by Lacey Black
When he reaches it, he stops, but doesn’t turn around. “This is your chance to have everything you want, Reid. You just have to decide what it is you really want.”
And with that, Steven walks out of his study, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
And my thoughts right now are jacked the fuck up.
How in the hell do I walk away from everything I’ve ever wanted? Hunter Enterprises was built from my own blood, sweat, and tears. I’ve given my soul to the very company in which I created from nothing. This deal–this merger–will catapult Hunter Enterprises into untouchable territory. Bravado will be mine. The sky will be the limit. The bottom line, nothing but black zeroes.
A loveless marriage to a woman I can barely stand. Endless nights wrapped around the wrong woman. A son who will spend every other weekend at my house. A life that’s empty on the inside, despite what my bank balance says.
Fuck! There’s no clear winner here, no cut and dried, black or white answer. Whichever decision I make will be the wrong one. Someone will be hurt. Something will crumble.
My company.
Or Dani.
As I slip into the guest room at Steven’s, I’m no closer to resolving the issue as I was when Steven left me alone. The only difference is now I’m slightly drunk. As hard as I tried, the bourbon just didn’t seem to take away the pain in my chest. It didn’t mask the excruciating emptiness I’ve felt since I left Dani alone in my apartment.
Walking away from her tonight was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I’ll never forget the look, the hurt, in her eyes before I left her standing in my apartment. The kiss I took before leaving was purely selfish. I needed that one final taste of her sweetness, that one final touch of her perfection.
I don’t even strip off my clothes before I fall onto the top of the bed in the guest room. As hard as I try, I can’t shut off the replay of tonight in my mind. I knew I was going to have to let her go. From the very beginning, I knew that I wouldn’t be able to keep her.
But, damn does it fucking hurt now that she’s gone.
Right there in the center of my chest, where my heart beats wildly, it breaks into a billion pieces. As hard as I’ve tried to keep everyone at arm’s length, push everyone away so that I wasn’t able to hurt them, I failed. One woman. One beautiful, energetic, perfect woman wormed her way into the hollowness of my chest and proved to me that I do, in fact, have a heart. With her laughter and light, she showed me that there was more to life than money and profits. Together, with our son, she showed me that there’s more to me than just a coldhearted asshole who only cares about where his next business transaction is coming from. And now I’ve lost that heart.
Dani was my heart.
Dani was my soul.
And now she’s gone forever.
Chapter Twenty-Three – School’s Out For Summer
Dani
The last week of school passed by in a blur. I wish I shared the same energy as the kids when it came to the final days of school, but knowing that I’d be trapped at home with my thoughts wasn’t as appealing as it usually is.
Reid has called every night to talk to Ryan. When I see his name appear on the caller ID, I don’t answer. I can’t. I’m not sure how I would react to hearing his voice. Just seeing his name displayed on the phone is enough to send me into another crying fit.
At some point in the conversation, Reid always asks Ryan how I’m doing. I know this because Ryan tells me. I can’t figure out if the pain in my chest has to do with that little tinge of excitement I get when he asks, or the pain that takes over once I remember that they aren’t anything more than simple gestures of politeness.
I do all of my crying at night when the house is silent and the moon taunts me through my window. Trysta, being the stellar sister that she is, curses his name, vowing to decapitate his man-parts every chance she gets. I always make sure to smile and pretend to agree with her, even though cursing his name and threatening to de-man him doesn’t seem to help any.
What’s worse is that tomorrow is Ryan’s eighth birthday. The party has been in the works for a couple of weeks now, and everyone is invited. Carly and Blake, along with their daughter Natalia, will be here. Reid’s sister, Tara. My dad and sister. A handful of Ryan’s school friends. And of course, Reid. Just the thought of him being here makes my stomach turn. Especially when I start to wonder if he’s going to bring his new fiancée with him.
The school bell ringing pulls me out of the abyss in my head. As I scan the room, the kids gather up their books for the last time. This moment starts their summer vacation, and technically, I guess it starts my own. Vacation. Woohoo.
“Mom, are you ready to go get the stuff for the party?” Ryan asks, bouncing into my classroom like he just downed a dozen pixie sticks.
“Almost ready, Ry,” I say as I shut off everything in my classroom. I’ll be back early next week to make sure everything is cleaned up and ready to sit for the summer.
“I can’t wait til Dad sees my Batman cake,” Ryan says as I lock up my door.
“He’s going to love it,” I tell him absently.
When we climb into my hot car, Ryan turns to me and asks, “Why hasn’t Dad been by to see me?”
“He’s been busy with work, Ryan. He calls you every night, though.” My heart breaks for my little boy. I can’t even imagine what he feels like right now. He just found out about his father, who was suddenly active in his life, and now he’s absent again. Oh, sure, he calls every night, but that’s not the same. Not for an almost eight-year-old little boy who just wants to spend time with his dad.
“I know. He tells me that all the time. Last night he said I might be able to spend the night this weekend. Maybe after my party I can go home with him? And you can come too like last time,” Ryan suggests as I pull out of the parking lot and head towards the bakery that I ordered the cake from.
“Oh, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to come this time, buddy. But if your dad says it’s okay that you go home with him after the party, I don’t see why not,” I answer. Great. A night where no one will be around to hear my agony and witness my breakdown. Splendid.
“What do you think Dad got me for my birthday?” Ryan asks. “Maybe he’ll take me to the Lego museum. Chad says they have a superhero display and I’m sure they have Batman. You can’t have superheroes without Batman,” he adds. I tune out the rest of his ramblings because I can’t seem to get past the fact that in less than twenty-four hours, Reid is going to be in my house. In my backyard. Swimming.
God is cruel sometimes.
* * *
“Where is he?” Trysta mumbles next to my ear as I help my dad pull the hotdogs off the grill. I scan all of the faces in the backyard one more time, making sure his face hasn’t magically appeared in the few seconds since I last looked for him, before turning towards her.
“I don’t know,” I whisper.
“Surely he wouldn’t stand up his own son on his birthday, would he?” she asks as I set the platter of dogs down in the middle of the table. I have buns, fruit salad, pasta salad, and even potato salad all ready to go. I tried to slow down the cooking to give Reid a little more time to get here, but how slow can you cook hotdogs?
“I wouldn’t have thought he would do that up until a week ago. Now, I don’t know what he’s capable of doing,” I quietly reply to my sister. Never in a million years would I picture Reid as the type of man to miss his son’s birthday party, but as we hit the two-hour no-show mark, I’m starting to think I was way off base with this guy.
Disappointment sets in like a knife to the lungs, making it almost impossible to breathe. Disappointment for me, sure, but so much disappointment for Ryan. He’s trying to put on a brave face, but I can tell the absence of his father is hurting him. He hasn’t smiled in the last hour; even when all of his friends played Marco Polo in the pool with him.
“Time to eat,” I holler over the cheers and screams coming from the pool. I hired Trysta’s friend to lifegua
rd the pool so that it was one less thing I had to worry about. Heaven knows my mind isn’t capable of keeping up with a bunch of kids in a swimming pool.
After making Ryan a plate and helping half a dozen other boys get food, I turn when Carly and Blake walk up behind me. “Great party,” she says with a sheepish smile. I give her a friendly smile, but focus my attention on their daughter in Blake’s arms. I was so happy they were able to make it to Ryan’s party. They’re all going to be a part of his life, so the more time he gets to spend with them, the better.
“Thank you so much for coming. Are you enjoying the pool?” I ask the dark haired, green-eyed beauty wrapped in her father’s arms.
“She’s having a great time,” Blake answers for his daughter.
“It appears someone is missing,” Carly says as she casually looks around the yard.
“Yeah, it appears that way,” I reply, going for casual. Unfortunately, I think casual stepped out the door and was replaced by fury about thirty minutes ago.
Neither one of us have time to say anything else before Tara walks up, her shoulders tight with tension. “Where the hell is my brother?” she barks to no one in particular.
“We were just wondering that,” Carly says.
“I tried his cell phone again and it just goes to voice mail. I can’t believe he would miss this,” Tara says, her voice a combination of anger and worry. “Do you think something has happened?”
“No, I’m sure he’s fine. You know Steven or Jon would have called you as soon as possible if something happened. I’m sure he just got…sidetracked,” Carly says, but I can’t tell if she’s trying to convince Tara or herself.
“I tried to call Steven and Jon but their phones went to voice mail, too. I’m so pissed off at him right now, I could wring his neck,” Tara says before stomping off and fixing a plate.
“I’m sure he’s fine,” Carly says, trying to reassure me. “He gets so focused on work sometimes, that I’m sure he just lost track of time.”
“I’m sure you’re right. Thank you both, again, for coming. Excuse me,” I say with a forced smile that I hope appeared friendly before slipping into the house to collect my thoughts.
Inside, I work on opening packages of small plates for the Batman cake. At this point, I have to keep my hands busy, in addition to my mind. If I focus on the mundane task of organizing plates and napkins for dessert, then maybe I’ll stop fretting over the fact that Reid no-showed at his son’s birthday party. Maybe if I stay inside long enough, I’ll be able to avoid the looks of pity from his friends and family, and the look of devastation from his son. Oh, he’s doing everything he can to cover up his desolation, but there’s no hiding the damage done in his fragile little eyes.
When the back door opens, I blink repetitively, trying to will away the tears threatening to spill. I told myself I wouldn’t cry. Not today. Not on the day that is supposed to be a celebration of my son’s birthday.
“He seems to be having a great day,” my dad says behind me.
Turning slightly and giving him a small smile, I say, “Yep, it’s a great day.”
“I can’t help but notice Reid’s missing,” my dad says. Leave it to Dad to not beat around the bush and call a spade a spade.
“You’re not the only one who has noticed his absence,” I tell my dad, finally turning around and facing him.
“And?”
“And what? I’ve called. He didn’t answer. His sister has called and nothing. He knew what today was. I overheard Ryan telling him last night all about his cake and all about the games we were having. Reid knew, and he knew what it meant to that little boy.” I can’t help the bitterness in my voice. I’m blanketed in it.
I’ve been angry with Reid all week for what he did to me. His lies and his deceit. How can a person completely omit the fact that they had entered into a business deal to marry another woman? How can you overlook that while you’re bedding one and planning to marry another?
The worst part is that for every ounce of anger I possess for Reid, I love him that much more. And that I hate. I don’t want to love him. I don’t want to miss him. I don’t want to wish he were here, not only for our son’s sake, but for my own as well. Because at the end of the day, no matter how many times I ignored or denied it, I miss him and wish he had picked me.
“Maybe something came up? Why else would he choose to not be here for his son’s birthday?” My dad, always the peacemaker.
“Yeah, maybe. It still doesn’t change the fact that tonight, I’ll be left repairing the damage and wiping the tears for my heartbroken little boy.”
Dad is silent for several minutes. If it weren’t for the fact I could hear him breathing, I would think he already slipped back outside. “You’re a great mom, Danielle. I know things were difficult for you growing up without a mom around, but you persevered. I never had to worry about you like I did Trysta. I didn’t have to worry then, and I don’t have to worry now. Not about Ryan. Because at the end of the day, I know he’s going to be okay. He’s going to be okay because he has you.”
I don’t stop the tear that slides down my cheek. Instead, I walk over to my dad and wrap my arms around his chest. Breathing in his familiar scent, I say, “I turned out to be the woman I am today because of you. Because you were my dad. As long as I had you, I had everything. Still do,” I mumble against his shoulder.
“I don’t know about that, but we did alright, didn’t we?”
“Yeah, we did.”
“And you and Ryan are going to be alright, too.”
“Yeah, we are.”
The door opens behind my dad, and I quickly bat away the tears on my cheek. “Hey, Dani, sorry to interrupt. Ryan and his friends are ready to get back in the pool if that’s okay with you,” Tara says from the doorway. The look she gives me is full of sadness and nervousness. I have no idea if she knows what happened between Reid and me, but neither her nor Carly have said anything. Yet there’s melancholy in their eyes when they look at me that lets me know they’re aware.
“Sure, that’s fine. I’ll be back out in just a minute,” I say, giving Reid’s sister a friendly smile.
“Get outside with your son. He needs to see your face right now,” my dad says with a knowing smile. Following another hug from my dad, I head back out to the patio with a fake smile on my face and a pain deep in my heart.
An hour later, I sing with all of those near and dear to us on the back deck.
“…Happy birthday to Ryan…Happy birthday to you!”
Ryan’s Batman cake is ablaze with eight black, flickering candles. After several long seconds, I look down and notice him staring at the fire dancing across the top of his cake.
“Ryan, blow them out,” I prod with an encouraging smile.
“Where’s my dad?” he whispers, but loud enough for everyone to hear. Audible gasps echo around me, but I keep my eyes trained solely on my son. The sadness in his eyes guts me, the pain like a dull knife to the chest.
“Your dad got called to work. He wanted to be here more than anything in the world, Ry, but sometimes he’s just pulled away and can’t get out of it,” I reply. I’m not sure why I felt the need to defend Reid in Ryan’s eyes, but it felt like the right thing to do. Even after everything that happened between Reid and I, I made a promise to myself that I would never stoop so low as to badmouth and belittle his father the way so many angry, bitter women do. Hell, and it’s not just the women. I vowed that Ryan deserved better than that, and that he would form his own opinions of Reid based off his experiences; not based off what he hears me say about him.
“Okay,” Ryan whispers. I watch helplessly as the black wax continues to pool around the base of the eight candles.
Walking up to where he’s sitting, I bend down next to him. “Make a wish, sweetheart.” His gray eyes shine with so much hope and pain, that it steals the very breath I take. I watch with all of the other guests as Ryan looks around at the family and friends gathered around the picnic table,
closes his eyes, and after a few moments, blows out his candles.
The crowd cheers, but my heart does anything but.
When the cake is nothing more than crumbs on a piece of cardboard, I start to clean up the icing smeared on the tabletop and the scraps of wrapping paper littering the deck. One lone piece of cake sits on a plate next to all of the opened gifts. Reid’s piece of cake. Ryan insisted.
“Mom,” Ryan exclaims as he runs up to me, soaking wet from another dip in the pool. The party is winding down and the guests are gathering up their belongings to head home. I made Ryan get out of the pool to say goodbye to his guests and thank them for coming to his party, which he has graciously done.
“What’s up, Ry?” I ask moments before his wet body is wrapped around me.
“Nothing. I just wanted to give you a hug and tell you thank you for the party,” he says. I wrap my arms around his wet body and squeeze until I’m sure he’s running out of air.
“Mom!” he laughs.
“I love you most in this world, Ryan,” I whisper before bending down a little and kissing the top of his wet head.
“I know that, Mom,” he says with that smile I know and love.
Squatting in front of my son, I say, “You are my entire world, and there is nothing I won’t do for you.”
“I love you, Mom.”
“I love you, Ryan,” I say before pulling him into another hug. I hold on with everything I have, knowing that someday, there’s going to come a time where he isn’t going to welcome my hugs as easily. Someday, I’ll have to fight with him just to steal a little bit of his time. Someday is going to be here before I know it, and I’m not about to let these little moments slip by.
“Mom?” Ryan whispers, his voice full of humor and wonder. “Batman is here.”
His statement catches me off guard. At first, I think he’s referring to his decorations or the new toys he received. But when he taps me on the shoulder and points in the direction of the gate, I do a double take.
Batman is here.
