The little get-together ends shortly after we finish our food. The conversations we shared were harmless once the topic of Miranda was thrown off by the wayside. After lunch, Callie and I walk to a park. Hand in hand. She seems not to mind it, and I’m happy to feel her touch. But something is holding me back.
“Thanks for paying for lunch, Declan.”
“It’s no problem at all. I like to think I’m a gentleman”, I say with a smile.
Callie checks her watch and tells me that it’s time for her to get going. I hadn’t considered that our date would end anywhere but my bedroom. Not that her leaving now would be a problem. I just find myself caught off guard by her announcement.
“Can we at least talk about why you left last night? That’s right, don’t think you got off that easily. Taryn may have gotten us off track but I didn’t forget”, I tell her.
“I just… I was emotional. I thought that you didn’t want me to stay… Again.”
“Why would you think that?”
She lets go of my hand and blushes intensely. “This is dumb but… You didn’t ask me to stay. So I thought you were just fine fucking me and having me go back home by myself.”
Though she makes an attempt to pull away, I hold her tight and brush my fingers through her soft hair.
“Callie, that… that wasn’t at all the case. I was happy to have you in my bed, but I was happier to have you by my side. I didn’t want you to go home, I was hoping to wake up with you next to me so we could have breakfast. But you just left, without saying a single word to me.”
“I’m sorry, Declan. I… that was dumb of me to do.”
“No”, I insist, “it wasn’t dumb. That’s a perfectly normal reaction to me just falling asleep immediately after sex. After our first night, I probably should have put more effort into our relationship. I should have said it outright.”
“Said what outright?”
“That... I want you to stay with me. I do.”
“You don’t have to say it if you don’t mean it. I’ve been thinking about it and I do think a no strings attached relationship could work if--
I interrupt her train of thought when I slightly move her face so she’s looking up at me. “I want you to stay with me, Callie.”
Having admitted my true feelings, I lean down to kiss her but Callie backs away. She turns and once again says that she has to leave. She waves at me and quickly walks the opposite way we were walking. There’s something on her mind but I can’t make heads or tails of it.
I should run after her. It’d be romantic. That’s probably the kind of thing she’s looking for from me. A huge romantic gesture.
Yet, my feet remain grounded in place.
I want you to stay with me, Callie.
I said that. I really said that. Why did I say that? Nothing makes me wish I could read minds more than not knowing what is going through Callie’s. Something was on her mind and something in my stupid head kept me from asking what it was. Communication is important in any and every relationship, yet I can’t get my fumbling mouth open unless it’s to invite her over to my place and smooth talk her until she’s ready to fuck.
Maybe I have a guardian angel warning me from letting someone like Miranda into my life again. But Callie isn’t like Miranda. She’s something else. Taryn would have warned me otherwise. She had no qualms badmouthing Miranda in front of her face, so I doubt she’d treat Callie any differently if she saw something bad about her.
What am I saying? There’s no such thing as guardian angels.
I just feel bad about being so much of a coward that I can’t even strike up a conversation with the woman I’m dating about what is going on through her head. When did I lose my balls? Did Miranda take them?
If Callie and I had met two years ago, she’d be dealing with a totally different version of me. Confident. Romantic. Unafraid of anything. I have to get back to that. Even if things don’t work out with Callie, I have to return to the Declan I once was.
The truth may be harsh to hear, but the fact of the matter is, Callie might be too nice for me. She’s the sweetest girl I’ve ever met and that may be why we’re not working. Life has harshened me so much that trying to be with someone so untouched by the harshness of the world is so foreign to me.
I don’t even know if I’m a good person. Callie is. And she should be with someone who is just as good as her. You don’t become a millionaire without stepping on a few people, and quite frankly, I think that says more about me than I could ever say. I want to be with her, but that may be selfish of me to want. She may be better off with someone else.
Maybe that’s what was on her mind.
She could have been realizing that being with me could be a waste of her time in the long run. “I could find someone better than a rich snob”, is probably what she was thinking as she let go of my hand.
But for the time being, I have to make sure that she doesn’t hate me.
In a last ditch effort, I pull out my phone and try to call her. She doesn’t pick up, further heightening my anxiety. So I leave a message.
“Callie. You and I need to have a… We need to talk-- a real talk. We’ve been acting hot and cold towards each other and I find that there’s not a lot of sense in doing that. We’re both attracted to each other and we want more than sex. We have to talk about everything. Our lives before we met and what the future could hold for us, should we continue to pursue this relationship. I have to tell you about the terrible year I had that started with the end of my relationship with Miranda. And you have to tell me about you. Everything there is to know about you, I want to know it. I don’t know when you’re free next, but please contact me when you want to talk. I’m leaving the ball in your court, Callie.”
Until she returns the call, I have other matters to tend to.
I’ve run my life into the ground, though I did get some help from Miranda. Regardless, I’ve done very little to better my standing as a powerful man. I’ve gained some weight, let my appearance go a bit, said fuck-all to my very own business, and shut myself out from the entire world, even my beloved sister.
The business I once ran is in shambles because of a series of bad decisions I’m solely responsible for. Before I get my love life in order, I have to get my hands back into the business that granted me the opportunities to live the luxurious life I’ve taken for granted. It may have taken a nosedive this past year, but I’m going to do what I can to save it.
From this point forward, I will be active. No more staying indoors for hours on end. No more avoiding the press. I will be the face of my business once more. Nothing builds confidence like bossing around subordinates. And once I have completely regained my confidence, I’ll be ready for that talk with Callie.
It’s time for change.
Chapter 8 - Callie
We need to talk.
Those simple words are enough to strike fear into anyone who has the misfortune of being on the receiving end of them. I knew leaving Declan without saying more than a simple and hurried goodbye was a bad idea, but even knowing the consequences, I wish he hadn’t left me with the responsibility to reply to him sometime in the near future. “Ball’s in my court”, as he put it.
There is a bright side to that, though and it’s that I don’t have to give him an immediate answer. I have all the time in the world to think on it until I am ready to have a good talk with him.
Something keeps stopping me.
If I were to look at my situation as an outsider, I would tell myself to leave Declan and find someone else. Healthy relationships require communication. That is the one requirement you’ll hear from any love guru, talk show host, or self congratulatory relative.
So why is it that that’s the one thing I’ve been failing to do in this relationship? Talking to Declan comes easy to me when it’s about superficial things, but whenever it comes to sitting down and having a heart to heart about our partnership, I find myself floundering. I don’t want to talk about it beca
use I still don’t know what I want.
Declan is wonderful. He’s everything I want in a man. Strong, gorgeous, wealthy, funny. But he has a history with Miranda, something he never bothered bringing up with me. He mentioned it, sure, but it was just vague enough that I couldn’t have and didn’t figure out that the she-demon he had dated was Miranda, of all people.
Declan is right about one thing. We do need to have a talk. One where he does most of the talking. He needs to disclose everything about his relationship with Miranda. That is the only way we’ll be able to move forward. I don’t need to know any details about how intimate they were, I just want to know that he’s not hiding anything from me. Communication works both ways and there’s not much I feel I need to disclose. Though, there is the possibility that he may still not know that Miranda and I are related, albeit peripherally. So maybe Declan isn’t the only one with some explaining to do.
I grab my phone and re-read Declan’s text for the eighth time since he sent it. It’s very clear that he’s just as anxious as I am to get into this discussion, hence him leaving it to me to reply whenever I deem it appropriate.
The hardest question I’ve been asking myself nonstop is whether or not I should continue this relationship. The ball is in my court and I could just leave it there. This relationship has been more hardship than anything thus far and I do have the option of leaving it as that. I could find another person who has a lot less baggage and work from there. I keep telling myself that Declan is my dream partner but is that even true? What do I know about him other than the superficial things; his wealth, good looks, and abilities as a sexual partner?
After much lonesome deliberation, I conclude that the most reasonable way to handle this is by giving Declan one last chance.
He and I seem to be on the same boat now, so that’s a start. Maybe if our discussion could start off as if the two of us had never met and were good at communicating with each other from the get-go, we could move on to having a more meaningful relationship. Then we could also benefit from being able to have sex for the first time, again.
When we see each other next, we’ll set everything straight.
I feel my phone buzzing, shaking me out of my overthinking. Who else could it be? If it’s not Sheila, it’s none other than--
“Hey, Ma, what’s up?”
“Could you please come over, Callie? I need someone here right now”, my mom begs.
“Yeah, sure, what’s going on?”
“Jacob thought it’d be a good idea to have a family lunch but unlike usual, Miranda and Jake actually decided to show up for it. They’re being as obnoxious as ever and I’d really like somebody on my side”, she claims.
“Is Jacob not on your side, Ma?”
“He being the mediator. He’s on both sides, meaning he’s not on anybody’s side.”
A distraction could be nice. Although I’ll be spending time with an all-around bitch and a perverted jack-off. That, paired with the fact that being around Miranda isn’t going to get my mind off Declan for too long might cause a problem. But my mother has been with me through thick and thin and helped me through some of my hardest times, so it’s only fair that I return the favor. Even if it results in a physical confrontation. It’s been a long time coming but I’ll quell my anger for as long as I can for my mother’s sake.
“I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
After feeding my cats and making a little something for myself, I hop in the shower and mentally prepare for the luncheon ahead of me. Many scenarios run through my mind, a lot of them involving triumphantly ripping a patch of hair right off of Miranda’s scalp, or kicking Jake’s teeth in. The chances either of those things will happen aren’t likely but running these fantastical scenarios through my head is the only thing that’ll keep me from just staying in and thinking about Declan some more.
Similar thoughts pop into my brain on the drive over to Jacob’s mansion. Before I know it, I have a presentable smile on my face to show off when Jacob opens the door to see a surprise appearance from his emotionally distant step-daughter.
“What on Earth are you doing here, Callie? I mean, it’s great to see ya, but gee whiz, I just wasn’t expecting you. What’s up”, Jacob excitedly asks me as he welcomes me into his open arms.
“Just thought I’d stop by. I left in such a hurry last time I was here, I figured I’d make it up by surprising you guys”, I lie.
“WONDERFUL”, Jacob cheers, “that is absolutely wonderful, I’m so glad to hear it. Believe it or not, we’re just in the middle of lunch. The whole gang's here!”
Jacob’s enthusiasm was palpable, and made me feel as though I shouldn’t jump to battling both of his children, awful as they may be. All Jacob has wanted since he married my mom, and even some time before then, was to merge our families seamlessly. Unfortunately for all of us, his two kids are malicious and don’t have any interest in anything that doesn’t better their lives.
I’m walked into the kitchen and see my mom seated across from both Miranda and Jake who are uncomfortably close to each other.
“Callie”, my mother shouts, “what a surprise!”
When she stands up to embrace me, she whispers into my ear, thanking me for arriving so quickly after our phone call.
“I’ll get a plate ready for ya”, Jacob cries out, hurrying off to prepare my meal.
As soon as I sit down, I feel as though my mother just dragged me into a lion’s pit with her. Jake and Miranda had their eyes trained on me, surely cooking up something wicked to say or do.
“What have I missed”, I ask nobody in particular as innocently as I can.
“Nothing. We’ve just been eating”, Miranda replies. “So Callie, how’s your boyfriend?”
Everyone turns to me.
“That’s right”, Jacob says from across the kitchen. “Amelia was telling me that you were seeing someone. Are we going to be meeting the fella?”
I looked at everyone, person by person. My mother seems to be as curious as Miranda about my dating life, albeit for different reasons. Jacob has a smile on his face, probably happy that I have something to talk about that doesn’t involve baking or catering. Jake on the other hand, looks heartbroken. Pissed off. Confused. He doesn’t need to say anything, his face says everything I need to know. For some reason I’ll never be able to wrap my head around, Jake thought I’d be saving myself for him. In his demented head, he truly believed he could emotionally wear me down enough that I’d actually consider fucking, or worse, dating him. Meanwhile, Miranda was enjoying herself. She was happy to see me so flustered and unsure of what to say next.
“He was never my boyfriend. Just somebody I was seeing. ‘Was’ being the operative word”, I tell everyone.
My answer did nothing to satisfy anybody.
“Oh no, honey, what happened”, my mom asks wrapping her arm around me.
I accept her embrace but laugh off the seriousness in her tone.
“It’s alright”, I insist. “It started out as a one night stand, and we saw each other a couple of times after that. But I don’t really know if I want anything serious right now, so we’re not seeing each other at the moment.”
“Smart”, Jacob notes as he places my food down in front of me. “Always keep ‘em wanting more. He’ll come crawling back in no time, I’m sure.”
It’s nice to hear some encouragement thrown my way but it’s only a matter of seconds before Miranda grills me further.
“Who is this guy anyway”, Jake asks.
Miranda readies herself to strike. “Yeah, Callie, what was his name?”
Damn it. Miranda and I aren’t the only ones at this table who know about Declan. I can’t tell if it’s Jake or Jacob she wants to piss off, but I’m not taking her bait.
“Unimportant is what it is. I may not be seeing him anymore, so let’s drop it.”
Having successfully changed the topic, I shift the attention over to Jacob. Nothing too personal, but once Jacob starts talking, i
t’s hard to get him to stop. I ask him if he’s got anything planned for him and my mom for summer, since it’s only a few months away. He spends the next twenty minutes talking about a tour of Spain’s countryside he’s been wanting to partake in since he was in college but was never able to, only because he was busy with more important matters or vacation destinations that interested my mom more than him.
“But this year, it’s my turn to choose”, he happily proclaims. “Aaand your mom thinks it’s a good idea for a summer trip.”
With Jacob then going on and on about previous trips he’s taken abroad, the rest of our family lunch goes off without a single hitch. Miranda manages to keep her mouth shut, and Jake sat there eating Miranda’s leftovers, occasionally shooting me devious glances.
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