The Year of Living Shamelessly

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The Year of Living Shamelessly Page 10

by Susanna Carr


  Hilary dropped her hands. “Operating heavy machinery is way different from experimenting with kinky sex.”

  “Well, I guess that depends on the guy you’re with,” Melissa said, “but my point is, Ryder isn’t going to leave until he knows Katie is going to be okay.”

  Hilary shook her head. “I want it on record that I disagree with this plan. Vehemently.”

  Melissa gave a sharp nod. “Noted.”

  Katie pressed her fingertips against her forehead. “Okay, guys, I get what you’re saying. Basically, I shouldn’t get my hopes up.”

  “Exactly,” Hilary replied. “You are in way over your head with Ryder.”

  “Play it dumb,” Melissa said with a smile. “Give him a reason to spend lots of time tutoring you.”

  “My advice is to play it smart,” Hilary said. “Change the rules on him. Grab for your dreams with both hands and don’t think you can come back for seconds!”

  Katie whimpered. She liked both ideas, but each had its problems. She didn’t know what to do. Why did she think having a wild love affair was going to be simple and straightforward?

  CHAPTER SIX

  He was late.

  Katie stared at the kitchen clock, willing it to slow down. Freeze. Not move until Ryder got there. He had said he would be there by eight o’clock and she had believed him. Ryder Scott always kept his promises. If he said he would be there at eight, he would be there at eight.

  It was 8:15.

  She gnawed on her bottom lip and peered out the window over the sink. Had he changed his mind? Or was this his plan all along? Had he set her up to trick her into staying at home, believing it was for her own good?

  Now it was 8:16. Katie smoothed her damp palms over her hips. The burgundy wool dress felt warm and soft under her touch. This old wraparound dress was one of her favorites. She always felt good in it and wore it whenever she needed an extra boost of confidence. And she needed it desperately tonight.

  But now she wondered if she was overdressed. That was the problem with Ryder being sixteen minutes late. She was second-guessing everything. Maybe she should throw on a pair of jeans and a sloppy sweater. That was probably what he’d meant when he asked her to wear something the “old Katie” would wear.

  She didn’t know why he’d made that request. Katie knew he liked her new, sexy style. She could see it in his eyes. Maybe he liked it too much, she thought with a smile. Did he think he could control the “old Katie” any better? He was in for a surprise.

  Her heart gave a violent lurch when she heard the doorbell. Ryder was here. She was not ready for this.

  What? What was she thinking? She was so ready for this. She was going to follow Ryder’s sexual demands and throw in a few challenges for him. She would exceed his fantasies and live out each and every one of her own.

  Katie strode to the front door as if she hadn’t been pacing frantically for the past fifteen minutes. Her kitten heels echoed loudly as she crossed the hallway to reach the door. She saw Ryder’s silhouette framed in the window. He was looking away toward the street. Was he seeing if the coast was clear, or was he wondering if he should make a run for it?

  It was strange that he was at the front door. The guy always came around back, enjoying a casual, open invitation to drop by at any time. Why was he using the doorbell and waiting at the front? It was so formal, and the change threw her off balance. Her nervousness ratcheted up.

  Taking a deep breath, she unlocked the safety chain and opened the door. Ryder turned around and locked eyes with her. She couldn’t read his expression.

  “Here,” she said, unsure what to say as she reached for him. Her movements were awkward and jerky and her spine was still pressed against the door. “Let me take your coat.”

  Ryder was silent as he shrugged out of his winter coat. Katie was also aware that he hadn’t dressed any differently for this night. He wore a brown long-sleeved shirt, faded jeans and boots. She felt overdressed, but she had followed his request.

  “How do you like my dress?” she ventured bravely as she took his coat. “Is this what you had in mind?”

  His long, thorough appraisal felt like a caress as his gaze lingered on her curves. “Yes,” he answered gruffly.

  “Yes?” That’s it? That’s all he had to say? She’d spent a long time getting ready for him. No detail was ignored. She hid her impatience as she hung his coat in the entry hall closet. “I don’t know why you have a problem with my new look.”

  She didn’t hear him move, but suddenly his hands were flattened on the closet door, caging her in. Katie’s eyes widened, her heart pumping hard. He crowded, surrounded her, and she didn’t want to break free.

  “I hate the rubber outfit because it’s not you.”

  She scoffed at the idea. “It’s PVC and it’s totally me.”

  “I hate the leather boots,” he continued as he trailed his hand along her arm to her shoulder. “They are for someone hard and tough.”

  “I’m tough,” she protested. Okay, maybe not right now when she was melting at his touch.

  “I like this dress because it’s you.” His hands were light and gentle as he stroked her hair before tucking it to one side. “Warm and soft.”

  “That makes me sound very weak,” she said in a whisper, closing her eyes as she enjoyed his scent enveloping her. “I want to be powerful.”

  “You have no idea,” he murmured, his warm breath wafting onto her neck. “And that’s probably for the best.”

  Katie frowned at his cryptic answer. She opened her mouth to ask for clarification when Ryder pressed his mouth below her ear. His touch was possessive. She gasped as a fiery shower of sensations set off in her blood.

  Ryder moved his lips along her earlobe. His tongue flicked the red jasper earring. “You’re wearing my Christmas present,” he whispered. There was no mistaking the satisfaction in his gruff voice.

  “Of course.” Didn’t he know that she treasured every one of his gifts? She still had the first Christmas ornament he had ever given her. It was flaking with age, but it held a special, prominent place on the tree every year.

  “Take me into the living room,” he told her softly as he tenderly kissed her cheek.

  Katie tilted her head. Had she heard that correctly? She always had imagined him saying “take me to bed.”“Why the living room?”

  “Katie”—ooh, how she loved the way he said her name. It was rough and low.

  “Yes, Ryder,” she replied in a purr.

  “A good submissive doesn’t question her master’s choices.”

  Katie’s spine went rigid. “Wait a second. Did you just call yourself master?”

  “Tonight I am your master,” he whispered in her ear.

  Master? That wasn’t agreed on. She knew he would be dominant, and she was looking forward to that part, but there was no freaking way she would call him Master!

  “Do you have a problem with that?” He slowly turned her around until she faced him. He was so close, his forehead resting against hers, his big hands cupping her face. “I need to know now before we begin.”

  Her brain was yelling that even though she was relinquishing control for a short time, no man would ever be her master. Her heart was a little uncertain. But when she opened her mouth, she replied weakly, “No. No problem.”

  She couldn’t tell if Ryder was surprised by her answer. She sure was! Katie wasn’t sure what she had planned to say, but she knew that if she didn’t sound one hundred percent sure, Ryder would leave and the opportunity would be lost.

  “Take me to the living room,” Ryder repeated.

  Katie licked her lips as she hesitated. She had a feeling he wouldn’t tell her again. She reached for his hand, sliding her fingertips over his callused palm. Threading her fingers with his, Katie led him into the living room.

  Once she stepped inside the room, she understood his request. The lights were on in most rooms except this one. She kept them off to showcase the colorful, twinkling lights o
f the Christmas tree. Small, white lights woven in garlands hung from every window and doorway. A blaze crackled and glowed in the stone fireplace.

  Katie went to stand in front of the huge Christmas tree and reluctantly let go of Ryder’s hand. She faced him and held her hands behind her back, hoping she appeared to be a good submissive. But she refused to bow her head or look down. She maintained eye contact as she waited for Ryder’s next move.

  Ryder didn’t seem to be in a hurry, which bothered Katie to no end. Why wasn’t he eager? That wasn’t to say he was unaffected. She could tell by the rise and fall of his chest, the tension humming in the air, even the way he held himself apart from her, that he wanted to surge forward and grab her. But his self-control was stronger than hers.

  Finally he took a step closer, his movement swift and sure. Her breath caught in her throat as she anticipated being swept up in his arms. Instead, he cupped her face with his hands again and pressed his lips against hers.

  Katie closed her eyes, hiding the gathering tears that threatened to spill over her lashes. She had waited a long time for Ryder Scott to kiss her and it was worth the wait. Her skin heated as joy and desire flooded through her. Her knees bent and she struggled not to sag into him.

  She greedily accepted his kiss, but Ryder wasn’t prepared to devour her. He kissed her slowly, savoring the touch, the moment. He tasted every inch of her lips before delving his tongue into her eager mouth.

  Katie grabbed at Ryder’s shirt and felt the heavy thud of his heart. She tried to draw him closer, but he didn’t move. She wiggled against him in a silent plea. Faster. Deeper. More.

  Ryder’s kisses were unhurried and deliberate, his lips lingering on hers. Her mouth clung to his. He was driving her crazy. Were his kisses designed to make her beg? If she was this hot and bothered over a kiss, what could she expect once they were in bed? She shivered as excitement swirled deep in her stomach.

  Ryder suddenly took a step back and Katie clutched at his shirt. He gently lowered her hands and firmly let go. As he put his hand in his back pocket, Katie noticed that he wasn’t so immune to the kisses he controlled. His breathing was harsh and heavy, and his hard cock pressed against his jeans.

  She was smiling proudly when Ryder pulled out a piece of black cloth. “What’s that?” she asked.

  He held it out for her to inspect. “A blindfold.”

  “Blindfold!” Katie took a step back, bumping into the tree. She spread her arms out to keep her balance and the ornaments jangled as the branches swayed. “That wasn’t part of the plan.”

  “What’s the matter?” Ryder asked innocently. A little too innocently in Katie’s opinion.

  “I agreed to being tied up. I never said anything about being”—she gestured at the black strip of cloth—“blindfolded.”

  “You’re not ready for bondage,” Ryder decided. “The blindfold is a good introduction. You’ll still follow my lead, but you’ll have the freedom to move if it gets too intense.”

  Ha. Freedom. Nice choice of words. “I don’t think so.” She could handle being tied up. She had geared herself up for that. And more important, the chances were that if she was tied up or down, she could still see what was coming at her.

  “Okay. That’s fine. It’s your choice,” Ryder said, as if her decision didn’t surprise him.

  So much for being the sophisticated lover. Katie belatedly realized the fir tree was poking into her butt and she hastily stepped away, searching her mind for a way to erase her unworldly reaction from Ryder’s mind.

  “Obviously, the stupid bondage club is not for you.” He tucked the dark strip of fabric in his front jeans pocket. “I’m glad you found out before you walked in there.”

  What? Katie’s jaw dropped at his statement. That was it? He was calling it quits because she said no to the first thing he threw at her. “This isn’t fair. You knew how I was going to react about the blindfold.”

  Ryder shrugged. “The problem is, you didn’t know.”

  Katie didn’t like the sound of that. She folded her arms across her chest as her eyes narrowed with growing resentment. “So all of this was to protect me from myself?” Disappointment welled in her chest. Maybe he didn’t want her.

  Ryder rubbed his hand against the back of his neck as he wrestled for the right words. “No,” he answered reluctantly. “Not all of it.”

  That was all she needed to hear. She held out her hand. “Give me the blindfold.”

  That surprised Ryder. “No, it’s not necessary.”

  Maybe not for him, but she wanted to prove something to herself. That she didn’t have to be in charge of her environment every moment. That she didn’t have to be in total control to live out her fantasy. And she could be safe and wild if Ryder was part of the fantasy. She could surrender to him and know he would take care of her.

  She could have her fantasy if she stopped trying to push things and allowed this affair to unfold on its own course. The time limit, the urgency, was making her focus on what she was about to lose. If she wasn’t careful, she wouldn’t enjoy what she had until it was over.

  Katie quickly tugged the blindfold from his pocket, but Ryder grabbed the other end. He wouldn’t let go.

  “Come on, Ryder, let me have it.” She refused to get in a tug-of-war. That would cement the unsophisticated image. “I want to know how it feels.”

  “No, you don’t. You were against it a minute ago.”

  She could understand his disbelief, and knew she had to explain as honestly as she could. “And then I reminded myself that nothing could go wrong. I’m safe with you.”

  His mouth pressed into a firm, unyielding line. She could tell he was fighting the attraction that sizzled between them. Ryder slowly let go and gave a sigh of surrender. “You’re the one who doesn’t play fair.”

  “Ryder, when are you going to realize that I’m not playing?” She held the black fabric against her eyes. Wow, it really blocked out everything. She had hoped for some light to filter through. But there was something very erotic knowing that she couldn’t see Ryder, but he could see everything about her. She trembled as dark excitement swirled around her.

  She wasn’t going to back down now. She meant what she had said: Ryder would guide her through this rite of passage. He would satisfy her and keep her safe. Katie tried to knot it at the back of her head. Her fingers fumbled along the blindfold, betraying the nervousness that she hid in her voice.

  “Here, let me.” She felt Ryder’s hands on her shoulders before he turned her around and grabbed the ends of the blindfold. She knew the Christmas tree was now in front of her, but she couldn’t see the twinkling lights or the gleam of the metallic ornaments.

  “Not too tightly,” she said, her voice higher than she liked.

  “It has to be tight or you’ll see,” Ryder said as he pulled the blindfold snugly. “We wouldn’t want that, now would we?”

  “I don’t want you mad while I’m blindfolded, either,” she muttered. Was he pissed because she’d called his bluff?

  Ryder paused and pressed his mouth to the top of her head. “I’m not mad,” he said, her hair muffling his voice. “Just not sure what I’m doing.”

  “What are you talking about?” She straightened up, her hands flattening against the blindfold, ready to whip it off. “I thought you did this all the time.”

  “Not with you,” he said as he placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her around.

  Katie frowned and lowered her hands, slightly disoriented. “I’m not delicate or fragile.”

  “You are to me.” His words were barely audible as he kissed a trail from her cheek, along her jaw and finally to her lips.

  Once again, his kisses were controlled and fleeting. Only this time, trapped under the blindfold, Katie felt his touch differently. It was almost as if he didn’t trust himself. As if deepening his kiss would trigger something uncontrollable inside him.

  Katie wasn’t sure if the blindfold offered a skewed reality. All sens
ations were heightened, but with a strange dreamlike quality. The evergreen scent was stronger, the crackle of the fire louder. That didn’t mean that Ryder’s touches held more meaning.

  Ryder slid his mouth to her throat as his hands skimmed her shoulders. He glided his fingers along the deep V of her neckline. Katie held her breath in anticipation as his fingertips brushed along the tops of her breasts. She couldn’t wait for him to pull her dress down and reveal her curves.

  Her nipples stung as they hardened. She waited for his touch of skin on skin. Ryder slid his hands under her breasts, growling in the back of his throat as he felt their full heaviness before skimming his hands down to her waist.

 

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