them. He sank into an easy chair next to the fireplace.
Kate sat down on the floor near Dani. "A friend of Steve and Jen’s is helping me."
"Marcus?"
"Yes, he offered his help at the funeral and was the one who helped me get temporary custody of the kids. He was also helping me with the petition for permanent custody."
"Well, at least you don’t have to worry about that any more. I’ll look into adopting them myself once I deal with my parents."
Kate felt tears spring to her eyes and ducked her head. As glad as she was to see Jared alive, his return had come with a price. Her dream of a family of her own. She ran a hand over Dani’s soft curls. These children had found their way into her heart and it killed her to even think about not being with them.
"I’m going to give Marcus a call and set up a time to go see him. Hopefully this afternoon." Jared blew Dani a kiss before leaving the room.
The tears in her eyes threatened to overflow, but Kate blinked rapidly to keep them at bay. There was no way she could allow herself to cry. She would never stop if she started and now wasn’t the time or place to indulge in tears. Jared could come back at any moment.
Kate stood and held out a hand to Dani. The little girl grasped her finger and pulled herself up to stand. She grinned at Kate and took a tentative step. Kate scooped up a couple of toys then walked slowly with Dani to the laundry room.
"You’re such a good girl!" Kate praised her when Dani plumped down on her diaper bottom in the hallway outside the laundry room. Kate put the toys down in front of her. "You just play here while Auntie does a little laundry."
Thankfully Dani was content to play with the toys, warmed by the rays of sunshine coming through the window in front of the stairs. Kate began folding the clothes from the dryer, all the while listening for Jared. She wondered what Marcus would have to say when he realized that Jared was still alive.
"Kate?" She heard him calling down the hallway.
"I’m in the laundry room," Kate called back.
"Hey, Dani! Are you having fun?" Jared squatted down closer to the baby’s level and smiled at her. She returned his smile with a tentative one of her own. Yet another female under the spell Jared cast.
"What did Marcus say?" Kate asked from the doorway of the laundry room.
"After he recovered from his shock, he said he could see me at three. I was thinking that maybe you should come along too, and once the meeting with Marcus is done we’ll pick up the kids from school and go out for supper."
"Sure, that sounds fine." Kate didn’t want to think about the fact that he wanted her there only for dinner with the kids. It was like she had no say whatsoever in the future of the children. But you don’t, a small voice reminded her. They chose Jared over you, even joint guardianship wasn’t an option.
Jared straightened. "I have to make a few more phone calls. Don’t worry about lunch. I’ll take care of myself. Just be ready to leave at two-thirty."
Kate agreed and then it was just her and Dani. She methodically went through her chores. Dani went down for her nap at ten-thirty so Kate had an hour to herself. She did the chores she couldn’t do with Dani at her heels and had lunch ready for the little girl when she woke up. Kate didn’t eat anything herself, her stomach too tied up in knots for food.
After lunch she took Dani upstairs so she could change for their appointment. His appointment, Kate reminded herself. Dani pl
ayed on the carpet behind her while Kate tried to decide what to wear. She’d always been careful to dress in suits or business type attire for her previous appointments but now it didn’t matter.
As she dressed, Kate couldn’t help staring at her reflection. What she saw didn’t thrill her. She was just so...average. There was nothing stunning about her. No one redeeming factor that set her apart. The only non-average thing about her was her weight, and that was below average and dropping. Always slender, Kate had dropped to thin in the past few months and was heading for gaunt. Her ribs and collarbones were clearly defined beneath pale skin.
She rubbed her fingers over her upper arm. A bruise stood out against her skin, clear finger marks where Jared had gripped her the night before. With a sigh, Kate turned from the mirror. She didn’t need to add more depression to her already depressed spirits.
Kate slipped into a long, straight, black denim skirt and a loose, white cotton sweater. And since the days were still cool she pulled on a pair of tights. She didn’t bother with make-up knowing that it wouldn’t do much to improve her appearance since she wasn’t that adept at applying it anyway.
"Come on, sweetheart, let’s get you dressed." Kate took Dani into the nursery.
It took a while to get the little girl to cooperate enough to change her diaper and put her in the outfit Kate had chosen. She loaded up the diaper bag with all the paraphernalia a baby needed and then went back downstairs to wait for Jared.
When he showed up Kate’s heart skipped a beat. It was hard to look at him—so handsome with his curly dark brown hair and shining blue eyes—and not feel the love she’d harbored for him for years. They’d first met when she’d come for Jen and Steve’s wedding and from that point on, her heart had been lost to him. Only he never knew. No one did. She would have been a fool to tell anyone knowing as she did, how futile her feelings were.
"Ready to go?"
Kate nodded and stood to slip Dani’s jacket on her and then pulled on her own. She moved to pick Dani up but Jared held out his hands and, not surprisingly, the little girl responded by lifting her arms.
Marrying Kate Page 2
