“I would give anything to heal the wounds and move on. Anything, Nuria. But I don’t know how to look at you without feeling a pile of guilt that reaches to the heavens, and you don’t know how to look at me without feeling hurt and angry. It’s not healthy.” What the hell was he saying to her? He’d come here to beg her to stay with him. The words flowing out of his mouth sounded more like a breakup.
She nodded, her shoulders falling with her face. “You’re right. I’m worried we’ll be stuck in a vicious cycle we can’t get out of, spending our lives frustrated and angry. It would ruin us.”
“Yeah.” His chest hurt. His mouth was dry. His soul ached, breaking into a million pieces. No, he screamed into his head, blocking her from his thoughts. This wasn’t how he’d meant for this conversation to go. He didn’t want to end things. He wanted to bridge the gap, fix the damage, heal.
But it seemed too hard. And she looked so broken. He’d broken her. He’d hurt her deeply and fucked her up for life. She deserved better than him. She deserved to find someone who could make her whole. Someone she could love unconditionally, able to look into his eyes and never see a rocky past that fucked with half her life.
If he let her go, she could bind to someone else. She would forget him. She wouldn’t remember this connection if only she had a stronger one to supersede it.
Austin slowly pushed himself to standing. He couldn’t bring himself to say another word. Instead he backed up until he stood in the doorframe, gripping its sides.
He stared at her for several more moments, watching her breathe, listening to every inhale as if he needed to memorize them.
Finally, he turned and fled the house as quickly as possible, forcing himself to put distance between them. A lot of distance. How far did he need to go to escape her pheromones? How far would he need to run to clear her from his mind?
How far was far enough to forget her?
He stepped outside just as two of his cousins returned from lunch. He met them on the porch. “Don’t leave her alone, yeah?”
They both nodded. “Of course.”
His throat contracted. He needed space. After taking a quick mental survey of the area, he fast tracked into the trees behind her home, and then he shifted without hesitation and pounded up into the mountain.
He ran hard with no destination in mind and paying no attention to where he was going. Shocking even himself, he found himself standing on all fours next to the stream where he had often met Isaiah for many years.
The spot had become sort of an unspoken haven where either of them would go when they needed to get away and vent. Ironically, they often could sense the other friend’s need and would head that direction as if called to the spot.
Austin stared at the view forever, ignoring the passage of time. What did it matter? What did anything matter if he wasn’t going to have Nuria by his side? Somehow it was worse this time.
When she’d left him fifteen years ago, he made assumptions that stuck with him for all these years. He’d assumed she’d been in love with his brother and even slept with him. He’d imagined pages of reasons why she’d left after doing so, ranging from guilt over the way she treated Austin, to her parents’ insistence she was too young, to a pregnancy scare.
Austin had been a total fool.
This was so much worse. Now that he’d tasted her, run his hands all over her body, been inside her… How would he live without her?
But he had to. Somehow he had to put this behind himself and move on.
Could he take another mate?
No.
Never.
No one would ever measure up to the way he felt about Nuria. That was the reason he hadn’t found a mate in the last ten years. Thoughts of his childhood sweetheart were never far from his mind.
After a long, painful growl into the thin air high on the mountain, Austin lifted onto his rear paws and shifted into human form. He lowered onto a rock next to the currently empty creek bed and rubbed his hands together. It was too cold to be in human form for long. He wore a coat and had gloves in his pocket, but even with the sun high in the sky, the temperature was below freezing.
In his grizzly form, he’d been fine. In his human form, he shivered. It seemed important that he endure the cold. Like a penance for wrongdoings. A self-flagellation of sorts.
A noise behind him made him jerk his head around.
Isaiah stepped out of the trees in human form, his hands in his pockets. “Hey.”
Austin smirked. “I should have known you’d show up.”
“Have I ever let you down?” Isaiah plopped down next to Austin on the rock as if the temperature wasn’t absurdly low to choose this location for a chat.
“No.” Austin stared at the ground, shuffling his feet over the thin layer of snow, making random patterns with his shoes.
“What happened?”
Austin smirked. “How did you know something happened?”
“Because you’re sitting out here in the cold looking like your dog died. I assume it has something to do with Nuria.”
Austin angled his face toward his best friend again, still half smiling. “And how exactly did you know you’d find me here?”
Isaiah shrugged. “Easy. You weren’t at your house or work or Nuria’s. And you didn’t answer your cell phone.”
There was no cell service this high up the mountain. That was a fact. “You were looking for me?”
“For a guy who lost his dog earlier today, you sure are deflecting the issues.” He sighed. “I was looking for you, actually. The last place I went was Nuria’s. When I realized she was there without you, I knew I’d find you here.”
Austin glanced back at the ground. “I think I might have fucked up.”
“How?”
“I slept with her.”
Isaiah laughed. “That doesn’t sound like a fuckup.”
“It is if you have no business binding to the other person and now you’re stuck with the intense memories.”
“I thought you were trying to work things out. Why the about-face?”
“I’m not good for her. We can’t get past our issues. I’m an asshole.”
“This again?” Isaiah blew out a long breath. “You’re not an asshole. Stop it. That way of thinking isn’t helping anyone. You made a mistake. We all make mistakes. Forgive yourself. Get over it. Bind to your mate and enjoy life.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Isn’t it?”
Austin stared at the snow again. He was cold. Fucking cold. But he didn’t care. He deserved to be cold.
“Listen, you know I struggled with my role in Heather’s transformation and blamed myself for days. No matter what anyone said, guilt ate at me to the core. When I was at my lowest, I too was sure she would be better off with someone else. My head was at war with my soul. But it turned out she got over it. Or it never existed in the first place. And the truth is, as soon as the binding was complete, we saw each other in a new light. Nothing can tear us apart now. Nothing.”
Austin nodded. “What if the same thing doesn’t happen to us, and we complete the binding, and we’re stuck with each other for life, and every time she looks at me she sees a coward who left her to be raped by his own fucking brother?”
“She won’t. It doesn’t work that way. You’ll have to take my word on this one. She’ll never see anything but love and acceptance, because that’s all you’ll project.”
“I don’t know.”
Long moments of silence went by before Isaiah spoke again. “Well, you’re going to have to get over yourself at least for a while because she needs you to stop moping and get your ass to her house.”
Austin flinched, his spine straightening. “Why? What happened?”
“Those threats didn’t stop. Not only are people now calling her cell phone, but your house has been vandalized.”
“What?” Austin jumped to his feet. Calls were one thing. If these people were upping their game to include vandalism, that
was another story.
Isaiah stood also. “Nothing too dangerous. Eggs, spray paint, hate letters in the mailbox, but you need to take them seriously. Someone or a group of someones does not want her in town.”
“Are you fucking serious? I haven’t even been gone that long.”
“I assume whoever it was started this morning after you left the house. The cowards probably waited for you to leave before they launched an attack. If they’d come earlier, you would have scented them.”
“And they’re calling Nuria too?”
“Yes. I spoke to your dad before I headed up here. He was finishing up at her house. Her phone’s been ringing non-stop. She put it on silent. Whoever’s calling may or may not realize you aren’t with her.”
“Fuck.” Austin ran a hand through his hair. “I gotta go.”
“Yes.”
Without another word, Austin shifted and took off down the mountain. Why the fuck was someone so hell-bent on chasing Nuria out of town? Dammit.
∙•∙
Nuria paced the living room floor of her childhood home while Heather and Beth sat on her now blanket-covered couch. The sofa needed to go to the dump. It wasn’t salvageable. It hadn’t been salvageable even before the fire that started yards away in the kitchen.
Heather cleared her throat. “Austin’s on his way here.”
Nuria wasn’t sure if that was a good idea or a bad one. When he’d left her several hours ago, she hadn’t expected to see him again in this lifetime. But then Beth and Allister showed up to explain the vandalism to his house.
They assumed Austin was with Nuria. In fact, they were shocked to find out otherwise. He had blocked everyone from the moment he left her house, including his parents.
Isaiah and his mate Heather showed up next. In the chaos of Austin’s cousins and uncles finishing up the damage control in her kitchen and living room, Nuria had the pleasure of getting to know Heather, who spent the time calming Nuria’s frayed nerves from the more recent threats.
When Nuria grabbed her phone where she’d tossed it on the mattress in her bedroom, she found a dozen messages that brought chills to her spine. She’d been looking to see if Austin called. What she found instead was more hatred.
As soon as that piece was added to the puzzle, Isaiah left in search of Austin, claiming he would know where to find him.
And now they were on their way back. Or at least Austin was.
Nuria focused her attention on Heather to keep herself sane. After all, the woman had the most fascinating story, starting with twenty-five years as a human with no knowledge of shifters. After Jack Tarben clawed her, she had transformed into a grizzly shifter against her will. It was nearly unheard of in the grizzly community.
But crazier than that was the bond Nuria knew would grow between her and Heather as two women presumed to be the book ends of attacks from Antoine Tarben. There was no doubt Heather was the last person Antoine tried to claim, and everyone assumed Nuria was the first. How many had been in between? Would they ever know?
One thing was for certain. If Nuria stayed in Silvertip, Heather would become a friend and ally. She was a gem, and her job as a glaciologist fascinated Nuria. Today wasn’t the day to delve deeper into the woman’s mind, but one day soon…
Beth and Allister stood from their perches on the couch simultaneously, a good indication that Austin was close. Sure enough, seconds later, Nuria sensed his presence. She headed for the sliding glass door off the kitchen and pulled it open as he stepped onto the porch. Isaiah was on his heels, but instead of coming inside, he set one foot on the deck and waited for his mate to slide around Nuria and behind Austin in a quick exit.
Austin didn’t take his gaze off Nuria, and she noticed everyone moving around her only in a peripheral fashion.
Allister and Beth both spoke a few words she didn’t hear and then left through the front door as Austin slid the door closed behind him.
“I’m sorry for all the trouble. I know this is the last place you want to be right now. And you didn’t have to rush back here. I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself. I don’t need a babysitter.”
He flinched.
She kept speaking. “I’m almost done packing up what I want to take from the house, anyway. I got the message loud and clear. Someone doesn’t want me in town. I’ll leave. First thing tomorrow. Don’t feel obligated to stay here.”
He took deep breaths, his gaze narrowed on her, his lips pressed tightly together. He didn’t say a word.
She was done talking. What else was there to say? He needed to leave before she lost her grasp on reality and ran across the room to throw herself at him.
Instead of speaking, Austin shrugged out of his coat and draped it over a kitchen chair. He didn’t lose eye contact as he did so.
She shuddered, wrapping her arms around herself at his intensity. Was he angry? Frustrated? She couldn’t read him, and he had her totally blocked.
Finally, he spoke. “Have you eaten anything today?”
“What?”
He yanked his attention to the kitchen area and walked across the room. “Have you eaten, Nuria?” He sounded almost pissed.
“No,” she whispered. “What’s that got to do with anything?”
“You have to eat.” He pulled the fridge open and immediately shut it again. There was nothing in it. It wasn’t even plugged in. She hadn’t come to the house to stay. She’d come to pack up and leave.
He spun around and faced her again. “You’ve hardly eaten in three days.” Now he was furious. What the hell?
She flinched, taking a step backward. Of all the things she’d expected from Austin when he arrived, this reaction hadn’t made the short list. There was someone stalking her and vandalizing his home, and all he cared about was her calorie intake?
“You have to eat.”
“I don’t know what you’re rambling on about, but I’ve eaten. You fed me several times yesterday. And I ate out the day before. Forgive me for being a little preoccupied today. I spent the morning in knots because I finally had sex with the love of my life. I spend the lunch hour freaked out because he decided the pan was too hot to stick around. And I spent the dinner hour entertaining his parents and closest friends while worrying about the havoc my coming to town wreaked on his life.
“So no, I have not eaten. Nor am I hungry. Stop acting like a lunatic. I’m fine. Like I said, I’ll take care of myself. You can go.” She pointed at the door, unwilling to continue explaining herself to him.
He ignored her, his face red with fury, his chest rising and falling rapidly—from the run or his aggravation?
Time stood still. The only sound was the ticking of the old clock that had hung in her mother’s kitchen since presumably the beginning of time. Why did it still work?
The only reason Austin’s scent in her small house wasn’t overpowering was because the walls had been covered with fresh paint that afternoon. The fumes were masking his intoxicating pheromones.
Her vision swam nevertheless with the need to approach him. Even angry, he was sexy as hell, perhaps more so.
Nuria didn’t move, though she felt the magnetic pull toward him. It was indescribable. No matter how mad he was for whatever reason he gave—and she knew her eating habits were a scapegoat—he still pulled her toward him as if an invisible tether connected their souls.
It had been wrong to sleep with him. She would never recover from knowing how damn good it could be to have sex with the right person. She would never feel that bond with another as long as she lived. She didn’t even want to. It wouldn’t happen because she would never be open to the idea.
The clock kept ticking while Nuria continued to watch Austin’s expressions, not wanting to miss anything and curious about what was going through his mind.
Suddenly, he rushed forward so fast, she had to blink to confirm he was in her space. And then he was on her, his hand threaded in her hair, his body pressed against her torso, his lips on hers.
She moaned into his mouth as he gave her life.
Austin backed her up, angling her toward the wall. When her back hit the surface, her arousal went through the roof. She doubted the paint was dry enough not to be sticking all over the back of her clothes. But she didn’t care.
All she cared about was Austin, touching her, kissing her, consuming her from the inside out. When he grabbed the hem of her shirt and yanked it over her head, she lifted her arms. When his hands landed on the button of her jeans, she reached for his. When he broke the kiss to glance between them and shove the denim down her legs, she kicked her shoes off and tugged his jeans over his hips at the same time.
His stare was intense as he stepped back and removed the rest of his clothes while she did the same, popping her bra off and wiggling out of her panties.
They stood there naked, chests heaving, minds opening.
His gaze roamed up and down her body. She did the same to him, taking in the enormity of his broad shoulders, his firm pecs, his tight abs, and finally the thick cock bobbing between his legs.
Before she could blink, he was on her again, pressing her into the wall. A half a brain cell told her the paint was not wet. The surface was instead cool against her skin.
He pressed a thigh between her legs, forcing them open and rubbing against her clit. She moaned, her hands aiming for his waist as he cupped her face and took her lips again.
Thank God he held her up, or she might have slid to the floor like a limp noodle tossed against the wall.
She didn’t even recognize herself. Another soul took over her body, one that cared about nothing except being fucked hard and fast and now.
She let her hands slide around to his cock to surround it in her palms. That lasted about half a second before he grabbed both wrists, tugged them over her head, and held them there in one large hand.
Without a word, he continued to kiss her, his tongue delving into her mouth and then swiping across the seam of her lips.
She melted into him. All she knew was his hard body pressed against hers, specifically not inside her where she needed him. A tug on her wrists proved he had no intention of releasing her.
Grizzly Beginning (Arcadian Bears Book 2) Page 16
