by Taylor Lee
Rafe was gone. Katya was standing quietly beside the sparring ring. She glanced up and smiled shyly when she saw Nicki. She was wearing a gi and her hair fell in a long braid down her back. With her hair away from her face and standing expectantly in her bare feet, she looked like a young girl waiting for her teacher. Clearly enraptured with Nicki, she bowed slightly.
Rather than returning the bow, Nicki nodded curtly. Refusing to look at her, she began to stretch, taking deep calming breaths that didn’t calm at all. She swallowed the saliva flooding her mouth, wanting to make sure that the nausea she’d felt was truly gone. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Katya doing many of the same warm up stretches that she was. She wished that they were inside the gym. She longed to bury her fists and feet in a hard bag, punch and kick until her anger dissipated and the only bruises she felt were on her hands and feet.
She was startled when Katya spoke.
“I know you don’t want to do this, Nicki. I’m sorry. This was Vlad’s idea…and…Rafe’s.”
Nicki dismissed her with a careless wave of her hand.
“And we little women always do what the big men order, right, Katya?”
She couldn’t quell the bitterness in her voice and Katya was clearly surprised.
She was quiet for a long moment staring at Nicki, then cocked her head like a little bird and gave a small shrug.
“Not always.”
At that flash of independence, Nicki thought again that if she didn’t hate this woman so much, she might actually come to like her.
Nicki stripped off her t-shirt and tossed it on the ground. Her exercise bra hugged her full chest. She had boy shorts under her cammo pants but decided to leave the pants on. Long ago she’d given up wearing the formal gi. It spoke to too many rules, too many constraints on her practice. It didn’t allow her the freedom she needed to experiment, to test her violent spirit.
She nodded to Katya.
“Let’s see what you’ve got.”
Katya moved into a sparring position and whirled to meet her, driving her foot in a quick kick to Nicki’s hip. Nicki parried the kick and swung in a slow circle on one leg like a dancer. When Katya frowned in surprise, Nicki struck out with her raised leg, knocking Katya to the ground. Katya jumped up, her face flushed, her eyes flashing. Seeing her reaction, something snapped in Nicki. She usually didn’t show off, but now she felt the need to let Katya know how good she was. To see how a supreme warrior fought. Katya may be able to attract men like flies to honey but by God, when it came to fighting, no one, especially a young woman, would best her. She knew Rafe wanted her to demonstrate, give Katya pointers, strengthen her skills. But Nicki wasn’t interested in teaching, she wanted to fight.
With one expert move after another she used her knees, feet, hands and elbows to place one strike after another across Katya’s body. She could have been a concert pianist playing an instrument, her technique impeccable. For several moments Nicki was content demonstrating her finesse, then like a phoenix rising from its embers, the memory of Rafe and Katya in the yard flashed in front of her eyes. As though it was happening in slow motion she saw Rafe’s hands straddling Katya’s waist, her soulful eyes gazing up at him. As though a beast had taken over her body all the pain and anger she’d been fighting for two days broke loose. With a fierce kick, she knocked Katya to the floor. When Katya struggled to get up, her eyes wide with surprise, Nicki drove a vicious kick to her shoulder, once again knocking her to the ground. Closing in on her with a flurry of fists and feet, Nicki attacked. Katya rolled away from her. She didn’t try to get up, rather she huddled in a fetal position, her hands and arms protectively over her head. A sharp voice rang out.
“Nicki! Stop! Goddammit, stop!”
Nicki heard him over the rush of noise in her ears. It was the sound of a freight train roaring past. Her legs were shaking. Her breath was coming in gulps. To her surprise she saw Rafe and Grayson running toward them. Grayson looked shocked. Rafe looked furious. They both rushed over to Katya. She was huddled on the floor, murmuring incoherently.
Rafe’s voice was soft. “It’s okay, Katya. You’re all right, sweetheart. Take a deep breath. Can you do that? Can you do that, Katya? Uh uh. Don’t try to get up. I want you to lay here, lay flat until I check you out. See how badly you’re hurt.”
Nicki stumbled back. She didn’t think her legs would hold her. Oh God. What had she done? She stared at Katya lying on the ground, still, pale. Nicki’s heart was in her throat. It was pounding so hard she thought it might burst out of her chest.
She forced the words out of her mouth.
“I…I’m sorry. I….”
At Katya’s soft groan, she shook with fear. Forcing a bravado she didn’t feel, Nicki stammered, “I…I thought she could handle it. You…you said she was a fighter, trained….”
She stopped in mid-sentence, stunned by the fury on Rafe’s face. His eyes flashed dangerously.
Crouching next to Katya, Rafe glared up at her. His voice cut through her like shards of glass.
“Go. Go to my office. Wait for me there. Do not leave.”
In a blur, Nicki saw Caleb running toward them. He looked at the injured girl on the floor and then to her. His eyes were dark with concern. He knelt down beside Katya then turned to Rafe and Grayson.
“What the hell, Rafe?”
“Go to the infirmary. Make sure Max is there. Bring a stretcher. I don’t want to try to lift her until we are sure her ribs aren’t broken. Go, Caleb.”
~~~
Nicki hung over the toilet, retching. She’d tried to vomit for what seemed like hours, but was minutes at the most. As sick as she felt, she couldn’t throw up. There was nothing in her stomach but bitter-tasting bile. She knelt on the floor, straddling the toilet. Bracing her hands on the toilet seat, she retched again and again. When she finally stopped heaving, she stumbled to her feet. Hanging onto the edge of the sink with one hand, she turned on the cold water. She splashed her face, then grabbed for the counter as a wave of dizziness hit. She fought the nausea racking her and forced herself to stand. Little by little her legs steadied and she let go the counter. She glanced in the mirror shocked at what she saw. Her face was a stark white blur. Her topaz eyes were dark gold almost black, shocking against her pale skin. Her hair was a blur of red. She didn’t know how long she stood there staring vacantly into the mirror. Gagging at the foul taste in her mouth, she grabbed a washcloth, soaked it in cold water and scrubbed at the layers of bitterness in her mouth.
When she trusted herself to walk, she cautiously left Rafe’s private bathroom and inched back into his office. Nicki stared at the closed door, waiting, watching, listening for any sound of him approaching. Still numb, she tried to process what had happened. What she had done. At the memory of Katya lying on the ground surrounded by Rafe and Grayson and then Caleb, her heart pounded. Gasping for breath she fought off another wave of dizziness.
She hung onto the back of the armchair to steady herself. She had never lost her cool before. From the time she was a little girl her father had drilled that warning into her. Don’t spar in anger. You can’t win. Make them angry. Don’t you get angry. But her father’s warning had been to protect her. Keep her from being hurt. He’d never thought she would turn her anger on a sparring partner. Intentionally causing pain. Struggling with the enormity of her actions, she started at the sight of Rafe. She hadn’t heard him come in. She swallowed hard. Clutching the back of the chair for support, she forced herself to meet his eyes.
His jaw was rigid, his eyes steely. For what seemed like minutes he seared her with a hard glare. When he spoke, his voice was surprisingly soft, sending shivers of fear skittering down her spine. His words cut like a knife, one painful slash after another.
“I would like to think I misunderstood what I saw. That it was an accident. I would not have believed it if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes. You are a consummate martial artist, one of the best fighters on my team. You’ve spent your life sparr
ing. Yet, you deliberately injured another team member. Potentially seriously. A new fighter and another woman, at that. A woman who looks up to you, idolizes you. Someone I asked you to train. To be responsible for. Tell me, Nicki, is this how you deal with my requests? What I can expect when I ask you to step up and be a leader?”
She refused to look away. To try to explain. She couldn’t. She was frozen with anguish.
Rafe waited for a moment, his harsh gaze unwavering. At her silence, he shook his head, his gaze holding her as tightly as if he gripped her with his hands.
“Here’s what is going to happen. Max is taping Katya’s ribs now. Fortunately there were no breaks, but they are badly bruised. If they were broken she could easily have ruptured a lung. But you know that don’t you, Nicki?”
She didn’t realize how hard she was chewing on the inside of her lip until the metallic taste of blood flooded her mouth. She licked her bruised lips and swallowed, forcing herself not to choke.
Rafe’s eyes narrowed and he hesitated, then continued.
“The decision is Katya’s. If she is willing to train with you after you deliberately hurt her, that is her decision. If she chooses not to, that’s it. You are out of here. You are finished at ISA. You will leave immediately.”
Nicki stared at him, certain she would never breathe again. His gaze was unwavering, his voice like ice. She’d never known her heart could actually ache. Now she knew.
“You’re excused. Go. Now.”
Chapter 15
Nicki started toward the Cave, moving as if in a fog. The rush in her ears refused to quiet. Several times she stopped to get her breath, grasping for a tree, a branch, when another wave of dizziness hit her. She stood still for a moment, confused. Not sure where she was. She had passed the entrance to the Cave, and was standing in the front of the infirmary. She thought about turning back, she needed to go to work, to concentrate on their mission. But with a despairing sigh she pushed open the door and entered the infirmary.
Like every unit at ISA headquarters, the infirmary was state of the art, like a small well-equipped urgent care center. It was run by Max Sternoff, a former Army Ranger medic, who would give an emergency room surgeon a run for his money. Glass-fronted cabinets held medical equipment, bandages, and other supplies. The room was spotless. It would be the envy of the most exacting surgical suite operator. Max glanced up to where Nicki hovered in the doorway. His normally stern craggy face softened when he saw her. His doe-like eyes flashed with sympathy.
“Hey there. I thought I’d be seeing you.” He loped toward her and put his arm around her shoulders.
“C’mon in, Nicki. She’s in the first room around the corner.”
Nicki allowed herself to lean into Max’s comforting grasp for a second. She hadn’t realized how much she craved a human touch. Especially one that wasn’t hard with anger.
Katya was lying on the narrow cot. Her shiny black hair had come loose from her braid and lay feathered across the pillow. Her skin was pale but already bruises were beginning to form on her upper arm and shoulder. Nicki’s gut clenched. She didn’t want to think about all the places where Katya would feel pain in the next several hours. Katya looked like she was sleeping and Nicki considered running, leaving before her victim knew she was there. Too late; Katya’s eyes fluttered, then opened wide when she saw Nicki.
Clinging to the doorway for support, Nicki stammered, “I…I didn’t mean to wake you. I’m sorry. I can come back later, if that would be…”
Katya shook her head.
“No, it’s okay. I’m glad you came, Nicki.”
They were silent for a moment, then Nicki screwed up her courage.
“Katya, I’m sorry. I…I didn’t…I’m sorry I hurt you.”
A tiny smile hovered at her lips, then Katya said, “Yeah, girl, you really do know how to kick butt.”
Nicki started. Was Katya actually cracking a joke? When she was lying in bed swathed in bandages with bruises covering her body, all thanks to Nicki? She stared at the young woman too startled to reply.
Katya’s smile faded. It was replaced by something that looked like concern. She held out her hand.
“Come here, Nicki. We need to talk.”
Nicki took a deep breath and stepped back. She struggled against swirling, incoherent emotions. What the hell was wrong with Katya? Didn’t she know that Nicki had nearly broken her ribs? That she’d tried to beat the hell out of her? Dammit, she didn’t want her concern, her pity. She preferred Rafe’s fury. That’s what she deserved.
Katya inched herself up higher on the pillow, wincing in pain. When she’d settled back, she raised her hand motioning to Nicki to come forward.
Nicki shook her head.
With a sigh, Katya nodded as if she understood.
“Nicki, Grayson told me that you saw me and Rafe together. That you misunderstood what was happening.”
Shock contorted with a mix of pain and anger flooded her. How dare this perfect woman, this adored person, presume that Nicki was blind to who Rafe was. Thrusting her chin in the air, she spit out a bitter retort.
“There’s nothing I don’t understand about Rafe Boudin. I’m perfectly aware of who he is, what he is. I don’t need or want explanations from you.”
Determined that Katya would not see the tears burning the backs of her eyelids, she turned to leave.
“Nicki, wait. Don’t go. Please. I need to talk to you.”
At the urgency in her voice, Nicki hesitated then turned to face her. Katya’s expression was serious, her voice was soft.
“Rafe saved my life. I was one of those girls, Nicki. One of the girls we are going to find.”
“What? What are you saying? What girls?”
Katya’s eyes were dark with pain.
“Five years ago…My family…my father… sold me…to the highest bidder.”
Nicki gasped, staring at her.
Katya shrugged. Tears swam in her eyes.
“It could have been worse. They got four pigs and a cow for me. The rest of the girls only warranted pigs.”
Katya forced a wan smile. Nicki couldn’t hide her shock.
Katya continued. “Rafe led a Delta team. He saved me. He and Vlad. It was part of an undercover op to bust up the human trafficking ring in Afghanistan. The traffickers preyed on starving families. I…I…can’t really blame my father. He was only doing the best he could for…for the rest of the family. Turns out I was his most valuable possession.”
Nicki clung to the doorway, fighting a wave of dizziness.
“I…I don’t know what to say, Katya. Except that I am very sorry.”
Katya gave her a teary smile.
“Hey, look on the bright side. I met Rafe and Vlad. They changed my life. Rafe sent me to a friend in Russia.” She smiled. “You know him well, Nicki. I studied at Moscow University. They discovered I had a talent for languages. And now five years later, I am a valued member of a team of the hottest-assed bunch of guys you’ll ever meet. And I’m doing what I can to pay them back.”
Nicki was stunned, trying to grasp what Katya was telling her. Rafe and her father? Both connected to Katya. The woman lying wounded in an infirmary bed because of her? Nicki knew she should be ashamed but she was past shame. That thought hurt the most.
“No wonder you love him. And…and I can see why he wants you here.”
Katya wiped at her eyes, then flashed Nicki a genuine smile.
“No, Nicki. You don’t understand. I’m here because Vlad wants me here.”
She shifted her position, grimacing at the pain.
“Vlad and I are married, Nicki. You are the second person who knows that. The first is Rafe. He was congratulating me today. But you are right about Rafe. I do love him. Like a brother. And the only man I admire more is Vlad. I am deeply in love with Vlad, Nicki.”
Nicki’s hands were shaking. She could barely stand. Without the doorway to support her, she would have fallen. It was too much to absorb. Katya’s next
words made it worse.
“I came here because I want to help you and Rafe save these girls. I know better than most what is happening to them. You do too, Nicki. But I also came so that I could work with you. Rafe suggested it. He said you could help me, toughen me up. Vlad is always worried about me. Tries to keep me under lock and key. He finally agreed with Rafe that I could come so you could teach me to fight better. I’m sorry, Nicki, that you were upset. That I upset you. If I’d known how you felt about Rafe, I would have explained earlier.”
Staring at the beautiful young women lying in bed covered with bruises apologizing to her, was more than Nicki could take. Consumed finally with shame, she had to leave, get as far away from Katya, from this hideous situation as she could.
“Katya, I need to leave. I can’t talk any more. I…I will never forgive myself for what I did.”
Katya frowned and shook her head.
“No, Nicki.” Her voice was sharp. “What you did was prove how much I need your help. Forgiveness is my choice, not yours. And I do forgive you.”
She grinned and continued. “You better watch out. When I get rid of these bandages and have a few more lessons, I’m going kick your ass!”
Nicki groaned. She turned and ran from the room, slamming the door behind her. She flew by a startled Max, nearly knocking him over in her haste. She ran as though the hounds of hell were after her. Because they were.
~~~
Burying herself in her work, she didn’t look up when Caleb slid a Diet Coke onto the desk in front of her. She nodded her thanks but ignored him. She didn’t want to see the pity in his eyes. Or the judgment. She didn’t want to talk to him—or anyone. It was clear all the men knew what had happened, what she had done. She forced herself to focus on her computer screen, frustrated at how the pictures of the three girls kept morphing into an image of Katya. Closing her eyes against the painful vision, Nicki became aware of the sudden silence in the room. She felt, rather than saw Caleb move closer to her. She looked up to see Rafe standing in the doorway, studying her through hooded eyes.
