by Jenna Reed
“Hannah, sweetie,” Anita calls. I freeze, any euphoric pleasure evaporating in an instant. Hannah blinks, and the just-came glaze that filled her eyes a moment ago disappears. Brick by brick, I can see her walls coming back up, the girl I’m falling for slowly fading away.
“Hannah, are you okay?” The stairs creak as someone starts to climb them.
What the hell do I do?
9
Hannah
“Yes, Mom, I’m okay,” I answer, doing my best to keep my voice normal, and make it seem like I totally didn’t just have sex. Oh my god, I just had sex… with Jonas.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” she asks again, the stairs creaking once more.
“Yes, Mom. I’m fine.” I keep my gaze on Jonas’s sweat clad chest. I can’t bear to look at him, and not because of something he did, but because of what I did. I let us cross that line. We went from friends to enemies to… What are we now?
“Oh, okay…Laura said she saw Jonas carry you up to the house.”
“Yeah, he did. I’m fine though…I just twisted my ankle. I’m going to take a bath and relax for a bit,” I yell back and pray that, that’s enough for her. The last thing I need is her barging in here, asking if we used protection. Jesus. As soon as I hear her descending the steps, I sag into the mattress.
“Thank fuck she didn’t come up here,” Jonas sighs into the air as he moves off of me. I feel strange at the loss of his body heat, and I don’t understand why. My heart does this strange pitter-patter in my chest.
Rolling away from him, I wince, suddenly reminded of my injured ankle. Stupid tube. Stupid tree. Stupid ankle.
“Did I hurt you?” Jonas questions, his voice soft and gentle. Did he hurt me?
“No,” I whisper, finally building up the courage to look up at him. Staring into his eyes, I can see every emotion running through him. Confusion, excitement, want and need. It all blurs together...becoming one, and the weight of each of those feelings slams into me. I drop my gaze to the floor.
In a second, he’s in front of me, his fingers grasping onto my chin, forcing me to look at him. “Hannah, it’s okay. What we did...it’s okay. It doesn’t mean anything unless you want it to mean something.”
I chew on the inside of my cheek, indecision weighing heavily in my gut. The sex was hot as hell, I had never come so fast before, but…that didn’t mean anything could come of this. Jonas’s eyes burn into mine.
“I… I don’t know. We hate each other, don’t we?”
Jonas shrugs and then grins at me, “After what we just did, I’m not sure. Plus, I never hated you.” My cheeks heat and a slow simmering fire builds in my center. I can feel the wetness of his release against my thighs. Ugh, I need to clean myself up, but there is no way I’m going to be able to stand for a shower.
Releasing me, he presses a kiss to my forehead and then helps me to stand.
“Let’s take a shower.” He says, and I couldn’t be more relieved that he’s going to help me. Using him as a crutch, I hobble to the bathroom. Keeping a firm grip on my hip, he turns on the hot water, and we wait for the water to get hot. Once the room starts to fill with steam, we step into the shower together, the hot water spraying against my skin.
I lean against the wall while Jonas squirts some soap on a washcloth and starts to wash my body from head to toe. The entire time, I watch him with a mixture of awe and disbelief. No way is this the same guy I’ve hated for so many years. The guy who bullied me and embarrassed me over and over again when we were kids. It’s like night and day.
Now we’re in the shower together, his gentle hands roaming all over my body, taking care of me in a way no one else has before. With a lazy smile on his lips, he takes his time caressing every inch of flesh.
My body is humming, completely relaxed, the pain in my ankle almost forgotten. I know I should keep my mouth shut right now and enjoy the moment, but I can’t help myself. I’m curious, and I need to ask this, even if it ruins everything good that just happened.
Looking up at him through my lashes, I ask the burning question, “Jonas, why were you such an ass to me when we were younger?”
His smile vanishes at the reminder, and my heart fractures in my chest at the image. Damn it, I already regret saying anything. I should’ve just kept my mouth shut. Looking me in the eyes, a somber expression overtakes his features.
“Honestly, I don’t have a great excuse. I kind of always liked you.”
Liked me? That makes no sense.
“You had and still kind of do, have a terrible way of showing it.”
Flashing me a dimpled grin, he responds, “I know. In middle school, I just wanted you to pay attention to me, and then… in high school, when I realized it, you already hated me, it was like what the hell is the point now?”
Frowning, I ask, “So, you took a picture of my boobs and showed it to everybody to embarrass me?” Jonas blinks slowly before his gaze widens as if he hadn’t realized what I had asked right away.
“What? No…God, is that what you think? That I took that photo to show everyone?”
Kinda. I shrug. “I mean, what else am I supposed to think?”
Jonas smiles, his eyes softening, “Hannah, that tit pic was my prized possession. I took it, so I could hold on to that moment. I didn’t think I would ever see those glorious boobs of yours again, so I kept the picture. I never planned on showing it to anyone! Stupid Erin saw it by accident, and then it just blew up into this big mess before I could do anything to stop it.”
“Why did you end up showing it to the rest of your friends?”
“I didn’t. Erin stole it from me and started showing it around, someone made a copy of it and you know the rest.” Yes I do, the rest being that every guy in school had a picture of me changing into my bathing suit behind a tree.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean or that to happen. I swear.”
I let his words sink in. I guess this is better than what I have been thinking all these years. Still, it’s pretty messed up, and when he says prized possession, I can’t help but wonder if that’s code for spank bank.
“Well, if it weren’t for that, I would have probably hated you a lot less.”
Jonas’s face falls. “Yeah, I still kind of hate myself for it, but I can’t go back and change what happened.”
We finish our shower together, and Jonas helps me dry off and dress. The entire time I’m thinking about the conversation that we just had. How he wished he could go back in time and change what happened. Does that mean he still likes me? I push the thought away. No point in thinking about something that will never work.
Despite our past and what happened between us today, Jonas and I are polar opposites. It doesn’t matter that the sex is great. Some things you just can’t get over.
“Ready?” Jonas asks. I nod, listening as the commotion from downstairs filters up the stairs. Everyone is in the house now, and I already know that as soon as we enter the living room together, everyone will be looking our way, and making assumptions.
Slowly, and carefully we descend the stairs, Jonas keeping an arm wrapped around my waist, and giving me his firm body to lean on.
“There you two are,” my mother greets us with a smile.
Darla looks up from inspecting her nails and over to us, “Why are you limping?”
“I was coming down the hill, and a tree was in my way. Everyone zoomed past me. Probably because people were distracted by you screaming like a banshee. Jonas was the only one who stopped to help.” Darla rolls her eyes and goes back to inspecting her nails. Does she have some kind of love affair with her nails, or is she simply obsessed?
Jonas helps me to the couch, and I take the spot next to Grandma, who is working on her third scarf. Taking a pillow, I situate myself, so my foot is elevated. As soon as I’m seated, he walks away and out of the room. This strange emptiness fills my heart at the loss of his body being near mine.
I shouldn’t want him. I should hate him. And yet, my body
and my heart are acting like he’s of importance to me, and I don’t understand why.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see my grandma smiling. Twisting toward her, I give her a confused look. Then she winks, and her eyes dart to the door Jonas just walked through.
She doesn’t know...does she?
I swallow, my cheeks burning up to my hairline. Shaking my head, I try and ignore her prying eyes, but there isn’t any point in denying it. When Grandma knows something, she knows.
Leaning into my ear, she whispers, “At least tell me if it was good? Is he big? I bet he is.” She pauses, and I bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from smiling.
“He is, isn’t he?” Grandma smiles so wide, I swear, I’ve never seen her face light up that much. “I knew it. I knew he would be.” She says a little louder, and I’m forced to lean over and answer her.
“Shhh, Grandma. I don’t want everyone to know…”
“Know, what?” She winks, “It’ll be our little secret, kiddo.”
It’ll be mine and Jonas’s too because there is no way we can have sex again. There is no way feelings can be developing between the two of us. And yet, what I’m feeling seems like a whole lot of feelings.
My gaze darts across the room, stopping on Jonas as he returns to the room with a first aid kit and a bag of ice in his hands. Kneeling right in front of me, he gently takes my foot into his large warm hands.
“I’m going to at least wrap it, and then we can put some ice on it. Keep it elevated, and you should be back to normal before you know it.”
“Okay, doctor,” I tease. He winks at me, and only then do I realize that I don’t even know what exactly he does. I already know he is not a doctor, but what exactly does he do? “Wait, if you are not an actual doctor, what are you? A nurse?”
“No,” he laughs as he starts wrapping my foot. “I work in finance, investments, and stuff like that. I did play football, remember? I know all about sprains, bruises, and swollen ankles.”
“Sounds boring… your job, I mean.”
“And I’m guessing your job is very exciting?”
“Kind of, yeah, or at least, it is when I have a lot of clients.” Which I haven’t had a lot of lately, hence my falling apart piece of crappy car. “I have my own business. Graphic design,” I explain.
“Oh, phew, for a moment there, I thought you were a stripper or a hooker.”
“Ha, ha,” I slug him in the arm playfully, and he rubs it like I actually hurt him. Then he puts the ice on top of my freshly wrapped ankle and gets up.
“There you go, all done,” he gives me a panty-melting smile before walking over to the other couch and sitting down next to Jake. They fall into a conversation, and I pull a blanket over my arms, getting warm and cozy. I think about grabbing my kindle and reading but decide that staring at Jonas is just as much fun.
Damn it. He’s so handsome, and perfect, and sweet, and what the hell am I going to do? We’re supposed to hate each other, so why does it feel like we’re falling in love?
10
Jonas
I know the exact moment realization hits me… this is going to be the last night I’ll have with Hannah. It’s New Year’s eve, and tomorrow everybody will go back home, carrying on with their lives, and me, I’ll go home too, back to a life that will not include Hannah.
Leaning against the wall, I look out of the window, watching as more snow falls from the sky. When I check the time, I notice it’s almost midnight. All night, everyone has been having a great time, eating cookies, drinking cider, talking, and laughing. Jake and Laura are on the couch, making out like teenagers. Hannah’s grandma is dancing, like no one is watching in the center of the room.
I stand on the sidelines like a loser wondering what the hell I’m going to do now.
Ever since Hannah and I had sex, things have grown hotter. I can’t be in the same room as her without noticing her presence. Without feeling her in my bones. Wherever she is, my body gravitates toward hers. I wish I could say the feeling is mutual, but Hannah has been distant toward me.
Because she couldn’t climb up the bunk bed, we’ve been sleeping together in the bottom bunk. I wanted to make sweet love to her, but she’s shut me down every time. However, she has let me hold her every night, and I was perfectly content with that. If I could just hold her for the rest of my life, I would be a happy man.
“So, you and Hannah?” Darla saunters up to me, dragging me out of my fantasy.
“What do you mean?” I ask like I didn’t know exactly what she was talking about.
“Isn’t she the reason you didn’t want anything to do with me?” Her eyes glitter with the chance of a possible tryst. “Because if you and Hannah aren’t a thing, I would like you to kiss me at midnight,” she says seductively, but all I can think of are Hannah’s lips.
Speaking of Hannah… she hobbles in from the kitchen, our eyes collide, and every thought of the woman beside me evaporates. What was I saying? I gulp as Hannah starts walking toward me.
“That’s what I thought,” Darla huffs and walks away, but all my attention is on the brown-haired angel heading my way.
All over again, I’m that teenage boy who wanted her so badly, he would do anything to get her attention. Only difference is, now I’ve got all of her attention.
“Why you standing over here all by yourself?” she asks once she’s closer. I don’t even think as I reach for her, wrapping a protective arm around her, I pull her closer. Blinking slowly, she places her hand on my chest and peers up at me, an unreadable expression on her face. Her lips part slightly, and I zone in on those plump, kissable pink lips.
“Ohhhh, watch, this is my favorite part. When the ball drops and the confetti goes everywhere…” Anita squeals in excitement, the sound of the countdown clock ticks down on the TV. I look from Hannah’s eyes down to her lips. I want to kiss her so badly. No. I need to.
Cradling the back of her head, I lean in and slant my lips against hers just as the clock strikes midnight. The room erupts with hollers and joyful yells while my own heart beats furiously inside of my chest. All their joy and excitement zings through me.
Pulling away, I lean my forehead against Hannah’s, both of us breathing heavily. Her eyes drift closed, and we stand there, holding each other for a long moment. Both of our families are probably staring at us, definitely talking, maybe even snickering, but I couldn’t care less. All that matters is us. I’d happily drown out the rest of the world for Hannah.
I know then that it’s now or never. If I want a chance, I have to go for it. Like my dad always said, you can’t win if you don’t hit the ball.
“Hannah, I want to ask you something…” I try and hide the nervousness from my voice. Her eyes flutter open, and she watches me curiously.
“What is it?” she asks.
“I’ve always cared about you, even when it seemed like I didn’t, I know I fucked up when we were kids, but that is all in the past now. I was just wondering if maybe we could see each other again. Have dinner? Go for drinks? Get to know each other?”
There I asked… no going back now.
Pulling away, Hannah’s gaze drops to the floor. Time seems to slow down, It feels like an eternity passes without her saying anything. She looks as if she’s in pain, and deep down in my gut, I know I’m not going to like what she says.
“I’m… I’m sorry, Jonas, but this…” She gestures between us, “It isn’t anything serious. It can’t be. Yes, we’ve had fun the last few days, and I enjoyed it. I’m glad we became friends…” Friends… I didn’t think the simple word could hurt so much.
“Hannah…” I say her name like a prayer, but every other word gets stuck in my throat.
Then she continues, “I have a job when I return home, and so do you. I don’t even know where you live. Plus…” She swallows, her throat bobbing. Before she says the next sentence, she looks up at me, something resembling sadness and remorse flickers in her eyes.
“You hurt me t
oo badly. It might have been a long time ago, but that doesn’t change what happened. Our past will never change. We can’t build anything serious on how our relationship started.”
And just like that, she takes my heart, throws it on the floor, and stomps on it. I nod but don’t say anything. I don’t want to be a dick to her. I’ve done enough of that in the past. I’ve hurt us both by being an asshole. Taking a step back, I force my gaze to the floor.
“I’m sorry, Jonas,” Hannah whispers, her voice filled with pain.
“Don’t be. I deserve this… I really do.” I force a smile and turn and walk away. So much for a new year, with new beginnings. Spending the rest of the night in the corner nursing a beer, I watch Hannah from afar, knowing this may very well be the last time I see her for a long, long time.
I’ve been back at work for three days, and I can’t stop thinking about Hannah. What is she doing? Is she thinking about me like I’ve been thinking about her? I should just let it go, she already gave me her answer, and she’s not going to change her mind.
She has every right to hate me, and it was wrong for me to even ask. Before I left, I asked Laura where Hannah lives, just to find out she is three hours away from me. Just another reason why we would never end up together.
I try not to mope as I work through the day. I’m about to go and get another cup of coffee when my intercom rings. It’s probably my secretary reminding me of the meeting tomorrow afternoon. Even though I don’t want to, I push the button and answer the call.
“Yeah?” I know I’m being an ass to my secretary, but I just can’t bring myself to even try.
“There is a woman here for you, Jonas.”
Ugh. I can’t deal with one of my exes right now, but if I have her send whoever that is away, she’ll just come back or call me later.
“Let her through.” Better to nip it in the bud now, so she’ll leave me alone for good. A moment later, a soft knock fills my office.
