by Coralee June
"Jules disappeared again. Allaire is checking on Dominique. And as for the others, I don't give a fuck if they see. Maybe they could learn a thing or two." He chuckled but I still wasn't sure. He continued to work his way down my chest, and I felt his hot breath through the lace of my bra, spreading over my breasts and making my skin pebble with sensitivity.
"But Cy," I moaned while squirming beneath him. He let out a growl and pushed himself up. I looked at his flexed arms and ached to lick his tanned skin.
"How about this," Cyler began before leaning back and taking both hands to push up my dress so that it exposed my stomach, thighs—and everything in between. "I'll give you what you want, and you just try to keep quiet?"
I gasped as his thumbs slipped beneath my underwear, and he pulled them down. I lifted my hips so he could work it over my butt. Cool air hit me, and for a moment I felt nervous. Shy embarrassment made me blush as his hooded eyes carefully stared at me. He bent over and kissed the inside of my knee while pressing my legs further apart.
"I wanted to do this in the treehouse," he whispered before trailing his tongue up the inside of my thigh. He paused, and anticipation made my spine tingle as he breathed in my scent.
"I've wanted this sweet little treat for so long." His words ignited my blood and roared through my consciousness, burning down my defenses. I wanted him. I wanted him now.
His velvet tongue dipped and tasted me. It flicked up and down, and I devoured each sensation. Part of me wanted to close my eyes and revel in how purely pleasurable it felt. But I also wanted to watch. I lifted up on my forearms and dropped my thighs open wider. I was fascinated by the way his tongue worshipped the most intimate parts of me. His eyes were closed, and his little moans of pleasure made all my insecurities fade away. He was enjoying this. It was like I was a bite of cake, and he wanted to savor each and every bite.
He circled his tongue around, and I bucked from the sensation. His hands held my thighs down so I couldn’t squirm away again. It was like every cell in my body was pleading for pleasure. I couldn't keep still. My legs started to shake, and I let out a small whimper, not caring who could hear.
The moment the sound escaped, Cyler pulled back with a too pleased smile. "You're supposed to keep quiet, Babe," he scolded. I liked the authority in his voice. I liked it a little too much.
"I'll try," I whispered obediently, and once again, Cyler paused, peering at me with his knowing eyes.
"Do you like it when I tell you what to do, Ash?" he asked in a low voice. Too embarrassed to answer, I nodded yes.
"Say it," he ordered.
"I like it when you tell me what to do," I said in a shaky voice while silently pleading for him to go back to working that sweet humming pleasure out of me.
He placed his hands on both thighs and dug his fingers into my skin, deep enough so that I felt a light pressure, but not too hard that it hurt.
"Don't make a sound," he ordered before lowering once again.
A moan caught in my throat, and I tried to contain the building pressure. I bit my lip and crawled my fingers towards Cyler before diving into his thick head of hair while lightly pushing so he could feel what I needed. I needed more. Harder. Faster.
I knew we were on the edge of oblivion, I couldn't help but moan out his name while he lapped up every ounce of me. Bliss. Pure, unadulterated, bliss. I tensed then gave into the uninhibited release of control, of self-consciousness, of everything.
Once my blood stopped pumping in my ears, I relaxed each of my muscles. Cyler lifted himself up and pulled my dress back down. "I thought I told you to keep quiet," he said in a stern voice, but the smile on his face didn't fool me, he liked the uncontrollable sounds that snuck past my lips.
"Do you think they heard?" I whispered while looking around the room.
"Does it matter if they did? I heard about what happened with Maverick and Jacob, Babe." His eyes were light and playful as he lay down.
"You heard?" I asked while fighting through the lust I still felt. I started imagining ways I could help him feel good, too.
"We tell each other everything. No details, of course. In order for this to work, we can't have secrets," Cyler explained.
"When did you even talk about that?!" I asked incredulously. It seemed like there was no time to discuss things. It just sort of happened. I guess they’d been working through these new developments behind the scenes.
"Babe, we discussed it right after it happened. Once Patrick knew all bets were off, we had to stop him from running to you in the Walker quarters to confess his love," he chuckled.
"I wouldn’t have minded," I replied while trying to be present with Cyler and not think of all the possibilities between Patrick and me.
I rolled over and rested my head on my hand while looking him in the eye. "Can I uh..." I offered while trailing off, still not exactly sure what to do, but willing to learn.
"I would like nothing more than to continue this, but I have very explicit plans for us that don't involve a lab in Ethros," Cyler said in a deadpan voice before closing his eyes.
I watched him slip into an easy, relaxed nap while I daydreamed about our future.
Chapter Seventeen
When I went downstairs the next morning, Patrick was standing in the dim hallway with his arms crossed over his chest. "Cavil's coming back," he said. No good morning kiss, no comforting hug or calm breakfast. Just the drop of news that meant our brief moment of peace was coming to an end.
"When?" I asked. My voice was shaky, and I subconsciously grabbed my wrist where my fetter sat.
"Couple days, maybe? Come on, we all need to talk," he said in a sad voice. He pulled my elbow in the direction of the main lab but I stood still, rooting my feet against his pull.
"Can we wait a second?" I knew we all had to talk, but I needed just a moment to compose myself. There was always the reality that Cavil would return, and with him, a new array of problems or political scheming.
"Are you okay?"
"I just,” I began. “I just want one second to enjoy the feeling of limbo. Once we go in there, we're going to have to make plans concerning our future, and I'm not looking forward to all that entails," I replied while letting the honesty flow through me. The truth was, Kemper was no closer to solving the fetter problem, and if it came down to it, I would do everything in my power to get those not bound to me off this island. Patrick wrapped his arms around me, and I enjoyed the feeling of his comforting hold.
"If we were back in Dormas, what would we be doing right now?" I asked while smiling into his broad chest.
"I'd be bringing you breakfast in bed while singing you another ridiculous lullaby. You'd need to refuel, so we could continue vigorous lovemaking and other shenanigans." I let out a giggle and Patrick's chest shook with his suppressed laughter.
"That sounds like a very good morning. I miss your lullabies, Patrick." I held the soft fabric of his shirt while looking up at him.
"I’ve got a terrible voice!” he exclaimed while throwing his head back. I loved watching him laugh. And when he calmed down, there was a refreshing gleam in his eye. “Want to start over, my lady?" he asked in a cheesy voice before sweeping my feet out from under me and carrying me up the stairs. I giggled the entire way up, as he breathlessly began singing another song.
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock.
His voice wasn’t graceful, or even in key, but it was sweet, vulnerable, and just for me. When the song was complete, he laid me down and pulled the soft comforter up to my chin. It was in this moment that I almost forgot about all the trouble ahead of us.
"What was next? Breakfast in bed," Patrick said while holding up an index finger and ticking off his mental to-do list. "Then lovemaking and shenanigans." He cocked his head to the side and licked his lips.
With a snap of his fingers, he shuffled around the kitchenette. He opened the various cabinets and drawers until he found a pre-packaged pastry. Under normal circumstances, it would be the last thing any of us w
anted to eat, but Patrick somehow made even the most disgusting things appealing.
"Breakfast in bed, check." Patrick handed the pastry to me with a bow then stared at me expectantly.
I smiled and licked my fingers slowly, knowing full well the effect it had on him. It felt good to test out my newfound confidence on him. There was no pressure with Patrick. I knew that even if I looked ridiculous, he’d still playfully explore this side of me.
"When did you become so sure of yourself?" Patrick whispered in astonishment as I took a bite of my breakfast.
"I'm not. I just don't want to focus on my insecurities when there are much better uses of my time," I replied back with what I hoped to be a coy smirk. I ate up my breakfast while Patrick watched, and when it was time for the last bite, I stopped and dropped the tiniest scrap of food on the plate.
"I'm too full. Can't finish. Guess we will have to get to step two another time," I said with a wink. Patrick made flirting fun. It wasn't as angsty and intense as my connections with the others. It was sweet and playful, and since coming to Ethros, I hadn't seen that side of him. I welcomed his devoted smile and attraction with open arms.
"Too full, hmm?" he asked with a smile before leaning in and licking a crumb from my lip. I leaned forward to deepen the kiss but he pulled away playfully.
"Too full, remember?" he asked, which made me pout, causing both of us to laugh again. "You ready now?" The mood quickly dissolved into our responsibilities.
"No, but we probably should go." I stood from the bed and started to go back downstairs, when he blocked my path.
"I'm still a bit hungry," he murmured before placing a delicate kiss on my lips. It was a simple gesture, but it packed a punch straight to my heart. How would I ever go on without him? Without any of them?
"Did Cavil give up on finding Josiah’s fake scientists?" I asked while leaning forward in my seat. Cyler and Kemper kept giving each other death stares across the room as they spoke. Kemper was starting to feel the pressure from everyone about the fetter situation. I knew that his issues with perfectionism were hitting full force these days.
"No. I've heard whispers that his household Walkers are preparing for..." Kemper drifted off, and I leaned further.
"For what?"
"A public execution," Huxley answered, earning a stern stare from Cyler.
I let the implications of that information sink in. Cavil was a man of intention. There would be repercussions for Maverick's disobedience. He put an even larger target on his back when he linked himself to Jules and me.
"Who do you think he's going to execute?" I asked in a shaky voice while standing and pacing over to Jacob who was standing by himself in the corner. He was twitching with anticipation, and I wanted to calm him. I noticed over the past few days that the longer we stayed in the lab, the more anxious he became. He acted like a caged animal when not let outside.
"Ash, there is a very good possibility that he's going to kill Josiah," Cyler said in a calm voice, but his frown didn't match the level of sincerity he pushed through his tone.
"Jo?" I let out a shocked gasp, which made Hux sigh loudly before taking a long drink of whiskey from his glass. He was drinking a lot lately, but whiskey with breakfast was new.
"If Cavil is coming back, it’s because he knows that Jo sent him wrong information. You should prepare for that outcome," Cyler explained. I grabbed Jacob’s hand to anchor myself, but instead, his nervous energy seemed to flow through me, creating a more frazzled tangle of emotions. I felt his concerns, his anticipation.
Perhaps it was why I blurted out without a care of the consequences, "I have to see him!" It seemed like such a natural reaction, one bred by a lifetime of worrying for Josiah, but the implications of it were evident on the six faces around me.
"Absolutely not," Huxley said first. His expression was unreadable but his body language told me all I needed to know. Stiff. Closed off.
I hurt him.
"It's not like that..." I began while searching for the words.
"Then what is it like, explain it to us, sweetie," Jacob insisted with rushed words.
I squeezed Jacob's hand before walking over to Huxley. "Hux. I. Do. Not. Love. Josiah." I enunciated each word, forcing the truth of them through my lips and onto his cold heart.
"Ash, it’s okay if you do, you know. We never all sat down and had this conversation. Things moved fast." Patrick's voice was smooth and comforting. I knew he was just saying what he thought I wanted to hear. He was always putting someone else's happiness before his own. My chronic people pleaser.
"Is that what you all think? That I still love him?" I wanted to gauge everyone's perception so I could fix it and move on.
It was Cyler who disagreed. "I don't think you love him, but I do think we need to feel a sense of solidarity. We all need to get on the same page. I told you we should have discussed this at our last meeting—"
"Damn, Cy, if you bring up meeting minutes, so help me..." Maverick interrupted with a small chuckle before continuing. "But...I agree. I think we all need to know the expectations. There is a lot of uncertainty ahead of us, and it would be nice to know that at least this one thing is solid."
Huxley's rigid form remained still and closed off. They didn’t feel like this was...solid? Of everything, this was the most certain thing in my life.
"I do not love Josiah. Not like I love all of you. I appreciate the role he played in my life though. For a decade and a half, he wasn't just the person I had a crush on, he was my only friend."
Cyler nodded his head in understanding. He witnessed first hand my relationship with Josiah, more than the others, so I sensed that he had a greater understanding of my liberation. He saw me choose myself.
"And as for us? I love each of you. Wholly. Unconditionally. Each of you individually brings out a part of me I didn't know existed before. You know why I could never love Josiah like I love all of you? He wanted to mold me for his purposes. Each of you celebrated what made me unique. You helped me find my own path."
I took a moment to calm myself, my words were shaky. Couldn't they see? This was nothing like what I had with Jo. My feelings for him were secretive and toxic. Never before in my life could I be so open. "I've had moments individually with all of you, but I'm saying right here. Right now. I want this."
"Could this ever be equal, though?" Huxley asked, and I heard Jacob and Patrick simultaneously groan. Huxley was looking for holes in my speech, and I was more than willing to clarify and assert myself.
"No. It will never be equal," I said with a shrug, and Huxley flexed his jaw in anger at my quick response.
"There is no way to completely and equally divide my time up. You all are busy, and this empire is a crazy place. When Cavil returns, Maverick and I might have to stay behind."
"That's not going to happen," Kemper shouted, his outburst made us all turn and stare for a moment. His cheeks flushed with embarrassed anger.
"I love you all, but I'm not going to assign days of the week to each of you and systemize our love. I'll go where I'm needed and where it feels right. And as long as we all communicate our needs, this will work."
"Fuck, I love you, woman," Cyler blurted out while running his hand through his hair.
"What about what you need?" Maverick asked. He pressed his lips into a fine line. "Can we trust you to say what you need? This isn't like your relationship with Josiah. You have to voice your desires, too."
Maverick had been challenging me since day one to claim the things I wanted. "Absolutely. I'm telling you what I need right now! I need to see a friend. I need to tell Jo goodbye one last time. I don't want to believe that Cavil will kill him, but I'm not willing to miss out on a chance at closure for your jealousy. You can even come with me if you want."
"What if you change your mind?" Jacob asked. "Not with Josiah, but with us. Cyler is right, we jumped into this. Stress can make people reckless."
I sighed and looked at the floor. I knew that more so than th
e others, Jacob felt the most vulnerable about our group dynamic, but his question still hurt. Why were they so willing to push me away? Were they looking for excuses? I was trying to put my heart out on the line, but all they wanted to do was challenge my decision.
"We're not trying to push you away, we just want to make sure this is truly what you want," Cyler explained, as if reading my mind.
"Being in a relationship with six men is hard, Ash. It was easy here, but once we're back to normalcy, we might need to figure a few things out," Maverick added in a clinical tone.
What happened? I went from expressing my love to them one minute, to them belittling my declaration the next.
"I want a future with all of you. I want to learn how to love you in the ways you deserve. I want to feel confident enough in myself to own, without question, the type of devotion all of you bring. This is getting ridiculous. Do you want this or not? I've spent a lifetime on the edge of something I could never have. So you're either in this or you are out. Stop doubting me," I urged while throwing my hands up in the air.
"Jacob?" I asked.
"Absolutely." His answer was quick and to the point. I allowed his enthusiasm to wash over me and rebuild my confidence.
"Cyler?" I asked.
"You've been mine for a long time, Babe," he replied in that smoky tone I loved. I had to swallow and force myself not to run to him.
"Patrick?"
"Yes, Ash. I need to find a cute pet name for you, too. Maybe Sunshine? Lollypop. Sweetums, Pookie..." His playful eyes danced along my face, and I saw his shoulders visibly relax.
"Kemper?" I asked in a softer tone.
"I'm not sure I deserve you, but damn if I care. Sweetheart is taken, by the way," Kemp replied with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.
I observed the blood beneath his nails caused by picking away at the fetter. "I love you, Kemper. You’re going to figure it out. I just know it."
"Maverick? Do you love me?"
"Of course I love you. I just want—"
"Stop. Yes or no. That's all I need from you," I interrupted. It felt like sparks of fire were passing between us. Mav needed to understand that, although I appreciated his concern, I wasn't the same girl from Galla as before. I knew what I wanted, and I was no longer afraid to say it. There was too much uncertainty in the world to have an unsteady confidence, too.
