I might not have a half human, but that didn’t change the fact that he thought I was, and it didn’t change that he had done something human for me.
The man who would always be more wolf was trying to be human. He looked down at me with his yellow eyes.
“Thank you for today.”
“You’re welcome.”
He was quiet for a moment.
“I would do anything for you.”
Chapter 21 — Time is Slipping Away
The next two months slipped through my fingers like water. Its passing left my hands slippery and unsure. Things had changed dramatically between Hunter and myself. While we never graduated in our relationship from intense make-out sessions to something more intimate, we were rarely without one another. Hunter and I slept together every night. We discovered after our night in the city that it was nearly impossible to be apart.
My calls home decreased, especially after my last phone call with Keith. I couldn’t quite forgive them for allowing that to happen. For not having told me. I understood that they were trying to protect the pack, and I was part of the pack. In their minds they were trying to protect me as well. But I couldn’t forgive that them for making decisions for Griffin and me. I understood his pain – it was my own. And I wished that I could call him. But I knew probably the best thing was to stay separate from him.
We had barely a month left until my promised time was up here. Surprisingly, the time crept up on me. I overheard Jude and Hunter talking about it. I had just begun to see this as home. Hunter and I never really spoke about the day I told him I was his. It still haunted me. The others thought that I had a moment of weakness, that for some reason, it wasn’t genuine, but motivated by something other than my honest feelings. That wasn’t the case, not at all! But I understood why he felt that way. Sometimes, even a werewolf’s sharp senses are deceived, and I wanted to prove to him that I truly did care for him.
I was, after all, falling in love with him. Regardless of our initial difficulties. I fought it at first. But then there was this one morning. Like any other morning since we moved into his cabin. I can’t say there was anything specifically I could point at in that moment and say, this is it! This is the instant it began! Something, however, was completely different. Hunter was in the kitchen, shirtless, wearing sweatpants, even though most wolves ran hotter than humans, he wore them to make me more comfortable. His feet were bare, and he turned to me when I walked in and his face lit up. It was rare for him to give me look like that. Warmness filled me. His smile was the only one I would never need. If I woke up next to him, I would always be happy.
That morning, upon waking up to see his bed-head, and still a little sleepy myself, I felt a warmness growing. He and I took walks through the woods of his childhood. He opened up more, telling me about growing up with Damien. The most at home he had ever felt was when he moved out of Damien’s at the age of 20 and into his cabin. With the help of the pack he had rebuilt the frame of an older structure that had once stood in its place. I told Hunter about my adventures with the boys. He took it better than I thought he would.
I felt we were working up to the hard stuff. Though he told me about what had happened to his parents, he never told me what had brought his wolf so close to the surface. I realized now that it wasn’t that his eyes were just permanently that color, but rather the wolf was so close to the surface and he was always out.
All my fears about Hunter learning about my witch heritage started to fade over time. I was certain now that my powers had been suppressed with the spell the witch had cast on me. Not only that, but by now I truly believed the warlock would never come back. That eased my fears more than anything else. If he were coming back, he would have returned by now. Hunter didn’t leave on any missions since then hunting of the warlock. It seemed somewhat odd. Teddy was gone a lot in the Lupen pack. I didn’t ask or question, though.
With less than a month left before major decisions had to be made, I wanted Hunter and I to move forward in our relationship. Wolves, being more in touch with their beast, appreciate the release of intimacy, and most wolves in our position likely would have already been together. Honestly, five months into a relationship and most mates are done with claiming and pack rituals.
But I was different. I knew that. I appreciated that Hunter respected my situation. He never pushed me too far, too fast. Usually it was me that pushed a little too far.
Jen was going to help me surprise Hunter with a dinner for the two of us. I didn’t know if Hunter was ready to move forward again in our relationship, but I was. I wanted to tell him about my past, and I was hoping he would be open to tell me more about this. The twins were helping us by keeping Hunter away from the cabin while Jen and I set up.
Jen was at the cabin already and I was headed over to Damien’s house to pick up some food that Marguerite, Hunter’s adoptive grandmother, was going to leave there. She had told me that Hunter’s favorite meal when he was living with Damien was steak fajitas. I couldn’t wait to make it for him.
I entered the house quietly, not wanting to disturb Damien. I found the packages of steak in the fridge. I set them out and went through the list in my head of what we had at home and if there was anything else I needed to grab.
I thought about it and decided to get some of Hunter’s stuff from his old room. I’d need that later to flush out telltale scents. I didn’t want him to catch on that Jen was in on it or dinner was cooking. I wanted to finally surprise him with something. He had done so much for me. This was the least I could do for him.
I was walking past Damien’s office when I heard Jude’s voice. I stopped, my ears straining to pick up what they were saying. I knew I smelled like meat and the outdoors, but I was still far enough away that if I only made the smallest of sounds, they probably wouldn’t know I was there. My heart was racing in my chest. I covered it with my hand, fearful it would beat too loud.
I wasn’t surprised to hear Jude and Damien talk. I knew that they were brothers. But one word on my way past stopped me. I forced myself to breathe quieter, to slow everything down. I could barely hear them as it was.
“Time is slipping away, Jude,” Damien sounded irritated.
“I know, but I can’t force them to mate. They are getting there. He told me the other day that he was going to ask her what she plans to do.”
“Asking isn’t good enough anymore. We need to force his hand. I am not going to allow her to leave this place without his mark and them unmated.”
My stomach dropped to my feet. My heart stopped dead. It took a few seconds for it to restart. Cold fear washed through my body, making me feel brittle as ice. I couldn’t move. I was sure I would shatter.
“If it becomes necessary, we will enlist the help of a rouge. I don’t know what else you want us to do. I say give them until the end of this month. She seems happy here,” Jude said sounding almost nervous. I wondered why he was okay with trying to give us more time. That didn’t change the fact though they had a reason for trying to force this. I wanted to know why.
I straightened and braced myself. I would wait this out. Hear what they had to say. Maybe they were talking about someone else? I knew that was a false hope, but I held onto it anyways.
“Hunter will be the Alpha of this pack. I have trained him to it since I brought him home. I will not see him waste his life being an Enforcer. If that means I must interfere in his mating, so be it,” Damien paused, “Give them to the end of this month. If they fail to bond and mate by then, my hand will be forced.”
If I hadn't been supporting myself by the weight of the wall, I was certain I would have fallen down. There was more to this. There had to be! But when I heard Jude start to walk out of the office I took off to the kitchen. I grabbed the meat and ran as fast as I could back to the cabin.
When I arrived Jen had already left. I went on auto-pilot. Just this morning I wanted exactly what they wanted for Hunter and I. But everything was different. Our mating would be
tainted by their words. By their actions. By their meddling in my life.
Why were people always making decisions for me? I felt my dark blood stir.
This new development explained why Jude was so insistent that I come with them from the beginning. He and Damien had plans for Hunter and me. It was another crushing betrayal that threatened to overwhelm me.
I cooked the food for our dinner, but my mind was distant. Damien wanted Hunter as Alpha. That didn’t really surprise me, but these lengths… I had until the end of this month with Hunter, then his hand would be forced, whatever that meant.
I had to warn Hunter. He was so adamant about not wanting to be Alpha when I first arrived. But everyone in the pack seemed to believe he would be Damien’s choice. It was the reason Molly tried so hard to get him. She was power hungry. Hunter was so against that. Betrayal felt like a cold knife in my heart. Or was it? Was this what he wanted as well?
None of that made any sense, though. Hunter didn’t want to be Alpha. No, they had to be acting on their own. If they made Hunter believe I would only be safe if he were Alpha, he would do it. But I don’t think I could bear him resenting me. I would never want him to feel the sting of betrayal from his own family. The only family he had left.
Hunter walked in much too soon. I was sitting at the table. The food was finished, but all romantic thoughts fled from my mind. I didn’t know what to do. He crossed over to me, as silent as only wolves can be, and knelt in front of me. He brushed my hair out my face, gently snapping me out of my trance. I looked at him. Really looked at him.
Hunter’s yellow eyes showed concern, his lips were turned down and tight.
“You did this?” He asked quietly. I kept staring at the black scruff adjoining his jaw.
“Yeah…”
“What were you planning?” Hunter sounded almost like he was asking himself.
He had looked away from me for a moment, but when his eyes met mine again I saw the acceptance. He wasn’t going to ask about what was so obviously troubling me.
“How did you know fajitas are my favorite?”
I looked away feeling bashful.
“I asked around.”
I tried to relax. If there was anything I had learned about Hunter in my time with him, it was that he never pushed me farther than I was willing to go. Hunter thought he had little control over his wolf; he worked hard to keep it from taking over. I knew that compared to others he did have it harder, but he had more control than he thought. His wolf was hungry. There was no doubt of that. But he never freed his wolf when he was with me.
“Thank you,” he sounded content.
I watched as he pulled the rice from the burner and I cringed when he opened it. The rice was completely ruined and burnt – I could smell it. Hunter gently placed the pan in the sink. Next he moved to the microwave where I had been warming the shells. He pulled them out and I could see that they were way too soggy to eat. When Hunter finally made it over the steak I was hoping for a miracle. Instead of making a big show of it, Hunter slid the pan onto the back burner and pull a new pot out from cabinet next to the stove. My special surprise was ruined.
Within twenty minutes Hunter had water boiling for noodles and a cheese mixture cooking next to it. I stood up to help him a bit after he started but he mostly made me do simple, easy work. I wanted to be kept busy. I didn’t want to think about what had plagued me before. But with him so close, by it was all I could do not to say something.
“My mom had taught me this recipe once,” Hunter said quietly as he added a few spices to the cheese mixture. I sat straighter in my seat at the table where I had been cutting more cheese.
“Jude had found the written one when I was thirteen, I think. Damien was gone a lot during that time, he was determined to find his mate, he gave up soon after I turned fourteen and started to try to train me himself. Jude and his mate were there for me though. And I asked for mac and cheese one night. Her mac and cheese. Since I didn’t ask for many things he was determined to find it. After he found, I memorized it.”
Hunter didn’t look at me when he spoke; he rarely did when he told me stories about his past. He wasn’t uncomfortable telling me, but rather it was easier for him this way. And when he looked over at me, I sensed calm radiating off him. His shoulders were lax, his weight was shifted to one foot.
I didn’t think I could tell him. I didn’t want him to hate his family. I knew how it felt being betrayed by those you love. He finished cooking and we ate together. After a few minutes, I decided to speak up.
“Hunter,” I was looking away from him, my heart was racing out of fear of his answer to the question I was going to ask, “If we were to ever complete-”
“When,” he interrupted.
I looked up at him. His face was set. He wasn’t joking around or being funny. He was stating a fact. A certainty.
“There are no ifs with us, Colette. You told me you were mine, I didn’t believe you then but now... and I have been yours since I first laid eyes on you. There are no ifs. Only when.”
Dread and weight dropped out of my stomach, replacing dull terror with a blush and smile and with giddiness. That was how I was supposed to be feeling now that Hunter finally put it out there. He finally made it feel more real.
“When we finish our mating, what will you do?”
Hunter looked up at me from his dinner. I could see he was trying to figure out what I was getting at. He always seemed to be one step ahead of me. This time he was at a loss. But I only ever wanted whatever would make him the happiest.
I had lived my whole life expecting I wouldn’t have a mate. I could live the rest of it without him. At least I could pretend I would be able to. But him, I knew that there was more to his wanting to be an Enforcer than he was letting on. There was something bone deep about it. It wasn’t a choice. It was his life.
“Nothing would change, Colette.” He sounded worried now. I was going about this the wrong way.
“Does Damien want you to be Alpha?”
“He would like to see me in the position. But I told him I won’t take it.”
Hunter looked down for a second. His brow was pinched and I wondered what had him concerned.
“Are you upset by that?”
When he looked up at me, he looked at me with vulnerability and a hint of fear.
“Never,” I whispered.
Hunter reached over and grabbed my hand. He held it tight and he let out a relieved breath. I was sure more than ever now. If I stayed here, if I remained with Hunter, Damien would use me to make sure he took the position as Alpha. But there was no way in hell I wanted to be responsible for something Hunter so obviously didn’t want.
I pulled my hand back feeling his skin slip past mine. Nothing hurt as much as pulling away from him right now. I never wanted to hurt him. I never wanted to do this to him.
We finished in silence.
My heart broke. I couldn’t look at him. He was so quiet as if lost in his own thoughts, the ones that he had shared with me tonight. I couldn’t tear him and his family apart. I couldn’t knowingly hurt him like that. I knew what it felt like to lose family. I would do anything for him.
I thought about what Keith had done to me. I was pissed still, but I understood now. He thought he was doing what was best for me. The pack had been trying to protect me.
Just like now it was my turn to protect Hunter.
After we cleared the table together, Hunter grabbed my hand and started to tow me towards the couch. I pulled back and told him that I wasn’t feeling well. It was the truth, but not in the way he was thinking. He looked like he wanted to follow me to our bedroom, but I told him that I was going to sleep in the guest room. He kept his face straight, but the slight tightening of his fists told me all I needed to know.
I didn’t sleep that night. My wolf was there, I heard her whimpering for him. I felt his absence both physically and mentally. When Griffin and I were weaned away from each other it was painful, but it ne
ver felt like this. This wasn’t painful for my wolf, it wasn’t like I was missing a piece of myself. This was new. I thought I knew pain before. That was the reason I thought I would be able to survive separating myself from Hunter.
I hoped that if I started distancing myself from Hunter, when the time came I would be able to tell him that I didn’t want him. That I wanted to go home to my pack, when that couldn’t be farther from the truth. I would have to hope I could make myself believe it as well.
****
The next few days I avoided Hunter as much as I could. I spent some time with Jen, but she seemed know I was trying to avoid Hunter. At one point, I think she tried to get us together. I understood her intentions, even so it soured my mood. I ended up spending way too much time alone.
I tossed my phone between my hands. Hunter had got me a new one about a month after he broke the one Keith sent me with. I tapped the front glass and waited. The picture that I had taken of Hunter and I together was on the display. A ghost of a smile appeared on my lips. In the picture, he looked annoyed. He usually did when I forced him to take a picture.
A couple days away from him and I felt like my heart was going to be torn to pieces. It was like my heart was being shredded into ribbons. A constant pain in my chest had me rubbing at the skin above it. A piece of me believed that though I thought I could leave him, I would never be able to do it. I breathed in and typed my password into my cell.
I stared at the contact for too long and the screen timed out. I didn’t want to call Griff; I thought it would be wrong. But I needed to talk to someone. Of course I wasn’t sure what I was going to tell him. He would come down like a one man army to take me home if he knew what had happened, and what could have happened. I didn’t think. Instead I acted. I pressed send.
I pressed the phone to my ear. I couldn’t hang up. Instead I kept the phone close and took a deep breath when I was certain he wasn’t going to answer.
“Colette,” his voice came out as a sigh.
“Hey, Griff.”
Hexed Hearts Page 24
