Marrying Kate

by Kimberly Rae Jordan

  "The kids. How are the kids?" Katie focused her gaze on him, her gray eyes serious.

  "They’re fine. Darlene was bringing them here to the hospital. Drake said he’d come let me know when they arrived. I’ll let you see them when you get to your own room, okay?"

  Katie nodded. "Is Dani okay?"

  "She’s fine. Just cutting teeth like you said. I’m sure she’s missed you though."

  "Missed them too." Katie’s eyelids slid downward again and this time Jared didn’t speak to her. She remembered and she’d talked with him, even smiled. She was going to be fine.

  "Thank you, God. Thank you with all my heart," Jared prayed as he stood and bent to press a kiss on Katie’s forehead. When she didn’t stir, he decided to go let Drake and the others know what had happened.

  Darlene and the kids were just walking down the hallway when Jared got out of the elevator. The two girls rushed to him and put their arms around him.

  "What happened, Uncle Jared? Where’s Aunt Kate?" Amelia asked, worry clouding her small face.

  "Let’s go into the waiting room and I’ll tell you." Jared looped an arm around his young nieces. He noticed Bry was hanging back, a scared look on his face. "C’mon, Bry. It’s not that bad."

  Slowly the group made its way into the private waiting room. Drake saw the smile on Jared’s face and returned it with one of his own. "I think I’ll head for home now."

  "Thanks for all your help, Drake. I’ll give you a call later. Right now..." Drake nodded his understanding, gave Jared a hard one-arm hug and left the room.

  Jared had the kids sit down. Darlene sat with Dani perched on her knee. He tried to give them what he hoped was a reassuring smile, hoping to take the fear out of the situation.

  Before he could get a word out, Bry burst into tears. "I’m so sorry, Uncle Jared. It’s all my fault. I didn’t really want something bad to happen to Aunt Kate."

  Jared gave Bry a perplexed look. "What are you talking about, Bry?"

  "Aunt Kate. I told her last night I didn’t want her to be my mother. That she could never be my mother and that I wished she’d go away. I didn’t really mean it. Honest I didn’t. I just wanted to keep that video game, but she said no." Bry’s shoulders slumped as he came to the end of his explanation.

  Jared moved to sit next to his nephew. "What happened to your Aunt Kate had nothing to do with that. Remember the guard we’ve had around to protect us?" The kids nodded. "Well, last night I was supposed to be guarding, but your aunt went into the back yard and before I found her, someone had kidnapped her." Jared paused, not wanting to go into all the details. "Some people from where I work came and helped me get her back. Unfortunately, Katie got hurt but she’s going to be okay. She was awake a little while ago and asked about all of you."

  "Are you sure she’s going to be okay?" Amelia asked.

  Jared didn’t want to lie but he didn’t want to frighten her either. "The doctors say that now that she’s woken up, she’s doing much better. We still have to pray that God will heal her completely, but I think she’s going to be just fine. I’ll take you in to see her in a little while."

  The worry on their faces faded but not completely. Jared knew that until they saw for themselves that Kate was all right, they wouldn’t let go of their fears. Darlene looked more relaxed too, now that she’d heard that Kate was going to make it.

  Jared left and went to the nurses’ station to ask them to notify him when Kate was brought to her room. Instead of going right back to the waiting room he went to the men’s washroom and in the privacy of a stall, allowed his tears of relief to fall. He hadn’t wanted to scare the kids with his tears. They might not understand why he cried.

  He was fully composed by the time he returned to the waiting room. The kids were sitting silently on the couch and looked up expectantly when he walked in.

  "They’ll let us know as soon as Katie’s in her room." Jared sat down next to Bry and leaned his head back against the wall. He was so weary. He’d gone more the twenty-four hours without sleep and added to that was the emotional and physical exertion. And now that the worry over Kate had ebbed from his body, Jared felt himself relaxing.

  A nurse poked her head around the door. "Mr. Lambert? Your wife is in her room now. You may visit her, two at a time. She will tire quickly, so please keep your visits short."

  Jared nodded and looked at the three kids. "Which of you wants to go first?"

  Amelia stood immediately, so he took her by the hand and followed the nurse down the corridor. Kate continued to sleep, but at least Amelia was able to see that her aunt was still alive. Candy came next and then Jared took Darlene and Dani.

  Dani fussed when she saw Kate and at the sound, Kate’s eyes opened. When her gaze fell on Dani she smiled. "My baby! How are you, sweetheart?" She lifted a hand and squeezed Dani’s foot.

  "She’s doing just fine," Darlene assured Kate. "And I’m glad to see you’re still in one piece too."

  Kate smiled weakly. "One piece but very sore. Have the others been in already?"

  "All but Bry," Jared told her.

  "He doesn’t want to see me?" Kate asked.

  Jared paused. "He was worried what had happened was his fault."

  Their eyes met and knowledge flowed between them. It amazed Jared that with just a look between him and Kate, they knew what the other was thinking.

  "I need to see him," Kate said.

  Chapter Twelve

  Kate watched Jared leave with Darlene and Dani following behind him. She tried to relax her tense muscles, but everything still hurt. They would probably give her something for the pain, but Kate wanted a chance to talk to Bry first, with a clear mind.

  Her eyelids slid shut momentarily. Exhaustion tugged at her, enticing her to drift away, but she fought against it. She heard her door open and footsteps approach the bed. Summoning strength from deep inside, Kate opened her eyes. Bry stood next to her bed, eyes downcast. Jared’s hand rested on his shoulder.

  "Hi, Bry." Kate reached out and took his hand. "I’m glad you came to see me."

  Bry’s gaze met hers briefly before sliding away once again. He still didn’t say anything.

  "You know what happened isn’t your fault, right?" Kate tried again to draw him out. Bry gave a brief jerky nod. "I forgot about your uncle’s warning to not go out of the house at night without him. It had nothing to do with our disagreement earlier."

  Bry edged a little closer to the bed, his fingers flexing in hers. "I’m real sorry," he whispered. "I didn’t really mean what I said to you. I was just mad about the video game."

  "I know, but you still can’t keep it," Kate told him gently.

  "That’s okay. I’ll save up my money for a better one."

  Kate smiled and was glad when Bry smiled back at her. "That sounds like a good idea to me."

  "I think we need to let your aunt rest now," Jared said. "You can come see her again later. I think Darlene is going to take you guys to school now."

  "Do we hafta go, Uncle Jared? What if something more happens?"

  "If something happens I’ll come to the school and get you. Your Aunt Kate needs rest and I need to get some sleep, so I think it’s best if you kids were in school."

  Bry dragged his feet as they left the room. Kate wasn’t sure if Jared planned to come back to say goodbye or not. She wondered exactly where they stood now. Her heart ached along with the rest of her body from the things he had said. Where did they go from here?

  Kate’s eyes closed and she began to drift off. She was just about asleep when she felt someone grasp her hand. Opening her eyes, she saw Jared standing next to the bed looking down at her, his blue eyes serious.

  "I didn’t mean to wake you," he said as he pulled a nearby chair close to the bed and sat down.

  "I wasn’t asleep yet. Just dozing." Kate looked at him closely and saw exhaustion etched in every line on his face. "You need to go home and get some sleep."

  "I don’t want to leave you here alone
."

  "I won’t be alone. There are lots of doctors, nurses and other patients to keep me company. Besides, I’ll probably sleep the whole time you’re gone anyway. Go home," Kate urged.

  Jared’s thumb moved softly back and forth across her hand. "Are you sure? I don’t want you to feel that we are all abandoning you."

  "I’m sure. You won’t do me any good if you’re falling asleep on your feet."

  Jared nodded. He looked down at their clasped hands, then back up and their gazes met. "Like Bry, I owe you an apology for the things I said last night. You were right about not dwelling on the guilt and moving forward. I see that now. I had no right to talk to you the way I did. For me to take my hurt and anger out on you was plain wrong. If it’s any consolation, I felt worse afterwards than I did before."

  "I know you were hurting. And yes, you hurt me too. I think we need to talk about things, but I’m just too tired now." Kate couldn’t hide the yawn that overtook her.

  Jared nodded. "We both need some rest, then we can talk more. I just want you to know that I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you in my...our lives. I...we need you so much, in so many ways. Just tell me you’ll give me another chance. Tell me I haven’t blown the best thing that’s ever happened to me."

  Kate stared at Jared, sure that she was imagining the words that came out of his mouth. It sounded like he really wanted their marriage to work out. That he wanted her, not any other woman but her, to be his wife. Was it possible? Could he love her? Kate didn’t ask the question. Now—with both of them positively drooping from exhaustion—was not time to pursue such a conversation. Kate wanted to make sure they were both clear headed and alert when they discussed something so important.

  "Of course I’ll give our marriage another chance. I’ll always give our marriage another chance. It’s for life, remember? For better or worse. I guess we’ve hit a few of the worse patches lately, but we’ve also had some pretty good better times. I’ve survived both, so I’m going to stick around for more."

  "Thank you." Jared lifted their clasped hands and kissed the back of hers. "I don’t deserve this, but I’m going to do what I can to make things up to you." He stood then and pressed a kiss to her lips. "I’ll be back later to check on you."

  "I look forward to it. I don’t think I’ll be going anywhere for a day or two."

  "At least." Jared smiled at her, momentarily erasing the exhaustion from his face. "Til later."

  Kate watched Jared leave the room. She really wanted to take some time to think over everything Jared had said. To ponder them in her mind but exhaustion won out and she had to push them aside for another time.

  When Kate woke later that afternoon the room was considerably brighter thanks to a couple of bouquets of flowers and a balloon arrangement. Jared stood in front the window staring out at the world beyond.

  Kate took a few minutes to surreptitiously observe him. She was glad to see the exhaustion gone from the lines of his face. So too were the worry and tension. He looked more relaxed than he had in days…weeks even.

  As if sensing her gaze upon him, Jared turned from the window. His piercing blue eyes held hers for a heartbeat before he smiled and stood.

  "Feelin’ better?" Jared asked as he sat down on the chair next to her bed. "You’ve gotten a lot of rest, the nurse said."

  "I’m not feeling so tired, but I still hurt." Kate lifted a hand to her head and touched the bandage there. "And my back too."

  "I think it will hurt for a bit. The doctor has said you can go home in a couple of days. Darlene agreed to come stay with us until you’re fully recovered. She’ll stay in my old place."

  "I hate to put her out," Kate said even though knowing Darlene was at the house eased her worries about the children.

  "She volunteered. I think she’s thrilled to have people depending on her. The kids are doing just fine with her." Jared leaned back, stretching his long legs out in front of him. "But they still miss you. They should be by in a little bit to visit."

  They showed up an hour later and the concern on their faces quickly faded when they saw Kate was looking much like her old self. The three older ones took turns filling her in on their day at school. Dani sat on the bed cuddling with her. Kate looked at the four young faces and felt a wealth of love flood her. No matter that these children had not come from her body, she couldn’t have loved them more.

  Kate ran a hand over Dani’s downy curls and thanked God that she was still alive to be with them. Her life, and Jared’s, could easily have ended up in that cabin. The thought of the kids having to handle another loss in their life was heart wrenching.

  The kids didn’t stay too long. When they left, Jared went with them at Kate’s insistence. They needed at least one parent home with them. Kate thought she wouldn’t see Jared until the next morning but later that evening he came back.

  "The kids are all in bed." He settled down in the same chair he’d used earlier.

  "You didn’t have to drive all the way back into the city tonight," Kate protested. "You need to get some rest."

  "I’m fine. Besides, I wanted to be here with you."

  Jared wasn’t looking at her so Kate couldn’t see the expression in his eyes, but her heart leapt at the underlying message in his words. She hoped she wasn’t misreading things, that he was there simply because he felt guilty about what had happened to her. Kate didn’t want him to do anything out of guilt.

  "How’s Garth doing?" Kate asked, wanting to change the direction of her thoughts.

  Jared sighed and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his thighs. "He’s going to make it. Unfortunately. I know that’s a terrible thing to say and I don’t really wish him dead, but the betrayal cut deep."

  "I don’t understand why he did what he did? What drove him to betray you?"

  "I’m afraid I don’t really understand it all myself. He’s not talking much, but it seems that a few times in his past he crossed from the gray area that our business sometimes dictated we enter, into the black. I knew of at least one incident. I’d been there with him when it had happened. I guess he figured as long as I was with the agency I wouldn’t squeal. I’d voiced my opinion on how the matter had been handled. I thought we’d dealt with it and moved on. I certainly had no intention of blackmailing him or releasing any information to the press. To do so would have jeopardized the agency and despite the odd time when things go wrong or people like Garth cross into the black area, the agency does a lot of good.

  "It just saddens me that Garth didn’t realize I wasn’t a threat and because of that, five people are dead. And you’re injured."

  Kate heard the guilt in his voice and remained silent. The last time she’d tried to assuage his guilt it had gone horribly wrong. She wasn’t going to risk that again. She still wished he would realize that his guilt would change nothing and would only hamper his future.

  "You were right, you know," Jared said, looking at her. A smile played around his lips. "As usual."

  Kate arched a brow. "I like the sound of that, but what was I right about this time?"

  "My feeling guilty."

  Once again, Kate kept silent. She really didn’t want to go back over this rocky ground.

  Jared looked down at his hands, then back up at her. "I talked with Drake while you were in surgery. I was feeling guilty about pretty well everything that had happened to anyone close to me. He shared to me a bit about his life and about how God doesn’t want us to feel guilty about things that happen but to just turn them over to Him."

  Kate’s interest was definitely peaked. Not just about his conversation with Drake but that it sounded like Drake was a Christian.

  "I think I felt a burning need to carry that guilt. I know that sounds really strange, but it’s like everyone else is shouldering the consequences of my decisions. My only brother is dead along with Jen and your folks. You’re sporting a bullet wound that should have been mine. I seem to keep coming out unscathed in all of this and it didn’t feel right.
I needed that guilt to inflict something upon myself."

  Kate finally spoke. "You may not bear the physical consequences like the rest of us, but you’re bearing the emotional ones. You’ve lost two people who meant a lot to you. That loss will always be a part of you."

  "I know," Jared said with a small nod. "And thanks to Drake and a little soul-searching, I discovered that I was holding tightly to things in my life. Not giving them over to God so that He could deal with them and help me in my daily walk. I still have a lot to learn about being a Christian, I think."

  "Me, too," Kate agreed. She had been guilty of not turning over certain aspects of her life. Or even if she had turned them over, she would later, in a moment of panic, grab them back to worry over. The most recent one being her marriage.

  Jared looked at her in surprise. "You struggle with this as well?"

  Kate nodded. "I think it’s something a lot of people do whether they are new Christians or not. It’s hard to give control of your life to someone else. And not just giving that control to God but letting Him keep it. When things don’t go exactly to our plan or work out as quickly as we’d like, it’s easy to take things back into our own hands and begin to worry over them again."

  Jared looked thoughtful as she spoke. "I’m so used to being in control of my life. For months on end I would be the only person I could depend on. It’s a hard habit to break, but I’m determined to work on it."

  "We can try working on it together," Kate suggested somewhat cautiously.

  "I’d like that. We can watch out for each other. You tell me when I’m forgetting to give something to God and I’ll do the same for you."

  Kate liked the idea too, but there was one thing she would never be able to confide in him. One thing he’d never know if she took it from God’s hands again. Their marriage. That was something she alone would have to watch herself on.

  Jared didn’t stay much longer but before he went, they prayed together. Kate watched his tall frame fill the doorway and then disappear. She wished he could have stayed with her but knew it was impractical and selfish. The kids needed him too.