“What’s primarily bothering you, Nuria? I know it’s not me. You have a lot on your plate that was already there before you got to town. Talk to me. Maybe I can help.”
She chuckled sardonically, turning her head toward him and letting her eyes slide open. “Really? You think you can help?”
“I can try.” He licked his lips.
She chuckled again and turned back to face the yard. “Not this time, big guy.” She hesitated, but he didn’t interrupt her thinking. The wheels were turning while she obviously pondered how much to tell him. “I’m broke.”
That wasn’t what he expected to hear. “You need money?”
“I mean I’m totally broke. I stayed in my apartment for as long as I could, but finally, the money ran out. I don’t make enough to cover the rent. I sold everything and came here with a few clothes and the small savings from the sale of the furniture.”
He ached for her. How had things gotten so desperate?
She fiddled with the sleeves of his coat in her lap, staring down at them. “When my mother got sick, times were tough. I worked part time babysitting to help Dad cover the expenses, but I spent the rest of my time caring for Mom. When she died, my father struggled to go on. I took on more and more jobs in the building, but it wasn’t enough.”
“Nuria…” His heart ached for her. So many years stolen from her because her family left town.
She continued. “I never went to university. I intended to use the money from selling the house to restart somewhere and get my degree. Now even that plan is in jeopardy since the house is damaged. Who knows how much that’s going to set me back.”
It was hard to find his voice and keep it from cracking. “Weren’t there other shifters around to help you? Where were you?” Shifters were far more willing to take care of their own than humans were. It was nearly unheard of for a grizzly shifter to be homeless or alone.
“Quebec. In the city. No. There were no other grizzlies around. My mother thought it would be easier for me to live in an all-human community and attend high school with humans.” Her voice dipped so low it was hard to hear her. But she let out a soft chuckle. “She thought humans would be kinder and less of a threat to me.”
My God. She had been so alone. Surrounded by humans and so alone. He could feel the loneliness wafting from her. Years of isolation with no one of her own species. That would be a difficult existence for anyone. But for a girl who had been almost raped…
“I’m so sorry,” he managed to choke out. “I can’t imagine how difficult that was for you. Humans sometimes behave so much worse than shifters.” He’d heard about the complicated inner workings of the teenage caste system.
Not that his own people weren’t challenging also, but their squabbles tended to revolve around century-old family disputes. They weren’t as likely to ridicule one another over economic differences or race or even gender.
He figured most of that was because shifters didn’t exert nearly as much freewill when choosing a life partner. Where humans could turn away from someone who wasn’t “good” enough for them and never know the possibilities, grizzlies didn’t have quite that much control.
Although he knew other shifter species had even less power over the selection of their mates than grizzlies, his people still didn’t have the luxury of denying their fate. Many grizzlies met and dated and fell in love with their life partner the normal way, but some simply knew. A binding would draw them together so forcefully they couldn’t deny it.
He flinched as he considered the very situation he was in. Fated to be with a woman for eternity who currently would prefer he rot in hell.
“You can’t even imagine.” She rolled her eyes as he remembered the last thing he’d said to her. Human teenagers… “I never told my mother how foolish humans can be. If there was one thing I learned in high school, it was the tragedy of all the lost relationships kids could have if they looked beyond their prejudices.”
At least she was talking to him. And it seemed she was no longer on the brink of tears.
He turned closer toward her. “So you babysat for families in the building?” Perhaps if he encouraged her to keep talking, she would feel more comfortable with him.
“Yes.” A small smile spread as she tugged her coat tighter around her. She was swimming in it. Hidden under too much fabric. Her cheeks were pink from the cold, but she didn’t complain. She was breathing freer out on the deck.
He had to admit he was too. Not that he didn’t prefer suffocating in her scent, but it was easier to think straight and have a normal conversation without the draw to mate consuming his every thought. He could endure the cold for her.
“I also tutored them in English. I love kids.” She shrugged. “Maybe because they aren’t as judgmental as they are when they get older. Human children are more pure like shifters. They play with anyone regardless of their skin color or financial status. They don’t even care about language barriers.”
She turned to smile at him. “One time I took a little girl to the park. She was about four. She spent over an hour with a boy she met in the sandbox who only spoke French. She never questioned the darker tone of his skin or the inability to communicate. It was like the two of them made up their own language and figured it out. I’ll never forget that day. I watched them closely the entire time. Fascinating.”
He smiled back at her. He’d never seen her this animated even as teenagers. It seemed as though she knew her calling in life.
She sobered and faced the yard again. He wasn’t sure if she realized she was being too familiar with him or if she simply lost the spark, but he hated the change in demeanor. “I knew from that day on that I wanted to be a teacher. I want to nurture those sponges and teach them to hold on to that pure quality a little longer.
“I worked for several families in the building. If I watched someone’s children after school, their parents always came home to find I’d covered the homework. I think they were impressed that I didn’t simply let their kids run around all afternoon, leaving their mom and dad to corral them that evening.”
“I’m sure they appreciated you.”
She sighed and closed her eyes again. For a long time, they sat in silence.
He watched her closely. She surely knew his gaze was on her, but she didn’t say a word.
Finally, she shivered. “We should go inside. It’s freezing out here.”
∙•∙
Nuria followed Austin back inside. As she pulled her coat off, she braced herself for an afternoon of being in tight quarters with a man she needed inside her more than her next breath.
It wasn’t going to be easy, and she needed a plan for later. After his father came, she needed to leave and find someplace else to stay. Sleeping in Austin’s home was out of the question. Returning to it again after today was also out of the question.
Surely another family would be willing to take her in. Anyone else.
She was shocked by how much she told him on the deck. It was like a dam opened and she let her all her dreams leak out.
It had been years since she’d had a close enough relationship with anyone to tell them her thoughts. She’d been close to her mother before she died and even closer to her father than most people, but true friends or lovers had never materialized.
She turned the tables. “Tell me about you. I assume your high school years were far more fun than mine.” She forced a fake eye roll to lighten the mood. “And then university? How was that?”
His mood didn’t lighten as she’d expected. Instead, he looked even more serious. Sad. He wandered into the living room, chose an oversized armchair, and plopped down in it.
She climbed onto the black leather sofa, tucked her feet under her, and hugged her body in a tight ball. “Austin?”
For a while, he stared at the ceiling, and then he lowered his gaze to hers. Pained. “How can you even ask that?”
“What?” Her eyes widened.
“High school? University? Seriously
?” He leaned forward. His voice grew louder. “Those were the worst years of my life, Nuria. Every day I wondered where you were. Were you safe? Were you even alive?”
She tensed. Shit.
“I was reclusive. I couldn’t tell my parents what had happened. And I avoided my brother like the plague. My life got marginally better the year after you left when he moved out, but only marginally. I missed you so much it hurt. At the same time, I was so angry with you it tore my heart out.
“I don’t know how I even survived, to be honest. Another man might have broken. But I didn’t let my loneliness and anger destroy me. I worked hard to keep my mind off things. I made good grades. Went to a good school on a scholarship. Got my degree. Two of them actually. Accounting and business.
“And then I came home to work for my family’s brewery.” He lowered his face, no longer holding her gaze captive.
She realized she hadn’t breathed for several seconds.
“I’m not saying it was worse than what you went through. I can’t imagine your loneliness. I’m sure it surpassed mine. I at least had shifters around me., but Nuria…” He lifted his face again.
She stopped breathing again. The look on his face was even more serious. His eyes were furrowed, his forehead wrinkled. Her heart raced.
“Nuria,” he repeated reverently. “Mates aren’t meant to be separated. That’s super clear to me. I’m not sure I could have put my finger on why I spent the last fifteen years pining over a girl I thought cheated on me. But I get it now. It doesn’t matter. It’s complicated and simple at the same time. The bind won’t break. If we walk away from each other after you sell the house, we’ll live our lives with a crater in our hearts.”
“I don’t see another option,” she whispered.
“And I don’t see how we can avoid taking a chance.” He sat up straighter. “I know the bridge is long. I can’t see the other side, either. But I also know the magnetic pull to you is powerful and mighty. It won’t go away. It never went away the first time. Not even with the passage of fifteen years. It won’t be ignored this time, either.”
She swallowed, unable to blink. He was right. She understood that cognitively, but she wasn’t ready to concede yet. “You hurt me,” she muttered.
“I did, baby. I know.”
Her lip trembled. “You didn’t trust me.”
“I know that too.”
“I don’t think I can get over it.”
“I know that also. I’m asking you to try. I’m just as frustrated and concerned as you are. I have my own guilt and anger to contend with. You didn’t trust me, either. You let my brother bully you for months and never told me. That isn’t trust.”
A tear slid down her face. It seemed like all she did was cry lately. He was right. They had the same issues with each other. But could she open her heart to him a second time?
“If I thought we could walk away easily and go on with our lives, I would let you go, Nuria. But in my heart, I know that isn’t possible. The pain of living without you would be worse than the pain of trying to get through this. It’s going to be hard. The hardest thing we’ve ever done. But I don’t see another choice.”
She nodded. He was so very right. “I can’t make any promises,” she said as she wiped away her tears. “I’m afraid I’ll never be able to fully give myself to you the way mates should. I’m not sure I can ever look at you without feeling a twinge of anger.”
He nodded back. “We have the same problem.”
“I guess we do.”
She stared at him, let herself see him fully. His heart was in his eyes. He was sorry. They had been so young. Could she take that into consideration and forgive him one day? She didn’t know.
Austin’s eyes clouded over. He was communicating with someone else.
She sat up straighter, rubbed her eyes, and took a deep breath.
“My dad’s on his way,” he finally said.
Chapter Seven
Nuria was surprised to find not only Allister Tarben at the door but his wife, Beth, also. She raced across the room toward Nuria and wrapped her in a tight embrace. “You poor thing. Are you okay?”
How much did the woman know? She hadn’t asked Austin what his parents knew about Antoine and her reasons for leaving Silvertip. Or was she referring to the fire? “I’m okay. They said the damage isn’t too extensive.”
To the house anyway. The damage to my heart is very extensive.
Beth held her at arm’s length next, her gaze searching. “Don’t worry about the fire. The important thing is you weren’t injured. I’m more concerned about you than anything else. Austin told us what happened when you were in high school. I’m so sorry.”
Nuria nodded. “It wasn’t your fault.”
“Antoine is our son. We should have known. I should have seen the signs. I feel responsible. All these years I’ve given him the benefit of the doubt about so many things.” Her brow was furrowed, and Nuria thought she might cry.
Nuria couldn’t begin to imagine what it would be like to find out your son had committed an assortment of crimes over the course of his life. And no one had a clue how many women he’d attacked yet. It didn’t seem likely his only two offenses would be Nuria fifteen years ago and Heather a few months ago.
Nuria forced a smile. “Well, he can’t hurt me or anyone else now.”
Beth didn’t look convinced. She pursed her lips, her eyes darting back and forth between Nuria’s before she spoke again. “Allister and I will see that a team of guys gets your house put back to rights.”
Nuria was shocked. “You don’t have to do that.” Did Beth feel obligated to atone for her son’s sins?
Beth shook her head. “It’s nothing. Allister went inside. He said it won’t take more than a few days to get the house sellable. That was your intention, right? To sell it?”
“Yes. But I don’t want to put anyone out. I’m sure a buyer will take it as is and work on it.”
Allister cleared his throat. “Not going to leave your home in that shape, Nuria. I’ve already called several people. They’ll be over tomorrow morning to start working.”
She nearly choked. “I can’t afford that, sir.”
He waved a hand through the air. “No one’s asking you to compensate them. We don’t leave our own in a bind, Nuria. Just doing what’s right by another grizzly shifter.”
She couldn’t respond. If she had more tears left, they would have fallen. Instead, she tucked her lips between her teeth and stared at Austin’s father.
He changed the subject, coming more fully into the room.
Beth released her hold on Nuria to remove her coat and take a seat with her husband on the black leather couch.
Austin came around to Nuria and took her hand, directing her to the matching loveseat. He gently pulled her to sitting next to him. It was the first time they’d touched since she’d fled the room for the bathroom earlier. And her body came alive.
She jerked her hand out of his immediately and tucked her fingers between her legs, making sure no part of her was touching him.
If anyone noticed their weird behavior, they didn’t say a word.
Austin spoke first. “Tell us what’s going on, Dad.”
Allister nodded, taking his wife’s hand and setting it on his thigh.
Nuria watched the exchange between them, feeling a twinge of jealousy for their obvious connection. Her parents had that connection. It had been years since she had the privilege of seeing their interaction, though.
Allister cleared his throat. “In a twist of fate, curiosity has had a grip on many of our citizens the last few days. Everyone wants to know if it’s true that Nuria Orson is back in town.”
Nuria stiffened. She knew people had been talking about her. She also had felt the violating eyes on her house from the trees behind her property since her arrival. She’d chosen to ignore them.
Allister gave a half smile. “Not going to condone their desire to spy on you, but the truth is we need t
o be grateful several people were watching your house this morning.”
“What are you saying, Dad?” Austin asked.
“Three teenagers were lurking in the woods. They saw the arsonist who snuck inside and started the fire.”
Nuria gasped. “Oh my God. How did someone get inside without me sensing them?” It seemed impossible. She’d sensed shifters all the way to the property line, but she couldn’t tell someone was inside her house?
Allister shrugged. “You were in the attic at the time, right?”
“Yes.” She lifted one hand to play with her throat, feeling totally violated. “I was going through old papers. I was… Shit. I was blocking out the annoying presence of shifters in the woods.”
Allister nodded. “You were distracted with memories too, I’m sure. And Wade Garsea took the opportunity to try and burn your house down.”
“Wade Garsea? My next door neighbor?” She grasped her knees with both hands so hard her knuckles hurt. Why the hell was Wade Garsea still living with his parents next door?
“Yes.”
“He tried to kill me?”
“It would seem so.”
“Why? I never even knew him. He’s like ten years older than me. Why would he want to kill me?”
“That’s what we’re trying to get to the bottom of. I don’t have all the answers yet, but the Arcadian Council is sending several representatives to take over. He’s being held until they get here.”
“You know more than you’ve said, though,” Austin deadpanned.
She glanced at him. He was right. And he was also leaning away from her, one elbow on the arm of the loveseat, his chin on his palm.
“True. But it’s hard to know what the truth is. The man’s forty now. And he seems like a teenager. He’s got issues. That’s why he’s still living with his parents. He’s been rambling for hours since we picked him up. I can’t tell what parts are true and what parts are fabricated. When the Arcadian Council gets here, we’ll let them figure it out. In the meantime, I’ll keep trying. Bernard has spoken to him also. We’ll get to the bottom of this.”
“He had a brother…” Nuria tried to think of his name.
Grizzly Beginning (Arcadian Bears Book 2) Page 6
