Removing the lettuce from his hoagie, John hedged, “I’m sure you want to give me an earful about my behavior. I’ll gladly listen, if you want to ream me.”
Adrianna looked up at him as she chewed, leaning over the basket of chips, considering his offer. Instead, she finished her bite, put the wrap down, and folded her hands in front of her. She just had one question to ask. “After everything you said to me, all the wonderful things about love and trust and a future, how could you have such a low opinion of me as to take the word of that pond scum over mine?”
He looked down, shaking his head. “We all have pasts, Addy. Mine still bothers me, too.” She frowned, not quite understanding, but she didn’t say anything, hoping he would share his thoughts willingly. He toyed with his drink, picked a bite off his sandwich and nibbled at it before swallowing, and wrung his hands.
Finally, he looked up at her. “I worked in retail before I got into the hospitality industry, and I got up to management pretty fast with the grocery chain I worked for. I earned it, worked overtime, filled in for managers while they were out, did everything I could to show my value. Within two years, I was a district manager and covered about four cities.
“One of the employees was a young woman that I found to be very attractive, and I ended up getting involved with her. She talked about dreams and aspirations and wanting to get into management, and eventually upper management like me. I supported her because I had this crazy idea that anyone could do it if they put their minds to it. But she started calling in sick all the time, taking breaks when she should have been working, and generally not performing.
“I told her she needed to step up if she was going to get a manager’s role, and I gave her a pass because I was all kinds of starry eyed about her. She started doing a little better, and eventually, she made supervisor. But the pattern returned, and it got worse. Her manager gave her a warning that went in her file, and she pressured me to make it go away. I told her I couldn’t, and she broke it off with me. I was devastated, feeling used, but a couple of months later, she was back, and her reputation at work had improved. She apologized, and I forgave her.
“Within a couple of weeks, she told me she wanted me to put in a good word for her for an open manager position at another store. I didn’t feel comfortable with that because of our relationship, and I told her that, but she insisted that, if I didn’t do it, she would call human resources and complain that I’d forced her to sleep with me, telling her I’d stop her promotion if she didn’t.”
He went silent, and Adrianna understood his hesitancy, though she didn’t see how it related to her. But she could tell he wasn’t finished, so she remained quiet and attentive, waiting for the rest of the story. “I told her I’d do it, but I never did, and when she found out, she went crazy on me. I had to turn her in to human resources for sexual harassment and trying to sleep her way up the chain. I was reprimanded and demoted for my lack of discretion in getting involved with her in the first place.”
He took a long drink and sighed. “The point is, I’ve seen it before, and I was blinded by the fact that she was pretty and charming. You have so much more than that to offer. Her looks didn’t even begin to compare to yours, and you’re smart and savvy and funny on top of it. I’m sorry I held that against you. It’s my old demons, always afraid I’d fall for the scam again.”
If they’d been casual this whole time, Adrianna might have offered instant forgiveness. “Let’s bring up a few differences here. First, you came onto me, not the other way around. I bucked against a relationship from the start. On top of that, you offered me the promotion. I never asked for it. And let’s just say for a minute that none of that was true. Do you really think of me as the kind of person who would bury herself so far into a scam to rise to the top and use you that I would get pregnant and agree to move in together? I’m sorry, John, but that’s really offensive and incredibly hurtful. I thought we had trust in our relationship. I gave myself over to you completely, something I promised I would never do again.”
She stopped talking, her emotions taking control over her rational thought process. She couldn’t let herself get carried away. She shook her head. “This whole debacle was an embarrassment to me, something that I’d never been through before and never want to go through again. I have always been above reproach in my career, and you are the first coworker I’ve ever had a relationship with. All I expected from you was to back me up, and instead, you turned your back on me. How do I know you wouldn’t turn on me if this happened again?”
“Now, hold on, Addy. You didn’t report the incident immediately, and according to the paperwork, he’d acted inappropriately toward you before. Any superior would have been hesitant, considering that Gomez called in his report the moment he left the hotel and no one had heard from you for hours.”
Angry now, she found his argument invalid. “I disagree, John. And you aren’t just any superior, dammit. You’re the father of my child!”
“And I’m supposed to let that rule my judgment?” he snapped back.
Her eyes wide with disbelief and her heart sinking into her stomach, she nodded. “Yes, John. If you trust me enough to be in a relationship with me, you should certainly trust me as an employee. And if you know me well enough to tell me you’re in love with me, it should sure as hell affect your judgment.”
He raised his hands in a symbol of surrender. “Look, Addy, I told you I was sorry. I can’t change it now. I can only ask your forgiveness and a chance to prove that I’m better than this.”
Adrianna leaned back in her chair, knowing she wasn’t thinking clearly. “I know you’re better than this, John. That’s what you’ve shown me. But this isn’t just something like forgetting to pick up the butter I needed to make dinner on your way home from work. It’s not even hiding your girlfriend from your family because you’re embarrassed to introduce her. You betrayed me, John. Rather than asking my side of the story, or if I was alright, you made an assumption about my character that makes me feel like you don’t respect me.”
Now, John looked panicked. “Addy, I love you, and I respect everything about you. We all lose our heads sometimes. I was under a lot of pressure with the celebrity issue, and I reacted poorly. It doesn’t mean I purposely betrayed you.”
She scoffed. “So, what, it was an accident? What if I’d ‘accidentally’ lost my job because my superior didn’t back me up based on my reputation?” She finished her wrap and cleaned her hands on her napkin, standing and gathering her things. “I fell in love with you somewhere along the way, John, but I can’t live my life on such big ‘what if’ questions. I have to know that you stand behind me and trust me completely and that you won’t accidentally betray me again. When you find a way to prove that, we’ll talk again.”
He sputtered as she left, but she didn’t turn around, not wanting him to see her tears as she walked away. It was one of the most painful things she’d ever done, and he could say it was his old demons that got in the way if he wanted. She’d had the same reason for her hesitation in getting into a relationship with him. The difference was, she hadn’t hurt anyone, hadn’t betrayed anyone because of her demons.
She also knew her issues wouldn’t hurt her child. But John’s lack of trust could cause him to not only turn his back on Adrianna but also on the baby, and that was something she couldn’t risk. It was better if their child never knew its father at all than for the poor child to be abandoned.
Adrianna didn’t go straight home, figuring John would likely follow her and try to reason with her. She wasn’t in a headspace to handle that right now. Instead, she descended into the subway and took the first train that arrived, trying to figure out where she was headed. A couple of stops down the line brought her within walking distance of the car rental place. She climbed back to the street level and hoofed it to the lobby, deciding she was going to drive to her mother’s house. It was the only place she felt unconditionally loved, and that’s what she needed right now.
Lorraine took one look at her daughter as Adrianna walked in the door and shook her head. “Lord, child, I think you need a cup of my hot chocolate. Come on, honey, have a seat before you fall over. You’re exhausted and hurting, and you’re going to tell your mama what happened.”
A sense of peace washed over Adrianna just being home. Right now, she wondered if she really wanted her mother to move. There was so much history in this place, and it comforted her. But then, that was just the hormones and stress talking. When the time came, she’d be glad to get her mother somewhere more comfortable, in better shape, and closer. All the memories she kept in this place could come with her.
She sat at the table like she had as a child, watching her mother working her magic over the stove, and it brought a smile to her face, despite her sadness. She didn’t say a word until her mother sat across from her, a mug of the steaming chocolate in front of each of them. When she lived here, it had been the same ritual. If Adrianna had a problem, whether it was school or a boy or something else entirely, they discussed it over hot cocoa. It somehow eased the pain and tension of the discussion.
This was Adrianna’s fourth time through the story, and yet, it felt different to tell it this time, as if she were talking about someone other than herself. She sounded rational even to her own ears, and the words seemed to flow. When she was done, she took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. It felt good.
She waited for her mother to say something, and as she always had, Lorraine took her time thinking it over. “What you have is a horrible mess right now, Addy. I can’t tell you what to do, baby girl. All I can do is help you find what you really want inside your heart.”
Adrianna shifted in her seat, sipping at her cocoa, now that it had cooled. “I know that, Mama. I need whatever help you can give me. I’m tired of making bad decisions, and it feels like every decision I’ve ever made has backfired on me now.”
Her mother chuckled. “If I had a dime for every time I felt that way, I’d be living in a palace. But that’s not the way it is, and when you figure all this out, you’ll see what I mean. What you have to do now is search your soul. So this John is the same guy you was singing praises about last time you were here. I remember that glow you had about you when you talked about him, and it’s still there. You just seem to be hurting too bad to take notice, that’s all.”
Adrianna’s eyes burned as she fought tears. “I love him, Mama. I don’t know how it happened, but I do. And I want to be with him. But how can you be with someone who hurts you so easily?”
“Everybody gets hurt, and everyone makes mistakes. Sometimes, those mistakes are like not sweeping and getting ants in the house. Others are like throwing the wrecking ball the wrong way and collapsing a building full of children. No one’s above reproach in all things, no matter how hard they try. But I know one thing for sure. I know you don’t want to let him go. And I know that most people making mistakes this big don’t make another mistake for a long time coming.”
Her mother’s words of wisdom hit home, and her heart ached. Adrianna couldn’t just go back and take back everything she’d said this afternoon, and she honestly didn’t want to. What she wanted was to erase the past, make it so none of this had ever happened in the first place.
“The truth is, I want to forgive him, and I will. But I’m not ready to do that yet. I need time.”
Her mother nodded. “That’s respectable. But don’t take too much time. Men don’t like waiting forever when a woman can’t make up her mind. If you want this man, you have to decide soon enough and let him know. I only tell you on account of how much I love you.”
Adrianna nodded. “I know, Mama.” It didn’t make things any easier for her, though. Right now, she wanted to curl up on her mother’s couch with an old blanket and spend the night, but she knew she couldn’t. She was an adult now, and she had to act like one.
Finishing her cocoa, she stood, stretching, and hugged Lorraine as she, too, stood up. She said her goodbyes, and her mother stood in the doorway watching as she drove away. Halfway home, her phone buzzed, and she glanced at it when she hit a red light. It was Terra, telling her they’d found out when Tommy would deploy.
Adrianna cursed under her breath. She’d intended to drop the car back off at the rental place and take the subway home. Instead, she changed direction, deciding she would park in the lot near her apartment overnight and return the car in the morning. Tonight, her friend needed her, and that would be a good distraction after the hell she’d faced today.
She called Terra back quickly as she drove, telling her that her and Tommy should come over for dinner. Terra didn’t say much other than to confirm that the two of them would be there in an hour. Adrianna could tell she wasn’t handling the news well, and she felt for her best friend. She vowed to do everything she could to keep Terra positive for the next several months, starting now.
She only had a few minutes before her company arrived once she entered her apartment, and she hustled into the kitchen, whipping up a salad and some pasta while she brewed some tea. She was hot and tired when she answered the door, but she hugged them both anyway with a smile. “Make yourselves comfortable. Dinner’s almost ready.”
The two of them sat next to each other at the table, holding hands, and Adrianna felt the stabbing pain of jealousy. Holding back her emotions, she promised herself she wouldn’t vent about her own problems. Terra and Tommy were more important tonight.
“So, when’s the day?” she asked as she brought the food to the table and they started filling their plates.
Terra shifted in her seat, and it was Tommy who answered. “I’m out a week from tomorrow.”
How close the date was shocked Adrianna. “Couldn’t they have given you more notice?”
Tommy laughed. “The military? No way. The excuse is that we’ve been expecting it for over a month, and we should be ready to go at a moment’s notice. I guess they don’t care if you have parents out of state who want to fly in to see you off. Do you know last minute flights like that are almost $800 a pop right now? It’s ridiculous.”
Adrianna wrinkled her nose. “I have to schedule flights like that a lot now. I’m just lucky enough to have a corporate credit card for it.”
“I told him it doesn’t matter how much it costs,” Terra stated firmly. “I bought tickets for his parents with money from my savings account. They have to be here to say goodbye. It’s the right thing to do.” She shoveled food into her mouth, stabbing at the salad angrily. “It’s not fair at all. They tell you at the last minute after stringing you along for weeks, and then they lie about how long the stint is going to be anyway. They’ve tacked on an extra two months now, so he’ll be gone for almost nine months. What if I was pregnant? He’d miss the entire thing!” She glanced up at Adrianna and blushed. “Sorry, I didn’t mean…”
Adrianna held up a hand to stop her. “Don’t worry about it.”
“How far along are you?” Tommy asked.
“I’m only nine weeks in. I’ve got a long way to go yet, but everything looks healthy, according to the doctor.” She didn’t say more. She’d had to talk about all the issues surrounding the baby too many times already, and she was burnt out on the topic. “You know, Terra, I have the spare bedroom. If you’re lonely, or upset, or you just need to be somewhere to take your mind off it while Tommy’s away, you’re welcome to stay here.”
Terra nodded, tears in her eyes. “I appreciate that. But remember, that offer can only be good until that baby is born. You need that room as a nursery.”
She hadn’t thought of that. “Well, yes, but I think I’ll keep the crib in my room for the first few months, so we can leave the bed in there, and I’ll just design around it. Like I said, you can stay here anytime, whether I’m home or traveling.”
Tommy rubbed Terra’s shoulders. “Thank you, Adrianna. It helps to know that she has you here when I’m not.”
Looking into his eyes, Adrianna realiz
ed it was just as hard for him to leave as it was for Terra to watch him go. He had to be scared, too. As much as Adrianna hated her own situation, she couldn’t imagine being in Terra’s shoes, or Tommy’s for that matter. She used to think it would have been good for her brothers to go into the military. They could have learned the discipline they had failed to take from their mother. But now, she was glad she’d never had to sit at home and worry about either of them going to war.
“I’m always here for you guys. We can send care packages to you, right?” she asked.
Terra suddenly perked up. “Yes, we can. I have the list of things we can send and a list of things we absolutely can’t. I’d be so glad if you’d help me with that.” She seemed relieved, as if she was afraid she wouldn’t do it on her own or would perhaps break down and fall apart trying.
The rest of dinner went by in a little less of a depressive mood, and they talked about the party they would throw when Tommy came home, as well as the baby shower that Terra wanted to plan for Adrianna. When they left, the apartment was too quiet, too empty, and she turned on the television, keeping the volume low, just so the silence didn’t ring in her ears.
She sat and stared at her phone for a few minutes, debating whether or not she should call John. But it was late, and she didn’t need any more drama today. She was beginning to feel the effects of the day on her body, and she even had difficulty keeping her eyes open, though she wasn’t ready for bed.
The Boss's Baby (Interracial with Baby) (BWWM) Page 13
